Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals

Chapter 9: Pikmin Get Mad

Beginning AN:

Okay you know how I said I would update this on December? Surprise! I decided to push this season up to here, and season 4's date to where season 3 was originally going to be. I thought that it would make sense, if there's going to be a "mini season" like this in between two more "full seasons," to make the span between the seasons shorter. Heck, both this and the next chapter are sort of "bottle chapters" in terms that not that much work was really put into these and the plot is simple. Also, chapter 2. Chapter 2 was a bottle chapter leading up to chapter 3, which was the closest the first season got to becoming like later seasons.

EDIT: And yet, season four was delayed. Kind of ironic.

Disclaimer: The following fan fiction depicts stunts performed by several expert teenagers and one badass swarm of carrot ants. Do not attempt any of these at home. Seriously, it could mess you up!


Conker's Bad Fur Day who was a red squirrel like Rodney from Squirrel Boy was jumping into fire boiler palace. There was fire monsteres over the place smokin' dope like there boss.

"HEY!" rapped Conker's Bad Fur Day. "I may be a fan of all kinds of legil drugs. But second hand pot? Really cuts down the life that I love! You punks betta stop that shit, or you'll neva see jugs. My advice is that as kids you didn't get enough hugs!"

"No what going to do wer're fire and you have no water. There is masheen of alcohol over there, but alhol is flambeable so yeah hahaha."

Conker's Bad Fur Day rapped again. "Yo, I know one way to make you hiss. I drink that booze over there and turn it into piss! I'm a badass, man, I drive a ford! Your skin may be fire but my dick is a sword!"

Then he activated the alamo beer thing, just as the fire dragins were too stupid enough to NOT tell him that they were there in order to give themselves the invincibiliy from weeekness. Then Conker's Bad proceeded to pee on them. And then the camera zoomed out to show that this was really just a movie that John and Damara were watching as part of there date they were having.

"THIS MOVIE IS WEIRD!" Shouted John.

"You didn't thhink that during the fight against the giant shit?" Asked Damara.

This took place on the night after the events of season two. The trolls were sleeping since they were up all day, except John, Damara, because they were on a date and Rose who was working and maybe others who now, it's kind of a long night.

Meanwile, in her house, Aranea was recap seeson two.

"In the morning after the events of the first season, Eridan had taken Rose, Roxy, Nepeta, and Feferi over to a dojo, as recommended by the card that Geno had given them earlier. In short time, Dave had been messaged that John will return, and he in turn messaged that to the people in the dojo. On the way to the bay, Eridan had asked Feferi if his new sword abilities would make her want him in a flushed relationship, to which she answered 'maybe.'

"John, Jade, and Damara had successfully returned to the docks of a New York beach, to which the other members of the Rainbow Crew flew over to get there on a plane. It was after that I had made it to their meeting area and told them about the relationship between me, Meenah, and Damara: We and nine other trolls were part of another anti-Hitler Revival Group organization called the Alphas. We broke up after the incident seen back in chapter 4, where our first and only mission self-given was to investigate Doc Scratch and his possible drug use. I convinced the Rainbow Crew to delay fighting the Felt in order to direct themselves at Meenah and to try to stop her from possibly becoming an even worse threat than Scratch (and I know she would because I know Meenah, wink wink), and convinced them to also hire the other nine Alphas. Well, ten. I broke their television, meaning that I won't be hired until after I complete a test course, which won't come until after they've gotten Latula, since they were hiring in zodiac order. However, each of them requested a required a task first:

"Rufioh wanted to get an autograph, a sign of approval, from Link, the Hero of Time. Er... whatever Link was the hero of at the time. It was revealed there that Rufioh had a palecrush on Cronus. Unfortunately, Link's bodyguard turned out to be a vicious alien, where it is revealed that us Alphas are actually stronger than we seem and just Rufioh and Damara were able to take him down effortlessly. But beforehand, Roxy and Nepeta had suddenly hooked up. As a reward for ridding the alien, Link gave the Crew two bottles, each containing rare (in this world anyway) colors of cherub blood, stated to be able to make something indestructible if used right. Mituna wanted to escort copies of his hacking magazines from his home to a new goal; a building where a consumer were to surley buy them. However, he and the Rainbow Crew were attacked by ninjas that they fended off.

"Kankri wanted some of the Crew to stay with him during a debate so that he doesn't faint. While this was going on, the rest of them hired Meulin - who had a fondness in Jake and would have had one of her self-insert fan fiction work completed. This was intervened by Dirk himself, but actually a 'Shipperworm' that possessed him. Somehow, and at some point when John and Dirk were still dating. This threat was dispatched, although the worm claimed a return of himself in the future. With Kankri's quest not being done yet, the Rainbow Crew went to Porrim's and helped her fight the Rainbow Sisters, who stood against everything that Porrim's feminism stood for. Kanrki's debate was finally resolved after that, and it turned out that Meulin's other big crush (compared to the average member of the Rainbow Crew, obviously not counting Jake as he was her first revealed "big crush") was Kankri himself.

"Next was Latula, whose quest was to get her Halo 4, but the contest to do so turned out to be a trap by the same ninjas that attacked Mituna's group. This time, it was only Porrim and Karkat who got involved, and this had to end from the intervention of developers who tried to capture the ninjas for stealing the game, giving it to Latula as a reward for capturing them. Upon her introduction, Latula broke up with Mituna because she found Porrim more attractive. And Jake seemed to have a slight crush on Rose, or at least thought she looks attractive. Speaking of Rose, this is around the time where an upcoming idea on our wardrobe was first formed. Then, I had to complete a training course. Not much happened there aside from yet another ninja attack. The ninjas were eventually arrested by aformentioned developers. Finally in this leg of the recruitment, we all built a giant horse mecha for Horuss. Vriska started getting suspicious of me, so she got Mituna and Sollux to spy on me. But I wasn't supposed to know that yet until Cronus's quest, where the implication of Mituna and Sollux breaking in on me and the former conversing with it to Vriska hinted at that, and yes I have figured it out in-universe. Also, Damara seemed to have a red crush towards Horuss, Rufioh broke up with Horuss but they got back together, Dirk tried to advance on Jake, only for Jake to be not only thinking about Rose, but also Roxy and Jane, Mituna had some kind of sexual urge towards me, and Jake and Dirk became a couple.

"Between the third and last legs, Rose mentioned hiring interns, who will become the main conflicting force of this season in due time. Kurloz wanted a whistle, which after the next quest he was seen giving it to a mysterious figure in an unknown location. Plus, Roxy had mentioned something about hitting on him later on. Cronus wanted money to buy a new hummer. Vriska and Mituna also became a couple whist trying to spy on me to as part of a plan to see if I was up to no good. Also Kankri and Horuss have set up an anti-Damara alliance, from her influence on John. And Cronus seemed to have some sort of weird relationship with Roxy, playfully smacking her rear as her plan. Back to the main quest, though Cronus crashed the vehicle he just earned, as he always crashes his cars through carless driving, he still chose to join the Crew. Finally, we all went and tried to assault Meenah's dungeon. On the plane ride, Roxy decided to hook up with Eridan, uniting the two... er... 'polygamy branches.' Homer Simpson, who very briefly worked for Meenah before she fired him for a harmful prank, decided to join us before one of the minions injured him and tossed him into a barrel of nuclear waste. Tavros revealed his crush on Latula shortly after Homer's injury. They got together shortly after a sudden kiss. After that battle, the dungeon proved too difficult for any of us to continue. Meenah at first fought us, a battle that reminded Porrim of her vampire skills, before realizing that it would be easier to take down the Felt if she teamed up with us. This means that all twelve Alpha trolls have been hired as part of the Rainbow Crew.

"Also, Dave was now forgiven by everyone for the bear-pushing incident with a song he came up with. This won the attraction of Roxy, adding Dave into Roxy's circle of polygamy as well."

CHAPTER IX


(Still in theater)

John and Damara left the movies and got in car. John drove.

"Ok, today we took our relationship in the same level by kissing. Maybe tomorow we'll go a little further with... FRENCH kissing! Haha, ain't I dirty?"

Damara rased an eyebrow. "Bitch, you have no idea who you're talking to right?"

"Say, where your house at?"

"Oh I was living with Felts for the three yeers and a week after I was kidnaped Machsticks burned down my old house (dont worry man my lusis is fine) so until I get to insurance it back in the bank so..." She leaned in on him. "I guess I'm sleeping at your place, then?"

"Ok. I can sleep on my crouch and you can take my bed."

Damara loked annoyed. "How about we both sleep in your bed?"

"There might not be enough room. And even if there is, two people crowded up together... ew."

Damara racepalmed. "You know, I was suggesting that we sleep in your bed, and you tear off my scoolgirl uniform and giggity giggity."

"Make Family Guy references? I don't gt it."

Another facepalm. "I MEAN FUCKING LIKE HORSES."

John pullled into his diveway and was sweating like a horse. "Wow Damara, I didn't know you wanted to do the nasty buiness with me. This is a very akward developmint. I must say however that I will wait untill marrage, because that is always the right thing to do."

"GOSH!" Shouted Damara. "You're no fun!"

So then they walked in. "My mom's not here because she's out getting more baking supplies, also won't be important to the plot in any way whatsoever so you can just kind of forget most of this sentence after the comma since it's not really canon. Don't be expect the guardians to play a plot. Anyway, bottom line, it's just us.

"I texted her." He continued. "She says hat you can stay as long as you don't have a zombie virus. I think it's prank but since that thing is really going around thanks to vampires I'm not sure."

IN JOHN'S ROOM, Damara and John were looking at the bed.

"So I didn't bring any PJs so I gess I just have to sleep... naked."

"Hey!" John broke in like a nerviously. "I think I go to the Rainbow Crw's treehouse. Maybe there's someone there at least. And... a bed and stuff."

"Ok..." under her breath she muttered under her breth, "Dave and Dirk musta gotten balls the color as your text (and skin since these guys are technicolor) from all the innocence you shoved on them. then again, we're all still virigins I think so that's kinda moot."

So then John ran out, and when he left, Damara smirked. "I'm gonna get him to drop that 'before marriage' BS. Aw yeah... noone can resist me."

Then her phone beeped. She looked at it, scrolled down the list to see Your Got Mail, from Rose saying that there will be some discussions on outfits.

"And I can take advantage of that... AH HA HA HA HA HAAAA!"


(MEANWHILE...)

Jake's house. He was asleep, but was woken up by a bright red light in his window. He got up and looked out to see... NAGRY MOB of Pikmin! The glow came from torches, but not from the pitchforks because pitchforks don't glow as bright.

Then, rocks flew through his window, and several Pikmin breaking and entry into his house and dragged him outside and to the direction of the treehouse (we can see that it's in the direction of the dragging because it's in background.)

"What are you doing, new fellas?" Jake asked.

The leader, who was a Red Pikmin because you meat them first in both (and mabey all three (EDIT AN it turns out maybe if you don't count the begging with Charlie)) games, spoke. "We show Rose that the RC treats us badly by burning you with a laser."

"LAZER?" Jake shouted in negativity. "THAT SOUNDS PAINFUL!"

"It's painful thing for a painful lesson that needs to be a making of."


(Teehouse)

Rose was acting like Integra from Hellsing. Or at leest, her OOC interprise of Integra.

"DAMMIT INTERNS, GIVE ME SIGAR!" Rose bitched.

John opened door, but there were Pikmin everywhere!

"Hey Rose you do know, um, that there are Pikmin all over the place?"

"Yeah. Remember last chapter when I say I was siring some interns? This is them." She was writing some papers. Then she looked at John and gave accusing glare. "Say, how there fuck did you get in my treehouse?"

"You gave every Rainbow Crew member a copy of the key."

"Oh right."

"Anyway, Damara really ants to sleep in my bed naked with me, and I need and excuse to not."

"Your relationships are not my issues."

"Do you either have pajamas or a new bedroom here? This is all I ask. Don't make me beg- actually, forget I said that. Knowing you, you'd make me beg."

"Hrm... we do have some new rooms, but funny you should talk about clothes. Anyway, relatedly, so I guess while your here then I guess Kanaya and Porrim can show you something."

"What? And it better not be anything sexual because Im sick of that shit now. I know you sent me something but I was too busy about thinking my relationship troubles."

"Revealing costumes."

"Aw no!"

"Aw yes!" Rose cheered. Then she snaped fingers. Kanaya and Porrim came and pointed at dressing room set up in the middle of the treehouse's main rooom. Also BTW the Pikmin interns were very fastly building new rooms upstars. "PS, you should check them. We're vigilanties. What if we get a call or something that someone has a hit placed on you?"

"John, Rose," said Kanaya, we'll call the others now to discuss this. I hopes you like mine it took some thought process."

Rose walked into the room and said she won't come out until after most of them are there. Then the fade to black, and when it faded back, everyomne was there but not Jke who was not here! (The dragon took a long time, okay? Have you played Pikmin and how long it takes from them to carry something?) Damara was giving michevious glances to John, but he kept looking away.

"Where the loctation is Jake?" Kanaya asked.

"Who cares. His outfit might be dumb anyway." Rose said. She emerged, wearing just what looked like two dark purple fake tentacles, one wrapped around her top, and one wrapped around her bottom. They both tied near the front in knots.

"WAIT WAIT WIAT." John said. "WHAT IS THIS? I checked the email and it only said that this involves new dressing in revealing costumes!"

"This is completely optional." Rose elaboreated, "But we decided... most of our costumes are... bland. Plain shirt, plain pants or skirt, maybe something to freshen it up. I think I explained this back around Latula's quest, but let me do it again. The Alphas are the only exception, and even then, some of their outfits don't look that cool. So I was speaking with the Virgos about this, trying to make us look more exotic. Then Porrim confused exotic for erotic. And that's when it hit me: A lot of us, if not all of us, don't mind being naked. So why don't we make that near-naked or 'holy crap they might be naked from wardrobe malfunction?' Well, this is where we all get creative. If we make ourselves more known for the perverts, then we might be more famous and get money. Take advantage of both the fact that we like showing off and people like show-offs."

"But... um..." John said, "Isn't that, like, sexist? Games do something like that too!"

"It's different if both sexes do it." Porrim said. "If they do, no one can bitch without looking like a giant jackass who only wants to see one or the other gender. I mean, it's fine if you're not into both like we are, but don't try to pull the inequality card."

John lowered his head. "Well, if I have no other choice but to work with revealing people anyway, then I have no mind contributing."

Rose smirked, then walked to the door. "Great. People will be screaming shut up and take my money until you get sick of it."

Everyone stared at her. And not because the outfit didn't really cover her ass. Rose stopped walking and laughed.

"HA HA HA! I GOT YOU! AS IF ANYONE COULD EVER GET SICK OF A FUTURAMA JOKE!"

"Which changing room/design room is for boys, and which one for girls?" John asked.

"They're co-ed. To get the ideas around." Rose said before stepping out.

On her way out, Rose was pushed to the floor by Jake. "YOU MUST HELP ME!" He cried, "THESE PIKMIN ARE TRYING TO ATTACK ME! I JUST BARELY ESCAPED AND- wow Rose that is some unusual underwear." BTW even the Pikmin that were here kept giving him negative looks.

"It's sexier if you don't treat it as underwear so much as an outer outfit with going commando. Remember, tease is the key. Anyway, we're thinking up ways for all of us to creatively wear very little, designing it together. Want to join?"

"YES! Screw the Pikmin right now, that can wait even if they threat to cut me with a lazer!" Jake shouted, running to the dressing rooms (he saw everyone else go in there. Plot hole averted.) Rose stared in his direction curiously.

"Hrm. What did he say? Meh, I have perverts to rope in."


(I Promise the Plot Will Resume on the Same Chapter. For Now, Fanservice)

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!" Rose jumped out on a stage. It contained an applause-o-meter, and a curtain behind her. "WE'RE ABOUT TO ANNOUNCE SOME NEW STUFF! WELCOME, TO THE FIRST PUBLIC OPENING OF THE REVISED RAINBOW CREW! We're all hot, fanservice almost-kind-of-naturists of both sexes who will be saving the day from evil! But there is one important step here: YOU! We will be making merchendice of us, as you see us now, like callendars, figures, puppets, and video games. We also need some funding... so if you like what you see and want to see more, then think of it in your hearts to donaite! Now, introducing... i don't know they're my co-workers but I have no idea what order."

John stepped out in a speedo-thong bikini, and that got some good reviews and a few 20s. I swear to god this isn't Stripperstuck. Dirk tripped out next, he only had a kind of large circuit-board thing over his groin, but it made a kind of-see through hologram of revealing shorts, getting a bit more applause. Oh, and his shades. They all kept the glasses and Rose's hair thing, for future reference. Finally in this paragraph was Dave, who went a little more original (but the idea is Naruto; not Davesprite after his injury) with wrapping bandages around his lower region, and styling the butt part like a thong as well.

Jade's outfit was mostly camo and army-like. Bra, arm-things, and a thong and stockings, it was still a little less revealing than John's when it came to the thong. She blushed and tried posing with a rifle, but she accidently shot a bird. But it wasn't dead so it was okay. Jake slid out like Kramer, wrapping a small piece of poster around his waist (it was Tom Raider). Then Roxy, in shorts and a tank top.

"AWWWWW YEAH!" Roxy cried. The applesause was notable lower. "I bet this is the most realing outfit yet! Look at how you can see the bottom parts of my butt and everything! I even stayed back and waited for the others to leave before- wait, what the fuck."

Roxy was even more pissed at Jane's only in a white apron. Then the applause meter shot up really high and people were throwing money and as Rose predicted, "SHUT UPP AND TAKE MY MONEY!" was said. Jake replied to this by throwing comic books of the rainbow Crew's adventures at them, since he was a fast and good artist. To prove Jane had no underwear at all she turned around exposing her backside and then she was knocked down because someone threw a bag of golden bars at her and she fell over. "OOPS!" Audience girl cried.

"Okay, you win this round Jane," Roxy said, "But know that less is more."

First, the Zodiacs. But first we cut to the Pikmin, at least some of them, and one was holding a rope and nodding at the others. This rope was attached to the light!

Anyway Aradia sort of had this bedsheet ghost thing, except a lot of it save for the hands and parts that mattered were cut. Again, butt opening. Tavros had what looked like a crotch plate made of his Fiduspawn plushes. Sollux walked out with clear plastic tap around him, with enough red and blue coding written on it to give the hope that it's not complete. Karkat, just in boxers with quadrant symbols, also made the audience go down. Kanaya, just in some tatter cloth outfit (backstory: Making this was by making copies of her dresses and ripping them up, which mdae her cry) vaguely like a skirt and top, made cricket noises because she's a bug, but since she's now on the stage it went back up. Terezi was in only red, tight shorts that also had her shades symbol in a teal (it would be the other way around but she likes red too much), and went topless.

"LOOK! I'M TOPLESS FOR NO REASON! THE EDGY!" She cried. Vriska, wanting to be showy, came in a cerulean hang-clider. That wasn't her outfit - it was three half-broken 8balls placed over her parts - but she wanted to be flashy. Like in the Spongebob movie, she had a flag with her name on it between her butts.

"GO VRISKA!" Good news, bad ness. Bad news is that she also broke a lot of the stage doing that, ripping up the curtains and such. Good news is that this blocked the Pikmin's attempt to drop a light on Jake an KO him, since the hang-glider shielded the light dropping. Equius also picked a thong, but one made of metal and could also contact robots somehow. (By thrusting? NO NO BAD IDEA.) Gamzee was just in his cod piece, stumbling around through the curtain confused as why Vriska almost killed him. Eridan picked an edgier one, by having blue thong that had an ahab's crosshairs replica from the groin. And Feferi just went bland and had a one-piece swimsuit, which is actually her old outfit without the skirt. Roxy seemed to be right about the less is more since this gave a tiny more applause, but not by much.

This was doing them success, but then the Alphas came in. Meenah, who just wrapped her braids around her (um you try to picture that I'm bad at coming up with how to use two braids for three parts), broke the hemospectrum order because she dove into the bag of gold that yes was off Jade. Damara kind of had a Sailor Moon cosplay, only that the skirt above the waist so like Brenda in that obscure show Perfect Hair Forever. Rufioh wrapped a lot of belts around his regions, and they were made of compliments he got over his years as a well-loved player. Mituna had a giant skateboard-like along his whole front and stuff, with he wheels being moved around more around him. Also, when he gets on his belly, he can skate but it looks stupid. He lacks his helmet from now on. Kankri only wore his sweater, made a little longer so it covers him somewhat like Zapp from Futurama. Meulin had, a pair of loincloth-like outfits, like a tiny "cloth" bottom that did have a back part but she was going commando and it did reveal the sides of her butt to prove it, and the top was just kind of like a cavewoman top.

And the second half, Latula just dressed as Zero Suit Samus in cosplay, Aranea stepped out in the bathrobe from last chapter and showed she still didn't anything by flashing the audience, Horuss had on tight horse-like shorts and horse boots and arm-things (he first stepped out with a horse mask on but people started taking away money until Rose slapped it off), Kurloz just tied a fake skeleton near him, and Cronus had two tiny smoke machines by his waist that kept emitting enough smoke for coverage. He says it's part of his smoking but that's obviously BS.

But what of Porrim and Nepeta? Don't worry I didn't forget them. Porrim stupidly walked in, with a see-through gray body suit, and black pasties and a thong, wondering what the crash was as well. Rose shook her head.

"Um, less is more means less as in less covering, not less clothing."

Then Nepeta walked in, completely naked. "Oh shit. I thought it was other way around."

Porrim was confused, while Nepeta's apparance made the applause meter explode from the cheers and more people ran in until the streets were backed up, and a ton of rare gemstones (no they didn't just steal them from Nepeta's cave) pild up higher and higher on the stage until they were able to swim in it, and then more until they were forced to swim. Porrim said, "...These are just my pajamas. I thought we were having a sleepover."

"HA HA, YES!" Rose cried, "WE CAN BUY ANYTHING NOW! But only as the RC, reminder that this money is entirely a shared-for the crew. We're almost non-profit, but at this much cash that's almost impossible!"

"Burt that means I proved you wrong." Nepeta wagged a finger.

"Gr.r.."

Anyway, let's get back to the plot. Because of the sea of cash, the Pikmin snuck in and took Jake! They went to the treehouse, while Rose gave a happy (for once I mean jeez( wave at the crowd and they made their wa back to the treehouse.


But then, they saw Jake ropetied to a poll, amnd Pikmin were carrying the poll! The Pikmin Interns inside before cheered!

"You see, it turns out that the Pikmin that attacked Jake and the Pikmin in here are part of the same group: We're interns, but we think Rose's working demands are the unreasonable!" Shouted the Red Pikmin leeder.

"Demands?" Asked Rose. BTW the Pikmins weren't just Reds Yellows Blues Whites Purples Rocks and Wingeds they were other new fanmin types but not one of each color there's also lots of Yellows Blues etc.

"Demands from the PIKMIN GOD!" Shouted the leader. "We want you to pay him offerings at reasonable!"

Rose raised her eyebrow. "And vhat might that be?"

"A PUNISHING!" Leader said, then turning to the other interns, and also Jake. "PUNISH HIM! PUNISH HIM!"

"NOOOOO DON'T PUNISH ME!" Jake shouted from the poll.

"Ok, how about we increase pay. We have a surplus and all. Is that what you want?"

"NO MONEY CAN HELP YOU NOW!" Then he and the other Pikmin started chanting. "PUNSHI HIM! PUNISH HIM!"

"NOOOOO DON'T PUNISH ME!" Jake cried agan and tried to wiggle on the poll.

Rose started swetting and looked over to the others. "Well fuck. Anjy ideas?"

Mituna steped forward. "HAY HO ABOUT YOU LISSEN TO MAH SLAM PEOETRY!"

"NO!" They all said before chanting again. "PUNISH HIM! PUNISH HIM!"

"NOOOOO DON'T PUNISH ME!" Shouted Jake.

Rufioh said, "Yo yo yo, what if I ask what may please you?"

"We only go by what our recent God says! And he says that no matter what, punish the member that is the biggest useless shidiot who is bad with friends!"

The crowd chanted, "PUNISH HIM! PUNISH HIM!"

"NOOOOO DON'T PUNISH ME!""

"Recent?" Cronus asked. "What, did you all asshats convert or something? Are you honestly doing this just because you're a bunch of crazy guys or something, heckbent on making us suffer?"

"NO! This guy came and said he was our God. You see, we were vacationing in China. By the Mountain Temple."

"We should go there." Dave said, stating the oblivious but with a finger snap to try keeping up his coolness faquade. And then he made out with Nepeta, but Sollux was jealuse because he was want to be a part of the growing-mass relationship but couldn't make the guts to ask! (ooh both of them love eachother incase you forgot Nepeta's crush on Sollux but neither can admit it!) So he decided to make like his other gemini and go with Latula.

BUT BEFORE HE COULD GET OPPERTUNE THEY WENT ON THE PLANE. AT LEAST, NOT JOHN, HE WENT OVER TO SEE JAKE.

"Jake!" Shouted John.

"John OMG!" he shouted. "You need to help me! These guys are going to... 'laser' me? Anyway, I heard one of them humming to self the chant of their Gods'!"

"Is this helpful?"

"Ummmm I think so! Play this on a instrument!"

Then he got out a bass guitar.

"Ew not theat pease of crap."

So he got out keyboard.

"Ok, listen carefully! A, Right, A, Left, Up, Left, Up those are notes like in Gitar Hero."

"Ok." And then he played it back on his keybord.

"HEY!" shouted one of the Pikmins. "THEY PLAYED THE SONATA OF CASTLES! THE JOHN BOY IS ONTO US! YOU NO WHAT THIS MEANS FOR YOU, JAKE?"

"OH GOD!" Jake shouted.

"PUNSIH HIM! PUNSIH HIM!" The Pikmin chanted.

"NOOOOO DON'T PUNSIH ME!"

And the Pikmin were begining to untie him. John new that he must act quickly in order to save him so he left. THREEE MINITS LATER, Porrim walked back into the treehouse.

"Hey I forgot my new ass polisher I found here." She said, picking up one of Dave's record discs. She turned to see... JAKE WAS ON A TABLE WITH A LAZER AIMED BELOW BETWEEN HIS LEGS! It was like in those James Bond parodies where his arms and legs were shackeled.

"Say" asked Porrim. "What are you going to do?"

"When you leave, we turn on lazer and slowly move it up. Right now it's at bottom of table. But soon... THE LAZER WILL FRY JAKE, AND HE WILL BE PUNSIHED!"

"You're cutting him in half?"

"No. You don't get it? The lazer will hit him groin first. Then after that we turn lazer off. So the plan is to... CASTRATE JAKE WITH A LAZER!"

"EEEEEK!" Shouted Jake. "HURRY! LEAVE FAST BEFORE THEY TURN THIS ON! COME ON PORRIM, MY MANHOOD IS AT STAKE HERE!" Then he turned to camera. "IF YOU DON'T GO FAST ENOUGH I GUESS YOU CAN SAY MY MANHOOD WILL BE DUN DUN DUN... BE A STEAK!" Like Homestuck itself this took a creative Of Liberty by doing something unique. In this case, playing both a rimshot and a dun dun dun at the same time because this was both a joke and s erious moment.


(Plane)

Horuss was looking out window dispointed. Then, Terezi sat next to him.

"WHY DO YOU LOOK SADS?" Asked Terezi. "I THINK YOU SHOULD BE A HAPPY SINCE RUFIOH IS STILL IN A RELASHION SHIP WITH YOU!"

"I am the sads because I think Rufioh's thought of breakups before makes me want to look into myself."

"OH YOU SHULD ASK DIRKS."

"OIk."

So then he was walking and then John, who was siting betwen Jade and Jane, was talking.

"John how is... relatinship with Damara going?" Jade asked.

"Bad."

"Why bad?"

"She wants me to f-word her."

"ON A FIRST DATE? GIRL SHOWS NO CLASS!" Jade yelled. Roxy nodded in agreement and went over to sit by them. Roxy to the right of Jade, squeezing Jade against John who was on Jade's left, and Jane who was on John's left and can window view.

"Dog I agree." Said Roxy. "I don't didn't try to sext Dave on the first date."

"So John," Jane ased. "How was your... 'backup plan' with Tavros going?"

"Never spoke much."

"HEY JOHN." Roxy noticed something. "YOU SUROUNDED BY GIRLS! FEELING LIKE DOING IT?"

"No because I'm not Damar.a"

Jane blushed. "Say, if your little 'fling' with Damara flops because she wants a little too much... 'fling,' I'm always there for a platonic talk."

"Fuck platonic." Said John. "Want to date me?"

Jade's jaw droped. Now she nows John was just playing with her head!

"Well... I... um... NO!" She shouted.

John laughed. "Hahaha I knew it. You need to be a little more impulsive Jane. For the record I still would have turned you down, unimpulsive."

Jane facepalemed twice and stood up and stood on another seat in plane.

"Fwew!" Jade siad. "It sure was getting a case of the crowdeds in here! This is a only two persons seat after all, but ther was four!"

Then Amara slid in and sat next to Roxy, squishing everyone again.

"Jon are you relly want to break up with me?" Asked she.

"Um, no!" He smiled. "Just take it slow. Like, turtle slow."

Suddenly, Kankri's head rose on the seet behind the Damara-Roxy-Jade-John seat.

"Hey there'as no turtble-themed trolls here are there because if there are I would say you offended them."

"Hrm. Two rams, bulls, twins, krabs, cats, FASHONISTAS, dragins, spiders, horse penis, water, fish, and whatever the hell Gamzee and Kurloz are suposed to be... hrm... I don't think so. And there's no humans tutrtle based. But that would be cool oif either." John said.

"Ok then so If I speech you it would be waste of breath then." And then his head slowly sunk back down.

"Ok John I sorry I try to take things too fast with you bak there."

Meenwhile, Rose was being a pimp with Eridan and Sollux. the guys were both kissing her. Ok that's all for now.


(THE PLANE LANDED AND WAS PARKED (their own personal) OFFSCREEN. NOW THEY CLIMB THE MONTAINS)

"so Rufioh," said Horuss, "Over the three years I have never really did the improvement of myself. I think I culd see why you would want to break up with me."

"Oh...?"

"Whatever it is! Tell me what you want in oreder to improve!"

"Stop talking penis in front of everything man. It's kind of weirding the cast out."

"Ok then, I shall show my TRUE form in terms of my outlook on the society!"

Suddenly, crow ninajs! They were ninjas not like the ninjas that attacked on Mituna's quest (seriously Mituna, Latula, and Aranea, you're probably sick of them), but new ninjas that acted like crows! And they were evil! They were flying around in sillouetes at first before landing on the steps in front of the Rainbow Crews!

Dirk ran up to try to slice them but he felt a breeze of cold air.

"This was a bad idea!" Bitched Dirk.

"Get used to it?" Said Rose.

But, Nepeta was able to grab one and bite it! (which is impressive since she wears even less) When she bite it, however, it turned into a bunch of black moths that flew to the top of the shrine that the RC (except Jake he's back in the treehouse with the laser about to cut off his dong) were trying to get to!

"Hey Nepeta that was cool let's maketout." Said Rose. And they were kissing, which meant I think that there was now Eridan/Nepeta or was there back in season 2? i dont' know.

Meulin got hapy to fuel shipping walls. So then she went berserk over it (oh um also it was her crush that ws being under attack of threat that his groind would be lazered off.

"THESE PIKMIN SHALL NOT SCREW OVER MY CRUSH, AND NEITHER WILL YOU!" And then she clawed at them all and they all became black moths.

Shockingly, without warning, the Rainbow Crew made it to and inside the shrine..

BUT IT TURNED OUT THE NINJA BATTLE WAS NOT YET DONE! The moths had flown all to one arean, and they were merging together to form... A GRAY SKELETON WEARING SCARY BLACK ROBES, LOOKING LIKEN THE GRIM REAPER!

And then the grim reaper looking thing talked, and his voiec sounded like Berry White parody: "I'm the Moth Reaper. I think it's time for y'all to make sweet, sweet love to THE DEVEL when I blow y'all asses to hell." And then he spawned a machine gun from mouth and started to fire at them!

"What the hell?" Asked Dave.

"What the hell?" Asked Meenah.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Said the reader.

The RC hid behind the pillars of the ruins of the building that was there which looked like a roman thing (AN roman buildings in china? wtf?) and there was a scroll made completely out of stone in the middle.

Jane giggled. "John think I'm unimpulsive... I'll show him..."

Suddenly, Tavros charged out with his lance! "Ah!" He shouted, stabbing the grim reaper-wannabe in the skull! (Er... head?) The grim guy exploded into black dust, and since it was dust and not moths Tavros new it was dead and he became the hero!

"OH MY HERO!" Shouted Latula as Latula ran up to him and kissy kissy him. Like this was anything new, they were dating before.

"Aw shucks, I wanted to be the hero in this predicament!" Jane shouted.

"You shuld be more impulsive next time!" John laughed triumphantly.

Then, Roxy ran up to the scroll and unrolled it. It read: "The Pikmin God have moved to the Grand Canyon now goodbuy. You can find WEAR in the GC I am by playing the Sonata of Castles."

Then Roxy was, "guys let's go back to the G0rand Canyon it's said that the Pikgod went there."

"AW CRAP! GC AGAIN!" shoouted John. "I WAS JUST STARTING TO GET SICK OF THAT PLACE!"

"BTW, what the fuck is the Sonata of Castles?" Asked Roxy.

"Oh. I learned that from Jake, who learned that from the Pikmin. I'll just play my keybord- HEY! FUCK! I FORGOT TO BRING IT!"

Everyone was gasping, then Jade cleverly pointed down the mountain to the town! "WE MUST GO TO TOWN!"


(Chinese Town)

It was CARNIVAL! (Like in Brazil I think these things happen in every country in the world except USA and Antarticla) And the streets were filled with lots of almost naked women! Very almost naked women! Some were completely naked!

"HOLY CRAP THIS IS HOT!" Shouted John. But he must not get destracted! He asked a women in the carnival wearing nothing but tiny peaces of see-through tape. "Hey um... can I get erections- UH, I MENT DERECTIONS to the store that sells keyboards?"

"Over there-" Pointed the hot women.

John and Jade decided to be the onlys to enter the store because of occupiedicy limits.

"Jade, why did we have to go here in Carnival?" John asked. "I can't think strait. I mean, it's bad enough that I'm facing relationship issues with Damara, worse that there's even more near-nude people! I mean... jeez..."

"Hey John, while we're talking about pretty girls do you think im too impulsive like Damara, not impulsive enough like jane, or... just right?"

"Just right. Also, Jade. Jade. I am still not interested in forming a relationship with you. Please stop asking. This romance shit is hard enough as is. No, wait, on second thought you're not that impulsive. You're kind of boring and predictable, but not as boring and predictable as Jane. About the buying: It sucks that Rose is making me do this out of my own cash. I mean, we have more than enough now to afford it as the Crew!"

Then John also saw bag of penuts, and asked, "How much for your penis- OOPS I MEAN PEANUTS?"

"Five cents."

"Ok."

Meanwhile, Jane went itno a paintstore.

"How much for about... two buckets of blue paint?"

"Ok but you need to specify the colors." Said desk.

"I would love to see what swatches are available." Jane said.

Ask the desk went to get swatches, Jane rubbed hands togethee.

"Now John would think this is impulsive..."


(GC for the third time from John's perspective)

The plane ride was fast because there was lots of tubulence. John stood by the edge of the canyon (AN do not try that at home like it says in the opening AN!) and got out keyboard to play the Sonata of Castles. Which caused a rumbling as a ray of azure light came out from one spot. The RC ran over to see that the light was a a rock slowly moving up, and the rock was emiting the light to show the RC where it was!

John (and the rest of the crew) looked inside the hole. The camera showed from in the hole TO the outside, and it was a little into the cave. What the camera was showing looked like a ordinary cave... so far. Then, the camera zoomed in on John's face, and he looked scared at what he saw in cave!

"Holy-"

TO BE CONTINUED.

Stay toned for part 2 of this season! The shortest season, but also the one with a most Holy Shit! so far, of course, I mean season 4-7 will be getting betterer. Chapter 10 WILL have:

MORE SKIN (yes even more):

Hellooooo John...

MORE VIOLENSE:

I WILL CRUSH YOU ALL INTO OBVLIVION!

MORE PIKMIN:

well duh, it's the damn Pikmin arc.

MORE AIRWINGS, AND YES THIS IS FOR SERIOUSLYS NO JOKE. Not a reference to this old Super Mario 64 video I saw! Well it is but NOT JUST THE REFERENCE!

HOUSESTUCK HURCAIN CRCONIKALS CHAPTERS 10: COMMING 11/14/2,012


Closing AN:

Believe me, you should be paying attention to the Weird Romance Shit throughout the fan fic. Or at least keep that in mind when reading the recaps. This fan fic does have a plot, and it does make sense (and when it has some... anachronisms or other things that don't really fit, it would usually point it out), but it sure as hell won't if you don't pay attention.

For the opening scene in the movie, I did a Google image search for "Conker's Bad Fur Day gameplay," looked at the event in the first image, and decided to have the part of the film focused on that portion. And it was the part where you have to piss on fire-imps to put them out. I have never actually played that game, but I have been watching Nintendocaprisun's Let's Play of it.