Blame it on the Beast


He is used to the change by now. The slight pain, the shifting of muscle and bone, the increased hunger for everything. Physically he knows himself in this form well. Gojyo has taught him to admire the extra definition, the longer hair, the vines like intricate tattoos, even the claws and fangs and glint to his single jade eye with its dangerous slit. Admiration, especially with the reflection of all that youkai beauty staring back at him in the mirror, has begun to turn into something far more powerful.

The beast is a remarkable thing.

Hakkai stretches one of his clawed hands towards his reflection and touches the glass, tracing his outline in the mirror. Beautiful, the word does not do justice to what he is. His hair seems longer than he could ever remember it, past his shoulders and down his back. The vines are blacker, his claws longer, his fangs sharper, his ears in points that look sharp themselves. He is the perfect specimen of a youkai, personified even more so than what he is used to in this form.

What had he meant to accomplish by removing his limiters just now? His hand falls away from the mirror though his eyes stay strained on the figure in the glass. The difference, wasn't it? He wanted to feel the difference and know that his human form and this perfect, truer form are connected but still safely separate.

But why would he want them to be separate? Without his limiters all parts of him are free to be the culmination of themselves. Is not this his true form?

Hakkai flexes his claws and feels the grin spreading across his face before he sees it in the mirror. His fangs glisten and he wants to sink them into something warm and pulsing with life. He is so hungry. Hungry in ways Goku could never understand. He needs to fulfill this hunger or go mad. He needs to release the energy surging within him, to use this power granted him as a curse and yet gifting him as if he were a god.

First setting aside his monocle, then removing his headband to free his long hair, and then with a single swipe the clasps of his tunic tear like threads. Still he does not feel free enough. Something is missing.

Knock. Knock.

"Hey, Hakkai, you in there?"

Gojyo. Warm and pulsing with life indeed.

Hakkai opens the bathroom door and reaches out with claws.

-----

"You've picked a fine time to be forthcoming."

The skin between Goku's eyes crinkles.

Sanzo huffs in annoyance. "A fine time to come clean, idiot, to tell me the truth. All I've asked of you since we reached this damn town was truth and you wouldn't give it. Not until now. Now, when I have enough to deal with."

The resolve in Goku shimmers as if it might escape him as easily as smoke. "You don't…want to know. Too late, right? Then I can just…" Goku gestures back to the door, indicating he could easily leave and would happily do so if Sanzo asked him to.

Stubborn as he is, Sanzo wants more than he would ever admit. To admit one's wants is a sign of weakness after all. It's other people's job to figure out what Sanzo wants so he never has to say so himself and feel that awful weakness. Goku should know that by now.

But because he does not, and only because he is Goku, Sanzo can allow for a little weakness now and again.

"Idiot." In his own way at least. "You're not going anywhere. Now get the hell over here and tell me what this is all about before I strangle you."

Goku has offered truth at last and Sanzo's tone betrays that he is not as upset as his harsh words imply. It makes Goku smile, if only the smallest crack, because this is the Sanzo he knows best, who insults and speaks gruffly but who does it all while still loving the boy dearly. Sanzo is the only person who could ever do that.

After a short nod, small steps carry Goku further into the room and he stops just in front of the window seat. Sanzo has his feet on the floor though he remains sitting, and there is space enough for Goku to sit next to him. Goku does not take that seat, because though he might be able to get away with it, he doesn't think he could bear to be so close to Sanzo while he tells him what he has been keeping secret.

"I know it's a weird time, but…I thought maybe if I told you now you wouldn't be as mad at your Mom. You can be mad at me, but…she just wants to see you, Sanzo."

A puff of frustrated air leaves Sanzo and Goku knows to leave talk of Sanzo's mother alone just now.

"Anyway," the monkey continues, staring at the space in front of Sanzo's feet rather than any part of the monk directly, "I, umm…I want you to know…the truth about Heaven. You deserve it, Sanzo, I know you do, even if you…"

Goku closes his eyes. He just has to say it. He has to tell Sanzo. Things may never be the same, but at least all this will be done. Besides, if Sanzo hates him then at least he won't have enough energy to scorn his mother.

Goku keeps his eyes shut, tightens his fists, and just speaks, willing away the knowledge of Sanzo's presence and the steady sound of the monk's breathing. "I…I never meant for anything to happen. I didn't choose to go to Heaven, I didn't even choose you. It all happened for us, and I'm glad coz I have you now, but I…I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. If it weren't for me, everything would have been better for all of you. It was my fault. I…I made a friend I shouldn't have made, and everything went bad after that. This man, he…he wanted my friend to kill me and my friend wouldn't and the only thing he thought he could do to protect me was to hurt himself. And I just went crazy. My limiter, that was the first time it broke and all my control was gone. I just wanted to kill…everything. I killed gods. So many of them. And you and Kenren and Tenpou, you helped me, protected me even when Kanzeon had to stop me and all of you were so freaked out. I know you were freaked out. You stood by me, but it was all my fault. You shouldn't have helped me. You should have let them have me, because it didn't make any difference. They still caught us and because you were on my side…you got punished too. That's why you're here, Sanzo, why all of you are here. And why…all of you…all…of you…had to go through so much pain. Koumyou…taking Koumyou was punishment for you…because of me."

And Goku breathes, because he hasn't the whole time, but he still cannot open his eyes. As much as he could manage, Goku has finally said it. That the reason his friends have suffered in life is to pay for deeds he committed.

"So…so that's why I didn't want to tell you because…because I knew you wouldn't want to be with me anymore. But I'm not what's important now. Hate me, Sanzo. If you want, you can put all your anger on me. Because really it's my fault your mother had to leave you, that Koumyou had to leave you too, not anyone else's. So don't blame…your mom." Goku's voice is small, like a child, like he is Goku-chan in Heaven and he never quite grew up. He takes a breath and adds, "Blame me, Sanzo. It was all because of me."

Goku doesn't think he can move so he doesn't try. He just stands, shaking now, eyes closed, waiting for the words he expects. Words that will retract forever those three perfect words he has had the pleasure of hearing more than once.

Waiting. Goku has spent so long waiting for Sanzo. And Sanzo has yet to disappoint.

"I have never heard anything so stupid."

Goku jerks as Sanzo grabs him by his collar and yanks the boy forward. Goku stumbles, spun by Sanzo's hold until he lands haphazardly in the window seat, half on Sanzo's legs.

"That's your secret? Are you really that much of an idiot?" Sanzo yanks Goku's collar again until the chimp has to face him and his eyes are wide, startled open from the monk's actions.

Sanzo looks into gold, his gold, damn it, and maintains his stern disposition. He's earned it, after all.

"First, you should have told me this as soon as you remembered it. If you ever keep something from me again, I'm leaving your ass behind in the first town I can. Second," and to make sure Goku understands he is not being accommodating or compassionate—he's Sanzo—he shifts his grip to the boy's shoulders and shakes Goku for good measure, "Hate you? You think I'm going to hate you because some tight-ass gods thought it was fare to send us down here and put you in a cave? I don't care how it happened. I don't care if you took the damn limiter off yourself up there. It was the gods. Period. I don't give a shit about any of the details, you got that? So if you try and fill me with any more of this crap, I swear, I'll reinstate using my fan faster than you can—"

It is actually pretty easy to cut off a monk when one lunges forward and presses lips to lips with fierceness.

Sanzo is startled, but more so by the tears that hit his chin after a moment, and so he doesn't pull back but lets Goku kiss him. The monkey seems to need it more than Sanzo needs his sulking time. The release of it, of allowing Goku this, of allowing himself this, lifts part of the weight on Sanzo's heart. There is no more secret, and what has been revealed will never change Sanzo's view of the boy. Goku really does need to learn that.

"I…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry," Goku sobs, digging his face into the crook of Sanzo's neck after pulling from the kiss.

Their recent estrangement makes Sanzo tense but the warmth of Goku, the familiar feel of him in Sanzo's arms is so precious, Sanzo remembers in a rush the need for Goku above all else and he clings more tightly because of it. "Did you not hear me," he says, "I told you I don't want any of this. You didn't do anything wrong."

Goku shakes his head, sniffling deeper into Sanzo's neck. "No. No, Sanzo, I…I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I'm sorry for that. But I was just so…scared."

"Scared of what?"

"That you'd…leave." The word chokes out of Goku through the last of his sobs. He can hear Sanzo's response before it comes.

"Idiot."

Goku smiles around his remaining tears. Only Sanzo can use that word lovingly.

"I'm not leaving. Ever. But I maintain the right to get as angry with you as you deserve when you act this stupid. Understood?"

Violet is Goku's favorite color. Violet and gold. But not his own gold—only Sanzo's gold, haloing him every moment of the day and even into the night. His brilliant beautiful sun. Looking up into violet, his violet, Goku feels as stupid as he is being accused of. They really are a pair of fools. Fools together.

And you know what they say about that.

"Sanzo…if you're not too mad then…will you see Meiyuu?" Goku risks this request because he loves Sanzo and he wants to stop being a stupid monkey and start trusting in that love. "Please, I…I know you're mad but she just wants to see you."

Sanzo looks back at Goku, half holding the boy in his arms, but doesn't speak. His eyes are calm, not cold, but because they are so quiet Goku is not entirely sure what they are saying.

"Please," he says again, "Coz I'd be willing to bet, right now, she's feeling a lot like me. Like I was. You always give me another chance Sanzo, and I never give up on you, I won't ever again, I promise. Can't you give her just one chance?"

Silent eyes blink several times before Sanzo sighs, pulls Goku in against him hard and says, "Damn you…for having so much sway over me. One day I'll remember how to say no to you again, just you wait."

Goku laughs, even through the last of his tears. "Sure, Sanzo," he says, "I'll be waiting."

-----

The smell of Gojyo is intoxicating. It surrounds Hakkai and all he has hold of at first is the front of the hanyo's shirt. He tugs and his nose is in Gojyo's neck. A deep breath is all it takes to remind him of his hunger.

He growls deep. Gojyo.

"Whoa…okay…this is new." Gojyo's voice is halted and soft, hesitant to make any sudden movement or noise that might cause the youkai to do something unfortunate. He trusts Hakkai, but he knows best what the turned-youkai is capable of without his limiters. "So, uhh…any reason you decided to remove those pretty cuffs just now? Not the most convenient time, I gotta say, what with all the crazy going on."

Hakkai is still holding tight with one clawed hand to Gojyo's shirt, the other trailing up Gojyo's thigh. His nose digs deeper, up into Gojyo's hair now, and he breathes deep again.

"Hakkai…? Hey, you with me?"

"Mmm…" Hakkai pulls away, looks over the body before him, then trains one slit eye and one artificially normal one on Gojyo's red. His tongue darts out to lick at his lips as he says, "Take off your clothes."

A shiver jumps from Gojyo's neck to his pelvis. That tone is not one to be challenged and Gojyo knows already that he must tread carefully. "Hakkai…uhh…if you were planning a little frisky business here you could have given me a heads up, huh." And he starts to back away.

The claws in Gojyo's shirt tighten and the ones by his thigh travel to his hip and take hold. Another tug brings Gojyo back so that he is pressed tight against the full length of Hakkai's harder youkai body. "Heads…up?" Hakkai says, his lips curling back to reveal fangs, "Do not worry, Gojyo. I'll be happy to give you that now."

Gojyo feels the floor hit his back and gasps, never having felt the rush of air or Hakkai's assistance in bringing him to the ground. His head reels from the suddenness, winded from impact.

This could be very, very bad.

"Hakkai…wait…" he tries, his voice a struggling breath. The youkai on top of him doesn't seem to hear, intent now to get what he hungers for. "Hakkai…"

"Shhh…Gojyo," Hakkai says, straddling Gojyo now and holding the redhead's shoulders down with his claws, prickling at the skin there. Gojyo had long since left his jacket, leaving only the tank top, "Gojyo…don't you love me…when I'm this way? Don't you still…want me…when I am like this?"

"Of course I do," but Gojyo is thinking wildly for how he can escape, talk Hakkai back. This is all too sudden, too unexplainable. A few minutes ago he had left a perfectly normal, together Hakkai to take care of the monk while he and his brother tracked down the monkey. Now he's pinned with a very heated full youkai straddling his hips.

Normally, he might not mind this development, but since when is Hakkai this strangely spontaneous? At that thought Gojyo almost releases an amused huff aloud at his stupidity. Since when? Since now. Since the past few weeks. And then it dawns on Gojyo.

Since Houtou Castle.

"Yeah, baby, you know I love you however you are," Gojyo says, thinking quickly, "But this is just a bit sudden, is all. Don't we have a monk and monkey to help make up, not to mention a mother out there waiting to hear back from us?"

Hakkai answers with a roll of his hips and his neck arches back with the pleasure of it. "That can wait."

Gojyo looks briefly to the door. He had shut it behind him but it isn't locked. Should he yell? Jien should be out there somewhere. But this is Hakkai. He isn't doing anything to hurt Gojyo, he's just a little frisky. That isn't necessarily a bad thing, is it?

"Thinking of running away? From me?" Hakkai has easily noticed where Gojyo's attention has shifted to.

Thinking quickly, Gojyo has a decision to make and he has to make it now. He turns back to look at Hakkai, feeling his bodily betrayal as his lower region heats in response to contact with Hakkai. Would it be wrong to give in? The timing may be bad but that hasn't stopped them in the past. Besides, yelling for help would mean he doesn't trust Hakkai. Surely that would anger the youkai, and prove that Gojyo is a hypocrite. He has always been the one saying that Hakkai is the sum of his parts, with or without limiters, just like Goku is.

And if this is Hakkai, pure and simple, why not enjoy what is being offered?

To hell with it. "Not at all, baby," Gojyo says, "I'm not going anyway. My thoughts are right…here." Gojyo's arms are not free to reach up for Hakkai, so instead he lifts with his neck and captures that fanged mouth in a kiss. Maybe one day their libidos will slow down, but until that day comes, Gojyo doesn't see a problem with indulging whenever the spirit strikes.

Though he does still wonder…

"Gonna tell me…where this came from?" Gojyo asks, while Hakkai tears at his tank top and kisses him between words.

A loud ripping sound spells the end for Gojyo shirt. Hakkai licks at Gojyo's lips before saying, "Mmm…let's just say, I needed a reminder."

"A reminder of what?"

"Of…who is in control."

"…what's that mean?"

Rather than allow Gojyo to think too much just now, Hakkai latches his mouth onto the tender skin beneath Gojyo right ear, sucks and nips with his fangs awhile, and then whispers, "Nothing," with a smile stretching cryptically.

With their kiss soon renewed and Hakkai's body in such tight contact with his, Gojyo forgets to press the issue. It is only too easy to sway the kappa's mind in certain directions. This direction just happens to be his favorite.

Hakkai has removed Gojyo of his clothing entirely and tossed his tunic away when Jien's voice filters in to interrupt their fun.

"Yo, bro! You two in there or what!"

Gojyo tries not to laugh.

Hakkai growls menacingly at the door and starts to get up.

Instinct more than rational thought springs Gojyo's hands into action and he grasps Hakkai's arms to hold him in place. The youkai had looked strangely intent, though intent on what Gojyo doesn't want to know.

"In here and in need of private time!" he calls through the door, "Come back later!"

A disbelieving laugh replies, "You're kidding right!"

Hakkai turns his attention away from the door since Gojyo seems to be handling things, and decides to work his way downward to return his lover's attentions to where they belong.

Gojyo tries not to squeal when a wet tongue trails well below his waistline. He calls again, "Yeah, pretty sure I'm not kidding!" And his voice so didn't crack on the word 'not'. "Go find some fun for yourself, okay!" Because Gojyo is definitely having fun of his own with Hakkai's mouth taking him in so slowly. The occasional scrape of fangs makes Gojyo twitch and he feels a little masochistic for liking it.

Jien answers with laughter in his voice, though neither Gojyo nor Hakkai could say what had been said. A few moments later and Jien was gone, leaving them to their business, which is all either wanted anyway.

To fulfill a hunger.

"Shit…shit!" Gojyo's head falls back hard to strike the ground after straining to get a better look at Hakkai's expert work on his body. Feeling is as good as seeing. Better, because Gojyo almost loses himself in those first few minutes. He makes the difficult decision to grab Hakkai's shoulder and pull the youkai away. "Reprieve. Please," he says, "Man…what has gotten into you?"

That signature smile, changed slightly in his youkai form, curves up at Gojyo as Hakkai climbs his way back to Gojyo's lips. "Unfortunately, nothing has gotten into me…yet." The smile lengthens and clawed hands begin tugging away the last of the obstacles between them—Hakkai's pants.

"Oh fuck." Gojyo stares disbelievingly. Hakkai has been so dominating lately, the last thing Gojyo expected was for his youkai self to turn submissive. "You…you want to go for a ride, baby, or are you just toying with me?"

"Can't it be both," Hakkai says, tossing his khakis away finally along with his boxer briefs.

Nervous as Gojyo had been at first, this isn't turning out so bad after all. "I didn't know such a sexy beast would be willing to give up control," Gojyo grins.

Hakkai sits so that he is on top of Gojyo's chest, upright, and giving Gojyo quite the view. His long hair is damp now and clinging to his shoulders and back, his good eye glazed with passion and his claws still wanting something to sink into. He says, "Oh, Gojyo, who ever said one has to be on top…" and pushes back to impale himself on Gojyo's length, "…to be in control."

The intensity of it sends a shock down Gojyo's groin that nearly has him come immediately if not for his straining willpower. He had not expected that. Several times of late Gojyo has been on the receiving end, and not at all unwanted. It has been awhile since he felt this and Hakkai seems warmer somehow, hotter and tight and overpowering.

It is clear to Gojyo that he has no control over this situation whatsoever. And he doesn't care at all.

"Oh fuck…fuck!"

Hakkai pushes back deeply and rises up only to push down even harder.

"Fuck! Hakkai…you…really have changed," Gojyo says around strangled moans.

This isn't the response Hakkai expected. He remains upright as he rides Gojyo, reminiscent of their tryst the night before heading to Houtou Castle. Gojyo is too immersed in sensation to focus his eyes on the view of Hakkai's exposed body so perfectly displayed to him, but all the better from Hakkai's point of view, because it only means Gojyo is that much more under his thrall.

Hakkai laughs as he thrusts upwards and down again, pulsing with an energy that fills him even more with hunger.

"Gojyo," he says, "I haven't changed. Oh no. This…is who I have always been. He tries to cage me…with those cuffs…but it isn't so easy…anymore."

Distantly, Gojyo wonders who Hakkai means by he.

"This is who I am…Gojyo. Isn't it wonderful…?"

"Yeah…" Gojyo is in another world by now, "You can keep those things off…forever…if it brings out this." And Gojyo ends his words with a cry when Hakkai presses down to pull Gojyo in deeper than before. They have had sex once besides now without Hakkai's limiters, but even then it wasn't like this. Gojyo's entire body is tingling with feelings he has never known.

And Hakkai smiles wider because he knows the effect he is having on his prize. "Oh believe me," he says, "I intend to keep them off indefinitely. Gojyo…you don't know…what I am capable of. Not entirely. Would you like to see…what I can really do?"

Gojyo's mind is too hazy for him to focus. He has not yet responded when he feels the first of it begin. Initially, it makes him jerk, like when he felt Hakkai's fangs so intimately. But then it climbs deeper and he can feel it as if it were inside of him, taking hold of everything.

Fascinated, Gojyo fights to focus and his eyes search the connected skin between them. He can see himself pulling in and out of Hakkai as Hakkai shifts above him, and as much as the sight sends a few new shocks to his lower regions, what he begins to see makes him shiver.

As if from inside of him, the vines so finely shaped on Hakkai's skin travel as they had in Houtou Castle, moving off of Hakkai's body onto Gojyo. Gojyo sees them first wrapping up in a coil around his cock and further up his hips and stomach. The vines wind and twist and Gojyo can feel them slithering over his skin but deeper than skin.

Gojyo stares at Hakkai, uncertain, and with a now more wicked smile Hakkai tells the vines to tighten. Gojyo knows it must be by Hakkai's power because when they do tighten, a sudden tug as if by tiny little fingers, and Gojyo gasps, Hakkai looks far too pleased with himself for it to be an accident.

It is as if the vines can touch his nerves directly. The sensation is pleasant at first but too heightened. Gojyo doesn't think he can handle too much of it without the feeling becoming closer to painful.

"You see now, Gojyo…what I can do. I am more powerful in every way compared to him. Don't you want it? Don't you want to be with me instead of him? With me it can be like this…always."

The vines have traveled up Gojyo's chest to coil over his arms and down his legs now as well. Gojyo is overrun with feeling and can no longer move in response to Hakkai's thrusts. He lays immoveable, shuddering in the wake of the vines coiling over every inch of him. Where do they come from? Because the ones on Hakkai do not uncoil, do not move in any way, they just expand, stretching out to take in whatever is desired.

"This," Hakkai says, "is me."

This…is very, very bad.

"Then who is him?" Gojyo says. His voice is choked and quiet, his mind clouded. He feels cold and overly sensitive to every movement of air, let alone the continued movements of Hakkai atop him. The vines are claiming him and he can't move.

"Who…is him?" Hakkai repeats, "Him, dear Gojyo, is the insignificant me who hides behind limiters and a smile no one trusts. I would hide nothing from you. I would bear everything open and honest before you. Isn't that what you want?"

Gojyo can barely speak, barely feel himself through the vines. When they tighten like a pulse he feels them amplified. That Hakkai is still riding him through all of this, he has forgotten, because that sensation pales in comparison. It could be pleasurable, at first Gojyo thought it was, but it is too much. Every nerve is throbbing.

The vines climb further and every inch of Gojyo is covered in mockery of Hakkai's own youkai appearance. Each leaf presses into his skin and the vines tighten again. Gojyo can't breathe.

"Hakkai…" he gasps. He cannot move, but he stares up into jade and pleads.

A flicker of anger passes over Hakkai's expression. He picks up the pace of his thrusting and the vines tighten further. "Hakkai? Always Hakkai. That is who you want, is it, but don't think I don't know that you have never wanted everything that comes with loving Hakkai. Hakkai isn't here just now, dear Gojyo. Perhaps you should try again later."

If not for the vines making him shiver with an unnatural cold, Gojyo would have shivered more fiercely after that. "What are you…saying? If not Hakkai…who else?"

The thrusting picks up even further, though Gojyo no longer feels it.

He is cocooned by the vines. As they pull and tighten he feels his breath stolen from him. Every inch of him feels detached and he can't breathe.

Hakkai growls, close to completion as he buries Gojyo deeper and deeper inside of him while stretching out and laying claim through the vines. His hunger is so great. He looks down at Gojyo and allows his claws to break the skin of Gojyo's arms as he clutches them.

Pulsing with life. Gojyo is that and so much more.

"Who…else?" he says, the rougher quality to his youkai voice rumbling over the words, "Why, Gojyo…who else is there…?" In an arch with his head, more like a vampire than a demon, Hakkai swoops down to Gojyo's neck and sinks his teeth deep into the flesh. Blood flows past Hakkai's lips and fangs and he allows some to fill him, drinking it down. The rest drips down his chin and onto Gojyo's chest.

Blood. Always, blood has been the only thing to fill the hunger in him. Gojyo fulfills all of his hungers and will continue to. Because Gojyo belongs to him. His claim is solid and unbreakable. His hunger for Gojyo surpasses all else, no matter how he must satiate that.

Hakkai lifts upright again and roars at the ceiling, so close to completion now he can feel the end, and he tightens the vines all the more, thrusting down on Gojyo with his hunger fueling him.

And for the first time, he hears a word he never expected from Gojyo.

"Stop…"

Hakkai is too stunned to even begin to heed at first.

"Hakkai…stop…please…I can't…take…anymore of this. I can't…breathe…"

Stop. Stop. Gojyo is telling him, asking, pleading with him to…stop.

Hakkai is still pressing down on Gojyo, seeking his end, as Gojyo gasps out these words. The words do not stop even when Hakkai comes with a growl, staining Gojyo's chest. In Gojyo's heightened state, he comes as well with the tightening of Hakkai's muscles, but the hanyou cannot feel the pleasure of it. He is shivering, cold and breathless and in pain indescribable. And he didn't want any of it.

"Hakkai…please…"

The vines retract too quickly, making Gojyo cringe and whimper with the pain of it. Hakkai pulls off of Gojyo too quickly too, making Gojyo cry out not at all from pleasure. Finally free of the vines and Hakkai, Gojyo can still barely breathe and can't yet move. His entire body is trembling. Only the claw marks and bite in his neck, all wounds leaking blood deeper red than Gojyo's hair or eyes, show the damage. The vines have left nothing. The white on Gojyo's stomach only intensifies the shame.

What has Hakkai done?

"Hakkai…I'm…Hakkai…" Hakkai says aloud, staring blindly at Gojyo lying almost motionless save his shivering.

Hakkai pulls himself in on himself, wrapping his arms around his legs. But curled up he can see the vines, the vines that did this to Gojyo. He doesn't want the vines. He doesn't want any of it anymore.

Why is this happening?

Dazed, not quite himself or the beast, Hakkai inches back closer to Gojyo. He reaches out a hand towards Gojyo's forehead and places it flat as if checking for a fever.

Gojyo blinks up at him, starting to come out of whatever trance the vines had claimed him with. "Hakkai…"

"I'm sorry," Hakkai says, and though his voice is still low and growling, it is timid now.

Gojyo shakes his head. "Hakkai…I…don't…"

"I'm sorry I have to do this to you, Gojyo."

The words Gojyo had been trying to form die on his lips. He looks up at Hakkai and before he can question what the youkai means, he sees the glowing green light beginning to form from the hand on his forehead. "What…what are you…doing…" he tries then, but the warmth and fuzziness overtaking him is already closing his eyes and fading out the room around him.

"I'm so sorry, Gojyo," Hakkai says again, but Gojyo has already fallen into a deep sleep, "Forget," Hakkai says, "Please forget."

Hakkai did this actively only once before when he meant to teach Sanzo a lesson. Chi applied directly to the head, to the brain, can be soothing, comforting, and very powerful. Hakkai pours as much of it as he can into Gojyo, not only to heal the bite and claw marks, but to haze over the memory of this so that Gojyo never has to know what happened.

Afraid to remain without his limiters much longer, Hakkai retrieves them and places them on his ear quickly. He dresses in his nightshirt, needing to mend the broken clasps later from his tunic. He cleans Gojyo with a warm cloth of the remnants of what happened, and dresses him as well, having to put an extra shirt on the hanyou since the tank top will need replacing. Gojyo will not stay unconscious for much longer, but when he wakes, Hakkai is ready with…

"A lie. Oh, gods, Gojyo, how did it come to this? I never wanted you to get caught up in this part of me. Why…why does he want everything I have only to claim with hunger instead of love? Why can't he just stay caged…?"

There are no answers Hakkai can offer himself. He tells himself that this is temporary. He will tell Gojyo the truth one day, when he has regained his control, but until then he will just have to maintain the lie and pray Gojyo doesn't remember on his own.

Hakkai fails to notice that even with his limiters on, his hair is longer than normal, his eye darker, and coiling out from his scar where he didn't look at closely enough to notice, the beginnings of the vines are showing through.

Soon, the limiters will no longer hold any of the beast at bay.

tbc...

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Crim