Dean flipped through the channels on the television for a while before finding Dr. Sexy. Dean smiled. Sam had gone off to the library and he wasn't expecting him to be back for another hour or so.

About half-way through the episode, Dean felt a familiar breeze, though he was inside and the window was shut. That could only mean one thing. He looked around, and, sure enough, Jen was standing by the door.

Dean scowled at Jen. She was the last person he wanted to see. He was still angry with her for all the secrets, and he was tired of her constantly butting in to his little trip downtown. Her touchy-feely crap was simply that, crap. She couldn't help him, so why even talk to her.

"What the fuck are you doing here? If you think you are going to get me to talk or something while Sam's out, well, you are just delusional, because it's not going to happen. Ever. Actually, just get out of here. How about that? You have to leave when I tell you to, right?"

"I'm not here to talk to you." Jen said simply, looking at Dean expectantly.

He studied her for a moment. Was this a trick? She was very tricky. Her expression was typical, giving away very little emotion. Her eyes though were different. There was something else in them, and it wasn't good. Perhaps, frustration, sadness? Whatever it was, she was clearly nervous about telling him. The curiosity about that alone forced Dean to ask.

"Alright, what's wrong?"

Jen paused a moment and then spoke. "It's Sam. I think you need to talk to him."

Now Dean was just confused. Sam wasn't here, and nothing seemed to have changed with him recently. Why now? There was something Jen wasn't saying and Dean had to know what it was. He got up off the bed and walked toward Jen.

"What do you mean? I thought he was going to the library." Jen looked away. Bingo. "Where is he?"

"He's at a bar ..." Jen didn't need to finish before Dean had picked up his jacket and was nearly out the door. A bar. He couldn't believe his brother. Sam was a lightweight, so this couldn't be good. Crap. Thank goodness Jen came to tell him.

He paused for a moment, looking at Jen. He had been pretty horrible to her lately, and mostly for selfish reasons, and deep down he knew that. Well, he still didn't want to talk to her about his situation, but Sam was still going to be here in a few months when Dean was gone, and that had to be dealt with.

Dean nodded at Jen, and she returned the nod, a brief moment of understanding between them that right now at least, they were on the same team. Dean knew what had to be done.

"Show me."


When Bobby woke up, Jen was sitting beside him. She beamed at him and shouted. "Bobby! You made it!"

He looked at her, slightly confused. "You? Where are …" Bobby still felt a little disoriented.

"They are back in the motel room. They were meant to be asleep. I assume that's how you got back."

Bobby was starting to make sense of it all, what Sam and Dean had told him and what happened. "That really was a dream?"

Jen nodded. "Yes, it really was."

"Holy shit. Can't believe I didn't know. How long you been here?"

"A while. Almost a whole day."

Suddenly, Bobby came back into the present and realized that he was alone with someone who could read minds. He got nervous for a moment. "Did you? Did you see?" He asked Jen carefully.

Jen smiled and shook her head. "No. Nothing. You block me even when you're unconscious. Pretty serious about your privacy, huh?"

Bobby raised his eyebrows at Jen. "Yeah, well, you live my life, the last thing you want is people inside your head. Of course, that's just where those two idjits you drive with were."

Jen gave Bobby another smile. "They saved your life though."

Bobby nodded slowly. He knew she was right. No matter what stupid shit they did, they always pulled through. "Yes, that they did, that they did."


That night, after it was all over, Sam and Dean settled into the motel for the night. Sam was charged now that Dean had given him permission to really work on getting him out of the deal and had been running the computer nonstop since they got back. Dean couldn't get the dream out of his mind.

He needed to get out of there, clear his head. He grabbed his jacket, "Hey man, I'm going to take a walk, stir crazy, you know."

Sam nodded from the computer. Dean was pretty sure that Sam barely heard him. "Yeah, okay." Sam mumbled.

Dean walked out the door and headed down to a park he had spotted earlier. He sat down on a bench. Walking hadn't really cleared his head. He had a good idea of what he should do, but he hadn't talked to Jen in months. Still, he was pretty sure that she would come. Actually, he was pretty sure that she was there already. Dean shouted out to darkness.

"Jen. I know you're around, show yourself."

Jen appeared beside him. "You don't need to shout."

Dean ignored her and continued. "How much did you see?"

"All of it."

"Good, so I don't have to talk about it."

For a moment, the two sat in silence. Dean thought about what he wanted to say, but he couldn't sort it out. Jen reached out and put her hand over his. "Don't think so hard. I'll understand."

Dean grasped Jen's hand, and finally started talking. "This isn't fair," He said. "Why me? I do everything I'm supposed to for years, and I'm the one who gets shit upon. I save my brother for what? Torture and apparently lots of it. This is bullshit, fucking bullshit. Sure, Dad did his part for me, but he got out. I don't think any Devil's Gates are going to be allowed to open anytime soon for me."

Dean paused for a moment and took a deep breath. Then he turned to Jen. "Am I really my own worst nightmare? I mean, you've been in my head, what do you think?"

Jen looked at Dean for what felt like a long time before speaking. "You underestimate yourself. You think that it's a good thing, you know, no expectations means you can't fail to live up to them, but you're wrong. You have to believe in yourself. You are your own person, you have your own talents. You are worth saving."

Dean shook his head. "It doesn't feel that way. I mean, you saw the dream, I'm just Daddy's little soldier, do what I'm supposed to, and apparently, I'm supposed to follow Dad into Hell too. Fuck! I don't deserve this!" Dean pounded his free fist into his jeans and realized that he was nearly shouting. He stopped to catch his breath, not realizing how hard his heart was pounding. His eyes filled with tears and his chin trembled. Tears fell from each eye as Dean whispered. "I don't deserve this." He reached up and wiped his face, the tears still stinging in his eyes.

Jen turned to Dean and said very clearly and distinctly. "No, you don't."

For the first time since he made the deal, Dean actually believed what he and Jen had just said. Jen, with all the knowledge of the Universe and who will not lie, told him he deserved to live, so it had to be true. Finally, the months of waiting, knowing, and mixed feelings about Dean's decision to make this deal surfaced and Dean turned to Jen, grabbing her tightly as sobs wracked his body.

Jen held Dean and her voice echoed in his head. I'm here. I've got you.

After a long while, Dean's sobs slowed. Still holding onto Jen, he asked quietly. "What can I do?" He didn't even really know what he was asking. He knew Jen couldn't get him out of this deal, but he remembered her saying that he could learn to hold on. He needed something to hold on to right now.

Jen let go of Dean and eased him to look at her. She spoke quietly but directly. "You need to forgive. Forgive John and Sam and yourself. Let the guilt go. This may not have been fated, but there is no way to change the past. Good comes out of everything, even things that seem horrible. Somewhere, there is balance in the Universe. Trust in that."

That sounded familiar to Dean. He looked at Jen for a moment as he remembered.

"Balance in the Universe. You said that before: after the whole angel thing in Rhode Island. Of course, then we didn't know that you and the Universe were actually on speaking terms."

Jen smiled. "Yes, I did tell you that then too."

Dean's eyes filled with tears again, further remembering the conversation. "About mom."

Jen took Dean's hand. "It's about everything. Everything is connected, and everything works together."

Dean nodded slowly. He wanted to believe her, but it was so hard to see beyond his own death sentence. He knew he had to try though, he his own sake, and for Sam's.

Jen leaned over and whispered in Dean's ear. "Just keep trying. We can do this, together." Jen let go of Dean's hand and gave him one more tight hug, which he reciprocated, using her strength to pull himself together one final time.

Dean and Jen walked back to the motel together, but Dean walked in alone. Sam was still on the computer. It was alright. Dean didn't need to see Jen to know she was with him.

This was the first night in a while that Dean slept soundly with no nightmares.