Chapter 9: Chapter 9: Holding My Own

Author's Chapter Notes:

A/N: This is very much a transition to Isabel Grace she knows she is amazing. Completely Amazing. I also bow down to the Beta-ing goddess, Poo235. She is doing an amazing job. Also huge thanks SassyGeminiMom and also to Sarah, I hope your computer heals soon too.

I am going on vacation, out of the country, with very limited internet for a few weeks. I will try to get another chapter up before I leave but there is a chance that I won't, as I still have not packed yet. Okay, I have some clothes in a suitcase, but seriously how can one plan for all fashion contingencies with one suitcase?

The song for this chapter is Holding My Own by The Darkness.

I don't need your permission
To take this matter in my own two hands
'Cos I'm holding my own
Give or take a tear or two
I'm holding my own
No matter what I put myself through

-Holding My Own,The Darkness

Bella POV

Jacob Black's words about Lauren and Jessica still stung. It really irritated me that people, including Jacob, were saying such nasty things about my friends. I knew I was probably hormonal, which was why I was so short with him, but I was actually glad that I was. Thinking about his words, along with some massive cramps, kept me tossing and turning for most of Sunday night. I was relieved to be angry with Jacob rather than trying to decipher what my feelings for Jason truly were; I was just not ready to figure that out, yet.

Jason was a good guy;. Maybe we needed to spend more time together. My basis for comparison was not exactly fair. Before I let my mind wander down that path, I closed my eyes and counted backward from 100. Nope, still could not fall asleep. I got up and turned on the computer; if I was up at this hour, I could at least be productive and fire off an email update to Renee.

Renee was very pleased I was making more friends in Forks and was out of my funk, as she called it. After she had left Charlie, Renee dated quite frequently but this also led to her being dumped, quite often, so she was not a stranger to heartbreak. I connected to the dial-up connection and loaded my web browser.

I really needed to talk to Charlie about getting high speed Internet. If he could get a season pass on cable to see every Mariner's game, he could surely look into getting a cable modem.

The browser took forever to load. Finally, my email inbox loaded, but there were no new messages, although the junk mailbox showed I had several new messages.

Typical. My only emails are from people who contact me to control my erectile disfunction, get cheaper prescription drugs, or help with hair loss.

I started a new message to Renee.

Hi Mom,

How are you doing? I am doing okay. Besides massive cramps, but what else is new?

My weekend was pretty good. I worked on Saturday and then saw the movie Kill Bill with Lauren and Jessica on Saturday night. We saw the movie with some boys that Lauren knows, and one of them, Jason, is really nice. I like him as a friend. He kissed me, but mom, before you go off your rocker, there were no sparks with him. The chemistry is just not right. I doubt I will go out with him again.

School is going okay. We finally finished watching Splendid in the Grass in English class. I know you said it was one of your favorite movies. I never realized how cute Warren Beatty was in his prime.

I am still not sure about University of Florida. While I do like the warm weather, I am not sure where I want to go to school. I think I have a meeting with the school's guidance counselor this week to talk about my options.

I like working on yearbook. Between doing that after school, work, homework, and taking care of Charlie, I have successfully filled almost all of my free time.

I will call you later this week. Give my love to Phil.

Love you mom.

Bella

After sending the email out, I instinctually opened a new browser window. Without even thinking I entered in His name into the Google search and clicked enter. Same results as before. Nothing new. I tried the rest of the family. No new mentions of locations. I sighed and shut down the computer. I was angry at myself for searching for them, but I figured it could be my one guilty pleasure. No one but me would know about. After grabbing two Advil, I climbed back into bed.

I must have fallen asleep because my alarm woke me up the following morning. I pulled on the same clothes I wore last night; it was my only turtleneck sweater and my hickey was still noticeable.

I am going to have to ask Lauren for some advice on how to handle this. Maybe she can loan me some tops for this week.

Charlie had already left for work, so I made myself some cereal before grabbing my book bag and heading out to my truck. As I drove the familiar wet roads to school, the radio blared the new top song of the week, Photograph by Nickelback. I hated this song. It was already overplayed on the radio and it made me think of Him. The one bright spot of the song was that it reminded me I had more searching to do at yearbook this afternoon.

I pulled into the parking lot and spotted Lauren and Jessica hanging out by Tyler's van. I sauntered over to them.

"Hey guys! What's up?" I asked.

"Nothing much. We were just discussing Halloween," explained Jessica. "It's one of our favorite holidays."

"Really?" I could not picture Lauren and Jessica dressing up and going trick-or-treating.

"To quote the movie Mean Girls, Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it."

"Lauren, you are the mean girl of Forks," exclaimed Mike Newton as he strolled in to become part of the conversation.

"No she's not, you idiot," replied Jessica shaking her head at Mike. "She's just mean to you because you're an absolute imbecile."

"So what are you guys thinking of dressing up as?" I asked.

Tyler cut Lauren off before she had a chance to reply. "I hope it is as good as last year. I could barely control myself all day thanks to you two."

"We went as a sexy cat and a sexy mouse," replied Jessica.

"Pretty much for Halloween you can wear animal ears or angel wings and lingerie and call it a costume," Lauren explained. "This year I am thinking we will do something like scary sexy. Hey Newton, let me know if you need to borrow anything for your costume! You know I have some heels that would like great on you. "

The first bell rang before I had a chance to ask her what she meant by scary sexy. I was a little afraid to find out and more afraid that she was including me in the Halloween costume plans.

The school day passed by without any further discussion of Halloween. At lunch, Lauren talked about meeting up with Chip again. She wanted to get him out of her system before moving on to her next target. Jessica and Christian were officially a couple. Lauren, Jessica and Angela asked me about Jason and if I had any new stunning revelations about him.

"I don't know. What should I be feeling?"

Lately the life I was living seemed to be completely out of my hands. Everyone made decisions about my life without even talking to me about them. First, He decided to leave taking with him my best friend. Then, I somehow became integrated into this circle of friends and it seemed that all of my free time was sucked up by the groups' plans. Now Lauren was even dictating what I would wear and where I would go on Halloween. The person I was before all of this would have been happy staying home and passing out candy, but I was not that girl anymore. She was gone and with her went all of the things that used to bring her pleasure.

It had been ages since I sat alone in my room reading. Of course, when I was alone I had to confront the incessant feeling of emptiness that lingered deep within in and never seemed to go away. Reading my old favorites brought about too many memories. I used to love Jane Austin and the Bronte Sisters, but their colloquial language and antiquated mannerisms reminded me of my own past. Thinking about Jason, I felt nothing for him, because he was now a prop in the play I was constantly starring in.

"Well, are you anxious to talk to him at all?" asked Angela.

"No, not really. I just think we have good friend-chemistry vibes not boyfriend-girlfriend vibes."

"Just be friends with benefits," Lauren said with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Yeah, just hook up if you want. Don't if you don't. I am sure he will understand. Jason is cool like that. Besides, the chances of meeting two Prince Charmings in a row is quite slim," Jessica replied as she stuffed a Twinkie in her mouth in a very suggestive way just to irk Mike Newton.

They made a good point about Jason. I think I would just see how things went. My friends were great; they really did keep me from going into those dark places I could let my wander into if I did not have them to distract me. I was relieved when the final class let out. After grabbing a few items from my locker, I headed to the yearbook room.

Once inside, I looked at the assignments board: no stories to edit yet. Instead, I turned to the stacks of yearbooks from previous years. I took out the one from what would have been my sophomore year.

Flipping through it, I saw lots of familiar faces. Lauren seemed to be everywhere. I looked up Jeff. He was a good-looking guy; no wonder Lauren fell for him so hard. The pictures of them together seemed to grace almost every page of the yearbook. They really did make a striking couple. I turned to the index section to look for them. Their names were listed but only one page number was beside each of their names. This meant only one thing, camera shy, of course.

Frustrated, I slammed down the yearbook. I decided to forgo my search and instead pulled up a yearbook from the 1980's. Nothing like mullets and teased bangs to lighten up my afternoon. After seeing some dated but interesting layout ideas, which I marked with colored Post-It tabs, I decided to head home to work on my homework.

Once I had finished my homework, I made dinner for Charlie, deciding to make one of his favorites, my man-friendly salad. I made Buffalo chicken salad. It combined Buffalo-flavored chicken bites, lettuce, shredded carrots, tomatoes, cucumbers, and celery bits along with low calorie bleu cheese dressing and buffalo sauce. Charlie loved it and it was one of the few salads he would actually eat. He had no idea that I opted for a healthier version of bleu cheese dressing.

"Buffalo chicken salad? My favorite," Charlie exclaimed when he got home.

I put the plates down on the table and sat down. Charlie grabbed a can of Vitamin R from the refrigerator before sitting down to join me. I took a huge bite of my salad as the phone rang.

"You sit, Bella, I will get it," Charlie stated as he got up and picked up the phone. "Hello, Swan residence. Who may I ask is calling? How may I ask do you know my daughter?"

"Dad, is the phone for me? Who is it?"

"Bella, do you know a Jason?

"Yeah, Dad, he's friends with Lauren. We hung on Saturday night," I said as I tried to grab the phone away from Charlie. He finally relented and handed me the phone.

"We'll talk about this when you finish. Make it short."

"Hey Jason. How are you doing?"

Over the phone, Jason replied, "Good, except for your Dad dragging me through the ringer. He is real tough. Though I guess I shouldn't expect anything less from the Chief of the Forks Police Department!"

"Guess not. We are just about to sit down for dinner. Is everything okay?"

"Oh yeah, of course. I just wanted to call, say hi, talk, ask you out for Friday night."

I bit my lip. Charlie was staring at me. I winced. "That sounds like a lot of fun. I have to check the schedule though; I may have to work early on Saturday morning. Can I call you back later?"

Jason gave me his number and I sat back down to finish my dinner, hoping Charlie would not drill me too hard.

"Who's this calling my house?" he asked.

Great, time for police interrogation time!

"Dad, he's just a friend. I already told you. He plays lacrosse up in Port Angeles, is smart, very funny, and did I mention he's just a friend?"

He let out a grunt and took a big bite of the buffalo chicken.

Lauren POV

I'm a fucking genius. Total genius. I loved the Halloween costume idea for my friends and me. Thanks to the internet and my mom's credit card, I had ordered costumes for all four of us. We were probably going to get suspended or at least sent home if we wore them to school, but they would be amazing for a Halloween party.

I could not wait to give each girl their assignment. I figured Friday would be the big reveal. That would give us ten full days to get the costumes and solidify our plans.

The costumes were easy. The bigger problem would be to figure out where the party was going to be. Even bigger problem was how to get everyone there. Angela and Jessica were now coupled up and would probably want to go with their significant other. That would leave Bella and me, unless she and Jason started getting serious.

I hoped she wasn't. I really liked hanging out with her and it was nice to be friends with someone who was also mending a broken heart. I refused to get close to a guy and only get hurt again. Better to be the heart breaker than the heartbroken.

After landing Chip this weekend, I was quickly losing my interest in him. He was nice as a person, but he sucked in the sack; they all did. All of them, but Jeff. He had ruined me. He took my virginity and my ability to achieve an orgasm. Chip was also on my shit list because he called me Sunday afternoon just to talk. I have my friends to talk; I have him to scratch my itches. Before I gave him the boot, I needed to figure out who would be next for me. Whenever I got antsy like this, I always made lists. Time to make out a list so I know my options.

Lauren's List of To Do's To do...

Brian (does he have anymore hot friends)

Brett- figure out a weekend when I can take a road trip up to see him

Brad from Sequim to see what is going on with the guys up there...

what Chip is doing later this week

I called Brett first. I missed my big brother and maybe he would give me some dirt on Jeff. I picked up the phone and dialed his cell phone. It rang twice before he picked up.

"Hey Brett-Brett!"

"Lauren! What's wrong? What did you do now?"

"Nothing! Jeez, can't a girl call her older brother and see how he's doing in college?"

"Okay, what do you want?"

"I wanted to see how you are doing? Really? Am I that selfish?"

"More like you have a one track mind. I blame myself for corrupting you so early. So really, what's going on?"

"Let see, I've been hanging out with some of the guys from Port Angeles. Jessica is dating Christian, you know the lacrosse player? Bella is seeing Jason. You remember those guys right?"

"Wait, who's Bella?"

"She's the one who got dumped by one of the Cullen kids when they moved away. We sort of have stuff in common."

"The Cullens moved? Good riddance."

"You have no idea. She was practically a zombie until Jess and I came in took her under our wing. So, how's Jeff doing?"

"Lauren- I told you I am not talking about him with you. He's still my friend and you're my sister. That was the first rule I told both of you when you started dating back then and it still is true. Your are two separate entities as far as I am concerned. I do not mix the two at all."

"Brett, you guys are in the same fraternity house, he is your best friend. You can at least tell me he is fine."

"No, I really can't, I made a promise to myself and to both of you. Stop asking!"

"Okay fine. Tell him I said hi or whatever. So, any good weekends for you to host a bunch of us pre-frosh ladies?"

"This semester is pretty much shot already with Thanksgiving break coming up before we know it and then finals. How about beginning of January term or President's Day Weekend?"

"That could work. Especially since Bella is going to have to sell this to Chief Swan."

"Why would she have to do that?"

"He's her dad."

"Nice, Lauren. Only you would make friend's with the police chief's daughter to ensure you will not get busted for partying your senior year."

"It surely doesn't hurt. She's not as goody-two shoes as Angela, but I am slowly but surely corrupting her."

"Is mom or dad at home?"

"Nope. They're out trying to sell some houses to unsuspecting tourists who think our little hamlet is charming and the rain is calming."

"Well, Lauren, pencil in January or February, I will talk to Jennifer about having you girls stay with her in the dorms. She moves into her sorority house next year... You do not want to stay at the frat house. Forty guys in one house is not a place for you."

"Thanks Brett. You really know how to cheer your little sister up."

Hmm... Forty guys minus Brett, that means I can flirt with 38 guys to right in front of Jeff. Maybe that would get his attention?

Bella POV

The week seemed to pass slowly. Each senior was given an assigned time to meet with Mrs. Bold to discuss our college application strategy. Jessica and Lauren seemed pretty clear on their future.

"At UW, I know I should already have a bid in Nu Omega Tau. It's my brother's girlfriend's house and my mom's house as well. I can major in communications and date a Delta because that is what Nu girls do," explained Lauren. I envied her for knowing what life after high school held for her. She seemed so confident about her future.

"I will probably join Lauren with the whole UW and sorority thing. Though I am still not sure what I want to major in. Bella are you going to go to UW with us?" exclaimed Jessica.

"I have no idea what I'm going to do or where I'm going to go."

"We would love to have you join us at UW. We could share a triple. Well, you better hurry up and figure out where you are going to apply. It is only getting more and more competitive to get into good schools or even decent schools. I am sure Mrs. Bold can help you out, though," replied Jessica.

I had no idea what a triple was, but sharing it with Lauren and Jessica seemed a bit too much for me. They were great, but seeing them 24X7 might make my head explode.

After school, I figured I owed Renee a phone call.

"Hey mom."

"Bella! It is wonderful to hear from you. How is my wonderful but incredibly busy daughter?"

"Not too bad, Mom."

"Not too bad. Who is this guy you wrote about? How is school? How are the girls?"

"Well, school is going well. So far I am making all A's. Angela, Jessica and Lauren are all doing well. They are doing a great job keeping me," I searched for the right word. Distracted, no, busy? "Busy. I did go out with one guy from Port Angeles, but eh, I don't know."

"Bella, now that you are 18," Renee started.

Ughh, don't remind me. Even though He had left, I still hated I was getting older.

She continued, "You need to see a gynecologist. It is standard for someone your age to see a doctor. I know you claimed you were never sexually active, but it is important for you to get yourself checked out."

Can she tell over the phone how much I am blushing? This is so embarrassing. I want to die. Not the sex talk.

"If I were there I would take you myself. Now, I can talk to Charlie about making an appointment for you and he can take you."

"No!"

"Well, I figured as much. I know I can trust you to make an appointment and go yourself. Do you know if your friends have a doctor that they go to?"

"Mom, we have not really had conversations about our lady parts."

"Well, ask. Bella, this is really important. You always take care of me. As a mother, this is the one thing I really want to make sure you take care of."

"Okay mom, I will go. I promise. How is Phil?" I asked, eager to change the subject.

"He is great. He loves coaching his team. We really are so happy here."

"I am glad to hear that, Mom. I should get started on some homework. I love you."

"Love you too."

My meeting with Mrs. Bold was scheduled for Thursday. I made my way to the administrative offices, stopped to say a quick hello to Mrs. Cope, and then I proceeded to Mrs. Bold's office in the back corner.

"Isabella Swan, I have been looking over your records, quite an impressive gal. It is a pleasure to finally meet you," Mrs. Bold said as she extended her hand. I reached out and took her hand, shaking it with a somewhat firm grip. Charlie would be proud. "Please take a seat," she said as she motioned to the chair across the desk from her.

I sat down.

"Bella, " I corrected.

"Now, you took the SATs a few weeks ago. Correct?"

I nodded my head.

"Good. You work part-time and you are on the yearbook committee?" She did not wait for my answer. "With good scores on the SATs and your grades, you can pretty much apply anywhere you want. What schools were you thinking about?"

"I have not really given it much thought. My mom wants me to go to University of Florida and my dad wants me to go where I am happy."

"Where do you want to go? What place would make you happy?"

"I really don't know. I never really thought about my future until a few weeks ago." It was surprisingly easy to be honest with Mrs. Bold; she was such a sweet and understand woman.

"Let's try a little exercise. Bella, close your eyes. Imagine you are in college. What does the college you imagine yourself at look like? Describe it for me."

Reluctantly, I did as she asked. "I am in a big city. There are lots of people. I am sitting reading on a comfy chair in a coffee shop. Outside there are people passing by. No one pays any special attention to me, and I can easily get lost in the shuffle. Outside leaves are falling. I think I am in a place with four distinct seasons." I am surprised by my own response. As someone who usually puts everyone else's happiness before my own, I suddenly felt selfish expressing what I wanted in a conversation.

"Okay, open your eyes. Were you watching reruns of Felicity? Sounds like we should focus your college search on east coast schools. Do you want a big school or a smaller school? Do you know what you want to study or major in? Now, there is the issue of cost for schools. Do you have budget limitations because student loans should not be difficult for you to obtain and a lot of students have them."

My head started spinning. "My dad says we will worry about costs once I get into the schools. He wants me to go somewhere that makes me happy."

"Smart man."

She gave me a listing of websites for schools in D.C., Philadelphia, Boston and New York. I was to send her an email by next week with four schools I was going to submit applications.

Before Charlie got back from work and would be monitoring the phone, I called Jason back. Because of my work schedule, we decided to go out on Saturday night rather than Friday night. He was extremely flexible and offered to drive to Forks even though this town had very little to offer in terms of nightlife. He asked for suggestions on what we could do. I told him his options were shopping cart races at the Thrftway and going to the diner. He assured me he had something in mind and that I should dress warm.

I then fired up my computer to start my college research. As usual, as soon as my browser loaded my fingers involuntarily typed in his name again. I had not even thought about him much today. It was a major feat. The search rendered nothing as usual. I turned my attention on researching schools rather than vampire stalking.

I looked at a few schools in Washington, DC - George Washington University, American and Georgetown. They all looked nice but I was not sold on a town full of politicians.

I decided to do one last check of my email before shutting down and starting the rest of my homework for the night. I opened up my inbox: no new messages. Not even anything from Renee. I was a total loser. I quickly checked my junk email folder. I scanned the newest subject lines.

Wow! I have money in a bank account in Nigeria? Delete.

There was one email that stood out from the rest. I could not place the sender, but it looked familiar to me and did not follow the usual pattern of spam that I received. I opened it up and held my breath.

Chapter End Notes:

A/N: Sorry to leave you with a cliffie. Is Bella going to see Alice's email or did she just find a great deal on Viagra? What do you think Lauren has up her sleeve for Halloween? Please review, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

I am not sure if I will get Chapter 10 up before I leave. Leave a review and if I can respond I will try to include a teaser, if I can. Going overseas and not sure how much I can do on my iphone.