Both you and the Captain walked back in a painful silence. You escorted him as far as his office door before leaving him there.
"I better head back to my dorm. I have some things I need to take care of if that's alright." You said nervously.
"That's fine." Levi replied. His words seemed colder now than they sounded last night.
"We are all up to speed on the completion of tasks for now. Anything else can wait till tomorrow."
"That's just great isn't it? A whole evening off for a change. I am SO relieved. Guess it'll give me a chance to catch up on my reading." you forcefully grinned. An awkward little silence fell between you. Just as Levi opened his mouth the say something, you turned away.
"Goodnight Captain." you uttered and walked away quickly. Once you were around the corner your stride broke into a run. You just wanted to get back to the quiet solemnity of your dorm. You finally reach your door and hurry to get inside, locking it behind you. You walked slowly over to the bed and collapsed in a heap on to the cold cotton blankets. You curl up into a ball clutching your pillow. It was cool and relieving against your hot face.
"Idiot."
You realised that working with Levi could have been the biggest mistake you ever made. There you were lying on your bed. Bored and alone and no one to confide in about these emotions you felt burning away inside of you when we were alone with him today. And that look he gave you at the dance. That cold distance he put between the two of you. You realised you had come to rely upon him too much. The last couple of weeks you had been working together constantly, rarely leaving each other's side. And now without him here, you had no idea what to do with yourself.
"Please…I don't want to feel these feelings anymore. It's…it's too soon after losing so many so dear to me. Levi's the only comfort I have…but this warmth inside when we're alone together…is it love? Or…loneliness?" You tightened your hold round the comfort of your pillow.
"Look at yourself. You look like a whimpering child who just lost at a game. I shouldn't sulk. The Captain has done so much for me already. It's wrong to expect more of him. And even if I did, what would I ask of him? I don't even know what these feelings of mine are. I want him to accept me as I am. That's all. But…what the hell did it mean when he kissed me before in the library? Was it an accident? Was it curiosity? Remembering that day drives me crazy...Why are you so cruel to me? Putting these thoughts and ideas into my head when you probably don't even feel for me at all. You're doing what you think is right, keeping an eye on your subordinate. You're already married to the military afterall."
"I need you". The three little words echoed quietly to you in the back of your thoughts. Despite being all alone in the room, your face begins to burn as you recite the phrase again and again in your mind.
"Is that it? Is that all I really want to say to you? If I do, then…would you finally give me peace? What is the worst he can do to me? Love me?...Reject me?" The sound of the word "reject" rebounded off the walls of your mind and sent a sensation of emptiness down into your stomach.
"I need to distance myself from this." You thought.
"I can't let emotions blind me to the reality of the situation. He is my team leader and I am a soldier operating under him, taking his orders without question. Those are the roles we play. I…I can't fall…the way…Luke did." You buried your tearful murmurs into your pillow as images of Luke and Tia float to the top of your memory.
"I'm sorry Luke…I love you like a brother…but…I can't make the same mistakes you did."
You lay there in silence for what felt like hours. Lost in your melancholy, the afternoon sunshine began to fade from your room and made way for the chilly nightfall's starlight outside. The faint sounds of cheering, laughter and music were continuing on without you. You decided to light the lantern at your bedside in the hopes of reading one of your books. But then came the sound of footsteps in the corridor outside gradually becoming louder and louder. The sound came to stop nearby. You look over your shoulder to the door. A shadow was cast across the floor from under the door. You paused and waited to see what the shadow would do. It stopped dead for a few moments. A faint rustling sound was placed down on the floor and the shadow walked away back the way it had come from. You waited for the footsteps to fade away before getting up and poking your head out the door to satisfy your curiosity. You look down to see a brown paper parcel with a greyish white envelope secured to it with string. Upon closer inspection the package appeared to be addressed to you. You bring it inside and set it down on the bed. You weren't expecting any post…and only a handful of people knew this dorm was your current place of residence. You tug at the string and free the envelope. All that was written was your name and the dorm address. You cropped an eyebrow in questioning. Carefully you tear it open and unfold a sheet of parchment. All that was written was:
"Meet me in the Courtyard Garden at 11pm tonight. Please wear this."
You reach for the parcel and unwrap it. You paused for a moment as you marveled upon the beautiful royal blue shall you now held in your hands. You raised it to your face. It was softer than anything you'd ever felt before, the fabric shimmered gently in the dim candle light of your room, and it carried a sweet floral scent. Never in your life had you received anything quite so refined. You felt humbled just holding it in your hands. As you pull it free from the paper something tumbles out onto your lap. It was a small silver pin in the shape of single bird's wing. You instantly fell in love as it gleamed prettily in the dim light. But wait. Who sent this? An admirer? Maybe someone saw you at the courtyard today and decided to make a move. Or perhaps this is someone's idea of a joke. Either way, if you wanted to find out, you would have to go to the courtyard that evening. The real question was what you would do when you met this person. What if they want to confess their feelings to you? Would you say yes and ultimately enter into a relationship with this person…or would you say no because of your own confused feelings towards Captain Levi? On the other hand, it could be one of your scouting team acquaintances who might be looking to get to know you better. It wasn't an impossible theory. You had developed quite the reputation within the ranks being the sole survivor of what had become known one of the most tragic missions to date. You had earned the recognition of both new recruits and senior officers, so would it be so hard to believe that your name was so well known? All the options considered you decided to accept the invitation. However seeing how the festivities of the Spring Celebration had officially started you decided to dress accordingly. You folded your uniform away and took out the only civilian clothing you had, a plain white ankle length cotton dress, over which you wore a fitted dress coat of your favorite colour. Simple, practical and yet eye catching. The beautiful new shall complimented your look perfectly as you draped it around your shoulders and used the silver pin to hold it in place. You gave your hair a quick brush and tied it up into your favorite style. You sigh deeply and brace yourself for the upcoming introductions you would be making only a few minutes from now in the Courtyard Garden outside.
