Age 18 – Part 2
The final play of the year, and Eli and Clare's final play they would be working on together, was well on its way to opening night. This time it was an Eli Goldsworthy and Clare Edwards original. They submitted it in their English class and the drama department decided to use it for their play.
It was about a dark romance between an addicting suspicious murderer and an interning lawyer who follows her boss to aid his case in prosecuting him. And even behind bars, the guy is able to entice the girl and their romance becomes hidden and wrong and yet, so right.
They put their heart and soul into writing the play and now they put their heart and soul into putting the play on for a show. Eli was playing the leading man, perfectly named Hunter, and Clare was co-director and was props mistress. Eli asked if she would be his leading lady so they would have the opportunity to act together and bring their work to life together but she denied the offer, saying she was not a good actress at all.
The leading lady became the newest Degrassi student, Imogen Moreno. She was in the same grade as Eli and Clare and quickly became the school's newest "weird" girl. She called attention to herself most of the time with the eccentric way she accessorized her outfit and the fact that she wore cat ears every day. Her walk, her stance, her talk, it was all strange. But that's what made everyone notice her. Imogen seemed to bask in the attention.
As Clare worked on props backstage alone, since it was still early and the practice didn't start until later on, she relished in the quiet. Her life at home wasn't improving whatsoever. She ignored her parents and only caught glimpses of them if one of them happened to be home when she was getting home from or leaving for school. She didn't eat dinner with them, which meant she didn't eat dinner at all most nights, and she didn't acknowledge them at all. They didn't try to talk to her either. It was as if she didn't exist to them anymore but Clare would rather than have than talk to them.
They had forbid her to see Eli but it wasn't like she was going to listen. She spent more time at school deliberately, immersing herself in her school work and the play so she didn't have to be at home so much. Plus many nights of the week she would leave her house and spend the night at Eli's place.
When practice began, the cast and the crew were all checked for attendance and Eli began practice with Hunter and Olivia, the main girl, and the first scene when they would be alone together after Hunter escapes from prison. Clare takes her place in front of the stage and keeps a notepad on her lap to take notes of the scene for tweaks or lighting changes or props changes. Eli steps out from backstage in his dark outfit and his hair is pulled back into a ponytail. Clare thought it was actually pretty attractive but Eli just hated it. It had to be done though. Without it, it just looked like Eli.
Eli looked over at Clare and winks at her as he adjusts his jacket. She blew him a kiss that he pretended to catch and place on his cheek. Then Imogen steped out in her costume, one that looked like it could be from Clare's closet, and Clare watched at Eli's eyes looked at Imogen up and down, checking her out. Clare had a jealous feeling in her stomach as Eli just looked at Imogen. She never had this feeling before. When they acted together previously, Eli never had that look in his eyes but now that Imogen had her outfit on, Eli was just gawking at her.
"Can we start now?" Clare said bitterly and loudly so everyone could here. Imogen nodded and Eli continued to look at her. "Eli," Clare almost barks. He finally turned his head. "Are you done?"
They begin the scene and Clare glanced from her notes to the script to Eli and Imogen to make sure they were doing the lines correctly. Olivia is supposed to act intimidated and terrified as Hunter is suppose to be suave and just exude a confidence about him while also giving off a scary vibe. It was also a scene where Hunter and Olivia kiss, a passionate one as well. Clare was just bracing herself for it.
She's seen them kiss for the scene before but with Eli checking Imogen out just before, Clare was not looking forward to it. Her stomach was just rolling around and she was fearing the moment. She wasn't a jealous person…usually….since Eli never gave her a reason to be. But then Clare remembered when her jealous side came out when she and Eli met Adam as Gracie when they were all five. She would never admit it out loud but she wanted to strangle anyone who took Eli's attention away from her. Now that Imogen was causing Eli to stare, Clare just wanted to kill her (but not really).
"Why did you…though?" Imogen/Olivia asked softly as Eli/Hunter walked around her slowly and then stopped behind her.
"For you," Eli/Hunter breathed down her neck. Clare watched as he reached up to take her hair out of the way and he pressed his lips down to her neck as the script said. Then Eli titled Imogen's head to him and they kissed.
Clare moved around in her seat awkwardly as the kiss seemed to go on and on. Now they were pressed up against each other as Eli had his arm around Imogen's waist and a hand was firmly on the back of her head. Imogen kept her hands to herself but her mouth was definitely enthusiastic. Just when Clare thought that they wouldn't come up for air and she was just about ready to slam down something to the ground, Imogen/Olivia pushes him away from her and the scene continues.
Finally when the scene is over, Eli announces a break and goes to talk to Imogen. Clare just glares at him and her and as Eli speaks to her with a smile on his face, Clare angrily threw aside her script and walked out of the theater, not caring if the door slammed behind her. She walked out of the school and stands on the steps. She forces herself to take deep breaths to control herself and her jealousy and her anger.
Never had she been this angry and jealous before. When Eli was kissing Imogen and held her like he only did to Clare, Clare just wanted to kill her and him. Eli was hers. No one else's. Clare knew it was for their characters but she didn't want it to be so passionate. She didn't want it to look so real because it looked to real to her as she watched them. The looks Eli was giving Imogen looked real too. The looks reserved only for Clare were being given to Imogen and…Clare wanted to rip her hair out.
After five minutes of breathing in the cool air, Clare walked back into the theater where people were still on break. And Eli was still talking to Imogen. They were sitting down on the edge of the stage now, Eli talking animatedly with his hands as Imogen sat crosslegged beside him. He didn't even notice that Clare came back, or maybe didn't even notice that she left.
Clare picked up her script and went backstage. People were working on props and costumes and she was glad to see that they were working so diligently. She spotted Adam painting one of the backdrops and she walked up to him and stands against the wall.
"Thought you'd be spending the break making out with Eli," Adam laughs. He's not joking though, Clare and Eli usually did just that.
"He's too busy talking to Imogen," Clare replied and tried to mask her repulsed tone but Adam caught it quickly.
"They're the leading actors, they have to build chemistry between them," Adam said and turns his head back to the backdrop.
Clare just rolled her eyes. "I don't think they're lacking any chemistry by the look of their kissing scene."
"Don't be jealous," Adam teased.
"I'm not," Clare growled. Adam raised his eyebrows and Clare groaned with her hands over her face. "Do you blame me? Imogen is gorgeous and Eli was checking her out and then they were all over each other while they kissed. Now they're flirting right in front of me and Eli didn't even notice that I stormed out!"
"Come on Clare…" Adam sighs.
"No," Clare throws a finger at Adam's face. "Don't you remember when we were in Grade 10 and Eli accused me of cheating on him just because Wesley and I happened to be in the same place when he came along? I didn't have to be kissing him for Eli to freak out on me. I get to freak out on him sometime, okay? But you didn't see it, Adam. He was…admiring her. Looking at her like a goddess."
Adam takes Clare's arm and they walk to a secluded portion backstage. "Clare," Adam starts. "Listen to me. Eli loves you and he would do anything for you and do you really think he'd throw away your eighteen year relationship just for one girl? You have nothing to worry about."
After play practice, Clare stayed back in the theater again. She was inspecting all of the props to make sure all of the things she listed were on their way to being finished. As she worked in the silence, she froze when she heard the doors open and people laughing. Clare listened carefully to figure out who it was but there were no words. All she heard was kissing noises.
Softly and silently, Clare made her way over to the side of the stage and look out. She moved the curtain over a little bit.
Imogen. Eli. Making out against the stage.
Eli was pressing her against the stage with Imogen's upper body slightly curved back and Eli holding her body steady. While Eli's hands were just above where Imogen's khaki skirt began, Imogen was running her hands through Eli's dark hair. The sound of their lips smacking against each others were the only ones in the theater, that until Eli lifted Imogen up to sit on the stage and he placed himself between his legs. This action made a moan come out of Imogen's mouth and that was Clare's breaking point.
Instead of making her presence known, Clare decided to leave the theater through the back way but she slammed the door in the process, hoping that would've scared the shit out of the cheating asshole and his leading lady.
Clare went home and locked herself in her room. She decided to do her homework which was piling up. So for hours and hours she focused on her homework. She had angry rock music blasting through her earphones and it was as if nothing else was around her.
She didn't think about Eli. She didn't think about Imogen. She didn't think about the fact that her boyfriend was cheating on her. She didn't think about it yet. She'd do it later.
Once she was content with the quality of the work she did for all of her subjects, she set aside all of her things and finally turned off her music. She hadn't realized that it was around 9 o'clock now and one of her parents was probably home. Yeah, like she was going to check. Clare looked at her phone and saw that Eli had sent her a few texts asking where she was, what she was doing, why she wasn't answering, and then saying that he'd be going to her house tonight so leave the balcony door unlocked.
She went over and locked the door and also dragged her curtains over the windows and doors so he wouldn't able to see in.
How dare he want to come over after spending an afternoon cheating on her. How dare he think that she wouldn't know.
Clare laid down on her bed and desired to sleep. The tears hadn't hit her yet, the immense sadness hadn't hit her yet. She was still in the frozen stage. It still hadn't sunk it.
She didn't realize that she had fallen asleep until she felt someone touching her stomach. Opening her eyes, she saw that Eli had lifted up her shirt to expose her stomach and was kissing her neck softly.
Angrily and harshly, she pushed him away and he landed on the floor as Clare stood on the other side of the room with her hands folded over her stomach. This exactly moment happened just several months ago, the day Eli visited her two weeks after Halloween. After Clare had the night she wishes she could forget.
"Don't touch me," she told him, uttering the same words she did that same night.
"What?" Eli asks confused.
"I can't believe you," Clare said as she shakes her head. "I can't believe you'd do this to me."
"What did I do?" Eli continued his clueless act and Clare scoffs. She saw a paperback book on a stool beside her and she chucked it at him. It hits him in the stomach and he looks at her with a shocked face. "Did you just throw 'Romeo and Juliet' at me?"
"Oh, how ironic," Clare sarcastically replied. "Don't pretend that you don't know what you did asshole."
"What did I do?" Eli repeats.
"DO I HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU?" Clare shouted as loudly as she could and Eli actually backed up to a wall as if her voice pushed him.
Then, all of the sudden, the wave of feelings hits Clare like a train. Her tears begins as she tries to speak. "You," she cried. "You cheated on me. You're cheating on me. I can't believe you."
Clare saw that Eli's face went from the fake confused to the immediate guilty and caught. "Clare," he said but Clare just cuts him off angrily.
"A new, more appealing girl shows up and you do this to me?" she asked with her cracking voice.
Eli ran a hand though his hair and all Clare could think about was Imogen doing the same thing. "Who-who told you? Adam?"
Clare's jaw drops. Adam. Adam knew. He lied to her. "Adam…I can't believe…" she stared to say but her heart rate picks up and she can't control her breathing. Suddenly she falls on the ground, clutching at her chest.
Eli tried to help her but Clare hits his hands away and growled," Get away from me."
Eli did back away but not very far. It took Clare a while to finally get up from the ground but when she did, she turned to him.
"I don't want to see you ever again," she said to him. "Get away from me and get out of my life."
"Clare," Eli said and starts to reach out for her again. "Please, I didn't mean to hurt you. She means nothing to me, I swear."
"Oh so making out with her in the theater is just really nothing?" Clare asks sardonically. "I saw everything. I saw the way you looked at her, the way you kissed her in the scene, how you talked to her like she was the only one in the room, and I saw you and her in the theater. Didn't you hear the slamming door?"
Eli's face quickly drops and Clare knows she got him. "Did you like kissing her? I hope it was worth it."
"Please," Eli started to plead and he grabbed her and she tried to fight against his grip. "I love you Clare. I only love you." As Clare kept trying to pull away her arms from Eli, he only tightened his grip and pulled her closer. "Just…let me show you, please."
Eli pressed Clare back to a nearby wall and quickly presses his lips to hers. She protesting and pushing him away but Eli is much stronger. He continues to viciously attack her lips and mistakes her protests with moans and only goes in harder. Clare tries to scream but Eli silences her by diving his tongue into her mouth and presses his body further to hers.
"Stop fighting it," Eli whispered against her jaw as he started to bite at her skin. She continues to fight him but sees that her arms can't move from the tight grip. "I love you," he said into her ear.
Clare allowed herself to believe it.
Suddenly she starts kissing him back and felt him smile against her lips. Eli brings them to her bed and their kissing is more hazardous and passionate and faster than what they were used to. Eli takes Clare's shirt off and lifts his own over his head. Clare sees the bite indents and the redness on Eli's chest and neck and she stops. But Eli continues.
He kissed her upper body generously but Clare's hands were pushing him away. "Stop," she said as she pushed his shoulders away. Eli grips Clare's hands in his and continues to kiss down her stomach.
"Stop!" Clare says loudly and Eli puts his hand over her mouth. Her eyes bulges and she fights harder.
Her mouth was covered with a cold, rough hand. This caused her screams to be muffled and she tried to bite his fingers but his grip around her mouth only tightened, causing her to struggle to breathe.
"You're beautiful," he whispered in her ear. "Can't believe someone would let a girl like you walk alone at this time."
"Remember when we first did it?" Eli whispered, his hand still over her mouth. "I asked you to show me how much you loved me. Now this is me doing it for you."
He moves in between her legs and lifts her hand from her mouth, immediately met with a loud scream. "GET OFF!" She pushes his shoulders and head away and his hand covers her mouth again.
"Clare stop fighting me," he said in a soothing tone. It was not helping at all. Her protests were muffled in his hand and it all seemed to heighten as Eli hand drifted into Clare's skirt.
Clare bit Eli's fingers harshly and as he shrieked in pain, Clare took the opportunity to lift up her knee and hit him in the groin. He fell over to the other side of the bed and Clare ran out of her room, hearing Eli calling after her.
She scrambles down the stairs and she sees both her parents sitting at the dining room table. "Clare!" they both shout in concern but Clare ran out of the house and races down the sidewalk, holding herself as she cried.
Clare found herself showing up at a friend's doorstep. She knew that Eli would not look for her here. She knocked repeatedly, hoping for an answer, and sighs in relief when it does.
"Clare, what are you doing here?"
"Can I stay here?" Clare asks nervously.
Connor nodded and allowed Clare into his house. "I'm…going to tell Simpson, okay?" Connor asked hesitantly and Clare nodded as she sat down on the couch. A few minutes later, Clare saw Simpson and Connor coming down the stairs and Simpson immediately knelt down in front of her.
"Are you hurt?" Simpson asks quickly. Clare shakes her head even though she was hurting everywhere inside. "Do you need anything? You can stay in the basement, Connor said he'll take the couch."
"No," Clare said quickly. "I'll take the couch, I don't want to—"
"Clare, it's okay," Connor assured her.
"I'll go get some of Christine's clothes," Simpson said and he leaves Connor and Clare in the living room.
Clare hugs her knees to herself as she replayed the day in her mind. Her jealousy over Imogen and Eli at the scene. Adam assuring her than nothing was going on. Seeing Imogen and Eli after hours together. Eli being aggressive with her, admitting that Adam knew something, Eli acting like that man…
She starts to cry again and then realizes that Connor was still staying with her. "I'm sorry," she said as she wiped her eyes.
"Why are you apologizing?"
Clare shakes her head. "I don't know. I don't even know anymore."
Simpson brings her some clothes and in a few minutes, Connor brings Clare down to the basement and turns the lights off once she's in bed.
"Wait."
Connor turns the lights back on and Clare sits up. "Do you have paper and a pencil?" He nods and hands her one of his school notebooks and a pencil from his backpack.
"Thank you so much," Clare said and Connor finally went upstairs. Clare went to an empty page in the notebook and starts to write.
Dear Eli,
I can't do it anymore…
Don't kill me.
Clearing things up in this chapter so if you're a little confused, you should read this:
1. Eli began acting abusive and aggressive and Clare is reminded of her rapist, thus leading her to fight back and running away.
2. Adam did know. When Eli asked "Who told you? Adam?" that really meant that Adam knew, making the whole situation worse.
3. Clare goes to Connor's house because she's fully aware that Eli wouldn't look for her in the principal's house. It's a safe place. Plus I may not have mentioned any of Clare's other friends at Degrassi but Connor is definitely one of them. She knew that any other friend would bombard her with questions and Connor's not the most inquisitive when someone is hurting so it was the best place.
4. It may seem that Clare is so quick to react but if you pay attention to her actions in the other chapters AND Eli's actions, maybe it'll seem more realistic why Clare is starting to write this letter. And don't forget her parents...emotional damage roller coaster.
5. Eli cheating maybe be out of character, but remember…what did Imogen look like in their scene?
6. The NEXT chapter is the FINAL chapter. There might be an epilogue. Maybe.
Please review. Thanks for reading.
