A/N: Hey guys! So maybe I didn't update during the second half of fall break. This chapter was being dumb, and I ended up rewriting almost the entire second half of it, but meh. At least chapter ten should be interesting. Also, I was maybe just the teeniest bit busy playing Pokemon X and it is AMAZING, and reading House of Hades and it was FANTABULOUS. Yes, that's a real word. Don't question me.

Anyway, to anonymous guest reviewer: Thanks so much for the kind review! I'm really glad you love it so far! :3

And to the rest of my awesome followers- 90 REVIEWS FOR EIGHT CHAPTERS OMG WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO I DON'T DESERVE SUCH WONDERFUL READERS WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE YOU WHERE ARE MY WOMBATS. But seriously, you are all great. Thank you so much :'D Hugs from the Marauder of your choice!

Oh, and I've started a fanfic recording my Pokemon Soul Silver Nuzlocke run. If you're interested, go check it out on my profile. I only have the one chapter posted for now, but I've already written (longhand, sorry) up to chapter five, so that should be updating between breaks with Ebony.

But enough of my self-promotion. Here's chapter nine- enjoy!

Disclaimer: Unless you people have been hiding under a rock, I'm pretty sure you know I don't own Harry Potter.


The damp, musty smell of the underground permeated the air. James didn't like it at all; the earthy tunnel made him extremely uneasy. The way that the soft floor completely muffled their footsteps, the stillness of the air, the sensation of being buried alive...

James shook his head and focused on making his wandlight brighter. None of the others, save for Peter, seemed too worried. Liz occasionally glanced uneasily over her shoulder, but Sirius kept having to slow down so he wouldn't leave them behind, and Remus just looked exasperated with their antics. Besides, it could have been worse. He could have been as tall as Sirius or Liz, who both had to walk hunched over. Maybe not having had his growth spurt yet wasn't so bad after all.

For a while, the five of them speculated on where they were going; the general agreement was somewhere in Hogsmeade, but then the tunnel began to curve away from the village, leading north toward the mountains.

"You know, I'm not sure how old this tunnel is, but it's in pretty good shape," Sirius commented as he pushed aside a clump of roots that had broken through the wall.

"It is," James agreed absently, his mind distracted by trying to calculate the structural integrity of said tunnel. Needless to say, he had no idea how accurate his estimations were, but it didn't stop his imagination from going into overdrive. He really needed to stop focusing on how the tunnel could probably collapse at any moment and bury them all alive.

"Er, hey, Liz," he said, "Didn't you mention finally casting a corporeal Patronus? Could you try again?"

It was a bit difficult to tell in the flickering wandlight, but he was fairly certain she grimaced. "I guess, but... no guarantees." They all fell silent, not wanting to disrupt her concentration.

It took several tries, but Liz finally managed to produce her Patronus, a large silvery cat with thick fur. James recognized the heavy jaw and blunt tail immediately.

"Oh, I know what that is," he said, pleasantly surprised to find he knew something Remus didn't. "That's a Scottish wildcat- we see them in the woods around the manor sometimes. They really scare the horses, even though they'd have to be desperate to go after something that big."

"Scottish wildcat, huh?" Liz said, studying her patrons. She nodded to herself. "All right then."

The Patronus flickered and faded, leaving them in the suddenly much darker tunnel.

"We should start on the transformations as soon as we get back to the castle," Sirius said, grinning hugely. The wandlight glinted off his teeth and cast weird shadows over his features, and James briefly entertained the notion that it made Sirius look more like the dog he would become. Almost unconsciously, he raised a hand to his head, wondering what it would feel like to have antlers.

Probably very heavy, he decided.

"Hey, is that light up ahead?" Peter asked suddenly. James squinted, and didn't bother trying to hide his relief when he saw Peter was right. He didn't think he could take any more of the low ceiling brushing the top of his head.

They emerged from the side of a small hillock, blinking owlishly in the misty light. As his eyes adjusted, James realized they were standing on the windswept, heather-choked moor that ran along the foothills of the mountains. Hogwarts stood perched on a cliff overlooking the lake, small enough at this distance that James could cover it with his hand.

"What do you think this tunnel was originally built for?" Peter asked. "maybe a secret escape that didn't involve somebody's home in Hogsmeade?"

James rolled his eyes. "Wormy, please. Why would there be a need for a secret escape?"

He was expecting that to stymie Peter, so he was rather surprised when Peter shrugged and said, "Well, Hogwarts was built when witches and wizards were heavily persecuted, right? I'm guessing the Founders wanted a safe way out in case muggles somehow happened to get past the wards."

James blinked. "That's... actually a fair point."

Peter beamed.

Sirius, however, frowned. "How are we going to show this on the map?" he said to nobody in particular.

"I guess we'll just have to draw the tunnel leading out to the edge of the parchment and leave it at that," Remus said, "since if we showed where the tunnel comes out in relation to the school, the whole parchment could be wiped blank."

"Say what?" Liz asked.

"Hogwarts is Unplottable, remember?"

"Oh, right."

"So, what do you say we head back to the castle?" James suggested, checking his watch. "It looks like it's about lunchtime."

"Food?" Sirius and Peter said together.

"Lunch!" Liz cheered as she ducked back inside the tunnel. Knowing that it was safe (ish), James was able to make the journey with a lot less trepidation than before.

Sirius left the Forest under James' Invisibility Cloak (after all but swearing an Unbreakable Vow to see it returned safely to the dorm) while the rest of the Marauders slipped out from among the trees, trying to appear casual. As it was lunchtime, there weren't too many people around to see them, and those who were nearby were occupied by other things.

They quickly scarfed their food, sneaking several sandwiches into Liz's bag to bring to Sirius, and left, hoping to get started on the Animagus transformations as soon as possible. Remus opted to go to the library, and though he claimed he wanted to get a head start on reading his textbooks, James knew that, despite having long since ceased his protests on the Animagi scheme, Remus still didn't approve of their deciding to break the law and endanger themselves to boot.

Later, James reflected that if Remus hadn't left them, the events that happened next would probably have been avoided. Maybe Remus' reservations about the Animagi project wasn't such a bad thing.

Lily's new boyfriend- he shuddered to even think about that- Ryan happened to be passing by, unaccompanied, and James realized that his timing couldn't have been better. Trying to be subtle about it, James drew his wand.

"Rustrosus!" he shouted. A jet of bright blue light shot forward, hitting Ryan squarely between the eyes. Ryan howled in pain and bent over, clutching at his face.

"What the hell, James?" Liz yelled, rushing forward to see if Ryan was okay. She tried to pry his hands away from his face, but he ducked his head, refusing to show off James' handiwork.

James was unfazed by Liz's indignant attitude. "You think it worked, Wormy?"

"I don't see why it wouldn't," Peter replied, edging closer to try and see how the spell had worked.

Liz finally managed to get Ryan's hands off his face, and though she managed to stifle it, James could tell she almost laughed. Who wouldn't? Where Ryan's straight, freckled nose had been moments before, he now sported a pink, hairy pig snout that was dripping with snot. James and Peter, of course, had no such reservations about hiding their laughter.

"Ryan, are you okay?" Liz asked tentatively.

"What do you think?" he snapped. "Bloody Potter decided to go and OINK!" Ryan clapped his hands over his mouth, horrified at the sound that had just issued from it. At that point, James nearly fell over, he was laughing so hard.

"You should get up to the Hospital Wing," Liz said, helping Ryan up. "Unless James wants to reverse it?" She shot James a nasty look, but he barely noticed. He was too busy laughing. "I didn't think so." She lowered her voice, but James had a pretty good idea what she was saying.

"Look, Bennet," he drawled, "I don't think you know just yet, but I'm not too happy that you're dating Evans. So back off, unless you want me to hex you in front of the entire school. And don't even think about telling the teachers either. I'll know who squealed like the pig they are."

"James-" Liz tried.

"Got it?" James said over her.

Ryan looked mutinous, but the death glare he was giving James was kind of ruined by that ridiculous snout. James casually held up his wand as though to examine it. After a moment, Ryan told him to go do something very rude before turning and hurrying away, pulling his robe over his face to hide his snout.

"Well, can you just say rude?" James began, only to find Liz right in his face.

"What. The. Hell. What the hell was that for?" she demanded, her eyes flashing dangerously.

"Jeez, Eb, are you sure it's not that time of the month already?" James said lightly.

"Which one?" Liz asked irritably. James blanched, but didn't back down.

"Come on, you're overreacting! You know I like Lily, and it's not fair that Bennet can date her and I can't!"

Liz ground her teeth. "Don't you think you could have done something a little less humiliating, at least? You don't own Lily, so quit- acting- like- you- do!" She prodded him in the chest with each word.

James realized she wasn't going to back off until he said something remorseful, so he tried to wipe the smile off his face and looked down. "Fine," he said. "Next time, I won't turn his nose into a pig snout." No promises about turning him into a pig with a human nose, though, he added silently.

Liz gave him a suspicious look, but thankfully, she backed down. James couldn't resist adding, "It might not have been very nice, but you have to admit, it was pretty funny." He grinned when Liz snorted loudly.

"Okay, yes, it looked hilarious, but from the way he was yelling, it sounded like it hurt," she said, but her smile lingered.

"I didn't mean for it to hurt," James said, completely honest this time. "But what's done is done. Come on- let's get up to the dormitory! We have some work to do!"


A/N: Oh, James, you're such an a-hole. It's so charming. *sarcasm sign*

Thus began James Potter's reign of terror over Hogwarts. And there was much rejoicing.

Anyway, I might be in Latin class now, but my vocabulary is ridiculously limited and I don't have access to a Latin-English dictionary, so I went with every language student's not-so-helpful best friend Google Translate! Rustrosus is basically what it gave me for pig snout; I just played with the order and sounds a bit, and considering how much GT mangles translation anyway, I figure it's close enough to JKR's spells to at least pass in Fanfictionland.

Believe it or not, though, the tunnel that I introduced is actually going to play an important role in one of my later fics. I'm not saying which one, though! *trollface* You must love me a lot to put up with me.

I've already started work on chapter ten, but I'm probably not going to have it out really soon. I'll try to at least have it out sometime around Halloween. But, if not, rest in peace, Lily and James. Your sacrifices won't be forgotten. u.u

And on that cheery note, I think I'll sign off there.

Until next time,

-Dndchk