A/N: Again, thank you all for your lovely Reviews, PMs, Favourites and Alerts. You guys are amazing!

Disclaimer: I still don't own Marvel

"You and Barnes want to join S.H.I.E.L.D?" Natasha asked.

Katarina nodded, she had spoken about it in length with James. She wanted to make the world a safer place, a better place, whether that meant fighting your day to day bad guys or Norse gods and alien invasion, she wanted to help.

"If they'll accept us, we're sort of the most dangerous assassins around,"

"Unwillingly,"

"Still, most of the major assassinations to take place in recent history were either me or him,"

"They took me, they'll take you. In fact, I'm pretty sure Fury was just waiting for you both to adjust before asking you to join." She winked at Katarina.

Natasha knew Fury was planning on getting Katarina and Barnes to join S.H.I.E.L.D. There was no way he'd not try get the Winter Soldier and Siren to join, he was probably hoping for the two to become Avengers too. Natasha was completely fine with Barnes and Katarina joining the Avengers, they were the best in the business and she felt safer already knowing they'd have her back. She hoped Fury would make them partners, she had seen the two work with eachother, they didn't need to speak anymore to understand what they were doing, they just knew. Their partnership was like hers and Clint's, no matter how much Hydra hated it they couldn't take it away.

"Do you think it's a good idea?" Katarina asked quietly. Natasha hated how small and unsure she sounded, it made her hate Hydra even more. It had truly broken her heart when Katarina had told her she helped a woman and sounded so shocked that she did something good, that she could do and be good, she hated how Hydra broke her and made her think that all she could ever be was a weapon.

"Mia Stella, I think it is the best idea ever," Natasha reassured. She wanted nothing more than to kiss the younger girl but Natasha didn't want to push her. Katarina had enough to worry about without adding their relationship, or whatever they were now, to her plate.

"You really think I can do good? That I can help people?" She asked hopefully, ducking her head in embarassement. Katarina didn't want to do bad things anymore, she never had done. When she was little Alexandria she wanted to help people, she wanted to save the world, and Hydra took that from her, took her identity from her and now Katarina wanted to repent for all the bad she had done.

Natasha put her fingers under Katarina's chin and gently pushed it until Katarina had no choice but to look her in the eyes. "Katarina, I know you can do good, you already have and you helped that woman the other week. You can do this, Mia Stella. I know you can,"

And Katarina smiled. A full blown, could light New York up for the rest of forever, smile that made Natasha's heart stutter and her own smile to grace her face. Katarina's first smile in god knows how long and Natasha was the one to put it there. God Natasha wanted to kiss that smile, instead she settled for holding Katarina's hand and squeezing it affectionately. The words I love you bubbled in Natasha's chest but she couldn't say them yet. Katarina was still getting used to affection and caring, she couldn't rush her.

Katarina had been invited by James and Captain America, please call me Steve, to go running in the morning. Apparently they often invited Natasha but she hated running in the morning, well she hated mornings in general, if Natasha had nothing to get up for she'd sleep well into the morning, sometimes not rising until gone noon. James had told her they run with another man called Sam, who apparently helped Steve and Natasha when James had been sent to kill them. He was nice, James had reassured as they went to meet him.

"Hi, you must be Katarina," Sam said as soon as he saw her. He didn't look scared of her, which shocked her, most people were afraid of Katarina, "I'm Sam," He gave her a charming smile and stook his hand out for her to shake.

Katarina found she hated meeting new people, they made her nervous and the nervousness made her anxious, it was just a mess. She had to constantly remind herself that she was one of the most feared assassins in the world and was not supposed to be afraid of anything. She shook Sam's hand and smiled back at him.

Steve and James, she decided, were like little children constantly teasing Sam. Obviously with the two being super-soldiers they could run faster than a normal person, something they liked to rub in. Katarina kept pace with Sam even though she could've ran as fast as the other two. Sam seemed to appreciate that she was and she knew if she still wanted to run later she could use the treadmill in the tower gym and go as fast as she wanted.

Every time Steve and Bucky passed they said something to Sam. Steve constantly said 'On your left' whilst James would pass at the same time, coming between Sam and Katarina, to tell Sam he was 'On your right'. It seemed to aggravate Sam who would try to run a lot quicker then he could manage when the two super-soldiers were heard behind them.

Katarina had never seen James act so childish and decided to, hopefully, make Sam a little happier. Sam had been nothing but nice to Katarina, he hadn't asked her anything about Hydra or her assassin life, he had joked with her and promised to show her his large film and music collection and help her get to know the world after he had asked her what her favourite film was and she had told him she'd never seen one so she had no idea. He seemed particularly excited to show her Star Wars claiming she was probably the only person in the world who didn't know. When she asked know what, he just smiled at her and increased his pace. Now Katarina had no choice but to watch just so she could know whatever it was.

Just before James passed with a 'On your right' again, Katarina gave Sam a small smirk and when James came between the two she tripped him over, not even stumbling in her steady pace. Sam laughed loudly as James tumbled down, rolling with the fall, but staying on the floor. Katarina could also hear Steve laughing at James' betrayed face as he looked at Katarina, mock hurt written all it.

"Sorry," She said, not sounding sorry at all, "I thought you were on my right,"

James couldn't stop the happy smile on his face even if he tried. Katarina had made a joke. He hoped it was a sign of her actually getting better and not just faking it. James decided to run with Sam and Katarina after that spending the rest of the run trying to get Sam to agree to spar with him. It wasn't happening.

Katarina had also found out that Steve was the little blond boy James had talked about in Italy. James had explained that Steve was once a small, skinny boy constantly getting into fights with bullies until he volunteered for Project Rebirth which made him into this muscly super-soldier. When Steve found out that even when brainwashed James had at one point remembered him and wanted to find him, he kissed James' blushing cheek and Katarina felt a twinge of something inside of her. She couldn't name the twinge but she didn't like it.

She couldn't help but think Natasha hadn't kissed her since she got her back, she hadn't hugged her or held her whilst they slept. In fact the most affectionate Natasha had been was that first night. Katarina wondered if it was her fault, if Natasha had only liked her because she was the only option, if when Natasha got away from the Red Room she realized she deserved better than Katarina.

Katarina didn't know what she'd do if that were true. The only thing she was 100% sure of was that her feelings for Natasha had remained the same. She wanted what they had in Italy, she wanted hugs and kisses, proclamations of love, getting lost in each others eyes and all that mushy stuff she sees Steve and James do. Natasha didn't though, otherwise she would've done it all. Katarina didn't know much but she knew Natasha did what Natasha wanted, and she always got what she wanted. She had wanted Katarina at one point so she had got her. Smashed through all the walls built around Katarina, broke all the rules Hydra forced upon her and helped her fall in love.

She still shared a room with Natasha, and a bed, neither of them had spoken about Katarina moving and Katarina herself didn't want to bring it up. She knew she'd get no sleep if Natasha wasn't besides her, it was really the only place she felt safe enough to stop being on high alert and sleep.

That night instead of her usual night time preparations, which consisted of washing her face, brushing her hair and teeth, moisturizing, getting her sleep clothes on and handcuffing herself to the bed, Katarina skipped the last one. Instead of handcuffing herself to the bed, she rolled over so her back was to Natasha and curled up into a tiny ball on the very edge of the bed. Her right arm, the one usual handcuffed, was pressed into her body, her left arm wrapped around it protectively whilst her left hand grasped the wrist tightly, hoping to get some of the same comfort as the handcuffs give her.

She didn't say anything to Natasha and was glad Natasha didn't say anything to her. She was Siren, she could do anything, she could sleep without being handcuffed to the bed, she kept repeating to herself, with eyes squeezed tightly shut as if that could keep the panic away. She focused on her breathing determined to keep it normal, she wouldn't freak out over this. Her hand squeezed her wrist painfully tight but it was comforting, not as comforting as the cold metal of handcuffs but until she was sure she'd be able to sleep through the night without being handcuffed, grasping tightly onto her wrist would have to do.

It was time she got over Hydra and what they did to her, she told herself before forcing herself to go to sleep.

Katarina found it the most peculiar feeling when she woke up early the following morning without her shoulder aching and her wrist hurting. She uncurled herself and rolled over to face Natasha, who was still fast asleep. Katarina would usually get out of bed, put on the work out clothes Natasha left out for her the night before and meet James to go jogging. Then she'd come back, quickly shower, change into the normal clothes Natasha would leave for her and make her way to the kitchen for coffee and breakfast with Pepper. However, this morning, Katarina decided to stay in bed for a while, she realised that just watching Natasha whilst she slept was a bit creepy but she couldn't help it.

Natasha was adorable when she slept. The way she sucked on her bottom lip slightly made Katarina's heart do funny things. She didn't know how long she laid there watching Natasha sleep but by the time she decided to get out of bed she knew she had missed jogging with the boys and Pepper would already be up and in the kitchen.

Her morning routine went about the same, just slightly delayed, until she went to get dressed. She automatically reached for the clothes Natasha had laid out for her the night before, stopping herself just before she reached them. Last night she slept without handcuffs and she survived, deciding to continue to push herself she opened the closet to pick out her own clothes. Natasha owned so many of them and soon so would she, Pepper had already told her they were going to get her some clothes, thankfully Natasha convinced her they should shop online, Katarina wasn't sure she'd be able to handle crowded shops yet.

She picked out a pair of black leggings and an overly large, white, knitted sweater that went down to her knees. Happy with herself for picking something she left to go to the kitchen.

She was right, Pepper was already in there pouring a mug of coffee. She smiled at Katarina when she entered and noticed the pleased look on her face.

"What's got you so happy this morning?" She asked, grabbing another mug and pouring some for Katarina.

"I chose my clothes this morning." Katarina answered quietly, now she said it out loud it sounded stupid. She knew there were small children who picked out their own clothes every day and Katarina, who had decided that she would just refer to herself as a twenty-one year old, was pleased that she was doing it. It made her feel silly.

Pepper noticed the slight frown mar Katarina's face as she placed the coffee mug in front of her. "That's great!" Pepper said with so much enthusiasm that Katarina felt better. Pepper knew the young girl was forcing herself to get better quicker, she wanted to join S.H.I.E.L.D and knew she couldn't until she was better. Pepper couldn't even begin to describe how brave she thought Katarina was. She didn't know how she'd handle what happened to Katarina if it happened to her, but Pepper was almost certain she wouldn't be reacting as well as Katarina was.

They didn't talk much in the mornings, both preferring the quiet hours of the dawn to prepare themselves for what they'd be doing during the day. Pepper the mass amount of meetings and stress that came with being CEO to Stark Industries and Katarina the regular day-to-day things normal people did that she had no idea about and the fact she could make her own choices.

Her days had fallen into a routine, which was odd for her. Routine was dangerous, it meant you were getting too comfortable and comfort meant letting your guard down, but she found herself enjoying her days. Waking up, jogging with the boys, coffee and breakfast with Pepper, sparring with James, spending time with Natasha, learning about the world with Natasha, Pepper if she wasn't busy, James, Sam, Steve and if another Avenger was about them. Lunch with Natasha where the red head would take her out to one of her favourite places so it was just them, and dinner would always be a team thing. It was always fun, someone was always joking or laughing and she was always including in conversations, people always talking to her and understanding if she didn't really have anything to say back.


It was whilst she was alone in the gym that Stark appeared.

"Can we talk?" He asked clearly nervous.

Katarina stopped her furious assault on the punching bag and turned to look at him, nodding.

"Aren't you supposed to wrap your hands up, or something, when you do that?" He motioned to the punching bag.

"What's the point?" Katarina asked, "My hands aren't going to be protected in a real fight," She told him exactly what Hydra had drilled into her. No matter how much James and Natasha tried she didn't use protective gear during training. It wasn't going to be there in real life, she'd argue. It was the one thing Hydra taught her she didn't see a problem with.

Stark nodded, he still looked uncomfortable. He was fiddling with his hands and looking anywhere but at her. Katarina went back to hitting the bag, he'd speak if he wanted to.

"I'm sorry," He finally said.

Katarina stopped mid-punch, confused. "Sorry for what?" She wondered, turning to give him her full attention.

"I shouldn't have asked you how many people you've killed. It was wrong of me, it's not like you actually had a choice,"

Katarina briefly wondered if Pepper or someone else had forced Stark into an apology before deciding it didn't matter. He sounded sincere and not many had the courage to say something that could potentially piss her off.

"You don't have to apologise, Stark," She told him, "All you did was ask a question,"

"A rude one," He pointed out.

"You're letting me to stay in your home. I imagine you were worried for your safety, or your friends safety, it's understandable," She told him, starting to feel uncomfortable. He hadn't angered her with his question, it was a valid one, she wanted him to go now though, this was making her anxious.

"I was drunk and none of that matters. What you did with Hydra, I mean. Like I said, you didn't have a choice, I know that. I created the equipment and software that rid you of their control and gave you your memories back. I shouldn't of asked you, I'm a dick when drunk," He told her.

"Then why do you drink?" She asked, not understanding. If drinking made him unkind, why do it?

He shrugged and looked uncomfortable, "Things happened to me. I was messed up and a bunch of other stuff, I was dying for a bit too, drinking just seemed to be the only thing that made me forget."

She knew he was dying, she had over heard a conversation whilst with Hydra about him dying from some sort of poison which was the only reason they weren't sending someone to kill him, that and they were buying some of his weapons.

"You should find another way to fight your demons," She told him, turning back to the bag and hitting it, "You're not the only one with them, you have to find a healthy way to deal with them," She continued thinking of her therapist mission.

"Oh yeah?" He asked in an amused voice, "Do you have a healthy way yet?"

"No," She answered straight away, "I'm forcing myself to act like a normal person would. Ignoring my problems in the hopes that if I do they'll stop existing. It's not healthy but it's the only way I've got at the moment, well that and hitting things," She joked, "I'll let you know if I find a healthy way though, Stark," She promised.

"I will too," He told her before heading out of the room, "It's Tony, by the way," He added just before the doors closed.

"Tony," She said quietly, as she started her deadly assault on the bag again.


After a few days of watching Natasha longingly, she decided that she needed to talk to James, he would help her with the problem.

"Tectum?" Roof? She asked him in Latin, a language she knew no one else in the room would understand. She watched his face turn from a happy smile to worry at her using a different language. He nodded and led the way quickly.

"Quid iniuriam?" What's wrong? He asked as soon as the door shut.

"Auxilium postulo," I need help, God that was hard to admit. James raised an eyebrow waiting for her to continue, "Auxilium cum Caio," Help with Natasha.

"Quid? Quid eset quod factum est?" Why? What has she done?

"Sed quod non fecit. Puto me iam non vult," It's what she hasn't done. I don't think she wants me anymore.

James laughed. Katarina stared at him, offended, he laughed at her problem. Maybe she shouldn't have asked him for help.

Seeing her offended face he quickly stopped, "Contristatus," Sorry, He said, "Sed hoc est inconveniens. Cornelius sit semper vobiscum. Quæ te diligit," But that is ridiculous. Natasha has always wanted you. She loves you.

"Dilexit me," She loved me, Katarina corrected, "Sed uterque brainwashed continuit. Quid si suus ' iustus a prodigium cognovit ego sum?" but we were both brainwashed and controlled. What if she's realised I'm just a monster.

"Non monstrum! Et non electio!" You are not a monster! You had no choice! James argued.

"Si Natashaa, si tamen volebat quod fecisit mihi de illo aliquid. Quod ante non," If Natasha wanted me she would've done something about it. She did before.

"Alio prius . Exspectat ut sit melius , aut aliquid de te expectat . Sed nemo scit , habebis loqui as ipsius voluntatem," Before was different. She might be waiting for you to get better, or she's waiting for you to do something about it. No one knows but her, you'll have to talk to her about it.

Talking to Natasha about it sounded terrifying. What if she didn't and Katarina made a fool out of herself by asking?

"Non possum ego a me," I don't think I can, Katarina said quietly.

"Affectus sunt scary," Feelings are scary, James said. That was an understatment, Katarina thought, "Cum praesertim eas agere nesciunt," Especially when you don't know how to deal with them.

Katarina knew that. Everyday these emotions, all emotions, scared her. She was taught to be emotionless, show nothing, feel nothing, now it was encouraged but she still didn't know how to express them or show them.

"Sed tu, Katarina es Drew, nihil potestis facere," But you, you're Katarina Drew, there is nothing you can't do.

Okay, that sounded like a lie to her, but okay. She was sure Katarina Drew couldn't do a lot, Katarina Drew was just a scared, lost girl. It was Siren who could do anything, she could do anything because she had no choice. She kind of understood where James was coming from though, she was supposed to Katarina first and Siren second.

"Non possum hoc facere?" I can do this? She meant to say it confidently but it came out more like a question.

"Non possum hoc facere," You can do this, James told her. He sounded so sure of it, so confident in her that she believed she could.

"Disputatio Cornelius," Talk to Natasha, she said to herself not noticing James leaving her, "Ego potest hoc facere. Suus ' iustus Natasha," I can do this. It's just Natasha,

She stayed on the roof for a while longer, thinking. Her parents came to mind, them and her brother. She didn't want to think about them, she couldn't handle it. Everything else was just orders, it wasn't personal, and sometimes she could convince herself it didn't bother her that much. What she did to her family though? She should've been strong enough to stop herself. The self-loathing she felt when she remembered how she killed them, she felt like it would tear her apart. When she recalled how easily she shot her brother, just to get her own pain to stop, she wished it were her. There are things worse than death, and the guilt she was currently feeling convinced her of that.

She didn't have to follow their orders, she thought to herself, she could've disobeyed, fought harder than she did. Sure she did it for her survival, and yeah she survived but is the price she's paying worth it? She feels as though she is getting weaker with every breath she takes with her toxic body.

She hated that she could remember everything she ever did. Every life she took, every life she ruined, every man, woman and child she hurt. She was the reason why people struggled to find the good in the world. She wished the process she went through didn't return the bad memories but that's not how life worked, and she deserved all the suffering she got. She made innocents suffer, she needed to pay somehow. Katarina hadn't been innocent for a very long time, if she ever truly was. She was a murderer, torture, assassin, monster, weapon. She would spend every moment for the rest of her life trying to make up for all the pain she has caused the world. She would die trying to right all the wrongs she did.

Tears were rolling down her cheeks and Katarina hated herself more for it. Weapons don't cry, weapons don't have emotions, Hydra had told her repeatedly, and she was a weapon. A short time away from Hydra and she was already weak and pathetic.

Her parents would hate what she's become, she hates what she's become. Little Alexandria was going to save the world one day, she was going to be kind and loving and do good deeds for no reason other than she can. Hydra took that from her, now any good thing she ever did would forever be tainted with the need to make up for what she's done. A punishment that will go on forever.

Her tears were coming harder now. Hysterical sobs that showed no sign of slowing down or stopping. She couldn't breath, every time she managed to suck in some air she choked on it like it was something vile. Her body jerked violently with every sob. She had never cried like this before, had never been allowed, the most Katarina ever cried had been a tear or two which led to cruel punishments that made sure she'd never cry again.

She was so caught up in her sobbing she didn't notice anyone near her until strong arms were wrapped around her, someone's chin resting on her head as the person rocked them back and forth, whispering comforting words to her and pressing soft kisses into her hair.

Natasha.

The only person who had ever been able to sneak up on her. The only person who could calm her down. The only person she had ever admitted to needing. Those strong arms made her feel safer than any protective gear ever could. Natasha held her until the crying slowed down to the occassional hiccup and shuddery breath. She held her close until her breathing deepened and Katarina fell asleep.

Natasha carried her to their floor and put the brunette into their bed, her tear stained face breaking Natasha's heart. Natasha pressed a soft, lingering kiss to Katarina's temple and curled up next to her, holding Katarina securely whilst she slept.

Next chapter is pure Natasha/Katarina fluff. The more reviews/favourites I get the quicker it gets posted ;)