Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the Twilight saga except for the tears shed and the laughs while reading them... Oh, and a lovely worn out set of them(: Edward, Bella, Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Rosalie, Esme, Carlisle, and any other of the characters I use belong to Stepheine Meyer. I do not own The Mask's Her Aid either. That's To Be Juliet's Secret property. And for use of any other songs, which is inevitable, I don't own them either. A/N: Okay, so I have decided to stop writing. Sorry. Aha! Okay, just kidding. But I am truely sorry for not keeping my promise. Friday, I will admit, I was lazy. Saturday, I slept until noon, then laid around the house all day until 4:30 & went to the car races with my bestie to support her annoying cousin Douchtin (haha, his real name is Dustin, but we decided to add the 'douche'). Guess what time I got home? 12:30. Yep, then I took a shower 'cause I had dirt all over me. So I went to sleep around one. I woke up at 7:20 to go to church, went for breakfast with family friends, then family reunion. So, here I am! 9:01... Writing... For my fans(: Ha, okay, so here ya go! EPOV! YAY!:D Chapter 9. EPOV
I smiled, watching Bella walk upstairs to shower. She really was amazing. I hardely knew anything about her, but still, I couldn't help but think that. And beautiful. Very beautiful.
I flopped on the couch and turned on the TV. Hey, she did say to make myself at home, right?
I soon figured out there was nothing on that was going to keep my intrest for very long, so I wondered upstairs.
Her house was quite different from most I had been in before. Her 'upstairs' was walking up three stairs and rounding a corner. It was odd, but I liked it. You could tell her father decorated the place. The couch was old, but homey and comfortable. The carpet was this dark green, like the forest looks right before it turns black and spooky. The walls were all white, though. Pictures were hung throughout the house; most of them had Emmett, Bella, and Jasper in them somewhere, Charlie sometimes appearing in them. A lot of them even had my cousins in them. I smiled, I had almost forgotten how close they all were for a moment.
I seen a door slightly cracked and wondered in, hoping it was Bella's room. I knew she had a love for books so I was hoping I would find something to read. I always did like reading much better than watching a movie or television show.
Wrong room, it was Emmett and Jasper's room. I knew from the extreme mess on one side, Emmett's side, and a fairly tidy side that was what I assumed to be Jasper's. There was a few footballs and a basketball, it was a guys room. The colors were the same as the rest of the house, but there were personal touches. Emmett had a poster of the Washington Redskins up. I rolled my eyes when I looked at it more closely; Emmett had drawn mustaches on all of the guys. Such a classic Emmett move. Jasper, being the more sensible of the two brothers, had a Three Days Grace poster. I laughed slightly to myself, for no apperent reason.
I continued onto the next room. This one was Bella's, I knew. Not because of the massive bookcase that was filled halfway with books, halway with CDs, but because it was just so... Bella. The walls were painted a charcole gray color, but one wall was red, not bright red more like... Barn red, I suppose. Then I saw one thing that honestly didn't look like Bella, a large mural of the New York skyline. The picture was really breathtaking; it was is black and white, the picture had been taken at night because the lights were on. It was stunning.
I headed over to Bella's bookcase, looking at the CDs first. She had a great taste in music. But it was wierd, most of them were CDs burned off of the computer, but by one artist. If they weren't, they were mix CDs clearly labeled or actually CDs, like Paramore's Brand New Eyes CD. I browsed a while longer, but then decided to move on to what I actually came in here for.
Okay, if I was being honest with myself, I had actually come in here to look for something that would clue me into Bella. I really didn't know Bella. I knew little things, like her favorite cartoon and her best meal she cooked, but I didn't know her. She never truely opened up to me. I just wanted more, more, more of her. I had never wanted to know this much about anybody. Maybe it was just because she was the one person who had ever really held back, I could see it in her eyes. She never told me the whole story if something was bothering her. I didn't know much about her life before I was in it, except her parents got divorced when she was little and her father, Charlie, had raised all three kids on his own.
Or maybe, it was the magnetic pull I felt towards her. I just... Wanted to be near her. I wanted to be able to touch her leg and bring her back to the real world whenever she got that far-off look in her eyes. I wanted to wrap my arm around her or hold her hand. I-
Hmm, that book looked very intresting.
It was a worn brown leather book that was put through a lot of use. In golden script the title was written 'The Book of All Things'. I picked the book up from the shelf, being gentle. It looked like it was going to crumble any moment. I had never heard of this book before, but opened it anyway.
The book was written by hand. Oh, and dated. Duh! Bella's diary! I was about to put it back, but I saw that it wasn't so much a diary, but just a book she put anything into. She had the lyrics to Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls in it. I smiled, I loved that song. I was watching Treasure Planet and the song came on. I looked it up and fell in love with it.
I flipped the page, curious. I promised myself I wouldn't read anything that looked slightly personal as I continued reading. There was a detailed sketch of a daisy, it seemed. She had done most of that dark, except the shading and such. In the backround Bella had written lightly 'Why ruin a perfectly good flower when he knows he loves you not?' I frowned, whatever boy made her draw that clearly had a malfuntion with his brain. If he was going to make Bella think that, he was crazy.
I flipped through the rest of it, only pausing at the things that caught my intrest.
Edward.
Now that definatly caught my attention. Had I just imagined it? I carefully, slowly, turned the page back. I could feel my heart beating in my chest. Yes, I was nervous.
Edward.
Nope, not imagining things. I was about to start reading it, then I remembered I had promised myself not to look at anything personal. But, it did concern me, right? I had the right to know. No, what am I thinking! It's her personal thoughts and feelings, if she wanted me to know, she would have told me. Maybe it was another Edward? No, the only other Edward around here was a freshman and he had some sort of rash on his face... I had no right to look at in anyway, right? But it was just so darn tempting... I gave in.
He was at the party tonight.
I looked at the date. Oh, Alice's birthday party. I smiled, remembering the girl from that night. Wow. I mean, I know Bella was the one I had feelings for, but I could never act on them; never kiss her or anything of that nature, so I was aloud to fantisize. I had come to that conclusion after Bella and I actually became friends. I sighed, okay, well maybe I'll just keep reading...
I mean, of course he was going to be there, Alice is his cousin after all. But I mean, he was there. With me. We danced. It was amazing. I felt like I knew him for years, just catching up. Honestly, I wanted to kiss him more than I ever wanted to hold Jacob's hand. He asked me to dance. I was sitting all alone at a table, and he came up to me, probably feeling bad for me, and asked me to dance. I accepted. I... I didn't know it was him. I wish I never figured it out. I wish I never saw it. The hair. His gorgeous, unruly bronze hair. That's how I figured out it was him. Who else's hair is that brilliant color? We were going to show each other who we were, drop our masks. But... I couldn't do that. A million thoughts were running through my head at that moment. A billion are running through my head right now. Why him? Why then? What if he knew it was me? What if he figured out it was me by my hair and my eyes? I mean, they aren't very memorable but still... What if he figures it out? And he's discussed by the thought? I'm so scared. What if... I'm in love with him, like I think I am?
I was numb for a minute. What was that about? Then it all connected. Me. My name. Bella. Alice's party. The brown hair. The eyes. Why the girl ran away. Why Bella was so reluctant to open up to me. Everything. I just sat there, shocked.
Bella came in then, looking for her shoes.
"You're the girl from the party?" I blurted out. I didn't look at her. It hadn't sunk in yet. It just... I didn't understand.
"What...Wait... How... Why are you reading my journal?" She didn't answer my question.
I laughed. It was a real laugh. It was a sarcastic, pissed off, dry laugh. I was pissed off. After all the lying, she couldn't even answer my question. "Bella. Why did you lie?"
"I... Didn't. I just... I didn't tell you," she whispered so softly I wouldn't have even known she said it if I wasn't paying special attention.
"Bella. Why?"
She closed her eyes, "You read it. I poured my heart out into that, Edward. You know the whole story."
I didn't respond for a while. That wasn't the whole story. After a while I spoke, "Why... why did you think I wouldn't want you?"
Her eyes snapped open and her head shot up, "What?"
"Bella, why did you think I was going to be horrified that it was you?" I asked again, rewording the question.
"Aren't you?"
"No."
"Well... Why? I mean, I am so boring and plain. Pale and brown."
"I'm pale too," I countered.
She rolled her eyes, "Not like me. You're pale, but in an attractive way. I'm just blah. Besides, you know that the whole uh... Dating thing never would have worked out between us. It would be like a Beauty and the Beast or Lady and the Tramp, except the genders are reversed."
"Bella. It worked out in the end for them, right?"
"Edward," she said softly, "this is real life. Fairy tales don't happen."
I looked at her. Right in her eyes, "Yes, they do. I've seen my parents," I said before really thinking. Again, before I could think, I was talking again, "They died, Bella. That's why I'm living with Alice and Rosalie. I have no other family. My parents had me very early. My mom got pregnet with me and 13, my dad was fifteen. It was definatly hard for them. The reason Alice and Rose weren't too affected by it was because they didn't know them, really. As soon as Carlisle graduated high school, he had nothing to do with his family. Their parents weren't the greatest people; both of them were alcoholics. Carlisle was going to do what he could to get a fantastic job and help support me, my mom, and my father. But... they lost touch, never talked again. We weren't poor, but we were always on the verge. As soon as I got old enough, I did what I could to help my parents. I would get babysitting jobs and such. I even taught my parents what I had learned at school, to help their jobs situations. They both worked at a diner and one day... The place got shot up. They were working the same shifts that night. I was at work too. They got shot. The police found Carlisle and Esme, and they gladly took me in, making me one of their own. It was... Hard. That's why I had that 'player' mode when I first got here. But it was amazing -they were amazing- even through all the hardships we faced, they loved each other, Bella. That's what kept me from going insane. That's why I can actually be me."
Bella actually began crying, and as much as I wanted to jump up and hug her, I couldn't. I was still numb.
"Edward, I'm sorry. I really am but... That doesn't count for a happy ending," she said truthfully.
I shrugged, "To me it does. I know that I have a better life, and they're able to live together. And you have to know Esme and Carlisle are the epitome of fairy tale love."
She continued to cry, but didn't say anything. Until, "Edward!" she outburst suddenly, causing me to jump, "I'm sorry! I do believe in fairytale endings! Just not for me. Why do you think I practically live in books? They take me to a completely different world where everything turns out right in the end. I lied to you, yes! I did it for me, to protect myself. Even if you thought I was the most beautiful girl on the face of the earth, which I know for a fact I am not, I will get hurt in the end. I'm not the type that falls in love and it lasts. I had a boyfriend a while ago, Jacob. His name was in that entry you read. I thought I loved him, I did at the time, but it wasn't true love. He cheated on me, knocked another girl up, I don't even know her name. Things don't work out for me, ever. But, Edward, I just wanted to be around you. I needed to be around you. I know how I feel. I know when I'm going to do something like this and I need to get out of the room. I knew that I was in love with you that night. I just knew I was, or if I wasn't then I was going to fall for you soon. I did. I couldn't stay away from you. But I can't do it anymore! I can't."
Bella continued to sob. I was still slightly numb, but that woke me up a little. Okay. I'll give Bella what she wants. I will walk out of her life.
"Okay, Bella," I said getting up, leaving the damned journal on ther bed and walking toward her, "I will leave you alone. Be friends with Alice and Rose still, though. I'll stay out of the way when you're around," I took a deep breath and then continued, "But, if you ever need anything, or want to talk about this once we've both calmed down, let me know. I'll always be there for you, Bella. Waiting. Always. Because I've fallen in love with you too. Not the girl from the party, but you. I know it hurts you, and it hurts me too. I don't know if I'm going to actually be able to stay away. I'm going to miss you, Bella. Everything about you. You know what is going to hurt the most? Knowing that I want to be with you, knowing you want to be with me too, but it not being able to work out. I'm willing to do anything. I just wish you were too. I love you, Bella." I kissed her forehead, hugging her.
I walked away. I heard her sobs become louder and louder and I got farther and farther. Every word I said in there was true; we both knew it.
I cried. When I got in the car I cried. I decided to head home anyway, through the tears and the rain that was always around.
I should have thought, though. It was hard to see. I knew it wasn't my fault though. The driver of the other car is the one who fell asleep at the wheel.
A/N: Please, don't kill me. Review! It get's you another chapter faster! \/
