In her office, the Reverend Mother finished signing the necessary papers. After taking off her glasses, she looked upwards at the two women standing before her desk. Addressing the older of the two, she said, "Sister Augusta, please take our new postulant to the robing room." She then turned her gaze on the young woman beside her, in a pretty green-print travelling dress. "God bless you, my daughter," she said sincerely.

Both women smiled and headed out through a side entrance into the office that led to the robing room. Immediately after, a knock was heard at the main entrance. "Ave," called the Reverend Mother, not remembering any appointments for this time.

The sight of Maria timidly opening the door was unexpected, but very pleasing. "Come here, my child."

As Maria came closer, the Reverend Mother looked her over. She definitely looked better than she had the last time they had talked; she seemed more at peace in her own skin. But there were questions in her eyes that needed to be asked. She also noticed that Maria was not dressed in her postulant garb, but rather that gray dress she'd had to take with her to the Von Trapp house. Deciding to let Maria explain all in good time, the Reverend Mother rose from her desk with a smile.

After Maria had knelt and kissed the Reverend Mother's hand, the two women took their seats facing each other, the desk between each other. "Well, Maria, I'm glad to see you back. I hope your time away has been helpful."

"Yes, Reverend Mother," replied Maria. "It has done me worlds of good."

"I am very glad to hear that."

Maria gave a grateful smile. "I can't thank you enough for giving me that time to myself, Reverend Mother. I was even able to see my brother, who came to town to surprise me."

"That's wonderful, my dear! How is he?" The Reverend Mother had met Dominik on several occasions, both when he and Maria had been children, come to mass, or when he had come to visit his sister.

"Oh, he's wonderful, travelling from town to town to play his music," said Maria. "Living a life that makes him happy . . ." Her voice drifted after she's said that, realizing the truth of that fact for the first time. Maybe now she had a chance to do the same. Looking at the Reverend Mother again, Maria spoke again. "Being with him, going back to my mountain, and time to pray have made me realize a few things, Reverend Mother."

"Tell me, my child," prompted the Reverend Mother gently.

Taking a deep breath, Maria began. "You were right. Dominik was right. In fact, I'm the last person to admit the truth. And the truth is, Reverend Mother . . . as much as I love you and the sisters, I'm not meant to be a nun."

As the Reverend Mother listened, a satisfaction came over her. She had known from the moment she had met this spirited young woman was not meant for the secluded life of the sisters. But that was a discovery that Maria had needed to make for herself. And she had.

The Reverend Mother nodded gently. "I see. Well, my daughter, do you truly feel this is the will of God."

"Yes," replied Maria, with certainty.

"And are you at peace with that?"

Maria gave a small smile. "It took me a while, but I am. I really am. I just wish I'd realized it sooner."

"The Lord shows us everything in His own good time, Maria," said the Reverend Mother. After a moment's pause, she asked. "So, my daughter, where shall you go now? Do you know yet?"

Maria bit her lip and looked at her lap before answering, as though she were embarrassed by the answer. "Well, I only know where I would like to go. At least until the end of the summer."

The Reverend Mother smiled. "You wish to return to the Von Trapp home."

Home . . . Yes, she wanted that. "I received a package from the children. They'd drawn me pictures of my favorite things, and also sent me a photograph of the family, including me."

The smile on the Reverend Mother's face widened. "Ah, so that's what they made for you. All seven of them came to the Abbey yesterday, hoping to see you."

"Oh, really?" Maria asked, her eyes widening and her heart aching that she had missed them. "Those little dears . . . how I wish I'd have been here!"

"Well, by the nature of their visit and what they've given you, it seems clear that you would be welcomed back with open arms."

"Yes . . ." Her voice drifted again, and so did her gaze. The Reverend Mother could tell that they had now come to the crux of Maria's struggle to go back, the only thing that was holding her back.

"What is it you're afraid to face, Maria?" asked the Reverend Mother, knowing what the answer would be but needing Maria to say it.

Maria sighed. "I don't know if I can face him again," she said softly.

The Reverend Mother nodded. "There is something I need to tell you, Maria. When you came back so suddenly and with no explanation, I wrote to Captain Von Trapp, asking what had happened."

Maria looked at the Reverend Mother sharply. "You did?"

"Mm-hm," nodded the Reverend Mother, pulling a piece of paper out of a drawer and handing it to her. "This was his reply."

With slightly trembling fingers, Maria took the letter the Reverend Mother offered her and read it. The writing fit him: masculine yet elegant. Each word seemed to reach her heart like a tender caress; she could practically feel the regret radiating from the ink. She shook her head in frustration and put the letter back on the desk.

"What is it, my child?" the Reverend Mother asked.

Maria tried her best to find the right words. "After what I heard him say, I should hate him, never want to go near him again. Instead, I find myself completely understanding and forgiving him . . . and wanting to see him again. Oh, Reverend Mother, is that wrong?"

"No, my daughter," said the Reverend Mother. "That is being compassionate, what our Savior would have wanted us to feel in these situations, instead of fear and hate."

Maria stood up from the desk and turned towards the lovely crucifix shrine in the office. "Do you think it's a good idea, Reverend Mother? To go back? I've forgiven him, but . . . I don't know if I trust him . . ." Or myself.

The Reverend Mother stood up and slowly walked over to her. "You must find that out for yourself, Maria. Do you believe, if you go back, that the Captain will do what he threatened to do in a drunken frustration."

Maria turned to her rapidly. "No, of course not! If I thought he would, I would never, ever consider going back, even for the sake of the children."

"Then what are you afraid of, my child?"

Maria looked at the crucifix again. "Feelings . . ." she barely whispered. "What he feels and . . . what I feel . . . I can't define it, I can't understand something I've never known and never expected to know. I'm afraid that, if I go back, I will be swept away into something unknown, fast and . . . terrifying, and I won't be able to stop it."

"You must be brave, my daughter," said the Reverend Mother, placing a gentle hand on Maria's arm. "And you must trust not only yourself, but him and God. Our Lord has not abandoned you and never will. You must trust that He will take care of you, that both will."

Maria heard those words and knew they were right, but she was still afraid and insecure. She hung her head. "Maybe I should just . . . stay here until I decide what I'm to do –"

"Maria," said the Reverend Mother, moving towards the golden stained-glass window. "These walls were not built to shut out problems – you have to face them." She turned back to Maria, who was now looking at her, with eyes begging for an answer. The Reverend Mother leaned forward slightly, emphasizing her words.

"You have to live the life you were born to live."

Maria's eyes were starting to fill with tears, as courage came to her from the Reverend Mother's words.

The older woman, who had experienced so much and had never given up on God, turned again to the window, and began to sing:

Climb ev'ry mountain

Search high and low

Follow every bi-way

Every path you know

Climb ev'ry mountain

Ford every stream

Follow every rainbow

'Til you find your dream

A dream that will need

All the love you can give

Every day of your life

For as long as you live

Climb ev'ry mountain

Ford every stream

Follow every rainbow

'Til you find your dream

A dream that will need

All the love you can give

Every day of your life

For as long as you live

Climb ev'ry mountain

Ford every stream

Follow every rainbow

'Til you find your dream

As Maria listened, she came closer to the Reverend Mother, finally leaning against a pillar in the room as she listened. The confidence and faith in the Reverend Mother's song seeped into her heart, and she found her courage at last. She knew what she had to do now.

She had to go back.


Later, Maria walked through the Abbey courtyard towards the main gate, her carpetbag in one hand and guitar case in the other. She was wearing, not the gray dress, but the green-print dress the new postulant had come in wearing. The gray dress was hers, since the poor did not want it. But before leaving, something had possessed her to ask the Reverend Mother for a new dress.

Before going through the gate, she turned around to look back at the Abbey one last time. She heard the sisters' distant singing on the way to vespers. She would miss the sisters, even Sister Berthe and especially the Reverend Mother. But this was not where her future was. She would have to find that for herself.

"When the Lord closes a door . . . somewhere He opens a window," she murmured, just like she'd done the last time she'd left for the Von Trapp house. Her faith had never wavered then, and it didn't now despite her fear.

After slipping through the gate and shutting it behind her, Maria's eyes fell on her brother, whom she'd asked to wait for her.

Dominik smiled. "So you're going back?"

Maria nodded. "I'm going back."

Her brother took her carpetbag from her, and she linked her arm through his, silently asking for support. As they walked, Maria started to sing softly to him and herself:

What will this day be like, I wonder?

What will my future be, I wonder?

Dominik gave her an encouraging smile. Her life was now an open book, freer than it had ever been. No wonder she'd feel nervous. He sang back to her with enthusiasm:

It could be so exciting,

To be out in the world, to be free!

Maria shook her head and sang:

My heart should be wildly rejoicing . . .

She stopped in her tracks and looked at her brother.

Oh, what's the matter with me?

Dominik looked at Maria and squeezed her hand:

You've always longed for adventure,

To do the things you've never dared

Now here you're facing adventure!

Maria leaned her head against Dominik's shoulder, her voice small as a mouse's:

Then why am I so scared?

Dominik gave her a comforting hug, and a small smile crept across his face as he sang:

A captain with seven children . . . what's so fearsome about that?

In spite of herself, Maria laughed, and the brother and sister resumed their walk in comforting silence.

When they had reached the bus stop, Maria turned to him. "Thank you, Dominik, for everything. You've helped me so much, you have no idea."

Dominik smiled and handed her a slip of paper. "This is the address I'll be staying at. Write me, Maria, keep me informed. And if he does anything to make you uncomfortable or compromise your trust, he'll have to answer to myself and Max."

Maria nodded. Dominik kissed her forehead, and she kissed his back. "Wish me luck," she said as the bus pulled up.

"You'll be alright, Ria," he said, giving her a final squeeze of the hand before she boarded the bus with her luggage. He waved good-bye and stayed there until the bus was out of sight.

As the bus rolled down the country road, Maria looked out the window at the passing trees. But she didn't see them; his face was in her mind.

"Oh, help . . ." she murmured, and said a prayer for strength.