AN:/ Again shout out to all readers/ reviewers and alerts.
This time it's Rachel's turn at Shelby and we get insight into Shelby's dramatic mind
And OMFG "on my way " just have to say trolled the net for hours to see if RIB did the unthinkable. Not to give anything away but I am no longer sad.(if what is true on the net it has been known to lie.) So I own nothing but my characters.
And I hope you enjoy...
Chapter 8
Shelby drove around aimlessly for the last half hour.
She saw the park and had to pull over, her thoughts ran back to everything her sister loudly pointed out to her.
Every mistake made from the first time she answered that Ad asking for a woman to carry a baby for two men trying to build a family.
At first she tried to justify that she was doing a good thing, by giving the Berry men something they couldn't do on their own.
She knew that wasn't the real reason, she wanted to be a star and she would do whatever it took to be one, damn the consequences.
For nine months she grew the life inside her, she tried to ignore every beat of the heart she heard, ignore every finger and toe she tried not to count as she looked at the ultra sound, ignore every kick and movement when she would sing or when she ate something the little life didn't like.
As her belly grew she tried to ignore as she would wrap her hands on her stomach, that the life was a part of her as well.
She wanted to be a star and damn the consequences!
So she no longer tried to ignore everything, she ignored it.
Damn the consequences.
She failed trying to be a star, at first she could blame it on her look wasn't right for the part, she didn't have experience,
she wouldn't sleep with the director for the part.
Then one day it hit her by damning the consequences, she damned herself.
She walked away from the greatest thing she would ever do in her lifetime,
and by that alone she knew that the little life was the consequence.
As the years passed some slower than others, she pushed any thoughts of the little life away and tried her best to carry on.
Ten years later she went to her family and told them of the little life. She didn't think they would welcome the news,
but she never thought she would see the looks of disappointment and distaste.
Then just as she was re-building what she broke with them, she saw the little life and her name was Rachel.
She knew that this girl named Rachel was the person she always called the little life because she never knew her name,
and she had sold the right to give her a name.
One could ask how she knew this was her little life, she looked at the girl and she saw her father, her Mother as well as her self.
She knew.
She was beyond happy, something out there had guided her to this moment and she was going to do
whatever it took to be in her baby girl's world, she knew she had no right to claim her as her baby girl.
But damn the consequences.
maybe if she had learned the lesson from the last time she damned the consequences,
she wouldn't of been so quick to do it this time.
This time she wasn't hurt by her actions alone, she hurt her baby girl, and her family.
Her sister was right, she was a fool thinking she could show up one day with a new baby in tow
and think they would forgive her, and love the baby as much as the baby she kept from them.
This time when she told them about her baby girl and what she did, the only look on their faces was disgust.
And now when they knew she walked right back into her baby girl's life and walked right back out again what would they think?
She thought about it and came to the realization that only one opinion mattered,
and she would give everything she had to make that person forgive her, and want her in their life.
Even if it was just as a friend, cause she had a chance to be a mom and she threw it away.
Shelby looked at her watch and noticed she had been gone for over two hours.
It was time to go back and take everything they had to throw at her because she knew she deserved it.
She would take it too, cause the only way she was walking away this time was if Rachel told her there was nothing left for them.
…...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...
Shelby walked into the house and noticed everyone minus Beth and Rachel sitting in the living room.
Her Mom noticed her looking around and told her that Beth just went down for a nap.
She nodded her head and kept looking around the room, at this Sydney piped up,
"Don't worry your safe Rachel is having a nap as well, the meds usually knock her out, but she should be getting up soon.
Sydney looked at her sister and knew she had been crying.
"I know you've had a lot thrown at you today, but I am just warning you that was the tip of the iceberg."
Shelby looked down at the floor and slightly nodded.
The next words out of Shelby's mouth were barely audible.
"I know there are no excuses for what I did, and I just hope that you can all forgive me some day,
But there's one thing I want you to know."
Shelby lifted her head, squared her shoulders and looked directly into her sisters eyes.
"I will do everything in my power to have any kind of relationship Rachel will give, even if it is just as a friend."
Sydney took a moment before answering her sister.
"When I ask Rachel how she can be friends with some of the people that bullied her in school,
do you know what she tells me?"
Shelby shook her head.
"She says I can forgive but I can never forget, but be warned dear sister you may be the exception to that rule,
Yes I know she forgave the others but in her mind they didn't love her
while you were the one who was supposed to love her unconditionally."
Shelby took her sister's words to heart.
"Yes I know that, and every other time we met I was the one in control, now she is and I accept that."
Shelby sighed she knew her sister and parents were still mad,
and she would just have to deal with because as long as Rachel was here so was she.
"I'm just going to check on Beth."
Nobody acknowledged they heard her.
She walked quietly down the hall to the room her and Beth would stay in when they came to visit her parents.
She pushed open the door and looked to where the crib usually sat but it wasn't there, and she looked at the bed.
In the middle of the bed with her leg raised up on some pillows, lay her oldest daughter. Her baby girl.
She didn't step a foot in the room, cause she knew that she hadn't earned the right to.
She stood there and just watched her. Oh how she wanted to sit on the edge of the bed and wipe her brow,
to lay beside her and hold her, chase away the hurt.
So much hurt and the majority was caused by her,
she knew people couldn't understand how she could take someones child and claim it as her own,
yet to deny the one that was made from her.
She couldn't explain how she felt that she missed everything the first steps, first scrapes and cuts, first nightmares just so many firsts.
As she stood longer watching Rachel she felt someone walk up behind her, she saw her sister.
"I was coming to look in on Beth, this the room we stay in when we are here."
"Yeah since Rachel can't go up and down the stairs you and Beth will be staying in your old room. All the stuff is up there."
"Of course I didn't think."
"You seem to do that a lot." Sydney raised her eyebrow.
Just as Shelby was about to reply to this they heard Rachel waking.
Sydney brushed past Shelby and sat on the edge of the bed and pushed Rachel's hair from her sweaty brow.
Shelby felt her stomach twist a little, for it was only a few minutes ago she wished she could do exactly that.
"Hey kiddo how are you feeling?" Sydney asked.
"Like someone poured sand in my mouth."
"Hows the pain in your leg?"
"Nothing a few low dose pain relievers won't take care of."
"Good, any aches in other places?"
"Yeah my butt hurts."
"Get over it, I told you before that ain't happening."
Sydney and Rachel laughed at the running joke they had every time Syd asked Rachel if she had any other pains.
Listening to to their playful banter Shelby stood there and thought "I hope we can have at least that."
She turned and walked upstairs to check on Beth.
"I know you missed breakfast, would you like to have some lunch?"
"I could do with a salad right now."
"OK lets get you to the kitchen and I can make you one." Sydney stood to grab Rachel's crutches.
"Rach."
"Hmmm...?"
"You don't have to talk to her if you don't want to"
Rachel thought about this, and said. "Eventually I will have to talk to her and I think it should be sooner than later,
I don't want this hanging over Gee-Pa's Birthday."
"OK, I'm with you whatever you decide."
"OK."
"Well lets go get you that salad."
…...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...
Dee Dee and Sydney stood at the counter making lunch,
while Sheldon, Davis and Rachel were at the table talking about Sheldon's upcoming Birthday party.
Just then Shelby and Beth came in the room.
Shelby placed Beth in the highchair, Dee Dee had placed at the table for her.
The family sat down and started in on their lunch, the silence was uncomfortable.
Sheldon turned to Rachel hoping to start the conversation.
"So little one? What exactly is Berry juice?"
Sheldon happened to ask this question as Rachel was taking a sip of water,
to which she choked and spit some of it out on herself.
Sydney grabbed a napkin and wiped Rachel's chin and said.
"Guess that makes another thing you do just like a Corcoran."
Rachel looked at her Grandfather. "Umm... it's just a saying the kids have."
Sydney,Davis and even Shelby chuckled at Rachel lame excuse to try and get out of explaining
to her Grandfather what she had meant by Berry Juice.
Slowly the conversation around the table started to pick up.
Shelby sat back watching her family discuss all that had happened from the last time they saw each other,
her mother would try and involve her in their talk every once in awhile.
Shelby just had too much on her mind and didn't really feel like talking all that much.
As they were finishing up their lunch Dee Dee knowing that Rachel and Shelby still had to talk to,
and asked Shelby if she and her Dad could take Beth over with them to see the Becker's when they went.
Shelby smiled and told her mother it would be OK.
After they left, Davis kissed Sydney and Rachel's heads and informed
them he was going upstairs to do some work while he had the chance.
Finishing her lunch before Sydney and Rachel.
Shelby got up and started to clean up around the kitchen,
as she heard Rachel and Sydney talk she tried to keep occupied
to look like she wasn't eavesdropping in on what they were talking about.
After a few minutes the kitchen became quiet, she turned to see Rachel and Syd watching her.
"Whats going on?" she asked them.
Sydney was the first to reply. "Nothing we're just sitting afar over here admiring you."
"SYDNEY!" they looked at the doorway to see Dee Dee standing there.
"Mom I thought you and left with Beth to visit the Beckers?" Sydney blurted out.
"I did, but your father and I remembered how you girls used to fight when you were younger,
and knew someone had to be here to split you up."
"Yes but that was before, now we have matured." came Shelby's remark.
"Really you haven't proven that to me yet." Dee Dee raised an eyebrow.
Rachel giggled at the two woman being scolded by their mother.
Shelby looked at Rachel. "Rach if it's alright with you I would like to talk to you alone?"
"I agree we have to talk, but I would prefer that Syd stayed in the room with us,
And Gee-Ma you are also welcome."
Shelby was hoping that she would be able to talk to Rachel alone,
but this is what Rachel wanted this how it was going to be.
Shelby had absolutely no idea where to start,
so she thought the safest route would be to ask Rachel what had been happening since they last saw each other.
"So Rach what have you been up to since I saw you last?"
As soon as it rolled past her lips Shelby knew she asked the stupidest question around.
And she thought "FUCK,FUCK,FUCK!"
Rachel had the biggest are you fucking kidding me look on her face.
"Well lets see I was suspended from school, involved in a car accident,
lost both my fathers in same accident, oh almost had both my legs cut off thankfully that didn't happen,
and also had to face the fact that I will never be on Broadway."
Shelby spoke up at the last part. "Why will you never be on Broadway?"
Of all the things she knew about her baby girl, she knew this was her greatest dream.
"Oh maybe the little fact that I have a piece of another persons body in me,
and the most I can hope for is ending up with a small limp."
Sydney had said they had to save Rachel's legs but not how they did it.
"I don't understand?" asked Shelby.
At this Sydney spoke. "Basically I had a friend who is a fellow surgeon,
who deals in making the impossible, possible.
Fly over and she took the bone from a cadaver and replace it with the crushed bone in Rachel's leg.
She also was able to fix the nerves and muscles in her left"
Both Rachel and Dee Dee had wrinkled their noses at the mention of the cadaver bone.
Shelby thought of what her baby girl must of went through and was sadden that she wasn't there to help her through it.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you." Shelby voiced her thoughts.
"That's quite alright I had my family there to help me through it." at this Rachel grabbed Sydney's and Dee Dee's hand.
"Yes but I should have been there as well."
Sydney wanting to cause Shelby more pain,
cause she felt that her sister deserved as much as she caused her niece,
got up and ran to get her Tablet.
Rachel watched her aunt hurry out the room and wondered where she was going?
Just as she was about to ask her Grand Ma where her aunt went, Sydney came back in the room.
Dr. Torres had wanted updates on Rachel's progress, so they decided to document it with pictures.
Sydney opened the file where the pictures were.
Rachel looked at her and asked. "You still have those?"
"Yup."
Sydney handed the tablet to Shelby.
Shelby looked at all the pictures.
The ones of Rachel in the bed one leg in a cast, the other covered in gauze with some areas where blood showed through,
ones of her left leg after the gauze was removed the angry scar.
Ones of Rachel trying to walk on her left leg the pain on her face shown clearly.
Then ones of her right leg when the cast was finally removed,
if Shelby was a little upset with the pictures of the left leg they were nothing compared to the right one.
More pictures of Rachel with tears in her eyes as she worked on the right leg.
Then ones of Sheldon standing in front of Rachel with his arms out stretched coaxing her to walk to him with her crutches as Dee Dee looked on.
This one shocked Shelby the most, it was almost like any other picture of little babies learning to walk,
the adult with their arms waiting open to catch them if they fell, pictures she had of her and Beth.
If she pretended hard enough she could imagine Rachel at Beth's age.
Then the last picture of Rachel standing beside Sydney propped up on her crutches holding a sign which read "You rock Callie Torres."
They watched Shelby has she scrolled through the pictures, and knew when she came to the ones that showed the damage to Rachel's legs,
that's when her tears began to fall.
Dee Dee wanted to stay angry at her daughter for all the pain she had caused,
but she couldn't she was a mother and knew that your children made mistakes, and hoped they learned from those mistakes.
For some reason her eldest only did this when her world seemed to crash around her.
Shelby looked up from the pictures and looked at Rachel. "I am so... so sorry."
"I don't want your pity. And I don't need it." Rachel narrowed her eyes at Shelby.
"What I want is to know why. Why you sought me out to deem that I wasn't good enough to be your daughter..."
"I didn't..."
"Please don't interrupt me!" Rachel raised her voice.
Shelby sighed and placed her hands on the table and remembered what she promised, Rachel was in control this time. She nodded for Rachel to continue.
"So I wasn't good enough to be your Daughter, and how did you prove this fact you went a took the first perfect baby and called her your daughter."
"Getting back to what I was saying, Yes why you didn't want to be in my life?
Oh yeah some lame ass excuse about the story about how when I was sad my Dads brought me a glass of water,
and what you take from the story my life was perfect and you didn't want to upset that."
"It was one fucking story about water. And what do you do?
You leave me a glass asking me to drink from it and think of you when I was sad."
"At first I did drink from it, but then I realized every time I was sad was because of you,
and I smashed the fucking thing into a million pieces."
"Then I came to you again, I was already cut in half from the first time you rejected me,
but I came crawling back to you asking for anything. Well we all know how that ended."
"Just as I thought I was over your rejections, there you were again just like a bad rash."
"But did you want to see me? not one bit you were there to fix your Daughters life, and to answer that question Syd asked you this morning,
Two fucking times, Two times you found me worthy enough for you,
but the second time I again swallowed my pride and approached you, but not for the reason you think."
"I came to you for a reference letter and I hoped you had an ounce of guilt in you and you would write the best one you ever wrote,
because really you knew nothing about me."
"After all who better than a 4 time winning show choir coach to praise you,
I bet it was even better than the ones you wrote for your students who you trained for years?"
"I know that sounds harsh but if you couldn't give me your love, you could give me your reputation."
"Then after stirring up all the shit again, you left for the rest of us to deal it."
Rachel was drained by her emotions and slumped back in her chair.
After waiting a few minutes Shelby asked if she could speak now.
Rachel waved her hand at her, to tell her she could say what she had to.
"I know whatever I say is going to come out as an excuse to you right now,
just know you were never not good enough for me, and your right I used what William said to me as an excuse."
"What I said about holding on to the image of the little baby was just as bad, I knew you were a grown when I sought you out."
"I told myself you didn't need me, like you would of when you were younger, that you didn't need a mother at your age."
"Where the Fuck did you ever get that idea." Dee Dee screamed out.
Sydney and Shelby looked at their Mom with utter shock, they had never heard her swear at anything.
"I am really start to think you did hit your head at some point in your life, I mean the shit that just came out of your mouth."
"What do you mean Mom."
"Well your 37 years old, and you still call me, when your sad, or need help with something.
So to say to Rachel she is to old to need a mother in her life is a load of bull shit."
"Do you know who took Rachel to her first gynecologist visit, it was me and your sister,
everything she knew about being a young woman was from the internet or female friends of her fathers,
Yes I am sure they were wonderful men but there is only so much a young girl can talk to her dads about."
While saying the last part about Rachel's fathers, Dee Dee had reached over to her blushing Grand baby and squeezed her hand.
"So stop already with the excuses and tell us the real reason you walked away from your daughter?"
Shelby's chin fell to her chest. "I was ashamed, ashamed that I could sell my child for my selfish reasons to make myself a star,
I failed at that and blamed everyone else, and then I was ashamed I closed my heart,
then when I found out I couldn't have anymore children I became selfish again,
I knew I had a child out there and if I found her she could be part of my life,
so I waited and watched for any sign of her, then one day there she was,
and I thought this is it my sign and she would fall in my arms and I would have my baby girl back."
"But then the image I had of her was nothing like the real person she was.
My baby girl was kind forgiving and her heart was open,
and then I was scared what if she saw the real me and she didn't like what she saw and walked away from me."
"So why did you adopt Beth?" Rachel asked.
"Because she was a baby and she would know me as I was, and love me no matter what type person I was.
It wasn't to replace you it was born out of my selfishness."
"If you had it all then, why in the hell did you come back and don't give me that shit about wanting Beth's birth parents to know her."
"Because everyday I still thought of you, and I thought if Beth could love me maybe just maybe there was a chance you could too."
"Oh and you did a great job of that by ignoring me."
"At first I didn't know how to approach you, but I did and then everything blew up in my face with Quinn and Puck.
And again I was ashamed."
Shelby looked earnestly at Rachel and said. "I know you can never forget but you can forgive,
all I am asking is for you to considering forgiving me and we can hopefully build something even it is just a friendship?"
Rachel sighed "I don't know Shelby, that was the old Rachel and a large part of her died with her dads in that car,
and then the rest of her was cut out along with her leg."
Rachel closed her eyes as she spoke. "But I would like to thank you, I always thought I wasn't good enough for you,
but you made me see you weren't good enough for me.
And it's going to take a lot for me to even consider if you can ever be good enough."
It hurt to hear that but Shelby knew that was the best she was going to get for now.
"I understand and will do everything in my power to have you even consider that."
Rachel grabbed her crutches and stood.
"Now if you don't mind I am going to go relax for awhile my legs are starting to hurt again."
Sydney looked at Rachel. "do you need anything?"
"No just going to rest till dinner can someone call me then." and she left the kitchen.
Sydney and Dee Dee decided to go have a rest as well, it had been a long day.
Shelby was left alone at the table and once again vowed to herself she would do anything.
…...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...
AN:/ next chapter will have a surprise visitor and Shelby's dirty little secret won't be a secret much longer
Hit the button or don't.
