Chapter 9: Riddle Me This

Something was wrong. Luna knew that she was occasionally a bit spacey, and had a tendency to wander and drift off. However, she did not normally find herself disposing of the corpses of roosters in the dead of night. Tom had only asked to borrow her body, but when she asked him what he had done, he was evasive. It worried Luna a bit, but she couldn't bear to deny her one and only friend.

At one point, Luna would have written her mother and asked her for help. But her mother was dead, buried in the orchard behind her house. She thought about writing her father, but knew that he wouldn't be any help. The only person left to turn to was Tom. None of the other Ravenclaws were her friends, and Ginny who had once been close to her instead spent all her time with her new friends in Gryffindor or her brothers and honorary sister.

So instead, Luna wrote in her diary, pouring out her soul to Tom. He was kind and comforting, though a little condescending. At least he cared. At least he listened. He even asked about Nargles and heliopaths and how Luna was feeling. No one else had. No one else cared. So Luna stayed in her dorm, and wrote. If she felt a little odd or a little cold, she had not really felt right since her mother had died, and Luna had found her dead on the lab floor.

And Tom was always happy to write back.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

"Alright, this Weasley family meeting is officially called to order," Fred said. He was definitely Fred, as he and George both had dropped the act, and were looking deadly serious.

Around the table sat Harry, Ginny, Ron, Hermione, Fred, and George. They were in yet another abandoned classroom, and had come prepared with both the map and cloak, as well as a stockpile of explosives Fred and George had.

"First, we owe Harry and Hermione an apology," George said. "You two were right. Lockhart is an evil, evil bastard, and we've got to stop him."

"Sorry," Ron said, looking down and feeling very ashamed. Ginny nodded, her cheeks still red and puffy.

"Right," George said, taking over. "Now that Percy is out of commission, we've got to be more cautious. No more sneaking around alone. From now on, we move as a group. If we get the chance, we do the same thing to Lockhart that we did to Sleepy the Wonder Turban."

"What is that, exactly?" Hermione asked.

Fred and George nodded to the impressive pile of fireworks in the corner. Everyone else made appreciative noises.

Hermione tapped her chin. "When can we strike though? Lockhart always has students following him around, and if we do it in his chambers he might have some horrible trap planned."

"We'll use the map," Harry said, pulling it over.

Ron nodded. "Yeah. And we can use the cloak to make sure he doesn't spot us sneaking up on him."

"Whatever you do, don't get caught," Fred said.

George nodded. "One petrified Weasley is all we need. Mums already gone barmy since Percy's been petrified. It happens to one of you lot, and she'll storm the castle herself."

That evening however, the groups plans came crashing down. Dean Thomas was found petrified, and a new bloody warning was scrawled onto the wall.

"Her Body will Lie in the Chamber Forever."

After a headcount, it was realized that Luna Lovegood was missing.

"The time has come!" declared Professor Lockhart to the Great Hall. "I have finally located the Chamber of Secrets, and will delve its depths myself tonight. Professor Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall, if I fail to return, evacuate the school. I believe I know what monster haunts these halls, and if I fail, this school must be forever shuttered to prevent such a creature from causing an even greater disaster."

As the students were led back to the dorms, Harry and the other Weasley's donned the invisibility cloak and snuck away. It was a bit short with six people under it, but thankfully no one saw the second hand trainers tiptoeing after Professor Lockhart.

The Weasley's followed Lockhart down to the girls bathroom, where Lockhart ducked inside.

"Quick, after him!" Ginny whispered.

"We can't go in there," Ron protested. "That's the girls loo!"

"Yes, but everyone's in the dorms, it will be empty," Hermione said.

"Shame that," Fred and George said. "Ow! We were just kidding, Hermione. Just kidding."

"Come on, it's our only chance," Harry said. "We have to stop Lockhart. Whatever he's going to do to Luna, it can't be good."

Inside, they found Lockhart holding a snake , and pointing it at the hand washing stations. At his feet were several crates of clucking roosters.

"Drop it, Lockhart!" Harry cried, throwing off the cloak. The Weasley's spread out, pointing their wands at the Defense Professor.

"Ah, the Weasleys. Excellent, excellent! I was having a bit of trouble getting the Chamber to Open." Lockhart gestured to a sink. "You see, it can only be opened with a password in parselmouth. I'll need you to speak it so that it will open, Harry. Then I can slay the basilisk and stop it's nefarious plans! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Fred glared, leveling his wand. "Not a chance!"

"We know you're behind the attacks, you monster," George said, prepping the fireworks.

Lockhart sighed and rolled his eyes. "I am a hero, you idiot children! If you wish to save your friend, you must aide me!"

"I'll open it," Harry said, stepping forward. "But keep your hands where we can see them. We'll rescue Luna, then report you to the headmaster."

"I am not leading students into danger!" Lockhart protested. "It would be terribly irresponsible of me."

"Not much choice, mate," Ron said, prodding Lockhart with his wand. "We'll hex your bits off if you try anything."

"Get it open Harry, we've got him," Ginny said.

Stepping forward, Harry found the odd little snake marking on the sink Lockhart had been pointing his own serpent at.

"Open," Harry hissed.

The sink slid back, revealing a dark tunnel.

"Ah, excellent! Now really children, you must be off. I have a maiden to save and a beast to slay, and-"

"Petrificus totalus!" Hermione said, and Lockhart stiffened and dropped.

"Bring him with us," George ordered.

Fred nodded. "And leave the roosters. I bet he was planning on sacrificing them."

Together, the Weasley horde slid down the slick piping, landing on a bed of old bones.

"Eww!" Hermione gasped, kicking away a tiny skull.

"Come on," Harry said, moving forward. "We've got to find Luna and get her out of here."

Slowly, the group made their way forward, Hermione and Ron levitating Lockhart's petrified form and guiding him after the group.

"Look, there she is!" Harry cried, and he ran forward. He paused when he realized Luna wasn't alone: an older student was kneeling beside her still body. "Did Lockhart kidnap you too?"

"Lockhart? He's here?" the boy leapt up, drawing a wand and pointing it at Harry. "That fool could ruin everything!"

"No, no, it's OK. We stopped him, we're here to rescue you," Harry said.

The boy paused, frowning. "Rescue me? But why would you be here with the famous and intrepid monster hunter Gilderoy Lockhart unless you were here to stop me and my nefarious plan?"

"You have a nefarious plan?" Fred and George said, sounding confused.

The boy drew himself up. "Indeed, for it is none other than I, Tom Marvolo Riddle, the greatest villain of the age! Soon I will drain the life from this wretched girl, and with her soul bound to me I shall reunite with my minion and older self, and begin my conquest of magical Britain and then, the world!"

"Who's Tom Riddle?" Ron asked. He turned to Hermione. "You ever heard of him?"

Hermione pursed her lips. "I think he's mentioned in Hogwarts a History. He was head boy and did some sort of service to the school. Not a villain at all really."

"Yeah, with a lame name like that, we'd remember it," Fred commented.

George nodded. "Give it up Tommy boy, we know Lockhart was behind all the petrifications. Don't go trying to take credit for pranks that aren't yours."

"Idiots! Morons! It was I, Tom Riddle, who was petrifying the students through my ingenious plan! You see, I was using this idiot girl as a puppet! No one paid attention to Loony Lovegood, and I was able to act with impunity! She paved the way for my basilisk by killing all the roosters, even the ones that infernal Lockhart kept bringing in to try and stop me! But Lockhart nearly tracked me down, and I was forced to begin the ritual to consume the girl's soul before I was truly ready! If it were not for his ceaseless meddling, I would have killed every mudblood and blood traitor in the castle and begun my conquest already! Soon, the world shall fear my name!"

The Weasley's all blinked, shifting on their feet. "But, Tom Riddle isn't a very scary name," Ginny protested.

Riddle sneered. "Perhaps you know my chosen title better!" He waved his wand, and the words "Tom Marvolo Riddle" appeared. After a moment, they arranged themselves into "I am Lord Voldemort."

"Oh bugger," Ron said.

"Ha! And now you bring me the stunned corpse of my foe! With Lockheart defeated, none can stand in my way. I would thank you, but Danger has grown quite hungry, and I must feed her. Come, my pet, slay these fools and allow me to fulfill my destiny!"

Supreme Danger Noodle Hears master, and snek will kill silly mudbloods!

"The basilisk, I can hear it!" Harry gasped. "It's coming!"

"Run!" Ron yelled. Fred and George grabbed Lockhart's still petrified body, and the Weasleys ran for their lives as Lord Voldemort laughed maniacally behind them.

No sneaking now, snek will eat silly boys and girls! I boop in snoot and all die!

"We don't taste very good," Harry called behind him. "You're better off eating some more rats."

Snek already eated all the rats. Snek wants to eat children!

"Oh, um, the children all ran the other way, nothing but rats here!" Harry called. He turned to Ron and hissed, "Tell me you brought Scabbers!"

Ron quickly pulled the rat out of his pocket, and Scabbers squeaked in panic.

Oh. Supreme Danger Noodle does not want more rats. Will go find silly children and eated them! Sneaky like, very snek

The Weasleys listened for a moment, until the grinding of the basilisks scales faded.

"Quick, get Lockhart up!" Ginny hissed.

Fred and George pointed their wands at Lockhart, whispering, "Enervate!"

With a gasp, Lockhart sat up. "You idiot children! Without the roosters, the easiest way of slaying the basilisk is beyond us!"

The Weasleys all flushed and looked down.

"Sorry," Harry mumbled. "We thought you were evil."

"Having good fashion sense does not make one evil!" Lockhart snapped. Then he sighed. "Still, it wouldn't do for me to abandon such a fight. Give me my wand."

Hermione handed over Lockhart's wand. Standing, he conjured a blindfold. "Ah, once again on the hunt! I thought my battle with the yeti would be my last, but it seems once more adventure calls! Stay here, children. I shall return shortly."

The Weasleys all cowered in the corner, listening to the epic sounds of Lockhart's duel. Harry provided color commentary, as he was the only one who could understand the basilisk.

"Oh, Lockhart's found Supreme Danger Noodle."

Supreme Danger Noodle boop stupid fancy man!

"Yes, that's really the basilisk's name. Oh wow, he's casting blind, but he managed to collapse the corridor."

Ow! Stupid rocks hurt snek.

" I think, no, no she's not dead. Oh wow, she nearly got him there I think."

Ha! Snek bit stupid fancy mans clothes! Snek bite man next! Ow! Snek no like fires! Snek no like tingly light sneks.

"He's shooting fire and lightning! Noodle's hurt, but she's not out yet."

You boop snek, now snek boop you! No loud chickens here stupid fancy man!

"Oh, Lockhart's used a blasting curse to blind the snake! She can't see anything, she's really in pain."

Why lights go out? Sneks eyes hurt! Now Supreme Danger Noodle MAD!

"He's cutting her with some spell I haven't heard of, the snake's really angry."

Mmmm! Tasty fancy man! Snek like you in belly! Now snek eat! Wait, what this snek eat? Why it taste like fireworks?

"Damn! It's bit him. Lockharts wounded, but not out. Oh! I think he got it. Come on!"

The Weasleys ran out, to find Lockhart panting in agony. A fang of the basilisk was sticking out of his leg, but the massive creature was dead, a stone from the roof piercing its skull.

"Left pocket," Lockhart wheezed as he yanked out the fang. "Bezoar. Will counter the venom."

Hermione quickly found the bezoar and passed it to Lockhart, who swallowed the stone. After a moment, he stood on shaky legs. "It's not over. We have to destroy the Diary. That will sever the connection and free the girl."

Harry grabbed the basilisk fang and ran over, where Tom tried to block his path. "No, stop, I am close, so close!"

Harry tried to bowl through Tom, but it turned out he was nothing more than a ghost. Spying the diary, Harry drove the basilisk fang into it.

"NOOOOOOO!" Diarymort wailed. The diary spurted blood and ink and Riddle collapsed in a pool of ectoplasm.

"Good, Harry, very good," Lockhart wheezed. "You two, twins. Pick up the girl. No, don't touch the diary. I fear I know what it is, and a dark object indeed it must be. I will take it myself."

With Ron and Harry supporting Lockhart and Fred and George carrying Luna, the group made their way out of the Chamber.

Back in the Great Hall the next morning, Professor Dumbledore beamed at the students. At his side, Professor Lockhart was sitting with his bandaged leg propped up, twirling his moustache once again.

"I am pleased to announce that Professor Lockhart has successfully infiltrated the Chamber of Secrets, and freed Luna Lovegood from the clutches of a basilisk, and the shade of a terrible dark wizard. Once more, the world is in his debt."

There was wild applause, but Lockhart held up his hand for silence. "I confess, normally I act alone, but this day I did not. The true credit goes to Harry Weasley and his siblings, who aided him in confronting the basilisk and rescuing their dear friend, Luna Lovegood from the Dark Wizard that ensnared her. I especially want to compliment young miss Hermione Weasley, who managed to defeat me with a petrifying spell. Most impressive."

There was more applause, and the Weasleys all blushed and looked down in embarrassment.

"I can't believe he wasn't actually evil," Harry groaned.

"I told you, but you just didn't want to listen," Ron muttered. "He's not evil, he's a hero!"

Hermione winced and kept her head down. "Sorry, Ron. It's just...he looks so evil. And his methods were a bit suspect."

"Really Hermione, have you even read his books?" asked Percy, who was recently freed of petrification thanks to Lockhart supplying the school with Mandrake roots. "He uses the animated corpse technique in Gadding With Ghouls to destroy the ghouls soul forever. And in Holidays with Hags, he used his ability to possess others to fight off the hags own attempt at possession and save the mayor's beautiful daughter."

"I mean, I have, but he looked and acted so obviously evil," Hermione protested.

Ginny shrugged. "He fooled us all, Hermione. But in the end, he proved he really was a hero."

"Best. Prank. Ever." Fred and George declared.

/\/\/\\/\\/\/\/\\/\\/\/\\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Luna sat quietly in her hospital bed, counting the wrackspurts that fluttered about the place. So far only the headmaster had come to talk to her about the diary, and Luna had tried her best to be honest. He had told her it was a very dark object, and it wasn't her fault, and she could stay in school. Luna was glad she wasn't in trouble, but she also felt terribly guilty. A lot of people had been petrified and hurt, all because she had her head in the clouds and couldn't see what was right in front of her face. Mum had always told Luna to focus, to pay attention, to not let her imagination get the better of her.

No one was going to come visit her. Luna hadn't even heard from her father, and when she did she was certain he would be more interested in the basilisk than her. None of the Ravenclaw students were going to see her, they hadn't even realized she had been gone, or cared. She was alone now. Even Tom had left her, just like everyone else.

Tears rolled down Luna's cheeks, and she dried them on her wet sleeve. She was going to miss Tom. Maybe he had been trying to suck out her soul and turn her into a heliopath, but at least he had been her friend. Now she was all alone, save for the wrackspurts and nargles. Nargles? Luna blinked. What were a horde of nargles invading the hospital for?

"No, you talk to her first, Ginny."

"Why me, Ron? Because I'm a girl?"

"Yes, actually. That and you actually know her."

"I think it should be Harry. He's the one who saved her from the diary after all."

"No one asked you Hermione!"

"I'll do it, I'll do it."

The curtain around Luna's bed parted, and a ginger head peeked in. "Psst, Luna, are you awake?"

"Yes, I think I am," Luna said, smiling at the bespectacled boy who was practically swarmed by nargles. "Now I understand why the nargles are here. They do go wherever there's love and friendship."

"Oh." Harry came in and stood by Luna's bed, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly. "So, um, I wanted to say sorry. We found you with that dead rooster and we were so busy thinking it was Lockhart that was evil we didn't stop to check to see if you were OK."

"I don't remember carrying a dead rooster, or meeting you with one," Luna mused. "You must have met Tom. He was so bored without a body, I used to let him borrow mine. That's what a good friend would do, isn't it?"

The curtain parted once again, and Ginny, Hermione, and Ron stepped in. "No Luna, you shouldn't go letting people borrow your body. Especially not strange boys you find in diarys," Hermione huffed.

"Well, he was my friend." Luna thought for a moment. "My only friend. I think I'll miss him, even if he was trying to steal my soul."

"But what about me, Luna? Aren't we friends?" Ginny asked.

"I think we're more like acquaintances really. We only ever say hello in the hallways and never take meals together. Mother always said friends should break bread together. That's why I would take my meals back to my dorm, so Tom and I could eat together."

Ginny looked down, blushing. "Well, I want to be your friend, Luna." When no one else said anything, Ginny's leg's rose and fell twice, and Ron and Harry let out yelps.

"Um, us too," Ron said.

Harry nodded. "Yeah, you can be our friend Luna. After all, we did have an amazing adventure together where we defeated an evil villain's nefarious plot."

"You could be an honorary Weasley, like me," Hermione offered.

Slowly, a smile spread its way across Luna's face. "Really? We could be friends? And go on crumple horned snorkack hunts and eat together and talk and do our homework?"

"You can join Ginny and I for our study sessions," Hermione offered.

"And you can come kip with us for meals," Ron offered. At least that was an activity he knew he liked to do.

"Yeah, that sounds like fun," Harry agreed. "I've always wanted to go on a hunt for a strange monsters. Do you think we could look for more of those nargles too?" Harry was not prepared for Luna to launch herself out of her bed and latch onto him, crying and hugging him tightly. He would have said something, but Luna had tackled him to the floor, so all he managed was an "Urk."

"I think she agrees," Ron observed.

"Friends!" Luna laughed, still hugging Harry. "Real friends!"