Hey there Demigods! Yes I am back after so many years... (I know it hasn't been that long but it really felt like that) We had our exams and don't even ask how much marks I have got coz I don't know too... (*^_^*)

Anyways, this chappie focuses on Will and his failures, because let us face it, we all think that Will is perfect but a person can never be perfect - their always be some flaw... like in Will it is his self loathing.

Now there is a difference between low self esteem and self loathing... I think you would get how different they are by reading the chappie but if you don't, write it in the reviews and I will explain!

Disclaimer: Oh I don't own them! Case closed! Don't break my heart reminding every time!

Enjoy! ヽ(^。^)ノ

Mortal inside out

Chapter 9: Will's P.O.V

He was sleeping in front of me, tear streaks visible on his face. I grabbed the clipboard and ripped Nico's paper in anger — anger more at my self rather than the paper.

Self Loathing almost to the brim, I stumbled to my cabin. Anyone who actually knew me would say in a blink of an eye that I was not well or something like that. Because I wasn't, I wasn't well. I was feeling so low of myself that I was sure even a cockroach right now would be better than me.

I went inside the washroom and locked my self in, it was time for dinner but I didn't have any appetite. I wanted to throw up but I figured that I hadn't eaten anything from the morning so it won't be that successful.

I looked at my hands, they looked like a healer's hand to everyone else, but to me, they looked like the hands that could only do one thing — and they couldn't even do that correctly.

Without saying anything I sat in the tub with my clothes on. I wanted a place to sit down, I wasn't interested in bathing. I twisted and inspected my hands – hands that couldn't have saved people. People who some loved, whom I loved...

I remembered that bad day, as if it was engraved in my mind. My hands, a proof of what I couldn't have done.

It was a beautiful day, that day when my mom died. It could have been the best day I had ever seen. My mom had woken earlier than usual and made me and her the black coffee she used to make every time we had go somewhere from where we would come back often utterly exhausted. She was smiling at me, the sun illuminating her face, her dark red hair in messy braids.

"We will go somewhere different today, William," She had said, "Somewhere beautiful."

"Where?" I asked with the innocence that only comes when one is 10.

"A Summer camp." She said smiling brightly.

"But you won't come with me!" I said pointing out the truth.

"It is okay, there is a beach near by we'll have fun there!" She said and grinned, bringing a smile on my face too.

Her smiles were always so infectious, so was her voice. She always said that what lured my father to her, and that she was honoured that my father deemed her worthy of his love. She was only 25 when she met my father and had me after a year.

She always told me that my father had very important work so he couldn't come to see me. I hated my father for that but on the same time I wanted to meet him, see how great he was that Naomi Solace was proud of him.

We were on the way to long island when it happened. We had to stop to check on the map for we were a bit lost and then the nosoi came.

They looked transparent and corpse like.

They were two and their tongues were lolling out as if it was impossible of them to be inside. Their eyes were a malignant yellow in color and were walking in fluid motions, as if they weren't solid.

I remember My mom urging me inside the car and driving to half blood hill, the nosoi behind us the whole time, we reached the border and I went inside. But my mom couldn't, she was outside and they came from behind. The creatures settled on her like blankets of dust and my mom started choking. She had her hand out to me that said that I should remain inside the shield. I was crying as I saw my mom writhing from the disease the nosoi brought upon her. At last she stilled and only because her chest wasn't moving that I knew she wasn't asleep.

I screamed, screamed till my throat was hoarse, screamed till someone's hands clamped around me, screamed till I drifted into unconsciousness, my mom on the ground her hand still outstretched, brown eyes open, her eyelids and lips blue the last thing I saw if her.

Almost four days after I woke up in a cabin, hyacinths growing on the window sill and two boys looking down at me with concern. They told me that I was glowing when Chiron found me, I had literally glowed up, a bow above my head as the power from my hand incinerated the nosoi. I made them go away but I couldn't save my mother. . She died because the disease laid upon her had been too much. She was taken by an ambulance which Chiron called.

He later said that she died of Dengue and Ebola.

I had cried the whole month that time. Hadn't eaten anything, tried to starve my self. Tried to find ways in which I could see my mother again or burn away the image of her body spasming before me as I a foot away from her couldn't do anything.

At the end of the month on her birthday, that day was the first day when I had a panic attack.

It was something that was actually inevitable. The exhaustion, hunger, fear, the need to see my mother one last time – happy, bright, alive. It all came down on me like a wave, unexpected and drowned me.

As I sat in the tub, crying about my mother, I relived what happened that day on my mother's 37th birthday that she couldn't get to celebrate. First it was the silence inside my mind, silence other than the tricking of fear. Unexplainable fear, lacing every neuron inside my mind. A coldness seemed to sweep upon me as the nosoi had on my mother.

That day I thought that maybe I deserved it, and the feeling was still there this time. My breath catching and as I gasped inside the tub, I thought of how I had made Nico cry. How I had done nothing other than see my mom die in front of me. How I couldn't save Natalie that was only 10 when she died because I wasn't enough. How numerous hunters and campers died on my watch in the Titan War. How many I

couldn't have saved when they died in front of me. How many hearts I have broken with my bitter words.

I saw a figure reach towards me through my mist filled eyes and blurry vision. I wanted it to be a petite figure, small, lithe, with black - brown hair and obsidian black eyes. But it wasn't, instead a girl came towards me and started rubbing soothing circles on my back to calm me. Muttering nonsense, I sensed Kayla trying to make me break free from my panic attack and I eventually did. I calmed down till I was sniffing quietly and still Kayla didn't leave me.

She was one of the only few people that knew that I had panic attacks, nobody else other than Kayla, Lee and Michael had known. And Lee and Michael were dead. If it weren't for Kayla I would have been in an asylum by now. She knew what do to do when I was in this state.

I turned and looked at her with my large, red and puffy eyes and tried to convey all the feelings I had for her. The way she smiled made me feel sure that she understood.

"Come on Will let us get you in bed." She said gently but I shook my head. She arched an eye brow at that but did nothing.

"I want to sleep where I slept yesterday. " I said and she nodded. After 45 minuted I was in the chair near Nico's bad and was dozing off.

My dream took a new turn this time.

Instead of me and Nick sitting under the shade of a tree, I was sitting with a girl.

She looked very pretty but her image was flickering from time to time. Her face was becoming more beautiful each time it flickered. One time it was the face of a an actress I once had a crush on, then she changed to Christina, then lastly she looked as a girl version of Nico.

"What do I look for you?" She asked, her voice like melted honey.

"Like Nico but a girl. Is this what Bianca looked like?" I asked unable to stop myself from asking.

"I suppose yes. I knew I would have no affect on you but I am still a bit disappointed." She said pouting and I was wondering who she was.

"I am Aphrodite, William Solace." She said and I didn't know what to do so I just nodded. I was surprised as to why She had come to my dream.

She sighed, "I came here to tell you that you need to give Nico time."

My eyes widen at her comment and she smirked. I mentally kicked myself for thinking otherwise, of course she had come to discuss my love life. Why else would she be here?

"Okay?" I asked still not over my shock, so it came out as a question.

"William Solace your heart is in the worst case of love than I had ever seen since Percy and Annabeth." She said. And I nodded again unsure of what to do with that knowledge.

She continued giving me no time to reply. "But Nico had his share of heartbreak that needs time."

Then she stood, and brushed off her already spotless dress.

"But why were you here?" I asked at last finding my voice.

She smiled. "I came here to warn you." She said as if it was obvious.

"What?" I asked my voice raising a bit.

"I came here to warn you that you give too much Will, and that it is in danger of breaking. Nico might be your love but that doesn't mean that He thinks the same." She said, smiled once more and my eyes flew open.

I saw Nico looking at me and I thought if maybe Aphrodite was right.

Nico waved at me and tried to smile. All thoughts of not pinning after him flew out the window.

To hell with it, I thought. Until I am absolutely sure that he doesn't want me in any way, I'll take my chances with him, After all I was human inside - out.