I do not own Supernatural.
Forgive Me
Dean's eyes are wide an panicked. I shakily get up and struggle into my clothes, replacing my torn shirt with a new one. I can hear Anna coming up the stairs. Dean hurriedly puts on his jeans. I open my bedroom door and shut it behind me.
"Cas? Why are you home." She asks, climbing the last stair. She brushes her silken red hair from her face.
"Class got canceled." Dean had convinced me to ditch class in favor of pleasing him sexually. I bit my swollen lip, and shifted uncomfortably in my jeans.
"I'm making lunch, you want some?" She asks, placing a hand on my shoulder. Her thumb brushes over a still damp spot on my neck from Dean's saliva.
"Yes." I mutter pitifully, unable to look her in the eyes as I follow her back down the stairs as she complains about having to work a double shift.
"They let me take lunch off though, so I thought I'd come home real quick and get some lunch." Anna informs, pulling ingredients for sandwiches from the fridge.
I sit down on the stool in front of the island in the center of the kitchen. I rake in a pained breath, still sore from Dean's brutal pounding.
"Are you alright, Castiel?" She asks worriedly, turning around at my stiff figure half raised off the stool.
"Fine." I lie, lowering myself back down and wincing as the wood digs into my sensitive muscles. I'm still wet and loose, and every time I shift I can feel Dean still warm against my hole. It makes me hot all over with guilt.
"Lucifer should have been back, but you know how he is with Micheal. Once they get together you can't separate them until one of their epic fights." She rolls her eyes. Lucifer and Micheal were always an enigma to me.
Anna seemed to understand their twisted relationship more than me. But I did notice how Lucifer always stayed longer than intended when he went to see our other brother.
"Oh I meant to ask, Dean thinks Sam's been acting weird lately. Do you know anything about that?" Anna asks, looking up. I swallow thickly at the mention of Dean's name, tugging up the collar of my shirt to hide the hickies he left on me.
"Our friend is moving, Sam doesn't take well to abandonment." I say, accepting the meal as she hands it to me. She starts making her own, and I feel even worse. Anna has always been a devoted, perhaps even doting older sister. I repay her love with deceit and betrayal.
I take a few bites of the sandwich to placate her, but it sits heavy in my belly.
"Neither does, Dean. I think it's because of the whole John thing." She waves her hand, lips twisted in a frown. I nod agreeing with her. John Winchester had left Dean to basically raise Sam himself from a young age, only providing the most basic of care like shelter and the occasional meal.
Otherwise his presence was elsewhere. From Sam's description, he found bars to be his usual place of occupation.
Anna idly chatters more, complaining about her crazy boss and how she wants to quit because she disagrees with his moral code. She then moves on to talk about school, and what classes she's having trouble with and which she's excelling in.
"I've got to go, work." She scowls, taking both of our plates and placing them in the sink. She turns and plants a kiss on my cheek, Dean's lips had ghosted there only minutes ago and I wonder if she can smell his after shave and spunk still seeped into my skin.
"Gabe's class should be over soon. Tell him he needs to take you to dinner because I won't be home until late."
"Okay." I say watching her quickly exit our house. I run up the stairs, swinging open the door only to find my room empty. My window is open and the heady scent of sex is all but gone. The bed is tidied somewhat.
Any evidence that Dean had been here is gone.
The air is strained between Sam and Kevin. I sit between them at the movie theater, Sam smacking the popcorn with obnoxious intent.
Kevin sits on my other side, gritting his teeth as he sips his soda.
"Will you stop it." Kevin finally hisses.
"Am I bothering you, Kev? So sorry, I'll try and keep it down." Sam snarls, and he's intimidating in a way I've never seen before. I makes the hackles on the back of my neck rise and I hunker down in my seat.
His slanted eyes are fiercely focused on Kevin.
Kevin however doesn't seem in the least bothered, if anything he grows more annoyed.
"Shut up, Sam." Kevin snaps, glaring harshly at him. Kevin had broken up with Sam, reasoning that prolonging the break up would only hurt Sam more. Inevitably they were both extremely heartbroken and hurt, and they were taking it out on each other with nasty cruel comments.
"You can't tell me what to do anymore, Kev. You sorta lost that privilege when you kicked me to the curb." Sam snarks, and he's tall even sitting down. Looming over me to glare down at Kevin with intimidation.
"Will you keep it down?" A man asks behind us, his date making annoyed noises in the back of her throat.
"I didn't 'kick you to the curb', it's for the bes-"
"So help me, if you finish that sentence I'll ..." Sam's voice shakes in anger and he himself doesn't finish the threat. Kevin sneers at him.
"You'll what?" Kevin barks, standing up. Sam stands too and there are noises of complaint behind us.
"Come 'ere." Sam grits, grabbing Kevin's wrist and hauling him from the cinema. I stare blankly at the screen for a few moments, lost on what to do. I had borrowed Gabriel's car to bring us here. The keys were placed firmly in my pocket.
I decided to finish the rest of the movie to give them some privacy, I nibbled on Sam's abandoned popcorn and winced as the girl is forced to rip her hand away from her wrist from under a car in which she was pinned.
After the gory ending I to the parking lot. Spotting my car I approach, the glass is fogged and I hesitate before opening the door.
Kevin's soft broken moan, and the lean tan skin of Sam's naked back meet me.
I clear my throat, and Sam whips his head around.
"I called Dean, he's gonna pick you up. Leave the keys, I'll drop the car off and your house and take a taxi home." Sam says rapidly, snatching the keys from my hand and slamming and locking the door.
"Sam, this is not my vehicle for you to fornicate in!" I shout, pounding on the glass. I'm only met with another one of Kevin's pretty sing song moans, followed by Sam's deep guttural noise of approval. I feel my face flush as I stumble away from the car.
I go and sit at the front of the theater and a few minutes later the defining sound of Dean's Impala rumbling fills my ears. Instantly shivers bristle along my body.
"Need a ride?" Dean asks, leaning out the window.
"Yes." I say, jumping into the car.
"Sammy said Gabe ditched you." Dean snorts a laugh, throwing out his arm behind my shoulders. I hesitate before nodding.
"Yes, Gabriel and I went to the movies but he left with a girl. Sam and Kevin had already gotten a ride by the time I realized I was abandoned." I inform.
"That's what Sammy said," Dean nods. I let out a breath of relief that Sam and I made up a similar scenario. "Is Sam spending the night at Kevin's? You want to come over?" Dean asks, eyes spending far to much time on me, rather than the road he should be focused on.
"I'm very tired." I murmur, looking down at my lap. I am tired, the fight between Kevin and Sam had been heated and had made me uncomfortable and embarrassed. I was worn out from school and wanted to go home and sleep.
"Okay." Dean tries to say casually, but the hurt in his voice is evident.
"I'll come over." I amend quickly, it won't do having Dean displeased with me.
"We don't have to do anything. I just want you with me." Dean says, and then instantly regrets it judging by his red face and scowl.
I can't help but smile softly at him as I reach up behind my shoulder to clasp his hand with mine. Although embarrassed, he still knits our fingers together and pulls me closer against his side.
I come home late one night, knowing that Gabriel will throw a tantrum if I stay out all night again. He insist I'm being a burden on Dean's household, not knowing it's Dean who keeps telling Sam to let me spend the night.
I sneak in through the front door, tip toeing up the stairs and into my room. I crack open the door to see Gabriel snoring softly into his pillow. I breath out in relief and am about to shut our bedroom door behind me, when I hear a soft noise.
Turning around I go further down the hallway and hear my sister.
Soft noises spill from her lips, pained and smothered. I nearly break down the door with a force I didn't know I had.
Anna is smothering her own frantic sobs into her pillow, thin shoulders shaking under her tank top. She looks up, and tries to quickly rub at her eyes.
"Cas! What are you doing up?" She forces a watery smile at me, and my heart shatters. I close the door and cross the room. Sitting on the edge of her bed.
"Anna, what's wrong?" I demand, taking her hand when she tries to cover her face.
"Nothing, I'm fine." Anna insists, and she is always the nurturer, never the nurtured. I think it's perhaps something both her and Dean have in common.
"Anna, please." I whisper, cupping her face and rubbing the tears from beneath her eyes. She lets out a trembling breath and stares at me a long moment, eyes wilting before more tears spill down her cheeks to slide over my fingers.
They burn hotly, and I feel my own eyes dampen.
"Dean's cheating on me." She mouths, voice broken and so little. It's so strange to hear my strong, independent sister sound so young and vulnerable.
"How do you know?" I ask, and I cradle her head against my shoulder as she lurches forward. I can't bare to look at her. I feel sick to my stomach.
"He's been distant. I've thought I was just being paranoid for awhile, but I saw some texts on his phone to a someone named 'angel'. I couldn't call it, I wanted too but I couldn't." Anna sobs, clawing at my shirt as she curls up against me. She's tiny, so small against me. I want to protect her, but it's me who she needs protecting from.
"I'm sorry." I whisper, because I don't know what else to say. What if she had called 'angel'? How confused would she be to hear her own brother answer, to hear me answer 'hello dean' with a familiarity she didn't know I held with her boyfriend. My lover.
"I loved him so much. How could he do this to me?" She's wrecked, eyes wide and confused and hopeful. Like I may try and reassure her, like I can offer her some advice. I look away and pull her into a tighter hug.
God I still have Dean in me, his semen still in my hole. His hickies and bruises all along my body. I suddenly feel very dirty and not worthy to touch Anna, I'm not worthy of her trust.
I try and pull away, but Anna holds onto me tightly.
"Stay, please." She croaks, voice shaking terribly. I nod, and we settle on the bed. Curled around each other. Tears slip sideways down my face as I watch my sister break apart, crumbling against me because of my sins.
"I thought he loved me." She cries, fingers shaking in my hands as I clench her tiny pale hands between mine to try and stabilize her. To try and hide her from the world that's been so cruel to her. I've been to cruel to her.
We lay there for hours. Laying on our sides and looking at each other. She cries silently for hours before her eyes flicker shut. I pull the blanket over us, and kiss her forehead.
My own face is wet and salty with tears.
"I'll fix it Anna, I'll fix it all." My sister and I fall asleep clinging to each other like lost children.
