I'm leaving for camp in a few days! Isn't that awesome? Anyways...

Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings or any of the songs mentioned in this story.


41: I will not attempt to defeat Orcs in a dance off.

Fighting for the freedom of Middle-earth was not easy, not one tiny bit. It was also quite tedious. These thoughts ran through Legolas's mind as he shot down yet another nameless Orc, warring on for Rohan's sake. "Thirty-seven!" he shouted to Gimli.

"Legolas," said Gimli as he cleaved an Orc's head clean off its shoulders. "This is becoming quite boring."

And that's when Legolas thought of his brilliant idea.

"Hey you!" the elf yelled to the nearest Orcs. "Take this!" And, to everyone's horror, Legolas began to dance, doing the worm, the mashed potato, and the jerk. Gimli joined in, but only one Orc attempted to take them on. It danced the stanky leg, but Orc legs are far too stubby for that. So said Orc was killed, poor guy.


42: I will not send bubble wrap to Sauron for his "therapy."

"Ringwraiths!" a deep, dark, and ominous voice bellowed. It echoed throughout all Mordor, and even Frodo, Sam, and Smeagol heard it from a distant land.

The Nazgul all lined up before the Mouth of Sauron, looking fearful. When Sauron was angry, someone usually paid with their life. "Yes, my lord?" they questioned timidly.

The Mouth of Sauron held up a plastic, bubbly material. "What the French toast is this?"

The Nazgul had no clue what French toast was, but they understood the point. Ringwraith Number 5 said, "Sir, there's a note attached to the bottom."

"Really?" the Mouth of Sauron glanced down. Indeed, a note was taped to one side. The Mouth of Sauron read it, set the material onto the floor, and hurled a sword into the nearest wall. The sword became embedded into the stone, with only the hilt visible.

Dearest Sauron,

How are you, pumpkin? Darling, I heard about your therapy classes, so I decided to send you this bubble wrap. I almost sent you my cheese knife/broken sword, but its way too cool for you.

Love, Aragorn

P.S. Are you screaming in fury right now? I'm sorry, but I can't hear it over the sound of how totally awesome I am.

And Sauron was truly screaming in fury.


43: I will not have my own kingdom.

"Are you sure about this, my liege?" Pippin asked.

"Positive. You have done well, Sir Took!" Merry responded to his...servant.

Not too far away, Boromir rolled his eyes. The Fellowship was bundled next to a fire for the night, but Merry and Pippin had wandered form the crowd, their chitchat quite audible to the others. "And what are you two conspiring about?"

"Don't end your sentence with a preposition, Boromir," said Merry. "Anyone who does in this kingdom will be bombarded with three rotten potatoes and a pony."

Merry was true to his word. Pippin actually did hurl three rotten potatoes at Boromir, and he even managed to hoist Bill over his shoulder and toss his at Boromir . Luckily, the poor pony fell short, and Pippin was rewarded with a hoof to the head.

"This is my kingdom!" declared Merry.

"No it is not!" said Boromir.

"Yes it is! I even named it!"

This intrigued Gimli. "What did you name it, lads?"

Merry puffed out his chest. "Slacker!"


44: Gollum does not have MPD.

"Stupid fat hobbits!" Gollum repeated for the forty-seventh time. Sam sighed to himself. There had to be something wrong with Slinker...or Stinker...

Sam snapped his fingers. That was it! "Mister Frodo, I know what's wrong with Stink- I mean Smeagol!"

Frodo raised his eyebrows. "What is it?"

"MPD."

"Multiple Personality Disorder?" said Frodo, alarmed. "Why?"

"He always acts differently...and he smells bad! Maybe one of his personalities doesn't enjoy showering!"


45: I must never toss a dwarf...and especially not from a catapult.

Gandalf and Legolas noticed the crimson and brown shape whizzing through the sky, but no one else did. And only they knew it was Gimli, though they had no idea what had happened.

"Aragorn!" Gandalf hollered. This guy sure did howl a lot, didn't he? He had spotted the Ranger, who was slinking away from the catapults. "What in the name of Gondor did you do?"

Aragorn grinned sheepishly. "If this is about Gimli, he said don't tell the elf..." Aragorn leaned towards Gandalf and whispered into his ear, "I tossed him from the catapult."


So, what's your favorite this time around? Mine was 43.