Blaine's P.O.V.
"Umm we'll do dessert later," my Mom said as she fluttered past me, "oh my God Blaine go put a hoodie on or something!" I stroked my arms, I was pretty cold but I didn't really care all I wanted to do was curl up on the couch with Kurt like we used to.
"Let me help you," Rachel bounced up and helped with the dishes, Finn on the other hand was already disappeared into the lounge to fall asleep after eating insane amounts of food.
"Dad?" I asked quietly, my Dad was staring into nothing with a very intent look on his thin face, "are you OK?"
"Yes… But could I borrow you and your Grandmother for a few minutes?" My heart jolted but I nodded and got everyone to leave the kitchen with drinks to go and watch some crappy TV.
"Now I know that things have been… difficult lately and I thank you both for being patient and understanding," he was speaking slowly and carefully, like it was a lot of effort. "But," he looked at me sternly, "I wanted to talk to you both about something that I've been thinking about since I was in hospital." I glanced at my Grandmother, she was looking at my Dad in a way she had never looked at me, it was purely soft and caring; my chest tightened slightly but I shook it off. "I thought I was going to die."
"Dad, don't talk like that-" I began to say but he held up a hand.
"I thought I was going to die and it made me think, if I had died that day I wouldn't have been at peace with the life I've lived."
"You know why that is," Tabitha said confidently, "you haven't been close enough with-"
"My son." No one ever cut up Tabitha Anderson, especially not her son; she recoiled slightly and turned to look at me. "Blaine," he reached across the table and motioned for my hand which I gave him cautiously, we had never done anything like this, "you spent your whole life trying to make me proud and I let your sexuality stand in the way of me telling you that you didn't need to try so hard. That every A, every race you won, every-"His voice broke and tears stung the back of my eyes but naturally my Grandmother had to ruin the moment.
"Jonathon what are you trying to say? That his sexuality isn't something that needs to be addressed? Are you sure you're feeling alright?" Her voice was harsh but laced with humour, as though my Dad's emotions were a joke to her.
"That's exactly what I'm saying Mother, Blaine is more than we could have asked for in a son and it's taken me nearly twenty-two years to see that and I'll never get over the guilt."
"You mean the guilt for allowing him to live his life like this?" She was getting more and more agitated now she realised he wasn't joking.
"Like what?" I asked harshly, "what about my life is so wrong Tabitha?"
"When was the last time you went to church? When was the last time you prayed?" She raised her eyebrows, "you are living away from God and that will always be wrong."
"Just because I'm not a Catholic doesn't mean I'm living away from God," I said but I didn't look at her, "I'm living the way I want to, I feel at peace with myself." I was lying and when I looked at my Dad I knew he could tell as well but neither of us said anything.
"I can't accept that Blaine," she said bluntly, "you're trying to make excuses for your failures and you've sucked your Father into this little game-"
"What game!" I shouted suddenly, "please just tell me why you think I deserve to go to hell!"
"You don't," she said softly, "you just need to be enlightened, to find God and his ways! Blaine I've tried so hard with you and I was expecting this little rebellious stage to phase out when you grew up."
"Stage? Dad are you listening to this?" I said desperately, "for years she's been sprouting this crap!"
"I know son, I know," he looked so tired, "Mother can you please just shut up?" I smirked slightly; even when he was trying so hard my Dad just couldn't be rude to the woman. "I love Blaine, I'll love him and whatever lovely man he ends up marrying and if that means that you don't come round here then… so be it."
"So be it? So be it?" She looked furious, "its that boy, that disgusting little fag! I knew he was trouble for the minute I heard about him!"
"Kurt? You're blaming this on Kurt?" I laughed, "you really are fucked up in the head aren't you?"
"BLAINE!" She shouted, "DO NOT SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!"
"I will talk to you with respect when you treat me with some!" I shouted back.
"Blaine calm down," my Dad said coolly, I stood up and moved away from the woman, she was making me so angry. "We don't want to get too wound up here, I just wanted to clear things up with us and next year it will be different. Next year I'm hoping that birthdays, Easter, Thanks Giving and Christmas won't mean emotionally preparing ourselves for weeks before." Tabitha sat quietly, it was unnerving to not hear her readily made biting comment but for her to sit there, just sit there.
"I think I'm going to need a drink," she stood up and made her way towards the liquor cupboard, pulling out some brandy and pouring a large glass.
"To change," she downed the drink and disappeared from the room quickly.
My Dad and I stood in the silence for a few moments trying to understand what had just happened before bursting into laughter; I had never seen my Dad doubled over in laughter before, not like this and it felt good. When we had recovered and he walked over to me and wiped the tears from my face.
"I'm sorry Blaine, I'm so sorry it took so long for me to do this," his eyes were the model of mine, clear and strewn with dark amongst the hazel.
"I'm sorry I never had any faith in you," it felt good to have my Dad on my side again, sure it couldn't erase all the years of cold stares, of ignoring me for days, of not telling me he loved me since I was twelve but it will get there one day.
"Hey what's going on here? Tabitha looks like she just saw the Devil," my Mom stopped suddenly when she saw my Dad and me in such close proximity. "John? Are you OK?"
"Yeah, in fact, I'm great," he smiled brightly and hugged my shoulders before going over to my Mom, "I'm sorry I never saw it before."
"Saw what?" My Mom asked innocently, occasionally looking at me in confusion.
"How controlled I was by what my Mother wanted, rather than what was best for our family."
"Oh my God John," she threw her hands around his neck, "it's OK, it's how you were raised, you've been the best father you knew how to be." I stood quietly watching my parents share an intimacy I had never seen shown in front of me, watching their 25-year-marriage still so strong I thought of Kurt and went to go find him.
"Hey," he smiled softly and my heart flipped, like it had every time he had smiled at me since March, "everything go OK?" He glanced towards a very tipsy Tabitha who was trying to convert a very polite Rachel from Judaism.
"Yeah she's just drunk," I smiled; I went to scoot in next to him when I noticed Burt watching us closely, I couldn't tell what he was thinking but I felt 16-years-old and picking Kurt up for the first time. "Alright Mr. Hummel?" I asked lightly to try and ease his tension but he still kept his eyes on me harshly.
"Yeah, been a funny day hasn't it?" He didn't sound amused though, he just glanced between Kurt and me suspiciously but he didn't say what was on his mind.
In fact no one spoke what was on their mind for the rest of the afternoon, conversation was pleasant and light, funny and sometimes a little forced but it lightened considerably when Tabitha passed out around 7:30.
"Hey Finn still hungry?" I laughed as I walked in on Finn eating left over's on the counter, it was oddly fascinating to watch him eat roast potatoes and Christmas cake one after another.
"Don't tell Rachel," he said glanced over my shoulder, "she's trying to get me 'fit'." I ran my eyes up and down Finn's body, he looked in good enough shape but Rachel's perfectionist ways wouldn't let Finn get away with anything.
"Of course not bro," we both stopped at the familiar term, "um so you had a good day?"
"Yeah, yeah, your Grandma is fucking crazy though! I thought Kurt and Burt were overacting but fuck," he pushed some more food into his mouth,
"'eel 'rry f'r ya," I couldn't help but laugh at his attempt at talking and how Kurt would practically gag if he was here.
"It's OK, she's normally worse," I decided I would join Finn with some more dessert, brandy cream was one of my weaknesses you know.
"How?" He said.
"Really? She made them send me to conversion therapy when I was fourteen, she makes me go to confession every time she's here, she sent me to church camp one summer, she gives me books on 'how to save my soul'" I sighed. "It's a big pain in the ass."
"Well if anyone knows about ass pain…" He said absentmindedly, "did I really just say that?"
"Yeah," I laughed, "you haven't changed a bit you know that?" His big smile had always made me feel relaxed, you couldn't be anything but comfortable with Finn Hudson.
"Good thing?" I nodded, "ah well thanks; you've grown up a lot."
"Really? I don't feel like it," I sighed into my food, "I feel the same as did at 17."
"Maybe it's because you're still in love with Kurt…"
"Are you drunk?"
"A bit, can you say you're not?" I laughed at his bluntness, "seriously Blaine though, it can't be healthy what you're doing to yourself?"
"No, it's not but I don't know what to do, he'll never take me back," I lied coolly, the truth was far worse.
"I don't know about that-"
"FINN! WHERE ARE YOU? I WANT YOU FINN!" Rachel's drunken calls sounded through the hall way and I motioned for Finn to leave, as he did he clapped my shoulder and gave me a 'careful' look.
Buzz
Matthew Barlow
Buzz
Buzz
"Hey," I answered just before it rang off, "happy Christmas babe."
"Happy Christmas!" His voice was high but not as high or as smooth as Kurt's, probably what would happen if Kurt smoked forty-a-day, "I miss you."
"I miss you too, I'm sorry I couldn't come down there, you know how it is with family," I didn't really understand how I could lie so well.
"Yeah I know sweetie but I haven't seen you in months! I need you back in my bed," his voice dropped to a growl, "all the things I would do to you Anderson…"
"How much have you had today?"
"Not nearly enough," he sighed, "Mom is still trying to convince me it's not too late to go to med school and-" Matthew kept on talking but Kurt had come into the kitchen and I found myself tuning him out.
"Hold on," I said quickly bringing the phone to my chest, "you OK?"
"Yeah, just… I need chocolate you know?" Kurt's big blue eyes scanned the food before giving me that 'tell me' look and I pointed towards the secret stash.
"You better feel lucky," I smiled, "I don't just give anyone my secret chocolate," he brought the Terry's chocolate oranges to me and carefully opened one before smacking it on the counter top.
"Thank you," he kissed my cheek fleetingly and I blushed, "I don't know if I'm tired or bored," he continued, obviously not noticing my phone, which I placed on the counter.
"Both?" I offered and he nodded, "I want to go out but I really can't find the energy; I just want to curl up on the sofa, with some good chocolate, wine, Love Actually and a warm body."
"Haven't you got a TV in your room?" He said softly, moving in closer and my breath hitched slightly.
"What are you suggesting?" He jumped off the stool and towards the chocolate cupboard, placing something of everything he could find on a tray and picking up our oranges before giving it to me. Kurt then walked off and bent into the wine rack, my eyes surveying his perfect behind. "Kurt what are you doing?"
"Well good chocolate," he pointed at the tray, "good wine," he lifted up the bottle, "I'll go get the DVD and," he put a hand on my face, "I'm a warm body."
"Kurt really? You know we'll be in bed… together…" He kissed me deeply, "OK."
"I'll get the movie, you go up stairs," he walked off with a roll of his hips that should have been illegal, once he disappeared I remembered my phone.
"Shit. Matthew?" Silence. "Matthew?"
"What was that Blaine? What's going on there? Who the fuck is Kurt?" Matthew's angry voice made me want to shoot myself but I took a deep breath.
"I'm sorry, no one, just a family friend," I rushed the apology, "baby I have to go but I'll be there soon enough, just us two, yeah?"
"I can't wait! I've never lived with someone before…" He was rather cute when he was nervous.
"Neither really," I said coolly, "I've had roommates but come on, it's me and you, it's gonna be great.
"OK see you soon baby, I love you," I swallowed deeply, Matthew did not love me but he didn't know that, he was so naïve.
"You too."
I hung up and a deep feeling of guilt settled in my chest, what I was doing was so wrong but I couldn't keep away from Kurt, he was like my addiction. I had tried to replace him with sex, cigarettes, alcohol, music, anything but nothing could replace the feel, the smell, the taste of Kurt Hummel and I was about to relapse again.
