A/N…You guys were pretty quiet last chapter…did I scare you? LOL
This chapter has a lot of angst in it…just FYI…I will see you down below.
CHAPTER 9
BPOV
"Jesus fucking Christ, Emmett!" I snapped, looking in the dry storage. "I thought you were going for a supply run."
"I was, Bells," he whined, "but, I had to check in the beverage truck yesterday…and the drain in the bar clogged when I was scrubbing the floor. I had to snake it. Relax, I'm going today. Eddie's coming with me."
"No, he's not! He's not an employee, Em. If he gets hurt…"
"Love, I won't get hurt," Edward chuckled until I shot him a hard look.
"I have a couple and a family coming in tomorrow. Don't tell me to relax. Get it done!" I growled, throwing the clipboard at my brother. "Edward's not covered, Emmett. Either take Seth or Jasper or I'll go…and if you take Rose…" I growled, pointing my finger at him.
"Ok, fuck!" He groaned, rolling his eyes.
I slammed the door behind me, running into Jasper in the hallway. He was walking with Alice and Esme.
"Before you even ask," Jasper frowned, "I sent Angela home. She had a near panic attack, because the dryer stopped working in the laundry room. She was in tears, Bells."
"Why?" I frowned.
"Because…you're scaring the shit out of her! Now, the repairman will be here today. Angela will be here in the morning. The rooms will still get done."
"Yeah, but…"
"That's it," Edward growled, picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder. "You're coming with me. Now."
"Edward…" Esme warned, but Jasper's laugh stopped her.
"Edward, put me down!" I yelled.
"I will when I'm damn good and ready!"
He walked us quickly into my room and tossed me on the bed, grabbing my shoulders to make me look at him. "You need to calm down, love."
I folded my arms across my chest, looking away from him. "Barbarian," I muttered.
"That may be, but you aren't far behind," he frowned, kneeling in front of me. "Stop and breathe, Bella. You made Angela cry, love. That's not you." He waited for a moment. "Hell, I even think you made Emmett cry…" he muttered.
I snorted and rolled my eyes, but I was beginning to see what I was doing. I was putting my wall back up around me. I didn't want to talk about it. I looked towards the door and flinched.
"You won't make it, baby," he smirked, seeing my scowl. "I'll catch you before you even get off the bed." He stood up, his arms folding across his chest.
"What do you want, Edward?" I asked through gritted teeth.
"I want you to tell me what has you so angry."
"Nothing," I lied, scooting further onto the bed, bringing my knees up and wrapping my arms around them.
"As beautiful as you are when you're angry, I prefer you're smiling face." When he saw that I wasn't going to bolt from the room, he sat down in front of me. "We're going to stay right here until you tell me what's pissing you off." He chuckled when I rolled my eyes. "Trust me when I tell you, love, you cannot out stubborn me." He raised his eyebrow at me. He looked slightly dangerous and like he meant every word he was saying. I sighed, trying not to stare at how damn hot he looked just then. Damn it, I wanted to stay angry.
"Please, Edward, let it go," I whined. "It's nothing. It's not important."
"Anything about you is important to me," he said softly, pulling my hand away from my leg. "Please tell me the phone call I received yesterday isn't bothering you."
I sighed, biting my bottom lip. Edward and I had been watching a movie when the phone call he was talking about came in.
"Hello?" He answered. "Mr. Mallory," he frowned. "Yes, Lauren told me, but…yes, sir…well, it's a fine offer, sir, but I'm afraid the answer is no." He paused, running his hand through his hair. "No, sir, I'm sure. Thank you for calling, but I will be moving out of Chicago shortly…I appreciate that, sir, thank you."
He hung up and snorted. "He just offered me an executive position," he snickered, rolling his eyes.
"Isn't that something you want?" I asked nervously.
"Not there, Bella," he sighed, his face growing serious. "He was offering out of guilt. He knew he shouldn't have listened to Lauren." He studied my face as I frowned.
"Yeah, but…if it's something…" I shrugged, not knowing what I wanted to say.
"Not a chance," he frowned, taking my face in his hands. "Forget about it, love."
"But, don't you need a job, Edward?" I asked, looking up at him.
"No," he said simply. "I've invested what my parents have given me very well, but I will want a job eventually…just not that one."
"Ok," was all I said and he let it go.
Here we were and it was bothering me. "It wasn't until I got my own phone calls this morning," I frowned, looking out the window.
"Calls…as in more than one?" He clarified.
"Yeah," I sighed. "The police called, Phil is out on bail…I don't know why that bothered me, but it did."
"And the other one?"
"James called," I said through my teeth. "You know what he wanted?" I asked almost yelling, looking back at Edward and he shook his head. The moment I mentioned James, Edward's whole body stiffened. I could see that it angered him. "He wanted to know where my mother was, so he could get in touch with her dealer…he wanted pot."
I got up and paced the room. "This shit will follow me forever…" I whispered, my brow furrowed. "You should take that job, Edward. It has to be better than this," I sighed, closing my eyes.
"Are you serious?" He was angry. "Are we doing this again?" He stood up and walked to me. "You're trying to send me away again? Don't even try it!"
"I'm not trying to send you away…I just don't get it…why are you giving everything up…" I floundered. "Forget it." I could take anything, but Edward mad at me. I looked up into his face and saw he was angry and I sat down hard on my sofa. I bit my lip, trying not to cry.
"I'm not giving anything up," his eyes closed in frustration. "I want to be here…with you…don't you want that too?" He asked, sitting down beside me. He put his hands in his hair and I hated that I was doing this. I wasn't able to stop myself either.
"Yes," I sobbed, not able to stop it. It's all I wanted. I wanted him to stay to never leave. "Why do I feel guilty about wanting you here?"
"I don't know," he sighed, shaking his head. "But, at least this time you're being honest," he snapped and my heart shattered. He stood up and walked to the door. When he opened it, I heard Esme.
"Edward Anthony Cullen, get your behind to my room. Now!" I hadn't heard her call him by his full name in anger since we were seniors in high school when she had found out we all skipped school to go to a concert in Seattle with Emmett.
"Aw, Mom," he whined, sounding just like he did then.
"Now, damn it," she huffed.
I fell over on my couch into a ball as soon as the door closed behind him. I scrunched up the throw that was laying there and felt my heart breaking. In all our lives, Edward never got mad at me. He always had a sarcastic sexy comment or something sweet to make it better. He never walked out of the room on me.
"Damn it, Bella," Rose sighed, kneeling beside me. "Stop it," she sniffled with me. "We aren't leaving you. Stop pushing." She lifted me up and pulled me to her. "He's not mad at you, I promise, he's just frustrated. They all are…and they don't fucking listen," she whispered. "I told them you have to get this out of your system," she said, kissing the top of my head. She rocked me back and forth, running her hand over my head as I lost it all. "It's not his job offer that's got you upset, Bells, I swear. It's the call from James. You are just focusing on what you think you can fix."
I looked up at her, confused.
"The walls are thinner than you think," she snorted and pointed to the wall that separated mine and Emmett's room. She laughed when I groaned. "Don't sweat it, we can't hear you anyway," she smiled, her eyebrow rising.
"Thank God," I sniffled.
"I told you days ago that things would remind you of her and that it would hit you hard…I told you that you would get angry. Do you know why?" She asked, making me look at her. I just shook my head. "How tired of crying are you?" I just huffed and rolled my eyes. "Exactly. Anger is such an easy emotion, sweetie. It feels good, you can control it…for a while. Then, it starts to take over. Then…you're pissed about everything."
"That was today," I sighed, wiping my face.
"Yes," she nodded, "I heard. You made Emmett cry." I felt like shit. I just shook my head and sighed. "Don't worry, he gets it now, I reminded him. Now, as for these phone calls, Bells…you've got to let it go. Renee's extracurricular activities were her own…you could have told James to kiss your ass when she was alive. You can still do it now."
"I know," I nodded weakly.
"It took you by surprise."
"Yes."
"It happens, Bella." She thought for a moment. "You know, it was my dad that taught me how to fix cars," she started and I nodded. "Ok, well, he owned a sixty-five Ford Mustang Shelby. You know…like from the movie "Gone in Sixty Seconds"?" She asked, looking at me.
"Eleanor," I smiled and sniffled.
"Yup," she nodded. "Eleanor. Ok, well, We worked on it for my entire childhood and right into my early twenties. He resold it, giving me half the profits. It's how I opened my shop." She smiled at the memory. "The first time someone brought one of those in to be fixed after he had died, Bells, I lost it, locking myself in my office for the rest of the day."
"What did you do?"
"I called the guy and told him I couldn't fix it," she sighed, shaking her head. "He came and picked it up. I felt my Dad would have been disappointed." She closed her eyes, fighting her own battle with tears.
"But, don't you have one of those in the back of your shop?" I asked, remembering it the last time I was there.
"Yup," she nodded. "I bought it as a reminder that he's everywhere, Bella. I can't stop it. Even though I'm not fixing it, it's still there to keep me grounded…to keep me running."
I nodded, standing up at her words. "Where are you going? If you run away, you'll kill those boys, Bells. All they want is to help you…Ali too. Even Edward's parents are worried."
"I'm running, but not away," I said, pulling a pair of shorts out of my drawer and then a sports bra. "I need to sweat this shit out of my system."
"Right or left?" It was all she asked and I looked up at her. "He's going to want to know," she shrugged. "He loves you, Bella, you can't push him away this time. That's why he's frustrated." She stood up and cupped my face. "He wants to be here…wants you…though, the way you've acted, I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't bury you in the sand." I laughed a short barking laugh. "So, which way…he'll ask, I swear…"
"Left," I sighed, dressing in front of her.
"How far?"
"Until I stop," I frowned, grabbing my iPod and finding the loudest, angriest music on there. "That's all I can give you, Rose."
"Fair enough."
I took off out of my room, passing Emmett and Jasper in the hallway. I darted down the stairs and out the deck doors. It was brutally hot, but I stretched anyway and took off.
EPOV
"Look, Chicago Edward is back," my sister sniped when I sat down in my mother's room. I rolled my eyes, leaning back in the chair.
"Not helping, Mary Alice," my mother bit back. She turned back to me and let loose. "Edward, you aren't handling this well at all. And. You. Will. Lose. Her." Her finger was pointing at me. My heart broke at those words, knowing she was right. "She needs you to be a rubber mat right now…you have to let these things bounce off of you. That's not our Bella, that's a grieving Bella and you know it!" All I could do is nod. "And for you to throw the past in her face, son, I could just…" Her eyes closed in frustration.
"What do you know about it?" I growled, shaking my head.
"More than you think!" She snapped, her eyes growing dark. I narrowed my eyes at Alice as she fidgeted in her spot. "I know that girl loved you enough at eighteen to let you go, because it was what you needed…can you say you would have done the same?" She didn't wait for my answer, but I didn't have one. I was selfish when it came to Bella. "I know that Charlie called me just after we moved, telling me that she was miserable enough to move all the way here. I know that you were miserable. So, she lied…this has nothing to do with it."
"I know," I sighed, leaning my head back. I haven't been yelled at by my mother in forever. I deserved every word.
"She loves you enough to want you to be happy. She's not right now, so in her eyes she believes you'll be unhappy if you stay with her, get it?" She sat down beside my sister on the bed.
"Oh God," I groaned, covering my face. She was so right. "Shit, I'm such an asshole."
"Yes, you are," Alice sighed.
"No, you're not," Mom looked at Alice hard. "You're worried for her, son. It's hard to see someone you love change almost overnight. It's not her, sweetie. Please, try to keep that in mind." She thought for a minute. "Before I met your father, I was dating a young man in college. His parents were killed in a car accident. I was young, I didn't know why he would yell and get angry at the drop of a hat. We didn't last, obviously. But, you know what happened to him?" Alice and I shook our heads. "He's the president of a pharmaceutical company now, but he's still alone and his employees hate him. He's angry and bitter. He successfully pushed everyone he knew away. Do you want Bella to do that?"
"No!" I shook my head.
"Then you keep your temper in check, Edward. This isn't about you," my father said, walking in the door. "I've explained that more times than I can count to families, but not my own." He sighed, sitting in the chair beside me. "I've offered her medication, but she adamantly refuses. I understand, no drugs for her…she would never want it. She says it's enough that Rose drags her every three months for a shot." He raised his eyebrow at me. "Bella wouldn't want to be anything like her mother. Even if it would help her."
"No, she wouldn't," I sighed, closing my eyes.
"Edward, she wasn't close to her mother, but she was still her mother. And there are still stages of grief…she's angry right now. Don't let her succeed in what she's trying to do. If there's no one left, then it can't hurt anymore." Dad leaned over, putting a hand on my shoulder and standing up. "She's so strong in some ways, son, but not in others."
I sat up, putting my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. I stood up, saying, "I need to talk to her."
"That's probably a good idea," Dad smiled.
I opened the door to their room and ran into Emmett. "She's running," he sighed. I heard Alice groan behind me.
"What?" I panicked, thinking she left again. In the state I had left her, there was no way of telling how long it would take her to come back.
"No! That's not what I meant," Emmett frowned, putting his hands on my shoulders. "No, dude, she went for a run." I sighed, my body relaxing. "So, I'm taking you with me anyway. Let's give her some time and I'll bring you right back."
I hated leaving without knowing where Bella was. Not knowing if she was still upset, whether she was safe -- it was ripping a hole in my chest. It was my words, my thoughtlessness that did the damage this time. That fact alone, having fought my whole life to protect her, was making me sick.
Emmett and I didn't say much as we did what we needed to do. It took a couple of hours to pick up the supplies, bring them back and unload them. By the time we were done, I was really hoping Bella would be back in her room, but I walked in to find it empty. The silence was deafening.
"She's not back yet," Rose sighed, her eyes sad. She was leaning in the doorway.
"Which way?" I asked, sitting down hard on the bed.
"Left."
I nodded once at her, but couldn't make my feet move. I was scared shitless. "I fucked up, Rose," I sighed.
"No, you didn't," she shook her head.
"Yeah," I breathed out. "I swore to her that I didn't care about the past and then I threw it in her face…just when she needed me to truly ignore it."
"Do you care?" She asked, her head tilting. "About the past, I mean…do you give a shit?"
"No."
"You know, when she found out you were coming here with Alice, it scared the shit out of her," she said, coming in and shutting the door. She stood in front of me, her hands on her hips. "Not because she still loved you…not because her brothers missed you…no, it was more than that. She was absolutely sure that her guilt would show on her face. She was sure that if you found out she pushed you to do the right thing, you would hate her." She stopped for a moment, her eyes sizing me up. "It killed her to lie to you…I asked her about it. I found her crying the day Alice called and added a room for you. And when I see the way that she looks at you now, she must have had to die inside to get that lie out."
"I know…I just…"
"Stop, because you don't know, Edward. What you don't know is that she never brought that part of herself back. When it died, it stayed dead…until you walked into the bar, sweetie…then, I watched as the friend I thought I knew changed instantly."
Rose sighed, saying, "It sucks losing a parent. Whether you're close to them or not, it just sucks. Hold on to yours, Edward. They are good people. You're a part of them, they are what makes you, you. There are holes that can't be filled…there are reminders everywhere…in sunsets, in movies, in stupid phone conversations," she raised her eyebrow at me. "Fuck, I found myself crying over a TV commercial once." She shook her head, smiling slightly. "I couldn't stop either," she snorted humorlessly.
I stood up quietly, "I get it. She can't help it."
"She can with your help," she sighed. "I didn't have anyone but my employees. I had almost pushed everyone away until I met Em. And he was too funny to resist."
I snickered. "He is that."
When my feet hit the sand of the beach, it was really late in the afternoon. The sun was a burning, deep orange surrounded by pinks and blues. It was hanging over the horizon, slowly sinking down to try and drown itself out for the day. It was breathtaking.
She was on the next pier down, sitting on top of the rail. The pier must have been used for fishing, because there were a few poles left reeled in, but unattended. The rail she was sitting on was a wider surface on top, like it was used to set things on.
She was sitting with her legs bent at the knee, her arms resting on top and her iPod was in her hand. She was staring out over the water towards the sunset. She was wearing running shorts and a sports bra, both in black, and her hair was in a ponytail, though I could see that she was still sweaty. I shook my head, thinking it didn't matter how she dressed, I thought she was the most beautiful thing ever.
I approached her slowly, not knowing what to expect. I deserved anything she decided to do. She looked down at her iPod and changed a song, wiping her face and turning back to the water. With every step I took, I could hardly breathe, my fear of screwing this up grew fierce.
BPOV
I ran until my legs felt like rubber, until I couldn't see through my tears, until every breath I took cut through my lungs like broken glass. I went way further than my normal five miles and found myself on the private beaches. That's when I stopped running and started walking back towards home, taking my time.
The angry music I started with eventually gave way to hip hop and then, without even realizing it, I was listening to my playlist of songs that had always reminded me of Edward. It was old, new, classical, soul, country. It was things he'd played on the piano, things we'd known as kids, songs with words that meant something to me, songs that we had made love to, music where the words said things I was unable to say, and songs that punished me for lying to him from the start. The whole damn playlist was just proof that I had missed him and thought about him over the six years we were apart. Proof that not one day went by that he didn't seep into my thoughts -- whether I knew it or not.
I heard the music, but only certain phrases or lyrics would catch my attention, making me cringe or cry, smile or groan.
"Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry. You don't know how lovely you are. Had to find you, tell you I need you, tell you I set you apart. Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions. Oh let's go back to the start. Running in circles, coming up tails. Heads on a silence apart. Nobody said it was easy. Oh it's such a shame for us to part. Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said that it would be this hard. Oh take me back to the start."
I grimaced at "The Scientist". It was something I used to listen to when it was hard to resist calling Edward and begging his forgiveness. It was something that happened often after Alice would call, telling me he was with someone new or had just broken up with someone.
As the sun started to go down, I wandered up one of the fishing piers, pulling myself up on the rail to watch the water. Tears rolled down my face as Brian McKnight's "Anytime" played. It was like a punch in the gut.
I felt more than heard footsteps on the pier and from the corner of my eye, I saw Edward standing there. I turned off my iPod, pulling the ear buds from my ears, but I didn't look at him. I couldn't. He was running his hands through his hair, looking sadder than I'd seen in some time. I rested my chin back on my arms and looked out over the water.
Edward took a seat quietly on a bench off to the side, his arms resting on his knees. "I need to apologize, Bella."
"No, you don't," I whispered, shaking my head, still not looking at him, but fighting tears at just the sound of his voice.
"I acted like an ass, I do," he nodded, trying to get me to look at him. "See, love," my eyes closed at the term of endearment that he used with me, tears leaking down my face. "I didn't listen earlier…I heard you, but I didn't listen. If I had, then I would have realized that it was James' call that bothered you…" He stopped, looking down as his feet. "Having to tell him about Renee started your day off all wrong, baby. I'm so sorry."
He stood up and walked over to stand next to me. "How I reacted…it was so stupid, Bella. I should have never said those things, please look at me." I shook my head, trying to control my breathing. "I get it now, baby. I've had my ass handed to me by every woman back at the house," he shook his head. "I was so jealous when you said he called…and then you turn around and tell me to go…I just…I lost it, love. I can't tell you how wrong I was…I know it's no excuse."
My eyes finally locked with his. "I don't want James." I was angry that he would get that from just a phone call.
"I know that…and I showed you a side of myself that you haven't seen…Alice calls it Chicago Edward," he snorted, but frowned. "He wasn't nice…you wouldn't have liked him at all. You would have probably told him so." He smiled, tucking a stray hair behind my ear and I shivered at his touch. "Alice threatened to drown him in the Gulf of Mexico," he pointed over his shoulder to the water and I rolled my eyes. "He was short tempered and he drank too much. He organized his life into sections. He used people to get what he thought he wanted, but he could never figure out what it was that he really wanted…until he got here."
I frowned at the description he gave me of himself, trying hard to imagine it. The Edward I knew growing up was protective, sweet and sensitive, sometimes a little silly. The one I knew now was still all of that plus sexy and kind, sarcastic and supportive.
"I don't care about the lie, Bella," he whispered, cupping my face. "I swear I don't. It was my knee-jerk reaction to another man calling you, especially one you shared a past with." I started to say something, but he interrupted me. "I know you don't want him…I don't care about him. He doesn't matter. We do." He motioned between us. "Because if I don't have this…I don't have anything…I don't need a job or a place to live or air…I need you." He watched my face and I'm sure that my doubt was all over it. I didn't doubt his words or his sincerity, I doubted me. "Hmm," he mused. "If I told you I was unhappy…you'd let me go…" He presented it like a question.
I nodded, closing my eyes and bracing myself.
"But what if I told you that being here…being with you…was the only thing that made me happy?" I could see in his eyes that he meant it. There wasn't a lie to be found. "I know that you think you know what's best for me," he winked, trying to lighten this whole thing up. "But, really…this time you're wrong. Last time, maybe…" He shrugged and I snorted, not able to help myself.
He turned me around on the rail so that was facing him. "I love you and I want to be here as long as you do too." He stepped between my legs, wrapping his arms around my waist. "Please, forgive me for my asinine behavior."
"I'm sorry too," I breathed, looking down at my hands.
"You don't need to apologize to me."
"Yeah…I was out of control. The anger felt so good," I shook my head. "Because it wasn't sadness." I looked up at him and he nodded like he knew what I meant. "Even when I saw what I was doing, I couldn't stop. I made you mad, Emmett and Angela cry…hell, even Jasper's pissed and I couldn't stop myself. It snowballed."
He brushed my hair back. "We just wish we could make it all go away for you, sweetheart."
"I know," I sobbed. "And I love you all for it." I couldn't breathe and Edward tried in vain to wipe the tears away. He leaned towards me and I stopped him with a shake of my head. "Edward," I sighed, closing my eyes, "I know you think you may not care about my lies, but it's evident that you do. If you got upset about a phone call from an ex…you don't trust me," I looked up at him. The hurt in his face broke my heart.
"What are you saying, Bella?" He backed away from me slightly.
"What I'm saying…is that we need time. This," I pointed back and forth between us, "won't work if you can't trust me. We moved so fast, Edward."
"Was it? Was it too fast for you?" He tilted his head at me like he was trying to read my mind. "I trust you with my life. I want nothing more than this." He meant every word. I saw it in his eyes.
"I've loved you since the say I knocked you and Alice into the leaves," I shook my head, then looked at my hands. "That won't ever change. But, I saw the pain from the mistake I made written all over your face. Do you know that the whole time I've known you, you've never gotten really mad at me?" I looked up at him. His face was frozen like he was afraid to move. "Even when I told you I didn't want you…that stupid fucking lie, Edward…you weren't angry. You were mad today. I did that and I deserve it, but it proved to me that you do care about it."
"So what?" He snapped. "I know why you did it…" He cupped my face. "Tell me what to do, baby…I'll do it…to the letter I'll do it. Because you can't deny what we have, Bella, you can't. It may have moved fast this time, but look at me. I see the way your breathing changes when I'm this close, here," he put my hand on his chest and his heart was beating hard, "Feel that? That's what you do to me." His eyebrows were furrowed in frustration.
"We didn't find what we were looking for anywhere else but right here," he said the last two words through gritted teeth. "You know why I don't care about the lie?" He asked, his voice raising. "Ask your brothers…ask Alice…I said this the night you ran away…I would have done anything you told me to then. I still will. So, what? What, Bella? Tell me what you want me to do."
I pushed him back and I jumped down off the rail. I took a few steps. "I want you to yell at me…tell me how wrong I was." I turned on him. "I made a decision that affected our lives, Edward. Six years! For six years, I wanted to tell Alice to hand you the phone so I could tell you the truth…six years of thinking I did the right thing, but it felt all wrong. Six years of missing you so completely, that no other man could compare. Tell me, Edward…tell me what it was like for you!"
"Is that what you want?" He took a step towards me. "Would that ease your guilt, love?" I nodded, wiping tears from my face and leaning against the rail. I looked past him, seeing the sun was almost gone. The beaches were just about empty and we were the only ones on the pier.
"Ok, fine." He sat down on the bench. "I was miserable, Bella. Alice had to dress me, point me to class, and make sure I ate. Then the pain turned into callousness. I dated, but it was…I was so cold with them. You have no idea." He frowned, shaking his head. "Never did they have brown hair or brown eyes…you asked about Lauren being blonde? She was the opposite of you…it had to be that way. I never gave them all of me…if I even gave anything. They would get what they got when I decided they could have it." He stood up, turning around to look out over the water that was now black.
"You've met Lauren and I've told you about Jane…and Tanya," he snorted without humor, "she was the devil. She taught me that drinking made everything bad go away." He turned back to me. "After college, I got my job at Jensen and Mallory. I met Lauren…like I told you…but, she liked the way I looked and I liked that her father was who he was. I used her and she used me. I worked and was good at it, but every time a new client came along, it was Lauren that pushed for me to get it. You keep wondering why I could leave that job…I only got where I was because of her. I never want that again…I want to earn it or have no job at all."
He looked up at me and sat back down. "I would have given anything to have Alice hand me the phone. I wanted to hear your voice so badly." Tears ran down my face at his last admission. "Oh, but, Bella…seeing you again for the first time," he shook his head slowly with a slight smile on his face, "it was like heaven and hell wrapped in one."
"Why?" I breathed, wondering what his heaven and hell was like. I damn sure felt the same way when I saw him sitting at my bar after six years.
"Because, I felt everything all at once…my wall crash away, the comfort that your presence has always brought, the feelings I had buried that never went away…all of it. And you were so fucking beautiful," his breath hitched. His heaven and hell was exactly like mine. "I never felt more whole than I did stepping into that easy thing we have…and it's easy because it's supposed to be. Come here, please." I walked over to him and he made me stand between his legs. "All this…isn't about lies, love…it's about pushing me away…I won't let it happen."
I looked down at the tears that were streaming down his face and tried to wipe them away. "I'm sorry," I whispered, brushing the hair from his face.
"That's the last apology I want for that lie," he sighed. He wrapped his arms around me, his head pressed into my stomach. "I love you so much," he murmured against my skin, placing a kiss there when my stomach jerked. I ran my fingers through his hair for a few moments. "Can I stop yelling at you now? 'Cause I'm hating it." He asked, raising his head up to look at me.
I laughed a short, sniffly laugh and nodded. "Yes, I needed it, though," I sighed, pressing my forehead to his.
"You think you do, love," he smiled softly, closing his eyes and wrapping his arms around my waist again. "There's so much working on you right now, it has to be overwhelming. And I didn't help today."
"Thank you for not giving up…even though I was close," I sighed, my breath hitching. "I want you here, I swear. I know I push, but I do. I've never wanted anything more. I love you." My breath hitched on the last word.
"I know, love," he whispered, smiling sweetly, but I could still see tears in his eyes. I leaned in, pressing my lips to his. With a deep breath, he pulled me to his lap. I could taste the salt from his tears and my hands cupped the side of his face to try and brush them away. With a sob from the both of us, we turned our heads to sink deeper into each other. His hand cradled my head while his other arm was wrapped around my waist to hold me close.
I slid my hands to his hair, pulling lightly and hoping for the moan I was rewarded with instantly. I whimpered when his teeth grazed my bottom lip, sucking it back in.
Reality snapped to me quickly and I pulled back. "Oh God," I breathed. "As much as I want to finish this, I have to work the bar tonight."
"What about taking it slow?" He asked, smirking at me and chuckling when I smacked his shoulder. "Ok," he sighed, picking me up with him when he stood. "I reserve a bar stool, though. I have to be with you…"
"Hmm," I smiled, "and maybe a dance too." He nodded, kissing my forehead and setting me down.
"Bella, please stop pushing me away…I don't want to go," he whispered, cupping my face.
"I don't want you to," I shook my head. He kissed me again until my knees went weak, until my heart was pounding.
We walked back, holding hands. "You got your ass handed to you?" I asked, just realizing what he had said.
He chuckled and nodded. "My mother was brutal," he snickered, picking up our entwined hands and kissing mine. "You would think Rose would be the tough one, but nope," he shook his head with a slight smile. "I think Jasper's right, Mom does love you more than anyone else." I laughed, looking up at him.
We made our way through the deck doors and Emmett was waiting for us. It looked like he was sweating bullets. "Em, I'm really sorry…" I started.
"Nope," he held a hand up to me. "No biggie…but, you should know…Seth can't make it tonight…he's sick. The problem is that I have plans with Rosie and Jasper and Alice are already out."
"I'll work with you, love," Edward squeezed my hand. "I was going to be there anyway."
"Ok," I sighed, smiling. "Then, let's do this."
With a quick shower, we dressed quickly to try and catch up in the bar. It was Friday night and we were packed. Edward stayed behind the bar and I ran the tables. We fell into an amazing groove, playing around all night. It was like a fog had been lifted from me.
Ice was the weapon of choice when we weren't busy. It went down my shirt and his jeans on more than one occasion. We were busted by his parents at one point who had come in for a drink and to check on me. They just shook their heads and laughed at us.
Esme snickered, watching her son shake an ice cube out of his jeans leg as I brought her another drink. "Did he deserve it?" She smiled, raising her eyebrow.
"Of course," I laughed, "he told the guy at the end of the bar that my shirt was a warning label!" I snorted, shaking my head. I was wearing a t-shirt that said "Cranky When Provoked". Carlisle read it and laughed quietly on the other side of the table.
"What about the red head staring at him?" Esme asked, raising an eyebrow at me again.
"He hasn't asked for help with her yet," I smirked, looking over at her. She was watching every move he made in those damn tight jeans that were sitting low on his hips. The tight black t-shirt didn't help either, showing off every muscle and occasionally a little of his stomach.
"Help?" Carlisle snorted.
"He doesn't know?" I asked Esme, laughing. She just shook her head and snickered.
"No, there's no way to explain that thing you two do," she smiled over at her husband. He just looked confused.
"Ok, just wait," I nodded, watching the girl reach out and stroke his arm with one long, painted nail. Edward looked up at me and I saw the pleading face. "There it is," I smiled.
"Watch, Carlisle." Esme giggled, clapping her hands like her daughter. "They've been doing this for years."
I walked up to the bar, kneeling on a barstool close to hers. When he turned around, his smirk was deadly. "Hi, handsome," I purred, leaning on both hands on top of the bar.
"Hey, beautiful," he smiled, setting a beer in front of the guy to my right. I could feel the fiery stare from the girl on my left. "What can I do for you?" He asked, leaning the same way I was.
"Hmm," I mused, biting my bottom lip. "That list is long and slightly twisted," I smiled, licking my lip and looking him up and down.
"We should compare notes some time, love," he snickered, his eyes darkening just a bit.
"But, I was just wondering where you got those jeans, baby," I purred, looking down.
"Couldn't tell you," he smirked, knowing where I was going with this. We had done this one at a movie theatre once. "They were a gift. Why? Do they look ok?" He asked, hooking his thumbs in the front pockets. I heard the girl next to me moan and it was all I could do not to laugh.
I shook my head no. "Uh uh…better than ok…they look really good, baby. But, they would look phenomenal crumpled up on my floor."
He looked up at the clock. "Only a few more hours, love," his voice was pure silk as he leaned closer to me over the bar. "And we'll test that theory," he raised his eyebrow sexily. With that, the red head slapped a few bills on the bar and left. Edward snickered, "Thanks."
"Anytime," I laughed and he kissed me quickly. I walked back over to his parents and Esme was in hysterics.
"Every time," she snorted, "it works every time."
"How long have you two been doing that?" Carlisle asked, smiling and looking from the bar to me.
"Since Edward was about fourteen," I snickered. "It started at the malls and movies, but carried over to school eventually."
"Oh damn," Alice frowned sitting next to her mom, "did we miss them doing it?" Esme nodded and told her about it. "Dad, you didn't know?" She laughed, shaking her head.
"No, but it's brilliant," he snickered, slapping Jasper's back as he sat down next to him.
"Did she chase one off?" Jasper asked, smiling when we all nodded. "That's the best." He winked at me, seeing my mood was a thousand times better.
Edward came from behind the bar to stand next to me. He didn't say anything, but slipped an ice cube down the back of my shirt. I squealed as he took off running, leaving me to shake it out. "Paybacks, Cullen," I growled, listening to his family laugh. He just shrugged from behind the bar, smiling. I couldn't fault him. He had made it the best night I had ever worked.
Rose and Emmett joined us just before closing, turning on the jukebox. It was like a family night. Edward and I cleaned up the bar, laughing and joking with everyone as we went. It was the first time in a few days that I had felt human again. I knew why too.
I got up and searched the jukebox and found what I was looking for. I didn't want to dance to it, but the words were important to me. "Halo" by Beyonce had words I didn't have the guts to say. Once it started, Alice and Rose smiled at me, coming to sit next to me and singing along with it like fools. Edward just smiled sweetly at me.
Jasper stood up, smiling and putting another song on. "Only You Can Love Me This Way" by Keith Urban started and Alice, Rose and I all swooned. "Nice," Rose smiled and nodded. He took Alice off to dance as I finally locked the doors for the night.
It was all unspoken. The music that was being played was saying what everyone in the room needed said. Carlisle hopped up and studied the song list. He asked for Esme's hand as "I Want To Know What Love Is" by Foreigner started.
Edward sat down behind me, wrapping his arms around me. "Mine is next," he whispered in my ear.
"Good," I smiled, leaning against him.
When Carlisle's song was over, Edward pulled me up. "Come on, love, you promised me a dance," he smiled.
The piano at the beginning of "Love Brings Change" by Jamie Foxx made me realize why Edward picked the song. That is, until I heard the words. He had received my message from my song and this was his answer back to me. It was all about how things will look up eventually. There was one line that caused tears to well up in my eyes.
"Now all I wanna do is see ya laugh again and see that same joy in your eyes. I know that you're trying you just keep on smiling and everything passes with time."
Edward just held me close, kissing my forehead and telling me he loved me.
We all laughed when Emmett got up with a giant smile and played "Crazy For This Girl" by Evan and Jaron. Rose just laughed at him, kissing him quickly. We all sang along except Carlisle and Esme who just shook their heads at us, their "kids".
I groaned quietly when Rose unwittingly picked "Nice and Slow" by Usher. Edward chuckled in my ear. "I wasn't too drunk to remember that song." I laughed, shaking my head. "Come on, baby, you have a theory to test, don't you?" He asked, raising his eyebrow at me.
"Hmm," I looked at him. "That's right, I do." We told everyone goodnight and my brothers promised they would shut the rest of the bar down. We barely made it down the hall, but I did find out my theory was correct. Edward's jeans looked fantastic on my floor.
A/N…First, "Halo" couldn't have better lyrics for that moment…I just have to say that! LOL
Anyway, thank you to my beautiful beta Brits23...she was harsh on me this chapter! LOL But, I love her for it…
REVIEWS! Please!!! PLEEEEASE?!?! I will resort to begging, I kid you not! LOL
