Chapter Notes

This is the last terribly sad chapter for a bit. As your reward for sticking by me this long, the chapter after this one will be fluffy and fun...I PROMISE!

AO3 and as been giving me problems still and some people may have missed the notice about my last chapter. I usually update my story every few days, so check back regularly if you don't receive a notice.

The weekend passed quietly. Veronica spent the next couple of days either sleeping or curled up on the couch, watching movies with Logan. There was no more talk about the baby, which was both a blessing and a curse. With every hour of silence in the day, Logan could feel Veronica slipping further and further into herself, shutting him out. She slept at the far end of the bed or on the couch, rolling from his grasp after he fell asleep.

Every once in a while, Veronica would still become overcome and cry, usually stopping when she fell asleep or hid in the bathroom. Logan, in an effort to give the illusion that he was staying strong for his wife, took to hiding his emotions as well, trying to contain his misery to the shower, and when he was locked away in his private gym in the garage. By Monday, Veronica insisted that her husband get out of the loft, so he went and hung-out with Weevil at his bike shop and took a cathartic ride on their motorcycles down the P.C.H.. He rejected Weevil's offer to make Duncan 'disappear', but it took him a moment or two of thinking about it before he did. When he returned home, he felt better, but the sight of his wife, curled up in a ball on the couch, sleeping with the television on, deflated his momentary good feeling.

That's why, on Tuesday morning, when he woke up to the smell of bacon, he was very confused. Looking towards the kitchen he bellowed. "Why are you out of bed?"

Veronica turned away from the breakfast she was cooking and bellowed back. "Because it's Tuesday! The office is open. Back to work we go!"

Logan turned to look at his clock. 7:30 am. He rolled himself out of bed, stretching and scratching his naked abs. Sleeping in clothing was starting to get to him, and so he opted for just pajama pants that night. He walked over to Veronica and wrapped his arms around her as she stood at the stove. "You don't have to go in today." He said and kissed her neck tenderly. She was already showered and changed into her light summer robe. She smelled of fresh marshmallows and promises again.

He could feel his wife tense in his arms. "Yeah. I do. I can't sit here and obsess anymore. All I think about is Violet and you and me. I need a distraction or my brain will eat itself alive."

"I understand. Just don't overdo it. If you need to come upstairs and grab a nap or some time alone, let me know." He pressed his lips into her head as he talked not ready to let her go quite yet.

Veronica reached over and took the burner off and removed the last of the bacon. "I'll be fine." She said and wiggled out of his arms. "Let's eat."

He watched as she took the plate of bacon and placed it on the counter, then made her way to a stool and started loading her plate with scrambled eggs, not making eye contact. Logan's heart sank. "Emotional Veronica" had officially shut down and had been replaced this morning with "Autopilot Veronica." This worried him more than the crying.

Taking a plate, he stood across from her, forcing face-to-face contact. They spent the rest of the morning this way, Veronica quietly going about her routine, and Logan positioning himself ever so near. At times like this, the two of them knowing so much about how the other one operated was both a blessing and a curse. Logan knew that she was running away from her problems and wanted space; Veronica knew that Logan needed affection and contact when things got rough. Yet neither of them could find it in themselves to yield and give the other what they needed, too overwhelmed with their own emotions to budge.

By the time they opened the door to the office, they were each glad to take off to the solitude of their offices. The partners managed to beat Sandy and Mac, so there was a great open silence to the space. Logan paused at the end of the hallway, readying himself to clean up his trashed office. When he threw open the door he was shocked to find his office was clean. Wandering over, he noticed the note taped to his new computer.

You're welcome. - Mac + Sandy

Next to his computer was a new printer with the receipt for the equipment taped to it. Logan chuckled. He wasn't sure how he deserved to have all these women in his life, helping to look after him, but he was glad he did.

Veronica appeared at his door as he was thinking. She looked around. "Why do you have a new computer and new art on the walls?" Logan looked at the big brick wall. Instead of the broken glassed print there was now a beautiful landscape canvas of the beach at sunset.

"Because I trashed my office after we found out about the baby." He confessed. "Thankfully, Sandy and Mac took pity on me and fixed it. I thought I was going to be cleaning today."

Veronica let out a big sigh, her brow furrowed. "Logan..." She began.

Her husband raised his palm at her. "Just...stop. Whatever you are going to say, just please don't. I feel shitty enough about it without the lecture."

The minute the words were out of his mouth he regretted them. He watched her drop her head and turn, walking back to her office quickly and slamming the door. Logan closed his eyes and smacked his head with his hand. "Just had to say something, idiot." He muttered to himself and flopped into his chair. He was sitting and contemplating his own stupidity when he heard Sandy and Mac enter through the front door.

"Hellloooooooo!" Came Mac's voice through the halls.

Logan got up and walked down the hall, past Veronica's closed door, and into the lobby. "Yo." He said and gave them both a small salute before landing himself on the couch.

Sandy went behind her desk and dropped off her shoulder bag. Mac sat down beside Logan. "I'm surprised to see you here. How's Veronica?"

Logan bobbed his head towards the hallway. "Well, she's in her office...you can see for yourself." He griped.

"What?" Sandy dropped her voice to a whisper. "She should be resting. Shouldn't she?"

Logan shrugged. "She said she needed to work. Just tread lightly. I already messed things up by telling her I trashed my office. Now she's pissed at me." He turned to Mac. "Which, by the way, thank you so much for cleaning up my mess. You didn't have to do it."

Mac looked at Sandy. "Sandy was pretty upset about the baby, after you left..."

"Organizing soothes me." Interjected Sandy.

Mac nodded. "Best sex of my life was after I bought her a super tricked-out label maker for Christmas." Elbowing Logan. He offered her a fist bump for the comment, which she gladly accepted.

Sandy rolled her eyes at her girlfriend, giving a sly smile. "You had to say that, didn't you." She said as she flipped switches all over her desk to turn on all her computer equipment, including her new printer. She then gave a little giggle at the memory. Logan and Mac let out loud laughs at Sandy's response.

The small click of Veronica's door opening stopped the laughter momentarily. She walked down the hall, to the edge of the lobby and leaned her side up against the wall. Her arms were crossed in front of her body, protectively. "Hey. What's so funny?" She said shyly.

Logan grinned and put his arms behind his head. "Mac was regaling me with sex stories. She's a bad influence. We should fire her immediately." Mac took her opportunity and smacked his abs, causing him to let out a groan. He looked up to see Veronica giggle, a small twinkle back in her eye.

"I like the painting you chose for Logan's office." She turned and said to Sandy.

Sandy grinned. "Thank you! The artist is a friend of mine. She's just starting out so it wasn't that expensive, but I thought you both may like it." She looked at Logan. "And it was cheaper than if we reframed that ugly print."

Logan took a mock insulted voice. "Hey! The office supply company assured me that was the finest piece of 'art' they had!" He wagged his finger at Sandy. "I'll have you know, I have numerous pieces of original art. My mom collected a lot of fine art. But it is currently on loan to the Neptune Art Gallery."

Veronica looked at him and smiled. "Maybe it's time we start collecting art ourselves." She said.

Logan's heart jumped in his chest. "Maybe we should. It seems like something grown-ups do."

"You're a grown-up?" Teased Mac.

"Sometimes." Logan said and stuck his tongue out at her.

Veronica stood straight up. "Well, while this had been fun, we have work to do. Can we all meet in a few minutes to discuss the status of some cases?" Logan, Mac, and Sandy all nodded in agreement. "Okay. I'm going to get the files I have on my desk. Sandy, could you please gather any other open files for me."

"Sure thing." Responded Sandy and she turned to her neat pile of papers on her desk to start compiling.

Veronica nodded then disappeared down the hall, shutting the door to her office behind her. The closed door made Logan's heart sink again. Closed door, closed Veronica. He stood and muttered. "Boss told us to get back to work." Then headed for his office.

A few minutes later, they all gathered back in the meeting room. Sandy had flipped the switch to the coffee maker on the way in and the entire places smelled wonderful. Veronica thought about how she wished she could have one more cup of coffee, then she remembered she wasn't pregnant anymore and could drink the whole pot and no one would care. She dropped her head and began flipping frantically through her files, trying to push aside her emotions.

Veronica jumped a bit when she felt Logan's hand on hers. "Are you okay?" He asked, noticing her sudden erratic movements.

"I'm fine." She snapped, trying to keep control. Looking up, she spied all eyes on her, a mix of sympathy and shock on their faces. Veronica cleared her throat and began speaking, ignoring the looks for now. "I have three outstanding cases right now – all of them divorce cases that came in early last week that need surveillance on the partner: Porter, Laroche, and Rivera. Mac, have you been able to dig up anything to point us in the right direction?"

Sandy put up her hand excitedly. "Oooh! She wasn't able to, because she was busy with Mr. Mars, so I did!"

Veronica gave her a big smile. "Wow! Okay. Give me what you have."

Sandy looked over at Mac for support with a smile and opened her files. Her girlfriend was beaming at her. "Okay...so I found out through his email that Mr. Porter is having an affair with his secretary, and they are doing it in his office because she talks about it in an email. There were no records of hotels or motels on his credit cards. Mrs. Laroche has no emails or texts from anyone suspicious, but her credit card shows her going to a hotel and spa by the wharf every week at the same time. I was thinking it may be a rendezvous spot, but she needs surveillance to follow up. And finally, Mr. Rivera has numerous absolutely filthy emails from several women, credit card receipts from hotels all around town, and reams of sexts that made me want to wash my eyeballs after reading them. Mrs. Rivera deserves to get everything for what that man has done with those women." Stated Sandy and she closed her files.

Both Logan and Veronica were staring at their young office manager, their mouths open. "That's awesome!" Said Logan finally. "Nice job training her, Mac. And Sandy, once we check to make sure these leads pan out, schedule an appointment with me to discuss a raise, now that you have new talents to share with the business."

Veronica agreed. "Yes. Most definitely. Now we just have to make time to follow up and collect photographic evidence. How is your case load?" She said turning your Logan.

He shrugged. "I have one surveillance case but it's an out-of-town run. Mrs. Jeffries suspects her son at Berkely University is using hard drugs and wants evidence so they can get him into a rehab program, if necessary, so I need to get evidence of his party habits. And I have to schedule follow-up meetings with Mr. Scott and Mr. Franklin to break the news their wives are currently having affairs with their trainer and hairdresser, respectively."

Veronica sighed. "That's a lot of work and we have of lost time to make up for. I think we may need to pull in Weevil again for at least one of the surveillances...maybe Mr. Rivera...that should be an easy one. I can follow Mr. Porter and Mrs. Laroche if you want to head to Berkely, Logan." Her head down, jotting notes in her files.

"No." Said Logan.

Veronica looked up and frowned. "What do you mean, 'No'?"

Logan stared at his wife. "You aren't supposed to be doing field work anymore. Plus, you're not supposed to be out without someone in case Duncan shows up."

Veronica's eyes shot daggers at Logan. "First off, I can handle Duncan. Second, I stopped doing field work because of the baby. No baby anymore. Should be fine to do field work again. Unless I lost my ability to take a photo in the last few weeks too."

It was like the silence before a shoot out at the O.K. Corral swept into the small room. Mac and Sandy had the sudden urge to run before the gunfire erupted.

Logan's eyes were dark with anger as he turned to his partner. "Yeah. You're handling Duncan really well. He sneaks into your hospital room. He follows you around. But you can handle him! And you just lost our child, for Christ's sake! You shouldn't even be here...you should be recuperating. But oh, no...you know best, so here you are! Can you just think about what you really need to be doing for two-god-damn-seconds, please!"

Veronica wasn't too sure if she was going to scream or cry or both. Logan rarely yelled, and so when he did, it stopped her heart. Sandy and Mac realized the couple were staring so intensely at each other that they didn't even see them, so the two quickly got out of their chairs and left the room.

The sound of the door closing signalled Veronica that the gloves where off. She jumped from her chair and began to pace the room angrily. When she found her voice, it was husky with all her emotions. "I AM thinking about things! That's all I do! Think! Think! Think! Have you any clue what I need right now? I need to do less thinking and more forgetting! I need to work, not just push papers around a desk. I need to get out of this god-damn building. I need to go back to the life I had before I ever got pregnant and had to change everything for a baby who isn't even here anymore!" Her voice worked up to a high pitch scream and she was breathing like a prize fighter.

Logan launched himself out of his chair and followed her to the corner of the room. "What you need? All I ever think is about what you need, first when you were pregnant and now that you're not! Have you ever considered how hard this is on me and that I may need something too?" He yelled. "I need you to be safe. I need you to get better. I need you to stop shutting me out and pushing me away!" He slammed his palm on the big oak table. "She was my child too, for fuck's sake! I am in just as much emotional pain as you are!"

Tears flowed again. Veronica thought she couldn't make any more tears, but there they were. "I know how much pain you are in! I see it every time I look at you and I know that I'm the one who put that pain there because I lost our baby!" Her words came slower and lower as she began to cry harder. "And I know I'm not supposed to blame myself but I can't help feeling like the world's biggest fuck-up right now. So please, please don't fight me when I say I need to go do something that doesn't make me feel like a fuck-up anymore."

Logan stopped in his tracks. He was the one used to feeling like the one in their relationship who was always messing up. As far as Veronica was concerned, in his eyes she could do no wrong. He didn't think she could blame herself, still, after everything they knew about what could have happened to the baby. He dropped to his knees in front of his wife, pressing his head to her stomach and wrapping his arms around her waist.

"You are not a fuck-up. Never in a million years could you be a fuck-up. If I have to tell you this every five-minute for the rest of your life so you believe me, then I will." He spoke in earnest, his voice resonating through her. The sound of her crying continued to stab him as he knelt, pressing his cheek into her now soft belly. He closed his eyes, breathing deeply, hoping to miraculously transfer all her pain into him, so he could carry her burden for her. He felt her tears falling on his hair, and Veronica's fingers reach out to brush them from his head. Maybe this was finally the last time they cried, he hoped.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. "I feel myself pulling away and it's like I'm floating out of my body and there is nothing I can do to ground me to you." She let out a final gasp as she tried to control herself. "I love you so much. I don't want you to go. I don't want to leave you. I want to stay with you forever, if you can put up with me."

Logan smiled to himself. "There is nothing to put up with. I love you."

Veronica sniffled. "Marriage is hard."

Logan laughed and kissed her stomach. "Marriage is easy. Life is hard."

Veronica's mind took her back to a time when they first found out they were pregnant, and how Logan would lay and kiss her naked belly when they made love. "I just want to stop being reminded every moment of the day of what we have lost. Its only been a few days but it feels like forever."

Logan realized what he had done and mentally flogged himself for his actions. "I know. Everything reminds me too." He said and pulled away from her. He took her hand and guided her to sit on the floor with him, gathering her in his lap, wrapping himself around her. "How about this new plan: you do surveillance on Mr. Porter...with Wallace or Weevil as backup. We contract Weevil to do the easy one – Mr. Rivera. I'll follow Mrs. Laroche and wrap up my other cases, then we both head down to Berkley on Friday to fake party together all weekend and nab the Jefferies surveillance together. We haven't worked together like that in a while. It will be almost romantic." He said with a laugh.

She laughed and dried her eyes. "Okay. Deal. And only because I know you are worried about what crazy Duncan may do, if we are separated by a case."

He kissed her head. "Good. I'm glad we figured this out."

Veronica surprised him and moved in to kiss him gently on the lips. "I miss wanting to have sex with you." She said confided quietly. "I miss being connected that way. I think about how all I want is to make love to you but then I get scared and anxious and I know we can't and I really kind of don't want to really in the end and it bothers me that I don't want sex anymore and then I get sad. And I really hope one day that I will want to actually have sex with you again." She paused. "I'm sorry. I'm rambling."

Logan hugged her closer and kissed her head. "I know exactly what you mean. Overwhelming sadness can put a damper on one's sex drive." He felt her giggle a bit so he continued. "I mean, we haven't had sex AND I haven't felt like jerking off. Obviously, grief and misery are total buzz killers." Veronica let out a full laugh in spite of herself and shoved her hand into his chest playfully. "If this terrible sadness goes on any longer, one of my balls may explode."

She wiped her eyes as she continued giggling. "Stop it. We are supposed to be feeling horrible and you're making jokes about jacking off and exploding balls."

He rocked her slightly in his arm and leaned down to kiss her gently on the lips. "Yeah. But you're laughing instead of crying. So that's all that matters."

She shook her head. "You'll fit in well with the frat boys on Friday night. Just so you know, puka-shell necklaces and Henley shirts are not 'in' any more. And no hair gel either."

Logan let out a belly laugh. "See. You are now taking legitimately funny shots at me. I call this argument over."

Veronica caught Logan's face in her hands and planted a deep kiss on his lips. She felt his body relax into her and they kissed and touched each other softly, sitting on the floor for a minute or two, both enjoying reconnecting as best they could. When she finally pulled back and looked at him, his eyes were dancing. And while something like this would normally lead to hot make-up sex on the floor, under the table, today Veronica was just happy with the happy little tingly feeling she had in her heart.