My Lonely Pain

(Do not own….. just borrowing for amusement)

Chapter Nine: Found but still Lost

(JD POV)

After he hung up the phone with Turk he was more determined than ever to make sure that he would never be a burden on those that he loved ever again. He was too far-gone and too damaged to be saved; and if he went back to the hospital it would be nothing but heartache for everyone involved. It hurt to think about what his life had become in such a short time, he could not stand the pain it was too much and it was beating him down and making each breath harder to take. He didn't want his friends to see him continue to use, but using was the only way that he could stay alive and function. So the obvious choice was to end it completely, the wind was whipping through the thin scrubs that he had pilfered from the hospital as he made his way back to Winston's apartment to try and connect with him one last time. The sun was just starting to come up as he knocked on the door and prayed to a God that probably was not listening for someone to answer. JD could hear movement on the inside and the door swung open to reveal a half-sleep Winston

.

" JD man where the hell have you been I got your message last night and stayed up waiting for you."

" I got caught up and I could not get away, my friends were trying to get me into rehab and I had to shake them before I could come here,"

I followed Winston to the back of the apartment and into the kitchen, there he went into his bedroom and came back with my cell phone and wallet.

" I must really like you, to give you back all your shit like this man, I would have sold it if it were anybody else…. But you seem like such a different dude and you always pay me so I figured what the hell."

I see that my cell phone has 20 missed calls and about a thousand text messages and I know that they are all from the people that I am slowly killing with my nonsense. I am in a bad way and I know it, and I make the decision without another thought.

" Winston give me everything you got."

(Turk POV)

I am shaking and terrified that I have just spoken to JD for the last time and I will never see him alive again. I have somehow made it back to Scared Heart and I have been sitting in a stupor trying to will myself into believing that this was all a dream and I am going to wake up very soon. I need to do something I can't just sit here and let this happen to my best friend, I have to do something like find the rat bastard that is selling this poisonous shit to JD.

(Carla POV)

Turk has been sitting in the on-call room in the dark since he got back looking for JD he told me about the phone call, and I am so very scared of what is going to happen to JD, my husband and the rest of us. I am sick with worry, I have not even been home to check on my baby I just called the sitter, and told her that there was an emergency here at the hospital and we cannot leave until it is resolved. Turk interrupts my thoughts as he comes storming out of the on-call room.

" Baby I know how we can find JD."

" How we have no clue where he went, he called you from a pay phone so we can't call his cell either!"

" But we can call the phone company and request his phone call log, we can just say that he is a patient and we need to know his whereabouts."

That's why I love Turk he always has a plan I give him a kiss on the cheek. " I am going to call the phone company, you find Elliot and Dr. Cox and tell them of your brilliant plan."

I feel slightly relieved now that we have a plan forming to find JD before it is too late.

(Dr. Cox POV)

Turk has briefed us on his oh so brilliant plan to find newbie so that we can end this after-school special and get back to our lives. I am torn between truly wanting hating newbie for putting me through this or giving into the worry and admit that I really do care for the kid. I spent all night in back alleys and seed bars looking for a stung out JD and it made me pause to think what would happen if we actually lost him. So if I need to call every low-life drug dealer in this city I will.

(Elliot POV)

I am into a good crying jag when the supply closet door is opened and I am met by a hopeful looking Carla I can make out through the tears that she is telling me that we have a plan in place to find JD and that she needs my help to make phone calls. I get up wipe my face and try to stop blubbering and become useful.

(Winston POV)

As a dealer I generally don't get involved with the reasons why people take drugs I just sell them and I make it a rule never to use the stuff myself. At first I thought of JD as an easy mark when I first met him that night in the bar, I could tell that he was dealing with some heavy issues and he looked so pitiful and I truly in that moment just wanted to help him, and I did the only way knew how I offered a free taste of what I understand to be pure bliss and he fully embraced it. I know I made a big mistake getting attached and thinking of him as a buddy, I have a feeling that he has the affect on most people he comes into contact with. When he came to me this morning I could tell that he was in bad shape and that he was going into a dark place and when he asked how much stuff I had left to buy I knew that he was looking more for than a high. I grab JD's cell phone off the kitchen table and go into my bedroom to make a phone call.

(JD POV)

I am trying to cop from Winston but he is looking like he won't sell to me and I am starting to get a little anxious because the more time I spend alive the more time that gives people to find me and drag me back to the hospital. I watch Winston go into the bedroom and close the door. I see my opportunity and swipe baggies off the table and I head straight to the bathroom and close the door and fill two syringes and inject one into each arm and in and instant I can't feel, see or hear and there is nothing but peaceful blackness and silence.

(Turk POV)

I am on hold with the phone company while Carla, Elliot and Dr. Cox are looking up other possible leads to find JD. I hang up when the guy on the other end tells me he cannot help me. Reaching my breaking point I hang up and bury my head in my hands in frustration.

" I think we are too late, I don't think we are going to find him in time."

" Damn it baldy don't say that we can do this."

Just as I am about to start arguing with Cox my cell rings and a voice on the line tells me.

" Don't hang up JD is in trouble and I know where he is."

(Winston POV)

I hang up the phone satisfied that I have for once done something right and helped someone before I helped myself. Now I just have to keep JD occupied until his friends come and get him, I call out to him as I step out of my bedroom but I get no answer. I hear water running in the bathroom and the door is closed, I knock on the door.

" Hey JD you wanna light up a joint and just chill out for awhile man?"

I still get no answer and I began to get a panicky feeling I call out to him again and there is nothing but the sound of water going down the sink. I try to push the door open but there is something heavy leaning against it, I continue to push the door until I can step inside and there is JD on the floor eyes rolled back into his head, foaming at the mouth and convulsing from an overdose.

(Dr. Cox POV)

I am speeding and weaving through the streets while trying to concentrate with a hysterical Barbie crying and carrying on, and Turk and Carla arguing over which direction I should take. We finally pull up to a sad apartment complex that seems to be smack- dab in the middle of skid row and make our way to what I can only assume is JD's drug dealers home. I am filled with dread when I knock on the door and an emaciated man with spiky blond hair and bad skin opens the door. With one look at the man I know something is very, very wrong.

" I didn't know what he was going to do, he must have grabbed the stuff when I was calling you."

I push past him and make my way through this hellhole called a home and stop when I see him body still and pale, lips blue and mouth frothy on the floor. He is convulsing and I can only see the whites of his eyes. Time stops as I fall to the floor and begin CPR I am vaguely aware of Turk, Carla and Barbie all falling beside me as we try to bring him back to life once more but I know deep down inside that he is not coming back from this.

(Turk POV)

As I work on JD I feel how cold his skin is and how he is slipping away from us every second, his eyes are fixed and glassy as life drains out of them and it makes me pound all the more harder on his chest.

" COME ON MAN DON'T DO THIS PLEASE FIGHT IT FOR ME JD! JD PLEASE PLEASE DON'T GO."

(Carla POV)

With shaking hands I fill syringes and give to frantic hands trying to bring JD back, my husband is unraveling each second JD does not respond. I feel the desperation in the air and as the chaos is swirling I focus on the blonde man who is watching all of us.

" LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID TO HIM! DO YOU SEE THE DESTRUCTION GET OUT GET OUT NOW BEFORE I KILL YOU MYSELF."

He turns to leave and gives one last glance at JD before grabbing his jacket and disappearing out of the door.

(Elliot POV)

I am on the phone calling 911 and telling them to get here and that someone I love is dying. I have never been on this end of it, and it is strange usually we are the ones trying to save someone without the back -story to why they are in the hospital. This time it is personal and I am praying that this story will end happily.

(JD POV)

I can hear them all trying so hard to save me….. but the truth is I am already gone I want to tell them I am so sorry for putting them through this, and reassure them that I am fine the pain is gone I feel so light and happy so light so very light.

They pronounced him dead at exactly 4:00 pm and as they zipped him up in that black bag it was still unreal to them. John Dorian was dead at age 25 and he was never coming back. Turk, Carla, Elliot and Dr. Cox stood in the parking lot as the coroner wheeled their beloved friend, lover and son into the back of the ambulance to take him back to Sacred Heart for the last and final time. JD had been found but he was still lost to them and this time forever.