Hi, Koji here…I will apologize in advance for the quality of this part of the chapter. I have no motivation or inspiration for it right now, but Kyoko begged me to…You know how it is…


I can't sleep. Not with out him. But…if he's already asleep, I don't want to wake him. I wonder what he dreams of… Maybe…maybe he dreams of me? No…NO…that's not a good thing…if he cries in his sleep, the dream me is no better than the real one. Len…I'm so sorry…Am…Am I a bad person? Yes…yes I am. I toyed with your heart, Len. From the crying out of the name Kaito, to the name on the cover of this diary, I have deceived you. There is no possible way you could overlook this, no matter how forgiving you are. I know, Len. I know you don't love me as a sister…you want me as a lover…and I used you anyway. And I'll be dammed if I don't love you in the same way…but I've been considerably less honorable about it. Come to think of it…is there an "honorable" way to love your twin as a lover? I don't know…but I don't think I care, either. Len…Forgive me…forgive your selfish sister…Damn it…damn our blood ties, damn my cowardice…damn you, Len…for being so giving…(tears) Damn you for being such a good guy…for being perfect for me…damn you…for being everything I want. I'm not worth it, Len. I'm not…

Rin stood up, drying her tears as best as she could. "I…I really am the lowest, aren't I?" She mumbled as she went to the kitchen to get a drink. "Len…"She whispered. I want to be next to him…I want to feel his body next to mine…I want be in his arms. Rin got her drink, unaware that Len was making his way to her room, in hopes of the same thing. Tonight…I'll go to his bed, she decided. All too soon, she found herself in front of Lens door. She took a deep breath and opened the door. "Len, can I-" the room was empty. He must be in the bathroom…she thought. She sat down on his bed, waiting for him to come back. She sighed as she flopped onto hr side, head hitting the pillow…and something hard underneath it. Rin picked it up. Underneath it was Len's dia-JOURNAL, and it was open to today's date.

I can't sleep…not when I'm not with her…

Rin gasped. "You too, Len?" She began to read further, tears coming to her eyes as her self-loathing grow more with each passing moment.

"You knew." Rin jumped, turning to see Len standing in the doorway, hair covering his eyes.

"Len?! I'm sorry, it was open, and I-" Then Len's words hit her like slap to the face. "Len…"

"You KNEW, Rin…and you used me!" Len looked up eyes filled with angry tears of rage. "You knew I loved you, and you USED me!" In a few short strides, he crossed the room, ripped the book from Rin's hands, and threw it to the floor. Rin shrank away from him slightly. She had never seen him so angry. He grabbed her by the shirt of her pajamas, pulled her to her feet and pushed her against the wall.

"Len…" Rin whimpered. "Len, I-I…"

"SHUT UP!" Suddenly Rin found his hands around her neck, but not squeezing. "How could you, Rin?!"

"Len…you're hurting me…" Rin whimpered.

"I'M hurting YOU?! How do you think I feel? You used me, Rin! I gave you everything I had, and for what? I thought you were just ignorant of it, but YOU KNEW!" Rin felt his hand tighten slightly. Not enough to choke her, but enough to be uncomfortable. She could see everything in his eyes: anger, hate betrayal…but she could also see pain…pain in abundance. Sadness…he was drowning in it. Tears were running freely down his face. "You knew…" he whispered, hand loosening and falling to his side. He could no longer meet her eyes. "Why, Rin? Why do you hate me?"

"Len…I don't-" SLAP! Rin cupped her red cheek. "Len…" Tears welled up in her eyes.

"You've lied to me, Rin. Deceived me. You could have just told me you knew…but you continued to use me. Why should I believe you now?" Rin reached out her hands to try and comfort him, to show him that she was sorry.

"I'm sorry, Len…please forgive me…"

Rin suddenly found her wrists pinned above her head by Len's left hand. Inwardly, she wondered when he got so strong. "Len, what are-" was all she got before Len took her lips forcefully. Refusal was not an option. Is…is he going to…is Len going to RAPE me?! Rin wondered, panicking. She felt his right hand brush her leg, slip into her panties and begin to rub her between her legs. Rin stifled a gasp. No… Rin gasped as Len inserted a finger and bit her neck. Not hard enough to draw blood, but enough to inflict some pain. "Len…Stop…" she managed to whimper pitifully. Len stiffened as he felt a few tears hit his shoulder.

"Dammit…" Rin heard him mutter as he released her. "Dear god…what is wrong with me…" he muttered as he took his hand out and slumped against the wall, sliding into a sitting position. "Rin…leave."

"Len…I'm sor-"

"LEAVE."

"Len…"

"I said, LEAVE!" Len yelled, hair and knees obscuring his face.

"I won't, Len! Not until you hear me out!" Rin wrenched his legs apart to see his face full of tears.

"Rin…please…leave me here…" Rin saw a new emotion had made it's home in Len's eyes; one she knew well after seeing it in the mirror so many times…guilt.

"I would have done it, Rin…I really would have…I'm useless. Even when I made up my mind to do…that…unspeakable thing to you…all it took was a few tears and you asking me to stop, and my resolve crumbled. I'm nothing…even when I make up my mind to be the bad guy, I fail…I'm a monster…no…I should be so lucky to rise that high…I'm sorry, Rin…don't forgive me for that."

Rin suddenly understood. "Len…don't. Just…don't."

Len looked up into her eyes. "Rin, I-"

Rin's lips met his. "You didn't read the entire thing, did you?" Rin asked after pulling away. Len looked shocked for a moment.

"Let me help you, Len…we work well together."

"Help with what?"

"Help your problem with you unrequited love for you sister." Rin leaned in and kissed Len again, but longer and more passionate. She then whispered into Len's ear. "I love you, Len…I don't love Kaito." She pulled away, a small smile forming. "Now it's requited."

Len stared in disbelief. "I can die happy now." He said with a straight face.

Rin stared. "What?"

"I've only dreamed of you saying that…I finally got to hear it." Len said, still completely serious.

"And I've always wanted to say it." Rin replied.

"Rin…I'm sorry…Even though I didn't, I planned to…"

"Its okay, Len…I've done a horrible thing to you as well…so…lets just wipe the slate clean, okay?" Len looked like he wanted to argue, but thought better of it. Rin leaned in close. "Hey Len…"

"Yes?"

"Technically…it wasn't rape."

"Huh?"

"You can't rape the willing…and even as I said no…a part of me found you dominating me while I was helpless extremely sexy…"

"…Rin…what are you talking about?" Len was looking at her as if she was crazy.

"If you had gone any further, I would have begun to enjoy it…the night's still young, and you have yet to hear me cry out your name at the peak of my climax like you wanted." Len blushed heavily. "Rin…did you read it all?"

Rin's eyes widened. "Wait, you really wrote that?! I just guessed!"

Len turned even redder. "I…um…well…um…"

"We'd better change that, shouldn't we, Len? Let's do this rape thing properly this time, okay?" Len's eyes were as wide as saucers as Rin closed the door to his room.


Sorry about the bad quality…I found a little inspiration in the form of a song called "If You Only Knew" by shinedown…Yes, I made Rin a little weird in this chapter…