(Author's Note: This chapter gets pretty heavy, folks. Brace for some feels!)
From the time he was little and all the way through his shitty teenage years, Clarence rarely ever thought about having a father. He had so many moms around – all seven witches that took him in, plus the real one he was searching for – that he didn't care about having a dad. It never really occurred to him that there might be some man out there that looked and sounded like him. And once Crowley confirmed his father's death all those years ago, Clare had a defined answer. The guy was dead. Good. That meant the 'family drama' was over before it had a chance to begin. Clare never wanted to meet the guy anyway… or so he thought.
After actually seeing his father in person and getting to talk to him, Clarence felt disturbingly confused. The rapist, demon killer – the man responsible for messing up Meg and Clare's entire lives – admitted that he actually wanted to be Clare's father. He was the reason Clarence was alive; not just because he knocked up his mother by accident, but because he let them both live out of love. Love. God, that was such a strange thing to hear a raping murderer talk about. But he sounded so genuine when he spoke, like he actually wanted to know about Clare's whole life...
But now, as he crouched on the floor near the dying king of Hell, Clarence had just received news that stirred his own suspicion and confusion even more. Jude and Jess's dads had returned from their meeting with Death to tell everyone that the warlock lied. Clarence's father had lied. The curse did belong to him, and Death had no reason to cover for him. Once Castiel said it out loud, Clarence could feel every eye in the room glance toward him. Of course, they were all worried and concerned that he would be upset about hearing that his father was a liar – but Clare kind of saw it coming. Of course the asshole was a liar. Every other man from Clare's past was a liar. What made this shit-heap different from the others?
Still, the longer Clarence sat there and thought about it, the more he could feel his own heart hammering in his chest. Clare could deal with his father being an asshole. If the guy was just a raping, murdering, lying sack of shit, Clarence could handle that. In fact, it would have made things so much easier, because then Clarence could unabashedly hate him... But that conversation they had – the one where Caldwell told his story, explained that he actually cared very deeply for Clarence, and that he was sorry for everything that had happened to him – made it so much harder to hate him completely. There were so few people in the world that actually gave a damn whether Clare was alive or not. How the hell was he supposed to ignore one more? Especially when that person was his own father; someone who could give him insight into his real family's heritage, and maybe even give him a clearer picture of who he was?
"Jude."
Jessica's high voice pulled Clarence out of his deep thoughts. He looked over to see Jess handing Jude the bowl of healing mixture and gauze she had been using.
"I'm going to go find Dad and Ollie. I'll be back as soon as possible," she explained.
Watching Jessica get up and walk out of the study made Clarence want to do the same thing. He wanted to get up and move around; get the blood flowing to his brain better so that he could think more clearly. The demon took a short breath and shifted around on the floor, reaching out to clutch Jude's arm as he rocked himself to stand.
"I'm gonna take a walk too," he mentioned to his angel in a whisper.
Of course, as soon as Clare stood up, Jude copied him. The guy seemed determined to follow Clarence wherever he went, like he was waiting for him to talk about everything that was happening.
"Um, okay," Jude breathed lightheartedly, "Where do you want to -?"
"Jay," Clare interrupted with a sigh.
The demon turned around to face his fiance, whose beautiful blue eyes were filled with concern. It was so painfully clear that Jude wanted to take Clare's pain away. But Clare knew he couldn't. Not this time.
"I'll be alright," Clare promised, reaching up to briefly caress Jude's soft cheek, "Just... gimme some time, okay?"
Jude eventually nodded, but the shimmer of concern in his eyes faded to disappointment. Clare absolutely hated upsetting Jude, but he didn't want to lie to him either. Clare just needed a minute to himself and he hoped that Jude would understand. Luckily, the blue-eyed angel stayed in the study when Clare started to walk away. He wasn't heading in any particular direction. He just needed to be alone long enough to figure out how he was feeling.
Clare's wandering feet led him all the way through the house to his own bedroom, where everything was placed just the way he left it. Full-sized bed perfectly made, dresser drawers neatly closed, boots and shoes lined against the wall near the door, guitar on the stand near the bed, shelf of potions and ingredients untouched, lamp in the corner lit, snapshots of him, Jude, Jessica, and Oliver peppered on the mirror... Clarence's room was clean, quiet, and inviting, just the way he liked it.
The demon sighed as he closed the door behind him and walked over to the end of his own bed. As he lowered himself to sit, however, Clare was overcome with a strange sense of despair. This bed wasn't really his, was it? This house and all the people in it; they weren't really his family. Not by blood. No, his real family consisted of vengeful, cold-hearted liars, cheaters, drug addicts, and God only knew what else. Clarence could make-believe all he wanted to that he was part of the Singer, Winchester family, but in truth, he was bound to the sadistic likes of his real mother and father by blood... The door suddenly opened across the room and he exhaled a sigh. He knew it wouldn't be long before Jude came looking for him.
"Jude," Clare grumbled, pulling himself up from the bed to look to the door, "I told you I just need -"
Clarence's voice faded out as soon as he registered the face he was looking at. It wasn't the perfect, blue-eyed, freckled face of his fiance – but the scarred, aged, untrustworthy features of the warlock he had spoken to hours before. Clare could almost feel the blood draining from his own cheeks as he watched the warlock enter his room and shut the door behind him. Holy shit. The guy was alive. And he was standing inside Bobby's house. The same house Crowley was dying in! What the hell was he doing here?!
For a second, the pair of men just stared at each other; Clarence with shock and Caldwell with the most innocent look ever. Clare felt the urge to call for someone – preferably Jude – but he couldn't find his voice. The moment he opened his mouth, Caldwell cut him off anyway.
"I know," the warlock spoke calmly, raising his hands in surrender, "I've invited myself into your room without asking for permission. Forgive me. I only wanted to see you again. And perhaps talk, if you're willing... Son..."
Clarence gulped hard, feeling his own Adam's apple 'thunk' in his throat. The warlock seemed genuinely interested in speaking to Clarence – but why? Why would he want to talk to Clare? To get information from him? Create some evil master plan? … or was it really just to talk, like a parent who wanted to learn about their long-lost child? Looking at the warlock's face – masculine features that undeniably resembled his own reflection – almost made Clare forget about the big picture. He almost forgot about all the trouble happening in the study. But glancing toward his jacket hanging on the back of the door, the black one that Crowley bought him, made him remember.
"You lied," Clare immediately pointed out, finally regaining his voice to accuse the man in the room with him, "That's not Death's curse. It's yours."
Caldwell took a deep breath and looked away but slowly nodded.
"Yes. I'm afraid that's true," he admitted, "I did lie... but only to fool those hunters. I've dealt with their kind before. I know how to keep them running in circles -"
"Break it," Clare demanded, thinking of Crowley suffering in the study.
Again, Caldwell paused to take a breath. He seemed exasperated by Clare's repeated defense of the king of Hell.
"Clarence, my boy, it's not that simple. Curses are complicated matters -"
"No, they're not," Clarence instantly corrected, "Every curse, every hex, every spell has a counter. I know magic."
"Indeed, you do," Caldwell smiled, casually shuffling over to gaze fondly at the shelf of potions and ingredients nearby, "Hemlock, Lady's Mantel, Sage, Betony... These are advanced materials. You're quite the brewer, aren't you?"
Clare didn't answer. He only stared at the man apprehensively, still too angry – and confused – to properly respond. Since Clare never spoke, Caldwell stepped toward the guitar on the stand, pointing at it with a warm smile.
"And you play the guitar," he hummed, wearing the face of a truly proud parent, "Beautiful instrument. Poetic. Almost makes your fingers dance with the music as you play... I understand that feeling. I play the piano, you know. Perhaps a love of music is a trait that we share."
Clarence clenched his jaws as tightly as he could. He felt a very strong urge to ask the man – his father – about his musical experience; about where he learned the piano, what he liked to play, his favorite song... but Clare made himself hold it back. 'He's a monster, remember?' The voice in his head reminded bluntly, 'He's not your friend. He's a murderer.'
"Why are you here?" Clarence asked.
He figured that was a reasonable thing to ask the warlock. After all, the house they were standing in was full of people who wanted to kill him. Why would he risk coming here? Surely it wasn't just to talk to Clarence about music, was it? Surprisingly, when Caldwell turned around face to Clare, he was still wearing a pleasant smile.
"I came to see you, Clarence," he spoke sincerely, "and offer you a gift."
Everything in Clare's mind was telling him not to trust this man. Clare's entire body was demanding that he announce the warlock's presence in the house and let the Winchesters deal with him... but his heart – the weak, needy organ beating in his chest that always ached to know a real parent – was actually kind of excited. Caldwell had a present? For him? What was it? Against his better judgment, Clarence heaved a sigh. The defeated sound and inadvertent surrender seemed to make Caldwell very happy. His smile brightened and he tilted his head.
"It isn't here, though. I'd like to take you to it," he explained, his smile dimming at the sight of Clare's immediate hesitation, "Though, if you don't want to go anywhere alone with me, I'll understand. I know I'm a stranger to you, and that you have no reason to trust me... but I feel like you would really benefit from this trip. I'll leave the choice with you, son. I won't force you."
Clare could feel his lungs working hard inside his own tight chest. Shit. Why did the warlock have to do that? Why did he have to make himself sound so sincere? How could he make a gift sound so damn enticing? As he took a moment to glance around his room, Clare realized that he really wanted to go. He wanted to see what kind of 'gift' his real father had in mind. For all he knew, it could have been a trip to Disney World or some shit; a happy, fun place where they could really bond like father and son. Of course it was dangerous to trust the guy – but Clarence knew he had a fail-safe. There was always one thing he could do if he ever found himself in danger. All Clare had to do was pray Jude's name, and Superman would come swooping in to save him. If needed. With his fiance just a prayer away, Clarence saw no problem in going with the warlock.
"... Fine," Clare reluctantly allowed, "But you bring me back here afterward, okay?"
"Yes, of course," Caldwell nodded, bubbly with delight as he reached into his pocket, "I'll make it quick, son. You don't have to worry. I promise."
Clarence watched closely as the warlock withdrew his hand and tossed some powder to the floor. It created a thick smoke that instantly swirled around the two men in the room. Clarence covered his mouth and coughed, afraid of inhaling the dark cloud in case it was poisoned or something. But the smoke soon cleared – and Clare's bedroom was gone.
Once he was able to see through the dissipating haze, Clarence could see a line of houses on a darkened street. The sounds of a city were humming nearby – familiar noises of distant cars, sirens, and subways that Clarence recognized from his childhood. Only, he didn't know the neighborhood he was standing in now. It almost looked abandoned. Even the streetlights had been knocked out. It was dark and sobering here, apart from a few dimly lit windows in the houses. Clare sort of recognized those, too. With the graffiti-scribbled siding, broken windows, tall grass, and faint smell of weed, Clare assumed that these were crack houses; abandoned places where people congregated to get high and sleep. Why did the warlock bring him here? Instead of asking the question out loud, Clarence only looked to the man next to him and shrugged his shoulders in confusion. Caldwell gave a firm nod of understanding before reaching over to carefully curl his arm around Clare's shoulders and pull him forward.
"This is an outlying suburb of New York City," the warlock explained, gently leading Clarence toward the front door of the house in front of them, "Clarence, when I asked you to tell me about your life, you mentioned all of the... painful horrors you went through. And I have to tell you, it broke my heart. Knowing that you, my innocent child, had to endure senseless abandonment and rejection, well... It forever changed me. My heart now belongs to you, too."
Clarence wasn't sure how to feel. Hearing Caldwell say those things was nice, but what did any of it have to do with this crack house? Clare braced himself as the warlock opened the front door and gently pulled him inside. The house wreaked of urine, rotten food, and general nastiness of unclean people – something else that Clare became accustomed to in his youth. There were a few sleeping people that he and Caldwell had to step over in the dark, but no one moved. They were all too high to even notice them as they walked by to get to the stairs.
"You said that you lived on the streets," the warlock continued, his voice filled with pain and slight anger, "No home or family... Having to do extremely risky things to stay alive... That chills me to my very core. If I had the power to turn back time, I would have rescued you, son. I would have saved you the terrible fate of living through all of that... But while it's not in my power to change the past, I can offer you something else."
By now, they had reached the top of the stairs and turned down the hall, where they stopped by a certain door. It was closed, but the outline of it was lit; as if there was a lantern or candles burning inside. Caldwell paused to gently hold Clare's shoulders so that he could look down into his eyes in the dark.
"Tell me, Clarence," he said quietly, "When you finally found your mother, and she told you that she cut you out of her womb and tossed you over a bridge, how did you feel?"
Clarence gulped hard again. He didn't see why any of this mattered. What did his past have to do with this crack house? Why were they there, talking about this stuff? Though he was confused as hell, Clare decided to answer the question.
"Angry," Clare breathed, remembering how badly it hurt, "Rejected... Unwanted... Pissed as hell..."
"Yes," Caldwell nodded, "and why did you feel that way?"
"B – because she said she didn't want me," Clare recalled, feeling a lump trying to form in his throat, "She kept calling me 'it'. I... I was just the thing she never asked for..." he breathed, feeling tears trying to rise in his eyes, "Sh – she didn't even name me... I got my name from a note she wrote to someone else. How messed up is that?... God, she wouldn't even look at me..."
Caldwell nodded and patted Clare's shoulder, comforting him with a soft gesture.
"Hold on to that feeling, Clarence," he instructed, carefully letting go to slowly reach behind him, "It will help you get through this rehabilitation."
Clare narrowed his eyes. Rehabilitation? What the hell was he talking about? Before Clare could ask, Caldwell opened the door behind him and moved to the side, allowing the dim light inside to catch Clare's eye. It was coming from a small group of candles that were on the floor, near a dirty old mattress. And though the light was barely able to illuminate anything, it did help Clarence see the person laying on the mattress... It was her. Meg. The same woman they were talking about. Clarence's mother. She was laying unconscious on the mattress with several empty syringes tossed near her limp, track-marked arm.
Agonizing discomfort and dread flew through Clarence instantly. Holy shit, it was really her. Clare had only seen Meg one time, but it was more than enough to burn her face into his memory. The demon only blinked down at the unconscious, boney, barely alive woman on the mattress, wondering what the hell he was doing here. He shifted his pained gaze to Caldwell for the answer.
"After that angel killed me and Death revived me, I immediately went searching for her," the warlock explained, voice low, "so that you could enact your justice."
"J – Justice?" Clare repeated, his voice so faint that even he could barely hear it.
"You said it yourself, son. She cut you out and tossed you aside," Caldwell reminded, pointing to the frail person in the room, "That woman there inflicted endless suffering upon you. If it wasn't for her selfish apathy toward you, you would have had a mother. A home. A good life. Instead, you were lost to the streets, left alone to wander aimlessly through a terrible life."
Clare opened his mouth, but he couldn't deny what the guy was saying. Caldwell was right. Meg really did shove him into a shitty life by doing what she did...
"Think of all those things you went through," Caldwell encouraged, his voice still low but full of passion, "Remember the losses you've had. Those witches you mentioned? They are gone. That mother you went searching for? She didn't want you. She would rather you struggle to find food, shelter, and affection than to simply be there to care for you. So many things you didn't get to experience. So much love you never received -"
"Why," Clare hissed, feeling a hot tear race down his own cheek as he glared at the warlock, "Why are you saying this shit?!"
Caldwell stood proudly and brought his hand forward. There was a long, black blade in his hand, one that he offered to Clarence.
"So that you can taste the pure, all-encompassing relief of vengeance for yourself," the warlock spoke boldly.
Clare's mouth remained wide open, this time in surprise and horror. Damn. Did Caldwell actually want Clarence to kill Meg? Is that what this 'rehabilitation' was? Did he think that killing her would bring Clarence peace or something?! No! It wouldn't bring him peace! Only more guilt; guilt he didn't need! The demon immediately pushed the warlock's hand away and shook his head.
"N – no," he denied, though there were tears falling down his cheeks, "Screw that."
"Vengeance is what you need Clarence," Caldwell quickly continued, still trying to force the blade into Clare's hand, "Take it from me. Once you've plunged a blade into the person responsible for everything that has gone wrong in your life, you can begin to heal. Just as I did."
"No," Clare said again, hearing that his own voice was getting higher with anxiousness, "I can't -"
"You can," the warlock insisted, turning to point at Meg again, "Look at her. She is barely alive anyway. You would not only be ending your own pain, but hers as well."
"No," Clarence barked loudly, "I'm not going to hurt her."
"Even after everything she's done to you?" Caldwell pressed, "Even after all the pain she's caused? Come now, son. You know that ending her life is the right thing to do!"
"It's not the right thing!" Clare argued, "God, I can't believe I let you bring me here. Take me home. Now."
"Clarence, heed my words," Caldwell pleaded sternly, "You will never fully heal – you will never be whole – unless you remove the poison of this woman's life. Here," he held out the blade again, "Take this and kill her. End the pain. Here and now."
Clarence was barely aware of his own panting as he stood there and gazed between the black blade in the warlock's hand and the unconscious demon on the mattress. The only thing he could think about was how crazy the warlock bastard sounded. Murdering someone wasn't a way to heal! Clarence could never live with himself if he knew he had been responsible for his own mother's murder, no matter how shitty of a parent she was! There was no way Clarence could even bring himself to hurt her, let alone kill her – because he had been in the exact same spot she was in now. Clare knew exactly what it was like to get as high as possible and try to sleep life away. He had been an addict, too. Clare and his mother were more alike than he thought...
Strangely, just as the thought crossed his mind, Clare noticed that Meg's weary eyes were blinking slowly.
Panic flooded Clare's body like a broken dam. Oh, shit. She was awake. Meg could hear everything that they were saying! Clare didn't want to be here! He didn't want to be in the same room as his birth parents anymore! He just wanted to go home! Still, the warlock tried to force the weapon onto Clarence.
"The quicker you do this, son, the faster the healing can begin," Caldwell breathed.
"For the last damn time! I said no!" Clarence nearly screamed, "I'm not doing it! I'd never hurt her! And screw you for even bringing me here!" the demon quickly turned to close his eyes shut tightly, giving himself some privacy as he began to pray, "J – Jude, please come and get me. I don't want to be here anymore -"
"No," the warlock gasped, taking Clare's shoulder and spinning him around, "You cannot let those angels interfere! They are not like us, son! They won't -"
A sudden, blinding flash of light burst into the room and Clarence immediately buried his face into the crook of his own arm. The warlock's sentence was cut off – because he was tossed through the room. Clare heard his body hit the far wall with a thud. The bright light dimmed and Clarence felt a soft pair of hands on his arms.
"Clare?" Jude's beautiful, timid voice asked, "Are you okay?"
Clarence was so overwhelmed by the sound of Jude's voice and the sight of his handsome, familiar face that he almost burst into tears again. Jude had flown to his side and blasted Caldwell across the room, even though he hated flying and fighting more than anything. The demon nodded to answer the angel's question, but before he could speak, he noticed a figure running toward them. Caldwell had gotten up and was now running toward Jude – with the blade raised over his head.
Clare barely pushed Jude out of the way in time for the warlock to come barreling at them. He ended up running between them and ending up on the other side of the room, near the window. Seeing the warlock charge toward them with a weapon must have pissed Jude off, because the angel's blue eyes and clenched fists suddenly electrified with grace and he turned to expel a huge ball of light toward Caldwell. The warlock turned just in time to be engulfed by the light, which swiftly tossed him through the glass behind him.
After Caldwell broke through the window and disappeared, a painful scream echoed from outside. Clare instantly raced over to steal a peek out of the window pane, wanting to see what had happened. Caldwell was unmoving, laying flat on the grass below... with his own blade sticking out from his back. Clarence gasped and covered his mouth, shutting his eyes and turning away from the window in horror. Shit. The warlock had fallen on his own blade. Oh, God. Did that mean he was dead? Would Death bring him back again? He had to, right? Before Clare could get too upset, Jude took his hand.
"He's gone," the angel muttered, "It's okay, Clare. He's not there anymore. You're safe."
The demon forced his eyes open and searched Jude's beautiful face, seeing worry and consolation in his eyes, before turning around to look out the window again for himself. Jude was right. Caldwell's entire body had disappeared, just like when Castiel killed him at the bunker...
A quiet creak on the floor boards caught Jude and Clare's attention. They both turned to see that Meg, the demon who was completely unconscious just moments before, was now sitting up on the mattress. She was heavily medicated, barely keeping her head up and blood-shot eyes open, but she was slowly blinking at the two men in the room with her. Seeing the woman's hollow face again – along with remembering the last time he had seen her in person, and all those horrible things she said – made Clarence nearly bite his own bottom lip off to keep the tears inside. He instantly threw himself at Jude, twisting both arms around the angel.
"Take me home," Clare begged, holding onto Jude for dear life, "P – please, Jay, take me home."
Without another word, Jude's arms came up to circle Clare's back and he could feel the chill and stench of the crack house morphing back into the warmth and woodsy-smell of Bobby's. He didn't open his eyes, though. He didn't want to look up, afraid that he might see his doped-up mother staring back at him. Clare only locked his arms around Jude and refused to let go.
"C – Clare?" Bobby's worried voice was close by, "Oh, thank God, you found him!"
"Where was he, son? Is he alright?" Castiel's voice was just as concerned.
"The warlock took him. But he's alright, now," Jude assured, as he began walking Clarence away from the voices, "He... He's been through a lot. I think we should give him a few minutes to calm down."
Wow. Jude knew Clare so damn well. The kid understood that Clare didn't want to be interrogated by their family. But Clare didn't want to be completely alone. Not immediately, anyway. Clare opened his eyes long enough to see that they were heading toward his bedroom and he tightened his arms around Jude.
"Stay with me, Jay," he asked breathlessly.
Jude opened the door and led the way inside, where he closed the door again behind them and continued to rub his hands up and down Clare's shivering back.
"Of course I'll stay with you," Jude whispered, "I'm your future husband, after all."
The mention of their private nickname for each other was probably meant to be playful and uplifting. But this time, it chilled Clare to the bone. Poor Jude. The kid was headed toward a dark future.
Because he was going to have to marry Clarence some day...
Jude wasn't sure how long he and Clarence sat silently in Clare's bedroom, without speaking or letting go of each other, before someone came to the door. The angel assured his demonic fiance that he was only going to tell their family that everything was okay before stepping over to peek his head outside. Dad, Papa, and uncle Bobby were all standing in the hallway, wanting to know exactly what happened. And although Jude wasn't entirely sure why the warlock and taken Clarence to that place – to the old house where Clare's real mom was – he did know a few things for certain. He told them everything that happened when he rescued Clare.
Jude relayed as much information as he could to his parents and uncle, who, in turn, told him that they were about to set their plan to kill Death in motion. Dad said they had brain stormed and came up with an idea, but it was going to be tricky to pull off. But Papa requested that Jude stay with Clarence and keep him safe, just in case the warlock came back, and Jude was determined to do the job well. He wasn't going to leave Clare's side until that warlock was dead, once and for all.
After their parents left the door, Jude immediately returned to Clare's bed to be with him. He was clearly shaken up; eyes wide and vacant, as if he was lost in thought. To comfort his distraught fiance, Jude gave the edge of his mouth a kiss and pulled him to lay down on the bed. Though Jude was very curious about what happened between Clare and his real parents before he showed up, he knew that Clare didn't want to talk about it right now. And Jude didn't want to push him into it, either. The angel simply cuddled the demon on the comfy bed, holding him close and tenderly as they listened to the distant chatter of their family down the hall.
The two of them laid that way for hours; chest to chest, fingers tangled, faces nuzzled against each others' shoulders. The mixture of silence, warmth, and the sound of Clare's steady breath was so comforting to Jude that he eventually drifted to sleep. It was only a cat nap. Jude was only out for maybe half an hour at the most. But when he eventually opened his eyes again, the angel realized that his fiance was no longer in the bed with him.
Jude instantly raised his head and reached out to feel the spot Clare had been laying in, noticing that the bed was still a little warm. That meant that Clare had only just left, but where did he go? To the bathroom or something? He wasn't taken by the warlock again, was he?
"Clare?" Jude called into the empty bedroom.
Of course, no reply came. But when Jude turned back to look at his hand on Clare's bed, an entirely different matter caught his attention. The angel nearly gasped and raised his left hand to spread all five of his naked fingers. His ring! His engagement ring! It was gone! Panic burst through Jude's whole body as he instantly scrambled to stand up from the bed and pat around his pockets and the black comforter in front of him. Oh God, where did it go?! Jude must have lost it when he was rolling around in his sleep or something! Oh, no, what was Clare going to think?!
Jude almost turned Clare's entire bedroom upside down looking for the shiny ring – pulling out drawers, tossing stray clothes around, digging through every last crease of bed sheets – but he couldn't find it. An absolute storm of anxiety swirled in his chest as he eventually backed up against the door and looked around with tears in his eyes. No, no, no, Jude couldn't lose that ring! Clare had gotten down on one knee and gave it to him!
Though he was tempted to panic, Jude forced himself to remain calm. Finding the ring was important, but finding Clarence first was even more important. After taking a few bracing breaths, Jude exited his fiance's bedroom and searched the hall in a hurry.
"Clare?" he called again, his voice higher and more frightened than before, "Clarence?"
A figure stepped out from the end of the hall and Jude gasped. From the tall, feminine silhouette alone, Jude could tell that it was his cousin. Jessie stepped down the hall to meet him with a calm expression.
"He's sitting outside on the back porch," she informed quietly.
Jude nodded and silently thanked his cousin with a brief smile of relief before turning to venture toward the back door. While he was happy that Clare was still home and safe, Jude also felt terrible. Ugh, how was he going to break the news to Clare that he had lost his engagement ring? Though he was tempted to cry, Jude held himself together long enough to open the back door and look outside.
Jessie was right. Clare was perched on the highest step of the porch. His back was to the door and he was staring out into Bobby's salvage yard, where the darkness of nighttime was fading to soft purple. It was nearly morning, now. Dew had already set on the grass beyond the porch. Jude gulped as he brought his eyes to the back of Clare's blonde head. He couldn't keep this ring thing a secret. He had to tell Clare as soon as possible.
"Clare," Jude called.
Clarence didn't move. He only sat there and stared out at the junkyard. Jude hung his head and shuffled a little closer.
"I – I can't find my ring," the angel squeaked, "It must have slipped off when I was asleep or -"
His voice trailed off when he watched Clare's hand raise up. Jude's silver, diamond filled ring was slung loosely around Clare's index finger. Jude's mouth fell open. Clare took Jude's ring? But why? Why was he playing with it? Clare's head lowered and shook back and forth a few times.
"I shouldn't have given you this," his low voice replied.
Clarence might as well have stabbed Jude in the heart with that sentence. The angel swayed around a little, clutching his own chest as if he had been physically injured. How could Clarence say that? Why would he hurt Jude like that?
"Wh – what?" the angel breathed in pain.
Clare brought his hand back down to look at the ring they were talking about. Jude carefully shuffled closer to the demon, wanting to see his expression. In order to do so, Jude had to step down a few of the porch steps. Clare's face was blank. He was turning the ring over and over between his fingers, but he wasn't looking at it. His eyes were unfocused, cast aimlessly toward the broken cars in the distance.
"I was selfish," Clare explained, "I wanted to have you forever... I didn't realize that it meant you would have to take me forever, too."
Jude swallowed again and blinked at his fiance in confusion, feeling a tiny tear slip down his own cheek.
"Yeah. That's what I want," he nodded, "That's what that ring means. That's why I said yes. So give it back."
Jude quickly reached over and yanked the small band away from Clare. The demon didn't even put up a fight. He let Jude take it without even looking at him. Once the beautiful ring was safely back in Jude's possession, the angel immediately slipped it back on his finger where it belonged. It twinkled a little in the soft purple light of dawn, reminding Jude of the first time he saw it back in the bunker. Clare was so happy when he first gave the ring to Jude. Why would he want to take it away now? Jude lowered his hand to look at the demon, who was now staring sadly at the glistening, dew-covered ground.
"I figured it out," he muttered, "I know why I don't like being a top."
Jude didn't say anything. He waited for Clare to continue.
"It's because I promised myself I would never be that guy," he explained, almost glaring at the ground, "Every man that ever touched me had to be the top. They wanted the dominance. The control. They just wanted me to lay there and take it. Assholes, all of them. Pedophiles that needed me to be weak so that they could feel like men... and what they did to me, I swore I would never do to someone else. I would never make anyone feel weak just so that I could have some pleasure -"
"Clare," Jude softly interrupted, kneeling down in front of Clare on a lower step so that their faces would be even, "You didn't do that to me. You never made me feel weak. I wanted to make love to you that way because I wanted to experience it for myself. You're not like those men -"
"Yes, I am," Clare blurted, scowling harder at the ground, "I'm destined to be just like them. Because my father is one of them."
The demon paused to finally look up at Jude. The moment their eyes met, Jude could see the eroding, destructive pain oozing from this fiance. Hatred and anger were eating him alive from the inside out, but when he looked at Jude, sorrow and guilt immediately surfaced.
"Jude, you are so blessed. You have the best parents in the world," Clare said with a shaky voice, "Dean and Castiel are amazing people, and you are just like them. God, you are the definition of what it means to be a good man... so you can't be with me. Because I've only got two paths. I'm either going to be a strung out, barely alive drug addict, or a demon-killing rapist bent on revenge."
"No, you're not," Jude denied, shaking his head, "Clarence, you are not going to turn out like either of your parents."
"I already have, haven't I?" Clare hissed, though he looked on the edge of breaking down in tears, "The only reason I'm still alive is because you saved me from myself. Addiction was going to take me out of here, until you stepped in. So now, I'm left with my father's sadistic legacy. It's starting all over again... I – I'm trapped in a circle, Jude. I'm stuck in a replaying loop of shit. This circle never ends. The rest of my meaningless life is already planned out. But I will never, ever let you get trapped inside this circle with me. You can't marry me. It's bad. It's so bad -"
When Clare's voice began to crack, Jude lunged forward to wrap him into a hug. The angel crushed the demon tight against his own chest, cradling the back of his blonde head and clutching the back of his jacket. Despite Clare's heartbreaking speech about needing to be away from Jude, he still hugged him back with all his might; like a scared child holding a teddy bear. Jude's heart throbbed in pain. He hated hearing Clarence say all of these things. The worst part was that none of it was true! Clarence wasn't trapped in a circle. He was free to be whoever he wanted to be! Jude pulled back just enough to take Clare's tear-stained face in his hands.
"Clare, listen. Life, time, history, none of it is a circle. It – it's more like a tree," Jude tried to explain, "You are given choices, just like different branches, and its the paths you choose that define who you are. No one else decides it for you. Not your parents, not the men who've mistreated you, not even me. Clare, this is your life. And you get to choose how it will play out."
Jude words must have hit home, because a glimmer of hope flashed in Clare's moist green eyes. Jude smiled at his fiance in the faint glow of dawn, wiping away some tears from his cheeks.
"I just want to be there to share it with you," he admitted, glancing between Clare's wide eyes and trembling lips, "I love you more than anyone. Don't listen to those mean voices in your head, Clare. Don't let them tell you that you're not important, because you are. You're my best friend. My future husband. My whole universe, remember?"
A smile finally spread on Clare's mouth when he heard some of his own words being repeated to him. The remembrance of Clare's proposal and all those sweet things he said were playing in Jude's mind as he finally leaned forward to bring his mouth to Clare's. This kiss was serious, but full of passion. Jude parted his lips long enough to taste Clare's mouth, restoring the familiar taste of young love between them. Clare's hands raised to cup Jude's face on both sides, gently holding him still as they kissed. When their mouths parted, Clare rested their foreheads together so that they could share the same breath as dawn's purple glow faded into pinkish-yellow around them.
"God, I love you, Jude," Clare breathed.
Jude smiled and blissfully blinked his eyes. He would never get tired of hearing Clare say that...
"I love you too," he replied, raising a playful eyebrow, "but if you try to take this ring away from me again, I'll have to spank you."
The subtle joke made Clarence laugh for the first time in a long time, and the sound delighted Jude's entire soul.
"You won't have to worry about that, Jaybird," the demon sighed peacefully, "That ring never has to come off your finger again."
(Author's Note: Hey you guys, I'm so sorry for all those feels in this chapter. :( But at least the title of the story makes sense now, right? ;D I know some of you are probably wondering why Caldwell would encourage Clare to kill Meg when he was supposed to be in love with her. It's probably not a spoiler at this point to say that Caldwell does genuinely care about his son, and after hearing about everything Clare went through, Caldwell sees Meg as just another demon to slaughter. (I hope that makes sense.) And I'm so sorry if Jude's 'missing' engagement ring freaked you out. I knew that was going to be a painful part of the chapter, but it had to be written. Lol ;) Thank you guys so much for always reading and reviewing, and thank you for your encouragement with the OCs in this story. I am so happy that you see them as part of the Winchester family, because at this point, I couldn't live without them! :) love you guys! The next chapter will be out soon! :)
Kats1997, Ohh yes, last chapter had plenty of feels to go around, but I think this new chapter might have it beat. Lol! XD Poor Crowley is suffering right now, but don't worry, hon. I'll take care of him, I promise. ;) I think that Sam's words of marriage wisdom really helped Ollie with his fear of wedded commitment. :D I hope that this Clarence centered chapter wasn't too hard on ya, darlin. ;) Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! :)
Classical E Centric, Awww, I'm so glad to hear that you're enjoying the chapters hon! :D And I hope that this new Clarence chapter wasn't too feelsy. Lol. ;D Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, darlin! :D
Deanstiel's Daughter, Haha! Ah, yes! The plot has thickened into a solid paste-like texture! Lol XD You were right, darlin, Clare and his dad did have some words. Lots and lots of words. ;D And something did come out of their meeting, but none of it was probably good. (Useful information, but still painful.) I'm so glad that you enjoyed Sam and Ollie's heart-to-heart! :D It really did give Sammy a lot to think about. And I'm so glad that you agree with Sam's point. Marriages are hard work, but so worth it in the end. (I took notes from my mom and dad. Lol) :) Our carrot-top will definitely have a good long thought about asking our Jessie-rabbit to marry him, now. ;D I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter hon, and I hope that you enjoyed this Clarence-centered chapter as well! :D Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, hon! :)
PookyBearTrady, hahaha! Omg, I hate warlocks too! XD And I'm sure that after this new chapter, no one likes them any better. XD I'm so glad that you enjoyed seeing Sammy and Ollie work out their tension! And I hope that you enjoyed this Clarence centered chapter as well! :) Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, darlin! :D
GeekGirlForLife, Hahaha! XD Ollie is a total idiot, isn't he? It's a good thing he's got Jessie around. She is much smarter than he is. XD I'm so glad that you are enjoying the story, darlin! Yes, I have heard of the show Shadowhunters, but unfortunately, I've never watched it. :( How is it? Let me know! :) Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! :)
gothichic, Aww, hello there, my super-sweet, thoughtful, amazingly gifted SPN bestie! XD Oh, it's totally fine that you didn't get to review! I completely understand that life gets busy sometimes. (believe me. Lol) XD Awww, you are too sweet, darlin! You're giving me cavities! XD But, yes, I totally try to make it kind of like the show, where a new 'episode' comes out every week. (And each story is like a season. Lol!) XD Thank you so much for those compliments, darlin. You make my day! :D Aw, yay! I am so glad that you enjoyed my interpretation of Death! :D He was such an awesome, creepy character on the show, and I really wanted to bring that into the story. (Of course the first thing he did was shush Gabriel, and everyone was scared of him from then on out. Lol!) :) Haha, I'm so glad you liked Gabriel's slap, too! Those boys need a wake-up slap from time to time, don't they? (Sam: "Ow, Gabe! That hurt!" Gabe: "Oh shut up, moose. You know you like it.") XD Aww, I know. I hate seeing Crowley in pain, too. :( (Unfortunately, it's going to get a little worse before it gets better, but he's got his family to stay by his side.) :) Aww, I know! Poor Ollie is such an idiot! Lol XD He really is trying to prove that he can be a Hunter, but he's going about it in all the wrong ways. It's kind of Ollie's fault that this week's chapter went the way it did, but it's okay. We can forgive Ollie (eventually. Lol) ;D Haha! I know, right?! The Warlock totally belongs in Hell! (Maybe after this is all over, Crowley will torture the guy himself. Nice and slow and painful like.) ;D Aww, I'm so glad that you enjoyed Sam and Ollie's yelling match too, darlin. They did get a lot of things off their chests. Ollie's parents' divorce really made him shy away from the idea of Marriage, but I think that Sam's lil prep talk helped to remind him that marriage is more than just a few fights. ;) Haha! Oh yes, Jessie doesn't have to worry. Ollie will put a ring on it soon enough. ;D Yep, poor Clare went missing at the end of the last chapter, but of course it wasn't long until Jude found him again. ;D I am so sorry about the feels in this chapter darlin. (especially the part where Clarence took Jude's ring away, I knew that was going to hurt really bad, and my first thought was, "Oh no, my SPN bestie won't like this!") But of course, Jude helped Clare feel better by the end. :) And I really hope you liked it, hon! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! And of course, for being an awesome friend. :) Love ya, girl! Thank you so much for helping me make Clarence! :D
Jawn Lennon Aid, Oh yes, I agree, darlin. Sam has always been one of those characters who will admit when he's wrong, (a little more quickly than Dean, sometimes,) and I knew that he and Ollie had to have a nice little chat about everything that was going on between them. Haha! Yeah, I think Gabe would have had a mouthful to say as well if he had been in that scene, too. Of course he couldn't let his moose yell at the gingerbread man for long. XD I, for one, really really really hated that Gabriel/Rowena scene from the show. It made me physically sick at my stomach and, to this day, I still have a hard time writing the pair in the same scene together. *shivers* Yes! It had to be a clone! Because the real trickster is head over tiny heals for the moose! (At least, that's what I kept telling myself... is it canon yet?) lol! XD I hope that you enjoyed Jude's reaction to Clarence's disappearance (and reappearance) in this chapter, darlin. Our Superman was listening very closely for Clare-bear's prayers. ;) Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, hon! Bless! ;D
