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Chapter 9 – Baltimore
Although he still had six school weeks and the summer holidays left Blaine started to think about the process of moving there. He had enrolled into Nyada now and booked a dorm room. He simply would have to pack some bags and go there, but what should he take? How would it be to live without his parents? He would probably be even more heartbroken about being far away from Sam. All his friends would be far away, oh goodness.
"You will be okay", Nick used to say everyday now when Blaine started to freak out. They also talked about what the future meant for their relationship, but neither of them wanted to address the fact that they most probably would break up. Blaine had the slight suspicion that Nick was more attached to him than he let on. Ever since he had stayed although he'd discovered that Blaine liked Sam it had become clearer every day.
That's why Blaine first didn't want to tell him about what had happened at the Con weekend. But he could not hold it inside, and also he figured that being honest was the better option. To his surprise, Nick still stayed.
"It's not like you two are together now, right?", he said.
"Of course not." Blaine shook his head. "Sam is straight."
"Stop saying that. For a straight boy he sure has a lot of issues with you."
"He doesn't have issues with me, come on", Blaine said. "He was curious."
"Not to mention jealous."
"Friends can be jealous, too. And it's all clear now", Blaine said. Nick was the one being too jealous here. He knew that Sam had a girlfriend whom he loved and never would leave. Although that 'never would leave' part may result from different things than love. Still it made no sense to think about any other option.
Sam got a scholarship to go to Baltimore. The moment Blaine heard it his heart stopped. He sat down on his bed and tried not to let his phone drop.
"Baltimore?", he croaked.
"Philadelphia rejected me", Sam said. "And the others probably will, too. But at least Baltimore wants me."
He didn't sound very happy and Blaine didn't know what to say. They kept still so long that he began to think Sam wasn't there anymore. But then he pulled himself together, oh what a bad friend he was for being so shocked.
"That are great news, Sam! And don't you worry about us, we will visit each other during the holidays", he said, maybe even more to comfort himself.
"It won't be the same."
"No… But life is about changes. And that is your future, it's so important", Blaine said. As much as it hurt, it would probably be 'healthy' (as Nick liked to put it) to not see Sam every day.
"There's something else", Sam said, clearing his throat. "Brit didn't get into Yale."
"Oh", Blaine made, frowning, because did Sam seriously expect she would?
"She's devastated. I'm thinking about buying her another cat."
"Sam, no", Blaine said quickly. "Cat's aren't the solution to everything."
"A bunny then?"
Despite the seriousness of the situation Blaine chuckled. "No pets. Just be there for her."
"Yeah, I tried that but she's talking to the Tubbingtons most of the time even when I'm there. Yesterday I wanted to hug her, but after two seconds she got up and pulled Lord Tubbington between us."
"Oh, Sam", Blaine said pitiful. He wanted to ask how much longer this could go on but he didn't dare to say anything. He knew that Sam loved Brit so much and that he needed her, it was just senseless.
"Do you think I should break up with her?"
"Wait… what?" Blaine froze in his chair.
"I'm not as stupid as most people think. I know she doesn't love me, well, or rather she loves me because she can only love but you know… not the way she loved Santana."
"But you love her", Blaine said. "Not that this means it will work out but… uhm… it's your decision."
"Well, right now she's too sad about Yale anyway", Sam said. "Maybe not."
"Hm", Blaine made, staring at the cupboard. His hands were shaking. The possibility of Sam being single was too much for him to take. It didn't mean anything, alright, but still…
"How is it going with Nick?", Sam asked.
"Oh, uhm… good."
"Not freaking out about you leaving for New York?"
"We still have three months left so… yeah", Blaine said. He just couldn't tell Sam about how his relationship with Nick wasn't what it seemed to be. Because it was about Sam and even if he had been okay with Blaine's crush a few months ago it still might shock him to hear that it wasn't over, instead had gotten worse.
But Blaine had finally accepted it. He was high over heels in love with Sam and only three hundred miles between them would (hopefully) cure him.
"Have you told him about… uhm…" Sam went silent but Blaine knew exactly what he meant.
"Well...", he said.
"You did?"
"Yes."
"Good, because I have told Brit, too."
"What did she say?"
"Nothing. She didn't consider it as cheating. And Nick?"
Blaine swallowed down a lump in his throat. "Same."
"Really? He didn't struck me as the type… I mean he's nice, but he can get mad, can't he?"
"He understood that we were drunk and of course he knows that you are straight", Blaine said, remembering that Nick wasn't convinced about that. And Blaine didn't know what to think of that. So after hesitating a few seconds he added: "You are, right?"
He was really glad this conversation took place on the phone so Sam couldn't see his nervous face. But on the other hand he couldn't see Sam's face, too. Blaine focused on his window and waited for an answer. When it came, his heart stopped again.
"I don't know."
Blaine closed his eyes and reminded himself to breath. His free hand grasped into the duvet cover, not being able to relax.
"It's normal to want to experience, Sam, the Con weekend didn't mean anything", he said, well, his brain said it. Wow, how reasonable he still was, that was a skill he should be able to list in his CV. 'Stays rational when crush offers possibility of being bisexual.'
"It's not because of that. Before that I was already thinking…"
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"Because I couldn't. You were with Nick all the time, Blaine, every freaking time I wanted to talk to you you were too busy."
Blaine would have fallen to the ground due to his weak legs if he had been standing right now. The warm hope in his chest immediately was eaten up by his bad conscience.
"I'm sorry", he said. "Although, to be fair, we never had one week without at least one evening alone, Sam."
"Yeah… well, the timing was never right."
Blaine sighed. His ability to think was completely gone now. He just talked on and on.
"Were you afraid that I… would want something from you? Because I would never ask you for anything that you don't want, Sam."
"No, I just didn't know what to say."
"Do you know now?"
"Not really."
"Well, just remember that you have time to figure things out. Your life is just beginning", Blaine said.
"Okay."
"And don't let your spirits be dragged down from that! Sam, was that why you weren't on your best game lately? It's totally okay", Blaine said. "You can talk to me anytime, okay?"
Sam promised to not hold back his feelings in the future and then they hang up. Blaine stared at the phone in his hand and wondered if he was dreaming. This couldn't possibly be happening, could it?
Sam was doubting his heterosexuality, why hadn't Blaine ever – wait a minute. A few weeks ago there had been this awkward situation where Sam had asked if Blaine still wanted to kiss him and had acted pretty strange afterwards. Blaine had thought it had been his fault but what if that had been an attempt of his friend to… to talk to him?
And how Sam always complained when Blaine did boyfriend stuff with Nick. Or spent more time with him than Sam, especially alone time. And what about his request to be 'platonic boyfriends' or the bro-date? Oh my god!
Looking back Blaine suddenly saw more than enough signs he should have wondered about if he hadn't been so blind.
But wouldn't all of that mean that Sam questioned his sexuality because of… Blaine?
No.
Imagination, that was all there was to it. Blaine was jumping to conclusions because he wanted it to be like that. But it couldn't, it just couldn't.
