A/N: Originally I wasn't going to add Renesmee and Esme's conversation to this chapter and just give you a generalization of what went down, but Pattyheartcake convinced me otherwise =) Hope you all enjoy and please take the time to review, they really honestly help the creative process (case in point: Pattyheartcake and the Esme conversation.) =)
Renesmee's POV
I walked out of the house with Esme in toe. I was unbelievably nervous for the conversation at hand but I knew it had to happen.
"What's on your mind, dear?" Esme asked as we took up two seats next to each other on a large bolder down by the lake near the house.
I sucked in a deep breath, mentally- and physically- preparing myself for this. She was going to be so disappointed in me. I knew it. It was all a mater of whether or not she would forgive me in time for me to tell her about Jacob.
I didn't have anyone else to talk to. I would talk to Alice or Rosalie, but they hated Jacob too much. I can't talk to Mom because she was far away and I needed to talk now. And there was no way I could talk to Dad, Emmett or Jasper; for obvious reasons. Esme and Carlisle were the only ones left and Esme was amazing when it came to this kind of thing. So she's the one I decided I wanted to talk to about my changing feelings for Jacob. But first I need to tell her about my ridiculous actions on the beach.
I feared telling her about Jacob would be the easier of the two.
"Just start at the beginning." Esme murmured softly, patting my hair. So I did. I started from the beginning and told her all about my stupid actions. How I went out to the woods to look for her box and that's when I ran into Kaure. I told her about how bad I felt and that I hadn't opened it. I told her everything- surprisingly without tears.
"I'm so sorry. I know how disappointed you must be in me. I really am sorry."
"Oh, sweetheart, its okay. I'm not disappointed at all. I'm sorry this all happened to you just because of that box." Esme soothed, pulling me into a hug.
"Wait, you're not upset with me at all?"
"No, dear, I'm not." She looked me in the eye and continued. "I was a kid once, yes it was a long time ago, but that doesn't change a thing. I remember what its like to be a curious teenager. I have half the mind to expect this kind of thing from Edward's child." She laughed but continued. "I'm not mad. A little sad; but not mad. Trust me what is in that box will be necessary when the time comes. If you had opened it while you were on the island then you would have been thoroughly baffled.
"But what is it, grandma?" I pleaded, attempting my best puppy-dog-face.
"With time, Honey. I promise you'll know soon enough." she replied, shaking her head, and releasing my hand. She stood and offered me a hand up. When I didn't reach out and take it, she gave me a perplexed look and sat back down.
"Is there something more you want to talk about?" she asked delicately. I just nodded. "Well I'm a very good soundboard. You can run anything by me."
This was the hard part. How do you put love into words? No, not love. Devotion. Shear need. Soul mate.
I was having trouble breathing let alone speaking, just at the thought of how deep my feelings for my best friend went. But I tried; desperately I tried.
"I have a problem. When we were on the island…something happened."
"I heard about Kaure."
"No, not like that. Something happened between Jake and I. Something I think is good, but haven't made up my mind about." I sucked in a deep breath and had to divert my eyes in order to say the words. "I think I might be in love with Jacob."
I watched Esme's reaction carefully. She took a deep breath, stared out at the water, blinked twice then let out her breath. A slow reaction but then it hit. Her face showed emotion for the first time since I started talking about Jacob. And this emotion was different then I thought it would be. She seemed….aware. Did she already know this? Dad? Mom? WHO?
"I see." was all she said after a minute.
"I just don't know what to do. I mean what do I tell him? I don't know if he likes me back or anything. It's a scary thing being in love with your best friend." I tried speaking to her but her face was in some sort of revere I wasn't sure how to pull her out of.
"Well, dear, I'm sure everything will be okay. I have to go talk to your grandpa about our travels, but I promise you, everything will be okay." she said with the most emotion her face was able to conceive. It was fake. I saw right through her but I remained silent.
What was up with this family and secrets? Dad always said there were never to be secrets in the Cullen family; but it would appear there are more then anyone would have ever guessed. I was a little miffed at that. I was so thoroughly out of the loop with these people. I bet even Jacob knows what's going on!
I was near tears at the airport. I was loosing half of my family to that god forsaken island!
"Come back soon." I whispered in Carlisle's ear as he hugged me goodbye. He nodded and pulled away. I went to Esme next.
"Love you, sweetheart. Don't worry a thing, we'll be back soon." she promised as she hugged me and kissed my forehead. I tried to smile but I couldn't.
Grandma and grandpa grabbed their bags and headed through security while I stood back with Dad and the rest of the family. I finally made myself turn towards Daddy.
"See you later." I said flippantly…or at least I tried sounding flippant; it turned out pathetically flat though. He reached out and kissed me.
"Yes, you will." he promised, hugged me, then headed after grandma and grandpa. I watched him leave, watching him take a piece of my happiness away.
No one knew how long they would be gone. I didn't even know why they were leaving in the first place. Nothing made sense.
"Think about it this way, Nessie. Now your thoughts are your own." Rose murmured to me while she wrapped her arm around my shoulders. I half smiled. That would be nice.
"Are we ready to go? We have a stop on the way home." Emmett stated bluntly and with an evil-like grin. I looked up at Rose who was smiling at him.
"Oh, boy?" I said apprehensively. Alice chuckled and came to loop her arm through mine. Rosalie followed suit and they walked me out the airport doors by my arms, Jasper and Emmett following closely behind.
Carlisle's Mercedes was in the parking lot waiting for us. Rosalie hopped in the driver's seat and when I went to get in the back seat Alice rolled her eyes and shoved me towards the passenger's seat. She scooted into the middle seat in the back.
After a long time of driving I began questioning Rosalie as if my life depended on it. Emmett was laughing wildly at every one of my inquisitions.
"Enough questions! You'll ruin the surprise." Alice finally said sternly. I crossed my arms over my chest and sat further back in my seat. If I wasn't getting help from them I would at least watch out the window and figure it out myself.
We were passing everything! We were literally headed towards the middle of nowhere. I had no clue as to where we were going or what I was seeing. That frustrated me.
"Sit back and enjoy it while it lasts." Emmett leaned over and rested his head on my seat. I watched as Rosalie turned off a side road. A sharp right. A swirl turn and we stopped.
Everyone climbed out of the car but I remand planted in my seat. Jasper came to my door and opened it, holding his hand out to me. I took hold of him and pulled myself from the car stiffly. "Where the hell are we?"
"Watch your language. And we are here!" Rose sang, gesturing to the vast land around her. Grass. That's all I saw. Nothing else…oh, wait! That was a bird. And the sun. That's it, though. Nothing but grass, the sun and a bird.
"And so I repeat myself; where the hell are we, Rose?" I looked around in search of something other then this. That's when I saw it.
In the beautiful glow of sunlight, sat the most wonderful thing my eyes had ever seen. Its glossy ebony exterior literally made my jaw drop. Perfection came in the form of a 1967 Chevy Impala, parked in a clearing three dozen miles from the airport. I gasped and began to feel the effects of my smile becoming permanent on my cheeks.
"Is- what- who?" I tried asking a few questions but wound up sputtering too much for even me. I just pointed, gapped, and looked around at my family.
"It's all yours, babe, all you have to do is let one of us teach you to drive it." Rosalie sang with a smile. That's when the squealing started.
My screaming lasted a long time. Then I started hugging everyone. I pounced on Jasper. Jumped up and down with Rosalie. Got lifted off the ground by Emmett. And spun Alice around in a circle.
Then I finally thought to check out my new car!
"Oh my God! You have got to be kidding me! Are you kidding me? I don't care. Its mine either way. Shut up! Oh my God!" I screamed, jumping up and down as I stood by the driver's side door. Rosalie tossed me the keys.
"Take a look inside." I practically jumped in the seat. I sat in amazement of the alluring beauty this car possessed.
"Can I take it for a spin? Please, please, please!" I begged, looking up at Rosalie. She shook her head and my shoulders slumped.
"Not until you've had a few driving lessons. But…we could start now?" she replied easily. I sang with delight and she climbed into the passengers seat.
After driving four straight hours with Rosalie next to me, I had made up my mind: She was, for sure, going to be the one to teach me to drive. She was just patient enough. And she had the instinct to teach rather then smother- like Dad would have.
When I got home I showed off the car to Jacob and the pack- reveling in the way their faces dropped in awe of the beauty in my car.
My car! MY CAR! Now, all I have to do is learn how to drive it…
Jacob was in the middle of inspecting the engine when my cell phone rang. I hopped off the hood of Alice's Porch and pulled the phone from the pocket of my jacket sitting on a stool in the corner.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Nessie, its Nick Heartly." Nick greeted eagerly. My shock was evident on my face.
"Nick. Hi, how are you?" I replied, hopping back onto the hood of Alice's car. I saw Jacob's head tilt towards me at the mention of his "competition."
"I'm pretty good. Totally psyched for your birthday party." Ugh, that! Alice was going over board, as usual, and inviting practically the whole school and town. I wasn't looking forward to it in the least. But apparently Nick was.
I fiddled with an engine tool while I talked. "Are you? Good, I'm not." I deadpanned.
Nick chuckled. "You should be. It's going to be epic, I'm telling you. I was actually calling to talk to you about the party."
"What about my party?" I switched the phone to my other ear and tossed the tool back into Rosalie's pink toolbox. I was very aware of Jacob listening in on my conversation.
"Well, I was just kind of er, wondering if we could meet up beforehand. I kind of er, want to give you umm, something." he stuttered and stammered on the phone. I could just picture him twisting his fingers into knots.
"Sure. How early do you want to meet?" Jacob's head popped up like a dogs. "Alice will no doubt have me scrambling like mad all day to get ready but you can be my escape."
"Really? That's great! That' we can meet, I mean. Umm, what time is the party again?" Nick was a little overly-enthusiastic about this meeting. Am I being flirty? I have no clue.
"I'm pretty sure Alice wants everyone here by seven."
"How about four-thirty at Stan's Diner?"
I nodded despite the fact that Nick couldn't see me through the phone. "That works. I'll meet you there." Funny how the set of Jacob's shoulders changed in the instant.
"You have a ride? Cause I can er, pick you up."
I smiled impossibly wide. "Yeah, I got a ride. I'll explain that at Stan's Friday night. You're going to have yourself a little shit-fit. Promise." I chuckled and Nick joined in.
"Can't wait to hear it. I'll see you Friday."
"Yep. See you Friday." I flipped the phone shut and looked over at Jacob who was staring at me. "What?"
He stared for an extra second with some new, unrecognizable emotion in his eye, then shook his head and looked away. "Nothing."
I hopped off the car and walked over to him. He towered over me but that didn't stop me from making him look me in the eye. I grabbed his big chin between my tiny fingers and forced his face to look at mine.
"That was not nothing. Tell me what's going on." I requested, not letting go of his face. But he didn't say anything. "Does this have to do with Nick Heartly?"
He shrugged nonchalantly and looked away.
"It is isn't it? Jake, are you serious. He's nothing compared to you." I replied with a little chuckle. Jacob looked back at me with that same glisten in his eye and my smile vanished.
"Nessie, what do you think about when you think of me?" he asked, taking my hand in his and moving a little bit closer.
I took a deep breath. "I don't know. Why?" I knew exactly what I thought about when I thought of Jake. I thought about him in a way totally new to me. I thought about how in love I am with him, but he didn't need to know that.
"What do you think of me, Ness?" Jake whispered, stroking my cheek and moving his face closer. Those eyes! They were searing right through me! He was melting my heart and I knew, then, that he was going to kiss me. Odd thing was I wanted him to. I really, really wanted him to. I would return the kiss, that's for sure!
I tilted my chin up towards him- giving him the go ahead. But he wasn't moving any closer. He hovered there with his face so incredibly close to mine. My breathing was hyperventilation and my palms were sweating stupidly.
I breathed in deep and- for the first time with this new mindset- I took in Jacob's heady aroma. A woodsy musk I couldn't forget even if I tried. Something I'd come to memorize, love and cherish. I coveted Jacob in a way. I suppose that wasn't good. But, can you blame me? He is just so perfect. It almost makes me hurt. That's when it hit me.
Why the hell is Jacob standing here- almost- kissing me when he has a million other girls falling all over themselves just to get next to him? I'm no one special. Not someone worth his love, that's for sure. I am nothing.
Worse then that, look at what I'm doing right now. I'm standing in a garage with a boy who has sacrificed everything for me. He left his father behind! He left his life back in Forks, Washington, just so he could follow me and my family here. Other then protecting me and running around with me and babysitting me, Jacob has nothing. I'm a horrible person! I'm ruining Jake's life!
I pulled away from him sharply; unwilling to hurt him even more. His eyes looked hurt though. I couldn't even bare to look at him. The poor man I'm torturing.
I ran back into the house without so much as a backward glance.
A/N: Note numeral uno: I didn't want to make Edward Carlisle and Esme's leaving a big deal so it's just a short little thing. Don't hate me for it. They'll be back. Note dos: The car Renesmee gets is my 2nd favorite car. My first is a '69 Z28 Chevy Camaro but I thought the '67 Chevy Impala would suffice =) Note tres: To everyone who guessed Nick had "feelings" for Nessie in the beginning- congrats! You were 100% right. Kid is kind of a creep haha. Note cuatro: Shout out to my best (male) friend Daren- He is the one who came up with the "Shit-fit" line haha. Love that man! Note cinco: Don't worry! They will kiss eventually! It was just really bad timing. Especially considering they were in a garage…and Nessie had just agreed to a date with Nick. Okay and finally Note seis: Nessie takes after Bella in her self-loathing/pitting. Not a quality I like but it was necessary. Also, her thought process (I'm ruining his life! Blah, fucking, blah.) is highly important to the story, unfortunately.
