Title: Of Secret Shags, Talks, and Fainting.

Disclaimer: No. Just...no. I feel bad enough as it is, must I repeat myself every time? It isn't mine. Leave me alone to wallow in self-pity.

Pairings: Harry/Draco, Remus/Sirius, Ron/Hermione, past Harry/Ginny.

Rating: M

Word Count: 3,273.

Warnings: DH spoilers, sexual content, language.

Summary: Remus and Sirius decided to give Harry The Talk a few months after the final battle. But has Harry already done the dirty, so to say? And with whom exactly? And is that...Lucius Malfoy fainting?

Author's Note: A slash. My first attempt EVAR! Just a note: Sirius and Remus survived beyond the battle. But other than that, no one else. Everything other than Sirius' death in DoM and Remus dying at the Battle of Hogwarts is canon.

A couple of weeks after a very public announcement of the dissolution of the Malfoy-Greengrass engagement (in which Astoria expressed her severe outrage) finds Draco in the country cottage kitchen waiting for Harry in impeccable robes, frowning over a piece of parchment Sirius recognizes all to well but isn't ready to reveal the true nature of.

He enjoys watching Draco's reaction to the creative insults from the doorway. Draco has yet to notice him. His eyes are busy glaring at the parchment, tutting every so often.

Sirius knows he is waiting for Harry so they can go to Diagon Alley to make their new relationship public. They plan on having a 'quiet' lunch together and 'hope the press will leave them alone.'

Draco's irritation at the insulting parchment is at its peak when Remus pushes past him into the kitchen with a look that clearly asks what he was doing hanging in the doorway. Sirius nods at the blonde in silent answer, a smirk playing at his lips. Remus mouths "Ah," nods, and turns away with a grin.

When the younger man sees them, he waves the parchment indignantly. "Is this a Weasley product?"

Sirius tries not to feel insulted at his most prized adolescent creation being compared to the Weasley products. Not that he minds Fred and George, just, he doesn't want to be compared to them. Yes, he is quite arrogant that way.

"Because these people are quite rude," Draco goes on, without waiting for a response. "Especially this Prongs bloke. Where does he get off telling me he'll cut off my balls if I hurt Potter? And Padfoot tells me I'm a stuck up pure-blood snob and I need to be less of a poncey git. Honestly!"

Sirius suppresses a snigger behind his very empty cup. He walks over and reads the words over Draco's shoulder. "Ah, yes, 'Mister Moony would like to inform you that you must stop yelling so loudly and try not to be as daft as you are. He would also like to inform you that you are sufficiently intelligent and capable of figuring out who Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs truly are.'"

"Does Mister Prongs really threaten to cut off your balls?" Remus asks mock innocently from by the stove, but Sirius can see the mischief glinting in his golden eyes.

"Yes," Draco grumbles. "And...Wor- it can't be. Can it? Do you-?" He looks questioningly at Sirius for a moment before shaking his head at looking back at the parchment. "So what is it? Some sort of Insult The Reader parchment?"

"Not quite," Remus admits, glancing at Sirius.

Just then, Harry rushes into the room with a panicked air about him.

"Potter!"

Harry pauses in his search for whatever it is, distracted by Draco. He smiles widely in greeting before turning to Sirius and Remus and then roving his eyes around the kitchen. "Have you seen the- oh, you found it, Draco. Thanks." Harry holds his hand out for the Map.

"You're looking for this?" Draco asks incredulously, eying the parchment as if it is a heap of bat droppings.

"Yeah, I- oh." He spots the insults on the front and laughs. "I see they haven't told you what it is." Sirius notices his eyes trained on the words 'chop off your bits.'

Sirius sticks his tongue out at his godson. "Fine, ruin our fun."

"You mean this isn't a spare bit of parchment that likes to insult people?"

Harry laughs again, kisses his boyfriend on the cheek and says, "Not entirely. Watch. I solemnly swear I am up to no good." The ink spreads and stretches out across the canvas as Hogwarts spreads before their eyes. It is mostly empty in the summer, the usually flurry of black dots absent. Only Hagrid, McGonagall and the occasional ghost darts through the halls.

Draco's jaw drops as he takes in the creation in front of him. He stares at it for a few more seconds before looking up at Harry, opening and closing his mouth several more times, unable to find the proper words. "This...this explains so much." Harry grins wickedly. "How long have you had it?"

Harry glances at Remus and Sirius, just as amused as they are at Draco's indignant reaction. "Since third year. And then some hypocrite confiscated it saying it was too dangerous for me to have it."

Remus rolls his eyes. "I was your professor. It wouldn't have been right for me to let you keep it."

"Yes, and making it in the first place was such a right thing to do," Harry retorts.

"In all fairness, it wasn't his idea to make the map," Sirius offers, smiling.

Draco looks even more out raged. "Wait, you knew this was a map and you let it insult me?"

"I made it. Of course I know it's a map, and watching you get angrier by the second at a piece of parchment is not something I would want to miss," Sirius informs him with a beatific smile.

Draco frowns at Sirius then at the Map then back at Sirius. "So...you're Padfoot?"

Sirius widens his eyes and gives a mocking clap. "Would you look at that, he really is sufficiently intelligent, Moony."

"I did say that, didn't I?" Remus asks.

Harry playfully shoves Draco when he scowls at their old professor. "Come on. It's really brilliant, and it insults everyone. You should have seen what it said to Snape. I'm actually trying to replicate it for the Ministry. Do you have any idea how many times Rita Skeeter has just 'casually walked by' my trainee cubicle in the last two months?"

"Yes, and we haven't been allowed to see this new version," Sirius grouses. He had been ecstatic when Harry mentioned replicating the Map, expecting to be asked for his help, but his godson has been extremely tight-lipped about the affair, not allowing anyone to look at until it is finished. "You would think it makes sense to ask the people who've done it before how to make the map, but no."

Harry smirks. "He's just sore because I figured all the enchantments when he bet I'd miss at least one without his or Remus' help."

Draco nods slowly, still looking at the Map. Finally, he looks up with a knowing smirk."So, is this how you stalked me sixth year?"

"I was not stalking you!" Harry protests immediately. Draco arches one eye challengingly. "I wasn't!"

"Not from what we've heard," Remus interjects, and amused grin spreading across his face. "What was it Ron and Hermione said, Sirius?"

Sirius, always happy to rib his godson quickly adds, "I believe the words Malfoy and obsessed were used."

Harry flushes a deep red turned even deeper by Draco's intrigued expression. He stands abruptly, tapping the Map and saying the necessary words to clear it and pulls Draco up. "Come on. We should get going."

"Oh, but I so want to know about this obsession of your, Potter," Draco protests.

"Shut up." Harry scowls at Sirius and Remus, making the older couple laugh. He quickly pulls Draco up, and spins on the spot, Disapparating to Diagon Alley.

"You know," Remus says after some time. "He's right."

Sirius looks up from the latest Quibbler article on the Crumple Horned Snorkack. "About what?"

"You are just sore he found out all the enchantments."

Sirius raises a warning finger. "Don't you start with me."

Remus scoffs. "Or what?"

With a war cry that does not behoove a man of Sirius age- although he will deny thinking such a thing in the future- he launches himself across the table at his lover, attacking the werewolf's neck and throat.

Within seconds he has a panting, quivering, begging Defense professor underneath him. Sirius moves off abruptly, swiping a hand tantalizingly across the other man's aroused groin. Sirius suggestively waggles his eyes, turns, and flounces off.

"Tease!" Remus shouts behind him. Sirius is so giddy from his victory over his best friend-turned-lover that he doesn't even feel the Full Body Bind soar at him.

He falls plank-like to the wooden floor. He watches as Remus hovers over him with a wicked grin that scares Sirius. Remus kneels by Sirius' frozen body, runs a finger up and down Sirius' leg. Although he cannot react to the touch, he can feel the sensations explode in his body. Remus notices this too, because he chuckles and leans closer to Sirius so his breath ghosts over the Animagus' cheek.

"Payback is rather a bitch, love."

Harry watches Draco sit across from his with an uncertain look. It is obvious to anyone that Draco is trembling with nerves. They are sitting in one of the many new Wizarding establishments that cropped up after the war. This is a small cafe situated right next to Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes. Harry and Draco have chosen to sit outside on the veranda so the throngs of people going in and out of Wheezes will notice the two young men sitting in Zizi's having lunch together.

They are relying on the large scale gossip mongering that tends to rule the Wizarding world sometimes to come out as a couple. Even though they have discussed this many times over the past week or so, Harry can tell Draco is just barely holding in the urge to hold himself in his seat and not flee.

Running, Draco had once confessed after one of their many secret shags, was his way of forgetting. A cowards way. Right now, Draco's entire body is coiled to run.

"Hey," Harry whispers across the table. "You know we don't have to do this right now. We can wait."

Draco takes a deep breath, looks around at the other patrons looking on curiously, pointing at Harry behind their hands. "No. We can do this. Besides, I've already told Mother and Father what to expect in the Evening Prophet. Mother says she's going to cut out the picture and have it made into a portrait." He rolls his eyes to indicate what he thinks of that suggestion, but the glint in his eyes along with his flushed cheeks tell Harry he appreciates his parents' support just like Harry appreciates Ron and Hermione's, and Remus and Sirius'.

"You sure?" Most of the patrons out on the veranda are looking at them now.

"Definitely." Draco beams, laying his hand almost casually across the table top. When Harry touches it, he is pleased to note there is none of that restrained tension in his muscles.

He brings their intertwined fingers to his lips, visibly kissing Draco's pale hand in a gesture that has no ability to be misinterpreted. The flash goes of right on time as they had expected it.

The buzz of gossip is almost like a tangible thing now, and people out on the Alley are looking, and pointing, and whispering. Harry grins, just as Draco smirks when they see a familiar face adorned with sequined glasses cutting through the crowd like a moth searching for her flame.

Harry rolls the small Cricket ball towards Teddy again. The toddler giggles, slapping his fake wooden Cricket bat at the ball. He misses entirely, instead hitting the floor. Harry chuckles at Teddy's pout, Summons the ball, and rolls it back at him. They repeat this a few more times on the living room floor before Sirius and Draco, who have been staring at Harry and Teddy in fascination, make an impatient noise.

"What is the point of this?" Draco asks, staring at the ball as if it were alien. Remus rolls his eyes at the question. It is a variation of a similar one Sirius asked a few minutes prior.

"There is no point. It's just fun. The professionals play it differently, like Remus said. It's very popular among the Muggles," Harry explains patiently. They are waiting for the evening edition of the Prophet, and Draco is a little more than high-strung.

"Yes, but why?"

Harry looks at Sirius questioningly. "Why what?"

"Why do they play...this? Just Bludgers and Beater bats?"

Harry doesn't bother to correct the misconception that a Cricket ball is nothing like a Bludger, neither is the Cricket bat. "It isn't just this. There's teams, and there are these stumps that if the baller hits then the batter is out. Or if a fielder catches the ball in mid-air. And there's runs and stuff. One run is when you run between the stumps, and then four. A six is really difficult to make. It's actually quite fun. I used to watch the upper forms play."

"Did you ever play?" Draco asks, curiously peering at the small red ball. He tentatively reaches a long finger to touch the bat Teddy has offered to him. He looks as though he's afraid the bat will bite him.

Harry makes sure to not make eye contact with anyone. His childhood is still somewhat of a sore spot for Sirius and Remus. They've threatened to go and ransack Petunia's house more than once. "Er...no. I never played."

"Why not?" Draco, who doesn't know much about Harry's childhood or Dudley or any of that stuff yet, seems oblivious to the tensing of Sirius' jaw or how Remus clenches his fists.

Harry tries to laugh it off, keeping his eyes trained on Draco's fingers and the bat handle, which isn't a good idea either. The way his hand strokes up and down the wooden piece reminds Harry of other hard, long...things Draco could be stroking. He looks at Teddy instead. It helps. Somewhat.

"Dudley and his gang never let me."

"Dudley, your...cousin?"

Sirius looks so poised to lash out, Harry can see the vein popping in his forehead. Only Remus' hand clamped down on his arm holds Sirius back.

"Er, yeah."

He doesn't want to do this here. One day he will tell Draco about Dudley, and Aunt Petunia, and Uncle Vernon, and the cupboard, and weekends spent at Mrs. Figgs, and Aunt Marge and her dogs. But not here. Not today. Luckily, he doesn't have to add anything more because an Owl is flying through the window, Prophet attached to its claw.

It hovers in front of Remus who is the one with the subscription. He unfurls the paper after depositing the Knut in the pouch attached to the owl.

When Remus reads the article out loud, Harry hears words like hero's love for Slytherins and pure-bloods...Blaise Zabini, jilted ex-lover...so soon after engagement to heiress Astoria Greengrass... wonder if this was the real reason behind the break up...

But he doesn't care, because Draco's face is flushed. Happy. And Harry is happy that he and Draco aren't a secret any longer. Draco is his now, and he Draco's.

The picture if of the two of them sitting across each other at Zizi's smiling serenely as Harry kisses Draco's hand. The motion repeats over and over again, making sure there is no mistake exactly what Draco and Harry are to each other.

Harry knows there will be letter, protests, indignant exclamations. Harry Home-wrecker Potter, Draco the man who coerced Harry into falling in love with him and many other names that won't make much sense but people will still shout at them when they walk down Diagon Alley or in the Ministry or even Hogwarts where Draco will begin teaching once September First comes along.

Green eyes meet grey. He tries to tell Draco all he thinks and feels without speaking. How they don't matter, and Harry loves Draco, and now they don't have to hide. Hide or skulk or make excuses like they did a year ago.

Harry suddenly wants to be alone with Draco, especially with the blonde still absently stroking the bat.

He can't think of a plausible excuse, however, without enduring sly glances and more teasing from Remus and Sirius respectively. The latter was more common.

In an effort to distract himself, Harry excuses himself for a glass of water. He doesn't notice his distraction follow him into the kitchen until a pale, pointy chin rests on his shoulder as arms wrap around his waist.

"What are you looking so pensive about, Potter?"

"Astoria Greengrass," Harry replies primly. He has asked Draco to call him Harry many times, but the blonde insists on that remaining for the bedroom...or the bathroom...or the wall, floor, desk, chair and any other surface available to them.

Draco pulls a face. "And why, pray tell, are you thinking about her for? Are you getting your blondes mixed up?"

Harry turns in Draco's arms with a look of mock horror. "Mixed up! Why, I never!" He laughs at Draco's sullen look. "No, I'm just wondering who she's going to sink her claws into next."

Draco smirks. "Haven't you heard? Theodore Nott has already proposed to her. Blaise is right pissed. Says he wanted to have a go, although I'm still not sure whether he meant Theo or Astoria."

Harry chuckles, remembering their very public breakup at the Three Broomsticks and how Zabini had stormed out vowing to deliver retribution. It had all been staged, of course, but the shocked faces and Rita Skeeter's article the next morning had been worth the dramatic flair Blaise Zabini had added.

"My bet is on the former. He did call Astoria a frigid bitch, after all."

Draco runs his hands up Harry's sides. "Have you met Blaise? He would seduce her just so he could break the engagement publicly after being caught in some torrid affair with the Zabini's stable boy."

He didn't bother finishing the unsaid thought: That Astoria would never be able to show her face in public again after having two of her fiancees leave her because they prefer their own gender.

There is some truth in that, Harry has to admit. If there is anything he has learned about the dark Slytherin, it is he loves playing games with people for his own entertainment.

"True," Harry concedes. "Now, let's stop talking about Zabinis and Greengrasses and Notts." He grins suggestively.

Draco gives a put-upon sigh, pushing away from Harry reluctantly. "Can't. I must go stop Mother from calling the Portrait Maker. If I don't now, come next week there will be a portrait of you and me kissing mounted on the wall next to Snape."

"And that's a problem...because?" Harry asks cheekily. As far as he is concerned, he doesn't mind subjecting Snape's portrait to the sight.

Draco seems to know what Harry is thinking, because he narrows his eyes. "No. I shan't put him through that."

"Fine," Harry grumbles grudgingly. He is still annoyed Draco has to leave.

The blonde seems to know this as well, because he leans forward, capturing Harry's lips in a searing kiss which leaves them both a little dazed. Draco recovers first.

"I'll be back after dinner."

Harry can only nod, still feeling the kiss all the way down his spine.

Draco chuckles. He licks a teasing strip from Harry's throat to his chin. "Something to keep you occupied."

"Arse."

"You love my arse."

Agreed, but Harry doesn't tell him that. Instead, he pouts as the tell-tale crack indicates Draco has Disapparated.

A/N: Yay! So, epilogue- which holds a surprise for everyone! I'm actually very excited about the epilogue. It's going to tie up many loose ends. *coughRemusandSiriuscough*- is left!

I must ask, how many of you are in favor of me writing a spin-off one shot of what happens in the Room of Requirement with Sirius and Remus? I'll only do it if people are interested. Let me know, yeah?

Also, let me know what you thought about this chapter.

Much love,

MJ.