Chapter 9 Make up

Lucy woke with an incredible feeling of warmth. She wanted to burrow deeper beneath the heat. It was comforting, but a snore made her eyes shoot open and a moment's hesitation helped her remember where she was and who was providing the heat. She lifted her head to glance at Negan who was sleeping soundly beside her. It hadn't been a dream. He was really here and planned to stay.

Lucy rolled away from him with the intention of emptying her bladder in the nearby bathroom when a wave of nausea overcame her. She lay still for several minutes trying to beat the nausea back but it was to no avail. She bolted for the toilet and emptied the meager contents of her stomach into the white porcelain bowl. Vomiting was horrible, but it was a part of her new daily routine she supposed.

A cool rag was pressed to her forehead and a heavy pair of hands gathered her hair away from her face. "It's ok Lucy, I'm here," he said from behind her and she was strangely comforted.

Lucy and Negan were still in their precarious position above the toilet when Michonne entered the house. "Lucy!" she called from downstairs.

"Up here," Negan answered her.

Michonne rounded the corner of the stairs and was shocked at the scene before her, but pleased at the tender moment the couple seemed to be sharing. "Morning sickness?" she asked.

"Yeah," Negan said rinsing out the cloth he had in his hand and giving it back to Lucy. "Did you need something?"

"Just wanted to check in on you two. You left the group yesterday after barking your orders and never came back."

Negan grinned at her. "Did you miss me Michonne?"

Michonne frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. "I'll take that as a big ass no," Negan said with a chuckle.

"I wanted to make sure you hadn't killed each other," Michonne answered.

"Not yet," Lucy said with a low moan. "He's been… helpful this morning."

"Good to know," Michonne said. "You are capable of more than just blind fury and murder."

"Didn't know you thought so highly of me Michonne," Negan answered with a grin.

"Don't kid yourself Negan. My focus is solely on Lucy and her health. You better take care of her or you'll have to answer to me… and Lucille."

Negan grinned at her. "Well, well, well, will you listen at that shit right there! Lucy you aren't the only one who has some big ass lady balls around here." He leaned in close to Michonne. "Remind me again why Rick's in charge when you and your bad ass braided self is around?"

Michonne glared at him. "I left some oats on the counter in the kitchen. See if you can stomach them and I'll check back on you later."

Lucy nodded from her place on the cool tile floor of the bathroom and listened as Michonne's footsteps faded away with the opening and closing of the front door. "You are such an asshole," Lucy said to Negan before pushing herself up from the floor. "Why do you act like you do?"

She pushed past him to the walk in shower and turned the water on. Vomiting made her feel dirty and she needed to feel clean. "Well excuse the fuck out of me princess," Negan hissed at her. "I'm not going to be everyone's knight in shining armor. I'm a dick by nature and I am not changing for any of these assholes who would just as soon see me dead."

He turned her to face him. "But for you," he kissed her forehead gently. "But with you," he repeated, "I'll always be a gentleman."

She shook her head. "I don't know that it's good enough."

He shrugged. "Maybe not," he said kissing her chastely. "But it will have to be for now."

He grabbed a towel from the shelf behind her head. "Take your shower and I'll see you downstairs for breakfast in a few minutes."

Lucy nodded and watched him leave the bathroom closing the door behind him. "Why didn't you follow the damn rules Lucy?" she said to the empty bathroom.

"He's taking care of her," Michonne said as she strolled into the meeting hall where Rick, Carol, and Maggie were seated. "She's got some pretty nasty morning sickness and he was helping her. The whole cold rag to the forehead and holding her hair back thing."

"Doesn't change who he is," Carol said with a frown. "But it does show us that she is the key to ending him."

"It was weird. He was so sweet and gentle with her, but a complete ass to me. I really do think he's in love with her or something."

Rick frowned. "Or something. He can't love anyone but himself. You can't feel emotions like love and be able to do the kind of shit he has done to other people."

Carol frowned. "Well, I guess you can if you are trying to protect those you love. I've done some pretty horrible things trying to keep our family safe."

"But you feel sympathy for what you've done Carol," Rick said. "That is the difference between you and Negan. He has no sorrow. No remorse."

"And neither do we for those things we had to do that mattered," Maggie said softly. "We like we do because of what he has done, but I do wonder about what Lucy said at that first meeting."

"What?" Rick asked.

"That if you or me or Daryl or Carol, hell, if any of us had been the one doing what Negan did would it be different? Are we any less of a monster than he is when you look at it deeply?"

Rick snorted. "Negan doesn't care about anyone but himself."

"That's not true," Michonne said before sitting down next to Maggie. "He cares about Lucy. He cares deeply about Lucy."

"Would he sacrifice himself to keep her alive?" Rick asked harshly. "Or better yet would he sacrifice her to keep any of us alive? To keep his own people alive? The answer is no and you all know that it's the truth."

Michonne frowned. "Would you sacrifice me for Carl? Judith? Would you expect me to sacrifice you for them?"

Rick drug a hand down his face. "We aren't the same. We aren't the same," he repeated.

"What I know for certain," Carol said, "is that Negan is dangerous and he puts all of us and our futures in danger. He is ruthless and doesn't give a shit about anything besides himself and maybe, just maybe, Lucy. We have no other option but to end him and then his people will become our people. They will look to us for leadership and follow us to help rebuild the world."

"So they trade one dictator for another?" Maggie asked.

"No, no it's not like that," Rick responded.

"Isn't it though Rick?" Maggie asked. "Look at the Hilltop. Gregory has been in charge because he was a smooth talker but he has never had the best interest of his people at heart. Can we say that Negan hasn't taken care of his people? He's a dictator, but no different from how you have been in the past."

"I agree with Maggie," Michonne said leaning on her elbows on her knees.

"So we're divided then?" Rick said. "Carol and I are ready to kill him and you two are what? Wanting to sing folk songs and give him a chance to kill us all? Have you been dealing with the same man I have been?"

"All I'm saying Rick is that we give him a chance. He's in our court now. We give him some guidelines and Lucy can help us keep him straight and we can really get to know the kind of man, person, he is," Maggie said slowly.

"Unbelievable," Daryl said from the doorway to the meeting hall. "Are you people nuts? What the fuck is wrong with you? We kill him end of story."

"It's not that simple Daryl," Michonne said.

"It is that simple."

Michonne shook her head. "You aren't thinking straight. You three are letting revenge get the best of your judgement. We need to give him a chance."

"I agree," Maggie said.

Carol glanced between the two women and Rick and Daryl. "Well hells bells," she muttered. "I guess I agree with Michonne and Maggie. Let's give him a chance to show us who he really is and then we can kill him."

"Women," Rick muttered, before stalking off with Daryl.

"Fucking nutters," Daryl said.

"You like her don't you?" Rick said as they continued their walk towards nowhere.

"I want her," Daryl admitted without making eye contact. "But I don't know that I like her."

Rick nodded. "I know how this ends then."

Daryl shook his head. "Naw," he said. "If I decide to I'll pursue her, but we aren't pissing them off just because I'm listening to my dick for the first time in a long time."

"Right," Rick said. "This is fucking great."

"Ain't it though."

Daryl was crouched down next to his motorcycle when Lucy approached him. "Can we talk?" she asked.

"What the hell we got to talk about?"

"Daryl, it is Daryl right?"

Daryl grunted at her but didn't speak.

"I know you don't like me being here and that you think I should have told Rick what I know about Negan a long time ago."

Daryl stood from his squatted position and wiped the wrench he was working with off on his blue jeans. "What the fuck do you know about what I think lady?"

Lucy crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm not a bad person."

Daryl chuckled. "Yeah you are. Anyone who has lived this long is a bad person."

"Including you?"

"Yeah."

Lucy swallowed hard. "It's a big place, the Sanctuary I mean. I… I didn't get to see much of it because I stayed in our room. He only took me outside two or three times and most of the time I had an escort."

Daryl didn't say anything so she kept talking. "It's like a grain factory or something. Only one way in now because they sealed off the other entrances. There are… walkers… mounted to the fence and in the yard around the building."

Daryl suddenly threw the wrench he had been holding at the wall of a nearby house where it hit with a loud thud and clattered to the ground. "You don't think I know that you dumb bitch!"

Lucy stepped back from him, suddenly nervous about being around him. "You don't think I know about the walkers and the yard!" he screamed at her. "While you were shacked up in a nice clean apartment fucking Negan I was locked in a dark closet eating dog food and wrangling walkers!"

"What is your problem?" Lucy shouted at him suddenly angry and finding her gumption. "What the hell have I done to you?"

"You are such a dumb bitch," Daryl said before spitting on the ground. "You don't think he's a monster."

Lucy gasped. "Wh… why would you say that?"

"Because I see you lady. I see how you day dream about him and how when his name is mentioned you shy away from the ugly truth about what he is and how he uses and abuses people."

Lucy's mouth flopped open to respond but Daryl cut her off. "You bought the act. You bought into the trick and let him pull the wool over your eyes. I know you think we are just as bad as he is, but I promise you we ain't. We are family. All of us, except you. You are the intruder. The trespasser who needs to get as far away from here as possible."

"Why?" she whispered.

"Because when the time comes to kill him," Daryl whispered back. "You are going to try and stop us and get yourself killed in the process."

Lucy swallowed. "I… I know what kind of monster he is Daryl. I know he's not a good man."

Daryl looked up at her and glared. "Then why the fuck are you day dreaming about him."

"I don't…"

"Oh hell Lucy! I see it! I see it in your eyes that you dream about some picture perfect life with him that just ain't real. Get your shit together girl and get over him. Better yet get your shit together and get out of here. We've lost too much to him and when you go back to him, it's going to hurt so much more."

Lucy bit her cheek to keep the tears from flowing. She didn't know why in the hell she was so emotional lately, but she had to get away from him because he wasn't going to see her cry.

Back in her little house Lucy leaned against the door frame and grimaced. Was she really romanticizing the man that Negan was? "Yes," she whispered into the empty house.