Chapter Nine: Rise of the Phoenix
Let me fall
If I fall
Though the phoenix may
Or may not rise.
…
Someone I am
Is waiting for my courage
The one I want
The one I will become
Will catch me.
So let me fall
If I must fall
I won't heed your warnings
I won't hear them
-Let Me Fall, Josh Groban
He wanted to die. The pain was beginning to be unbearable, but that wasn't why he wanted it all to end. He was tired of being disappointed. The people he had turned to for acceptance in school now all stood around him, laughing and jeering at his suffering. Voldemort had handed him over to anyone that had been in school with him, which pretty much consisted of all the Death Eaters. It could have been an hour or three days, he didn't know, but finally it stopped.
Severus took those few minutes of reprieve to take assessment of his condition. They had taken his black top coat, tearing it apart looking for his wand. By the time Bellatrix had presented the broken pieces to Voldemort, the coat had been shredded. His white dress shirt was wet and sticky with a mixture of blood and sweat. He had bit his tongue during one of the bouts of the cruciatus curse and he could taste the coppery tang of blood in his mouth. Nothing felt broken, yet.
There was a seductive brush against his mind and he quickly blocked out the pain he was feeling and increased the strength of his mental shields. He had seen on countless occasions what a skilled legilimens could do when they gained access to their victim's mind. He had been guilty of that himself, under the false impression that if he didn't physically harm someone but rather turned their mind against them, then he would be absolved of the crime. But what he had done had been much crueler than if he had physically killed them.
"Severus," the cold, high voice of Voldemort sounded almost soothing. "You know that I understand weakness. All of us have a weakness. I do not hold that against you."
There was that subtle brush against his mental defenses again. He curled himself into a fetal position. His peers had their shot at him, now Voldemort himself was about to deliver his own punishment. He couldn't understand why his survival instinct was still working. He was ready to welcome death now. He had served his purpose, he saved Lily and her child. There was no reason for him to continue breathing. But he would like to see her again…one last time. He wanted to see her eyes…
"If you choose to return to our ranks," Voldemort said, "you will suffer punishment. Understanding weakness in one thing, allowing it is another. But your return must be genuine."
He felt himself being rolled over on his back. Voldemort's pale, snake-like face stared down at him. Those cold, scarlet eyes bore into his and he completely emptied himself of emotion before dropping his mental shields. Voldemort's mind raced through his but found nothing. No remorse, no resistance and no desire to join one side or the other. Voldemort must have realized what Severus was doing as the slit like nostrils flared open.
"Very well," Voldemort hissed. "Crucio!"
As the pain crashed over him again and again, he wondered how long it would take until it drowned him and his sanity left him once and for all. He hoped it wouldn't be long.
The Hanged Man Pub had some interesting clientele that early morning. Thankfully, most of the customers were falling down drunk and being sent on their way home in the pre-dawn light as various members of the Order of the Phoenix gathered in one of the dark corners. Dumbledore was pleased to see that a good amount of the Order had shown by the time he arrived with Sirius and Lily.
He had begged and pleaded with her to stay at Hogwarts. He assured her that there would be more than enough Order members that were going to be available. However, once Lily had something in her head, no one could talk her out of it. The barkeep told him that they would be closing soon and Dumbledore nodded, assuring him that this was a meeting spot and they would all be leaving soon.
Moody had positioned himself directly in the corner, his magical eye swirling all the over the place. He gave Dumbledore a curt nod, the perimeter of the bar was protected at the moment. Lupin, looking tired, made his way over to Sirius and Dumbledore heard a brief exchange of dialogue between the two men.
"I honestly didn't expect you to show," Lupin said quietly.
"Well," Sirius responded, "it's more of an anti-Voldemort thing than a pro-Snape."
Dumbledore figured that was the best he could hope for at the moment. Frank Longbottom was present, and came to Lily's side. He caught Alice's name a couple times and saw a small smile touched Lily's face. Gideon and Fabian Prewett were speaking with Marlene McKinnon. The door to the pub opened and Dorcas Meadows and Edgar Bones entered as well. It was a gathering of the best. Minerva and Hagrid were told to stay back at the school in case something went wrong tonight.
"I took the liberty of looking around the property, Albus," Moody said. "There looks to be a entrance into the kitchens round back of the house. There was one, possibly two Death Eaters guarding it."
"And protective spells?"
"Just the regular muggle repulsion spells. " Moody grunted. "He's arrogant as the day is long."
"To our advantage," Dumbledore replied. "How do you think it best to approach the house, Alastor?"
"There's a graveyard, near the side and back of the property. We use the statues and headstones as cover, knock out the two guards and enter the kitchens. The house is large and sprawling, that will work to our disadvantage. However, the lights are brightest in what looks to be the downstairs drawing room. If they have Snape, they're probably using him as entertainment."
"Which is why we must hurry."
"It's true then?" Gideon spoke up. "He really is on our side?"
"Yes." Lily's firm answer was convincing enough for those gathered, except for Sirius. Dumbledore nodded and the pall of battle settled over the group. Silently, they left the pub and walked around the perimeter of the property. Dumbledore could see the shadows of the headstones on the side of the hill. Since Moody had already surveyed the house and surrounding areas, Dumbledore allowed him to take the lead. Just as he had said in the pub, he stepped quietly and surely through the grave markers. Dumbledore glanced behind him and saw the entire group, wands clutched in their hands, moving between the stones like a fleet of black cloaked ghosts. This was a formidable group of witches and wizards.
There was a flash of light and Moody gave Dumbledore a thumbs up. "Way's clear, Albus."
Severus didn't know how many times he had been hit with the cruciatus curse. He could tell the difference between when the other Death Eater's used it on him and when Voldemort himself used it. The pain was finer, more intense…a tangible element to the Dark Lord's hatred and derision. No matter how many times he willed his heart to stop beating, his lungs to stop drawing in air, they continued to function. Dumbledore would not risk his meager numbers to save him. He was marked as a Death Eater and the Headmaster of Hogwarts had no reason to believe in his desire to change sides now. There was no hope of being rescued despite his body's stubborn refusal to stop functioning.
"You're right in thinking that, Severus." Voldemort's cold, high voice seemed to surround him, coming at him in every direction. "There is no hope for you now. As I told you before, weakness I understand and will grant forgiveness in due time. Betrayal is unforgivable."
Another shock of pain ripped through his body. He ground his teeth together, refusing to give the onlookers the satisfaction of hearing him scream. He was surprised he hadn't cracked a tooth yet. The waves of pain were being to ebb when another crashed over him. His mind was starting to get that fuzzy feeling around the corners and he prayed this was going to be the end.
Shouts and flashes of light assault his senses but he didn't have the strength to investigate further. Someone shouted "Dumbledore!" and that was enough to rouse him enough to focus on what was going on around him. Opening the only eye that hadn't swollen shut, he saw Dumbledore dueling Bellatrix, his face deep in quiet concentration and his robes whipping around him. Lupin passed through his view as well.
Was he hallucinating? Had the Order really come to his rescue? The rise of hope was enough to get him off the floor. He didn't have his wand but as he watched Moody disarm Lucius Malfoy, Severus dove for the wand. Snatching the ebony stick from the thick Persian carpet, he aimed a strong stunning spell at Malfoy. He watched in pleasure at the shock that played over Malfoy's pale features before the spell knocked him into the wall and he crumpled to the ground in an unconscious heap. He felt someone yank him up to his feet by the back of his blood soaked shirt.
"Alright then, Snape?" one of the Prewett brothers said. Severus nodded curtly, his mind still trying to wrap itself around the fact that the Order had come to his rescue. He scanned the room to find that Voldemort was no where to be seen, among the fighters or the unconscious. Apparently, the other Death Eaters were following their leader's hasty exit. It didn't take long for the room to clear and quiet. Some of the Order had cuts and bruises on them, but the only ones he saw on the floor were his one time allies.
"Sev!"
He turned to see Lily stepping over Avery and the exhaustion he felt finally caught up with him. He was relieved to see her unharmed from the battle, but the pain from all the curses and hexes finally took their toll. His salvation had arrived and his knees gave out in light of that realization. He was dimly aware of Lily catching him under the arms and lowering him to floor so he didn't fall. She had turned her face away from him, no doubt calling for help.
"Lily…" he managed to get out.
She glanced down before looking away again.
"Lily," he repeated. "Look…at…me."
Finally she did and he stared up at the green eyes he loved so much till the darkness overtook him.
