This chapter is somewhat short, sorry!
Sian
Domestic violence. Why are people still not reporting people that do it? They think their partner will change and that they will love happily ever after but it never ends that way. 25, she was only 25 and he beat her so much that she ended up in hospital with swelling to the brain. Why do people let this happen?
The neighbours heard, but they did nothing. They thought it was just another one of their arguments, maybe they thought that it wouldn't ever get this bad and that's why they didn't report him. 25, she probably thought they'd be together forever, probably never had a relationship before this. Didn't know she deserved better.
"You okay Sian?" Shayne asked softly.
"So are we friends again?" I ask, ignoring his question, hoping he wouldn't pick up on it.
He smiled which made me smile back "Yes, but don't do anything like that again" he replied.
"Yes sir" I saluted and dropped my gaze back down to the paperwork I was doing.
"You're such a dork" he laughed slightly and came over to the side of the desk I was on
"I do try" I don't lift my gaze on my work.
"You didn't answer my question you know?" I looked at him confused, but I knew what he was talking about. "Are you okay?"
I softened my gaze "listen" I started, "please stop asking me if I'm okay every time a case like this comes through, yes it makes me sad and yes it makes me angry but I'm okay"
He drops his hands to my shoulders and gave them a squeeze before heading off in the direction he came.
I sighed, I wasn't really okay. But I wasn't going to tell him that was I? Another reason to stop me going out on street and I really don't need that.
Sophie. I was seeing her soon, I glanced at the computer time 9:49 I was going to her flat again and I was nervous like mad. The last time I'd seen her she was questioning me about my pills, hopefully she won't bring them up.
I finish my paperwork at exactly 09:57 giving me 3 minutes to get ready to leave.
I start rummaging around looking for my bag and jacket and swing them on and head out to my car. I start the ignition and look at the clock 10:02 it took me 5 minutes, 5 minutes to get out of there. I sigh and look up to the building I used to love entering every day but now I dread it. I'm not meant to stay inside, I'm supposed to be out in the field, but no one agreed and it was starting to piss me off.
It was a quiet drive to Sophie's, and I was so quick to jump out of the car and press the buzzer to her flat.
She buzzed me in and I suddenly felt nervous, like really nervous and I don't know why. Maybe it was because she knew I was taking pills or because she had text me because she wasn't feeling too great but I couldn't control my nerves and it really sucked.
I headed towards her flat and knocked lightly on the door. Seconds later it opened as if she'd been stood behind it waiting. I smiled at her and she returned the smile.
I walked in and moved toward her to hug her but stopped before I touched her. She looked confused, her eyebrows furrowed together "is this thing you got infectious?"
The confusion from her face dropped and she chuckled slightly and shook her head "no"
I smiled and carried on with my transaction to hug her. She leant forward and wrapped her arms around my waist holding me tight whilst I held onto her upper back.
We stayed like that for a few moments and it felt good, I forgotten how good this felt after a day of not hugging her. She releases me and I do the same and I look down at the ground suddenly feeling more nervous than I had before, if that was even possible. "What's wrong with you then?" I glance up and watch as she heads towards the sofa, I follow.
"Hungover"
Oh yeah, she went on a flaming date yesterday, for fuck sake, I wish I never asked now, thinking about her with someone else on a date breaks my heart. "oh yeah, how was your date?" I ask trying my hardest not to seem at all bothered. Friends. We can be friends again, I've missed having her as a friend and friends talk about dating.
She smiled a genuine smile and that only makes my heart hurt even more. Say it was bad, tell me you don't want her, tell me that it didn't feel right. Please. But I knew as soon as she smiled, she wasn't going to say any of that and that fucking hurt. "It actually went really well, I really like her" she blushed a little. "I may have gotten drunk and made a fool out of myself though"
I didn't speak, I didn't know what to say, I just smiled, a fake smile.
"Anyway, how was work?" she was trying to change the subject, and that made me feel stupid. I should have fucking went with it and spoke to her about her date. That's what friends do all the bloody time.
I shrugged not really wanting to talk about work, I hadn't been happy at work in months, and I wasn't going to open that can of worms right now. I'd have to tell her everything. "Was okay"
She looked at me intensely and I knew she could tell something wasn't right and I hated that she could still read me. "Sian" she started and moved closer to me "What's wrong? Don't say its nothing because we both know that isn't true"
I sigh and look at the off television screen. I didn't speak. I could feel her moving closer to me and I could feel the tears escaping through my eyes. I kept staring ahead not making a sound. I closed my eyes at the touch of her hand on mine and the tears flowed down my cheeks. She lifted my hand of off my lap and intertwined it with hers. My heart, it swam with butterflies, beautiful heartbreaking butterflies.
"Tell me, let me in" she whispered, making my eyes flutter open.
I stared ahead, not speaking. I did this after it happened, I didn't speak to anyone for a good week or so, the doctors said it was a coping mechanism. We stayed sat on the sofa with our hands locked for about half an hour before she squeezed my hand. I looked at her and she was frowning, she looked so innocent, like a little girl.
"Please Sian" she pleaded and I couldn't help but hate how her eyes looked at me with such pain.
"I..I cant" I finally say
"Okay" I knew she was pissed off, but I was pissed off too, why was she trying to force me to tell her? If I wanted her to know I would have told her.
"Don't be like that" I turned my body to face her "I just cant right now, so stop trying to make me, please"
"I'm sorry" she meant it, I know she did.
"Why did you text me?" I was curious, I mean she could have asked Rosie round, or even Nicole. Fucking Nicole. "I mean you could've asked Rosie round if you weren't feeling well" She looked hurt, as if I didn't want to be here, of course I wanted to be here, I didn't mean it to come out like that.
"Erm" she was thinking, maybe she didn't have a reason, maybe it was an impulse text, like when I came over the other day, I wasn't thinking I was just doing. "I don't know"
I squeezed her hand which made her look at me. I smiled gently "I understand". She looked at me confused but didn't question it as we sat there holding hands. "How have things been these past 4 years then?"
Sophie shifted uncomfortably and released her hand from mine. "They've been fine" she was lying, and she knew I knew she was lying. She's mad at me for some reason, maybe I shouldn't have brought it up.
"No they haven't Soph, I can tell by your face they haven't, what's up?"
"You have your secrets, I have mine. I think it's best we keep it that way" She says bitterly before standing up and heading to the kitchen. Yeah, she's definitely mad at me.
I stay sat on the sofa and look around her flat, properly look at it, it seems empty, no photos, no memories and it just reminds me of my flat.
Sophie
"Soph?" I look up from the table and see Sian staring at me. I can't help but stare back at how breathtakingly beautiful she is and it only makes me even more mad at her. How could she not have been there for me all that time, I've had shit happen to me too and I've needed her. She had to have known I had stuff going on, how could she have not? But the way she's been acting lately shows that if she knew she would've come and supported me, right? I just wish I knew what happened all those years.
"Soph" She repeats a bit louder and comes towards the table. "What's wrong, talk to me"
I shake my head lightly, "why do I have to talk if you're not going to, that's not fair"
She takes the seat opposite me and reaches out for my hand on the table and there goes my heart again. Fluttering away without a care in the world. She starts to play with my fingers and it only makes my heart pound even faster, Why is she doing this to me?
"I wish I could talk to you, its just" she pauses "I don't know how"
We're not looking at each other, we're both looking at our hands and how they move with each other and its because we both can't look at each other right now.
"Things happened to me, no, something happened to me" She breathes out a sigh "See, I can't, I just can't"
I squeeze her hand and look up at her, she copies my actions "It's okay"
I could see how hard it is for her to open up and tell me and that only makes me even more scared of what it could be. The way she closes up when it comes up and the way her face and body language changes only makes me wonder what the hell could've happened to her. But I have to respect her privacy and wait for her to be ready to tell me, I cant force her.
"Are you hungry?" I ask trying to change the mood.
She smiles, she knows exactly what I'm doing and she loves that I'm doing it. "Yeah"
She's fallen asleep, her head is on the arm of the sofa and her legs are curled up on the sofa. I'm sat at the other end and her feet are touching my thighs. She's been in this position for the last hour with her only falling asleep half an hour ago. I don't want to move in fear of me waking her up, she looks so peaceful and I cant stop looking at her. Her feet move as she stretches her body more and her feet lay in my lap. I shift slightly and grab the blanket from the back of the sofa and put in on top of both of us, I put my arms under the blanket and rest my hands on her ankles. I look at the TV and close my eyes softly feeling myself falling asleep too.
