"WITCH WEEKLY'S TOP TEN!

Witches, are you searching for the right one? Well, search no more! This week we give you not only the one, but the perfect one. Here are Witch Weekly's Top Ten Most Eligible Bachelors!

1: James Potter. As you all know, he is the oldest son of Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley-Potter. Witches, you'd better get a move on, this precious one could be off the 'bachelors' list extremely soon!

2: Scorpius Malfoy. Mysterious and calculating, this Malfoy has always given me the chills. Now rumour has it he's with someone, so ladies, what do we do at a time like this? Break them up!

3: Albus Potter. Another son of Harry Potter and Ginny. He'll treat you with love and care, just the way he does with all his grateful patients. He's a good catch, ladies!

4: Hugo Weasley. He is the son of Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger…good looking and funny too! A wonderful combination, don't you think?"

Lily couldn't help but laugh. She didn't manage to get through all the ten. The journalists nowadays really are bitches, she thought, shaking her head. If she'd read on, she'd find that all the eligible bachelors in England were related to her…except for one.

Sighing, Lily stretched and threw her dorm mate's copy of Witch Weekly away. She felt awful. Not only did she miss her family, she missed Scorpius. True, she had only one night with him and it was all her fault, but she couldn't stop feeling sorry for herself. She flung herself on her bed and checked the time…4:45 a.m.

'Fuck,' she said, softly. She had to be up and about in another 15 minutes and she hadn't slept all night. In fact, she hadn't slept in the past 7 months. Thoughts about an angry Scorpius plagued her dreams. She woke up extremely scared once because she dreamt that Scorpius used the Cruciatus Curse on her, before killing her.

I shouldn't have done that…I should NOT have done that. I am so fucking stupid! she thought, angrily. Now he probably hates me…if he still remembers me, that is. Who knows, maybe he's found someone else? Witch Weekly says he might be with someone. Lily slapped her forehead for thinking that anything in Witch Weekly was true.

'I am so fucked up,' she said, through gritted teeth, her nails piercing into her poor pillow.

'Who you talking to, Lil?' asked Jane Riley, her dorm mate, sleepily.

'Myself,' Lily said, shrugging and grinning. 'Auror training does that to you.'

'Guess so.'

'Go back to sleep, Jane. I'm sorry I woke you.'

''Sno problem. I've got to be up in ten anyway,' Jane said, stretching. 'How come you got up before I did?'

'I didn't.'

'Oh no, Lil, you didn't sleep again? I swear you'll fall asleep during training! Marlo won't be happy with that.'

'Marlo can go fuck himself,' Lily said, narrowing his eyes. 'If he thinks that this shitty isolation makes good Aurors, it's my job to prove him wrong.'

'And risk your career?'

'Eh, minor setback.'

Jane shook her head exasperatedly. Lily was impossible. Jane looked around the room and saw her copy of Witch Weekly. 'It's strange, there are copies of this shitty magazine in the parlor, but we can't get a bloody letter.'

'You know what I think.'

Jane laughed. 'Yeah, kidnapping witches and wizards for the purpose of making toilet seats, 'cause normal people would willingly never do it.'

'Absolutely,' Lily said, smiling. 'Better get ready, yeah?'

'Yeah.'

One good thing Auror training had done to Lily was that it taught her how to have a bath in five minutes…not that she considered it a good thing. She emerged from the bathroom four minutes later, and began to put on her black clothes as Jane went in for a bath.

Aurors had to wear black. It was their "code" apparently…at least, according to Johnson Marlo it was. Marlo was their head trainer. He came up with the most ridiculous and taxing training schemes ever. He was universally hated, but he didn't care.

Jane came out of the loo, and began putting on her clothes too. 'So, Lil, you've been reading Witch Weekly?'

'I was bored.'

'Yeah…did you see the top ten eligible bachelors?'

Lily laughed. 'Of course I did. That list won't work for me unfortunately…I'm related to them all.'

'Yeah, except for Scorpius,' Jane said, cautiously. She knew all about the two of them. They had spent nights telling each other their various disaster stories.

'Except for him, yeah,' Lily said, curtly.

'Says here he's with someone.'

'I'm happy for him.'

'Lily.'

'What? He's at perfect liberty to go out with whomever he wants…who am I to judge? It's not like we're even together. Hell, I haven't spoken to him in seven fucking months!'

'So you're alright with it?'

'Why shouldn't I be?'

'Lily, stop it,' Jane said, firmly.

'Fine,' she said, defeated. 'If it's true, then it's my fault anyway.'

'It is,' she agreed. 'But there's no point worrying about that now, is there?'

Lily shrugged, and the pair made their way to the parlor where all the trainees had to assemble ever morning. 'I swear this shithole is like a fucked up school.'

'For fucked up people,' Jane said, grinning at Lily, who grinned back.

'POTTER! RILEY!' Marlo yelled. 'You're two minutes late!'

'There's a tragedy,' Lily muttered.

'What was that, Potter?'

'I said "look, a mulberry".'

Marlo narrowed his eyes at Lily. Jane pulled her so that they could fall into their assigned spots. 'Do you have to wind him up every morning, Lil?' Jane asked, but she was grinning.

'Yes, I do. Besides, this isn't morning…it's fucking midnight. The sun isn't even out yet!'

'How d'you know? We haven't seen the sun in months, remember?' Drake Bilson said. He was one of Lily's trainee friends, one year older that her.

'Point.'

They all stood silently waiting for the rest of the trainees to assemble. Lily and Jane always arrived well within the assigned time, but Marlo simply had a bone to pick with her since the very first day. You see, the first time Lily saw his mohawk, she couldn't stop herself from commenting. She said something about an ostrich and a Pygmy Puff…and well, it really pissed him off. Since then, it's always been 'pick on Potter day!'

'Merlin, what does he have planned for today?' Drake groaned.

They had done almost everything there was to train. They'd used Unforgivable Curses, practiced Shields, learned new hexes and jinxes, brewed the most disgusting potions, gone on missions (within Scotland), and dealt with "adverse" situations. Each of them had been injured at least sixty times in the past few months. Currently, Lily was sporting a cut lip, Jane had a twisted ankle, and Drake had a band aid on his forehead. They weren't allowed to use magic to heal their wounds because, according to Marlo, 'The pain trains you better than anything else.'

'So, you all arrived here as…well, useless, good-for-nothing kids,' Marlo said, pacing in front of them all. 'And now, after seven months, you still are useless and good-for-nothing…but not as much as you were when you came.'

'Insulting your own schemes there, mate. That's a new one,' Lily muttered, causing Drake and Jane to hide their smiles.

'Now the reason for this is because all of you are lazy! My schemes have worked wonders on others, but you lot are just too arrogant and lazy,' he said, extinguishing all doubt about his methods.

'There you go,' Lily whispered, shaking her head.

'I've done all I can. Now if you would all please return to your dorms, you'll find that your bags have been packed. All the shit that you've thrown around has been packed too, as a punishment. The shit includes chewed bubble gums, wrappers, stickers, posters, hair…and in some cases, actual shit,' Marlo said, eyeing Brandon Miller with disgust. Brandon merely smirked proudly.

'Ew,' Jane said, and Lily silently agreed. However, since Brandon probably did it to annoy Marlo, she thought it was brilliant.

'So all of you get lost,' Marlo said, smiling slightly.

None of the trainees could believe their ears. 'You're joking!' many of them yelled.

'No, not at all,' Marlo said, now smiling widely, much to Lily's shock. 'You're all done with your training. It usually takes about a year and a half, but with the isolation, we were able to complete sooner. You'll get your certificates in a few weeks by owl.'

'You're serious,' Lily said, her mouth wide open.

'I am, Potter. Now get to your rooms, grab your things and get back down here. THAT'S AN ORDER!'

Everyone jumped with fright from their seats and rushed to their rooms, excitedly talking and laughing, and in some cases singing and hopping.

'I don't fucking believe this,' Lily kept saying.

'I know!' Jane kept yelling back, happily.

They all re-assembled in the parlor and saw that Marlo was saying goodbye to everyone individually. When it was Lily's turn, she stepped forwards, grinning.

'Ah, Potter,' Marlo said, smiling and shaking his head. 'You hit a nerve on the first day here. But I realized that it was okay…I really did look like the child of a Pygmy Puff and an ostrich.'

Lily laughed. 'As much as I agree, I'll apologise…it was uncalled for, I guess.'

'It was, certainly. Now, Potter, I really hope you get into the Department. You really are your father's daughter. You'd make one hell of an Auror. It's been great training you…although I suggest you dye your hair…it's a dead giveaway.'

Lily was surprised. She never knew Marlo was capable of being nice, let alone give her advice about her hair. 'Wow, thanks, Marlo…I mean, sir. It's been great working with you too.'

Lily smirked, causing Marlo to laugh and say, 'Now, you know, that's just a lie.'

'At least I tried. Thanks for everything, Marlo!' She hugged him, shocking herself and Jane, and left the huge building that used to be her home.

'Aaaah,' she said, breathing in the fresh air. There were Portkeys all around them. Groups of people were already crowded around a few. A few others were saying tearful goodbyes to each other…and some others were snogging each other's faces off. Jane grinned, drinking in the scene. 'Didn't think I'd see the outside ever again.'

'No shit, Janey,' Lily said, grinning.

'Shut up,' Jane said. She hated that name.

'Well, I guess this is it,' Drake said, hugging Jane and Lily. 'I'll see you guys at the Department then.'

'If we decide to go,' Lily pointed out.

'Like you won't, after all this training.'

'Eh, well.'

Drake joined a few other huddled around a Portkey and they watched him disappear, back to Ireland.

'Let's get to a Portkey, Lil, I don't want to be stuck here forever,' Jane said, pulling Lily along. They caught one of the Portkeys to England, a smelly sock, much to everyone's disgust. They arrived at London. Immediately, most of them Disapparated home. Jane and Lily stayed behind and gave each other a tight hug.

'What I would've done there without you, I don't know,' Jane said.

'I know, right? And yeah, it would've sucked without you too. Heading home now?'

'Well, duh! You are too!'

'Nah, you know, I think I'll stay at the Leaky Cauldron for a bit…not prepared to meet everyone at home yet.'

'You mean Scorpius.'

'Yeah.'

'Lily, I swear to Merlin, if I find out you're at the Leaky Cauldron, I will kill you. You know what to do. Go home, meet your family and talk it out with Scorpius. Tell him you love him.'

'I don't love him, what shit,' Lily said, not meeting Jane's eyes.

'Oh, please, you do know how many blokes have tried to hit on you at training, don't you? You didn't even think about them once! And they were pretty hot. You love him. Yeah, you do, don't give me that look! Now go home!'

'Merlin, you're like my mother. Fine, I'll do…something. You know what to do too, right? Say yes to Max…you might be 18, but it doesn't matter, alright? You don't want to end it because of something like this. Got it? You don't have to get married now, but it might be nice for him to know that you two might…someday.'

Jane smiled. 'For a person whose love life is pretty shitty, you give good advice.'

'Mmm, it's a curse,' Lily said, smiling. 'Oh, and if you don't stay in touch, I'll rip your heart out.'

'Same goes for you, Lil. So…I'll see you sometime, then!'

'You too.' They hugged again, and Jane teared up. Lily did too, but she blinked them away. 'Stop it, Jane! There's no need to cry! I've been stuck with you for seven months. I'm sick of you, go away!' Lily said, grinning at Jane, who gave her a watery smile. With a final goodbye, Lily and Jane Disapparated to their respective homes.

Jane was greeted by her family of early-risers. She immediately Flooed her boyfriend, Max, and accepted his proposal. That day, they were both extremely ecstatic.

Lily didn't know what she'd come home to. Anger or love? She knew that her mum, dad and brothers would be delighted…but along with them was another person, who really mattered to Lily.

She walked up the front yard and decided to knock. Changing her mind, she made her way to the back door and whispered, 'Alohamora.' They never locked their house properly, these Potters. She creaked the door open and crept inside. It was dark. On seeing that there was no one in the kitchen, she let out a long breath.

'Lily?' someone said, incredulously, making her jump out of her skin. Some Auror she was going to be.


I had a lot of fun writing this. And I probably won't be able to update for another week. :(

But I really hope you guys enjoy this for now! :)