Arnold woke up first. The beginning rays of sunlight pouring into the room. It was warm, and sunny for the first time since he'd came to this dreadful house. He looked beside him and saw Helga was still sleeping. It was the first time she looked at peace and content. She was relaxed and comfortable. He looked at her a million thought buzzing in his hand.
How could someone survive as long as she had when they were completely at war with themself?
She moved a little to snuggle deeper into the blankets. He looked her over. She truly was beautiful. She was laying on her stomach hugging a pillow close. The blankets came up to the middle of her back. Her skin was white as snow, and just as smooth. Her blonde hair spilled in soft sunlit waves around her head, and down her back slightly. One long leg was out from under the blankets. She looked like an angel, pure, and sweet. He reached out to smooth her hair over her soft shoulder. She made a soft noise, but didn't wake up. He sat up leaning against the head board of the bed with a heavy sigh.
This couldn't be happening, not to him.
The warm feeling that spread through his body when he saw her. The tightness in his chest when she smiled at him. The way his arms ached to be wrapped around her. He couldn't be falling in love with Helga Pataki. It was his life he had the sense that something very important was missing he always assumed it was his parents, but now laying here next to her. Feeling her body heat, and hearing her breathe it was gone. Nothing was missing anymore.
She moved, and slowly opened the bluest eyes he'd ever seen. She looked up at him, and he smiled instantly happy to see her.
"Good morning." He said softly.
He didn't know what reaction he expected from her, but what she did wasn't it. She rolled over and sat up grabbing her robe from the floor she pulled it on, and stood keeping her back to him.
"Where are you going?" He asked looking at her.
"To shower, and then I have work to do." She said.
"Oh...ok." He began searching the blankets for his boxers, and she walked to the door.
"Are we having breakfast together?" He asked.
"No. I'm not hungry." She said stepping out into the hall and closing the door behind her.
He gave up on his search for his boxers, and collapsed back onto the bed with a heavy sigh staring at the ceiling. Being with her was confusing in so many ways. It was almost like she was three different people. When she was around the house she was cruel, cold, and demanding there was no room for anything to survive inside her heart that was the side she showed the world the stone version of herself, but he saw the other side too. When she was writing she was someone else. She was beautiful, broken, and terribly haunted, and she was honest. Nobody who wrote like she did could be lying about the feelings they portrayed. Everything in her changed when she wrote the edges softened, and the scars were visible, and she was vulnerable. Then there was the one he saw in flashes of passion, and whispers in the night. At night she was sweet, and loving, and passionate. She put her entire being into their love making, and she didn't hold back or hide behind a mask. That was the Helga he was slowly falling in love with.
Arnold drug himself out of bed, and into the shower. He pulled on clean clothes then gatheres all the dirty ones decinding to do a wash today. He stepped into the hall way, and coould hear the music coming from the study. He stopped a second to listen, and instantly recognized the song as Heavy by Florence and the Machine. It was a good song, and he knew music meant a lot to her. He knocked on the door, and she turned to look at him.
"Yes?" She seemed annoyed.
"I'm doing a wash. Do you have clothes?" He asked.
She stood pushing past him, and going into her room. She shut the door behind her so he waited in the hall. A few minutes later she came out with a basket, and closed the door behind her again.
"What do you want for lunch?" He asked taking the basket and trying to buy time with her.
"I don't care." She said starting for the study.
"Would you like to eat in the glass room?" He asked, and she stopped.
She laughed silently and shook her head before turning to face him.
"Don't do this." She said coldly.
"Do what?"
"Try and win me over. Don't try to keep me talking and prattle on about nonsense. It's below you." She said.
"I don't know what you mean."
"Yes you do. Even now you're doing anything to keep me talking to you. I don't know what you think is going on here...but don't do this to yourself." She said.
"You act like it's nothing...what happened last night." He said.
"It was nothing. If you were confused by that I'm sorry." She said.
"Come on Helga...I'm not the only one that feels this." He said.
"Yeah you are. I'm telling you nicely. It meant nothing...if you push this you're going to get hurt Arnold. I don't want that not really, but I can't help it if you're determined to imagine we are anything other than an employer and employee." She said putting her hands on her hips.
"So you don't feel anything for me? You didn't feel anything for me last night?" He asked.
"No." She said simply.
He stood there and she waited a minute or two before turning and going back into the study. He dropped her basket of clothes ontop of his, and carried them to the laundry room.
Helga closed the study door behind her and fought the urge to call Phoebe. She wanted to talk to someone, but naturally felt guilty for calling Phoebe to have repeptative meltdowns over the same reason. She moved to her desk, and took a deep breath preparing to write.
She burst into tears. They came so suddenly she didn't have time to react. She covered her face miserably with her hands. Whatever was going on between her and Arnold it was not letting go. It was wanting to let go and still holding on. It was painful, and beautiful. It was useless, and everything she wanted. She was a basket case it was official.
He was robbing her of everything she had worked hard to pretend she was and in the end she was just a nine year old girl begging him against the odds to love her. Maybe behind the best sellers, behind the iron gates, behind the stone walls, behind it all that's all she was ever going to be. Maybe that's the only person she could be.
She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. No, she was more than this. She had worked for years to prove it to everyone and now she was going to prove it to herself.
Arnold made lunch a few hours later, and fixed it on a small tray carrying it carefully up the stairs to the study. He knocked and a few seconds later Helga opened the door. One look at her and he knew she'd been crying. Her cheeks were red, and stained, and despite her best effort her eyes looked tired.
"Helga...is something wrong?" He asked.
"No. Come in." She opened the door a little wider and he moved into the study.
"Are you sure you're ok?" He asked moving towards the fire place.
"Yeah...what are you doing?" She asked closing the door behind him.
"I thought we could eat in front of the fireplace." He said sitting down, and placing the tray infront of him.
"Why?" She moved to join him.
"I don't know. I thought it'd be nice." He said with a shrug.
She sat down indian style on the other side of the tray. She picked up one of the small cucumber snadwiches and took a bite.
"How is the writing coming?" He asked.
"Ok I guess.."She shrugged like it was no big deal. She didn't want to admit she cried all day and had gotten no work done.
"I know it'll be a master piece."He offered, and she winced. She looked up at him and looked close to tears again.
"Why are you so nice to me?" She asked softly.
"Because I...I like you."He said with a small smile.
She sat completely still just looking at him. Her hair was tumbling wild all over the place, and her eyes looks sad, and broken, but brilliantly blue. Her cheeks were pink and tear stained. She swallowed and then slowly as if afraid of him she hesitantly leaned over and pressed her lips against his for a second just a second. Then she pulled back an inch and repeated the process. After a second his hands reached for her shoulders, and hers rested lightly on his chest.
This was the first time she didn't attack him in a heated rush. She just sat there kissing him gently. He moved the tray with one hand out of the way and she pushed to kneel infront of him. His hands stroked gently through her hair. She pushed him back so she could lay on top of him. He pulled back breaking the kiss.
"I don't understand anything about you." He said softly his thumb brushing lightly over her tear stained cheek.
"I don't want you to." She said in a whisper.
"What do you want?" He asked searching her eyes for an answer.
"Just be with me." She said it with a tone that made it sound possible for him to say no.
He kissed her again gently. It was the first time she let him be gentle. She let him hold her closer, and caress her skin. She didn't have to be biting, and scratching, and he didn't have to be dominating. He was just Arnold, and she was just Helga.
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