Guess who's baaaack~! Yeah, I was randomly reading the review I got for this story, then I figured "It'd be nice to get more of those...guess I should upload something."

So I did.

8D


"Uzumaki Naruto," The ANBU said as he stopped a tall blonde teen in the street, "This letter is for you." Naruto was handed a small scroll before the mysterious ANBU disappeared. He looked at the scroll in confusion before opening the seal. His eyes scanned back and forth as he took in the words. As soon as he finished, his eyes widened in shock.

"I'm being sued!?"


This is how Uzumaki Naruto found himself sitting in the only court room in Konoha. Said blonde was looking around in confusion, before he spotted someone he knew walking towards him.

"Ero-sennin!" he cried as Jiraiya approached his table. Jiraiya frowned at the name.

"Hey runt," he said, his voice slightly slurred, "that's nnnooo way to talk to you're lawwyer."

"Lawyer!?" Naruto shouted, "Why do I need a lawyer!? What the heck is even going on!?!" Jiraiya slid into the chair next to Naruto's, hiccupping as he sat down.

"Ya see kid," he slurred, "It seems that oooooone of you're little buuuddies is filing complaints about all the stttuff you did to them over the years." Naruto's eyes widened.

"What the hell!?" he shouted, "Is that even legal!?"

"I don't know kid," Jiraiya said before hiccupping again, "But it sure sucks for you." Naruto gave the older man an inquisitive look.

"You're drunk, aren't you." It was not a question.

"Of course not!" Jiraiya shouted, "A ninja always has to beee alert! A ninja has to beee aware of his surrooouuundings," he paused for a moment, "Has that jacket always been purple?" Naruto gave his sensei one last look before slamming his head into the table.

"I am so dead."


"All rise for the honorable judge Tusnade-sama," active duty bailiff Hatake Kakashi shouted from behind his fateful copy of Icha Icha. Jiraiya, Naruto, and the various people who had come to watch the proceedings all stood as the Godaime Hokage appeared.

Tsunade took her seat, closely followed by the rest of the court, "Alright, the court will now see the case of Haruno vs. Uzumaki."

"SAKURA-CHAN'S SUING ME!?" Naruto shouted in disbelief as his pink haired teammate entered the room, followed by Shizune. The two sat in the table adjacent Naruto's. Tsunade turned to face the jury.

"The defendant is being sued for public humiliation, mental trauma, and personal violation," she read to the nine figures sitting in the jury seats. Naruto quickly took notice of the fact all nine where wearing large black cloaks with red cloud designs. He immediately broke out into a sweat.

"The Akatsuki are the jury!?" he whispered sharply to Jiraiya.

"Well yeah," the man replied, "No one elssse really wanted the job."

"But they hate me!" Jiraiya hiccupped once again, and then his face split into a lopsided grin.

"It's not lllike they're ploootting to kill yooou." Everyone's favorite jinchuriki looked up at Tsunade.

"Tsunade-baa-can!" he shouted, "Can I get another lawyer on a count of mine being totally wasted?"

Tsunade leveled a glare at the white haired man who was currently attempting to sip some sake while no one was watching. Rolling her eyes, she turned her gaze back to the blonde, "Sure."

Naruto smiled, before remembering he had no idea who could represent him in this case. He rubbed the back of his head nervously, before addressing the Hokage again, "Uh…know a good lawyer?"

With a sigh, Tsunade absentmindetly waved her hand at Kakashi, who dissapeared in a puff of smoke. There was momentary confusion before the cycloptic jounin reappeared. Suddenly, the doors burst open to reveal two teenage girls.

Fis (now sporting a tie and brief case along with her t-shirt and cargo pants) was closely followed by her faithful trainee Yuri (Who was wearing a rather stylish suit along with her trainee hat) as the two walked over to the table Naruto was seated at. Yuri sat herself down to Naruto's left, while Fis pulled back the chair Jiraiya was in, causing him to fall uncerimoniously to the floor. Once both Shnaze Co. employees were seated nexted to the blonde shinobi, Tsunade cleared her throat.

"Now that that's out of the way," she began, "We shall now start this case."

Shizune stood from her seat, "Miss Haruno is filing a complaint that one Uzumaki Naruto has on several instances humiliated her, traumatized her, and invaded her personal bubble."

Tsunade looked over at Naruto, "How do you plead?"

"Not guilty, you're honor" Fis replied. Tsunade looked back over at Shizune.

"Can you present proof of these aligations?" she asked. Shizune nodded.

"I would like to call one Hatake Kakashi to the stand."

The entirty of the court room looked over to where Kakashi was standing. Being currently consumed by his book, the man was not paying attention to the proceedings of the court. That is, until Tsunade leaned over and smacked him upside the head. Having finally got his attention, Tsunade continued.

"Kakashi, you're being called as a witness."

"Oh? Don't I have to agree before-hand to be a witness?" the jounin countered.

"Not in this court. Now," Tsunade lifted up Kakashi's discarded novel and had him place his hand upon it, "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, or suffer a punch to the face?"

Kakashi nodded his head. Yuri took this time to whisper in Fis' ear.

"Don't you usually swear on the Bible?" she asked

"Ninjas aren't religious." Was the short reply.

"I heard that!" Hidan shouted from the jury bench.

"The jury will be silent during the court proceedings!" Tsunade shouted at the rouge shinobi. Hidan returned to his seat and muttered about encuring the rath of Jashin under his breath. Unfortunatly, this outburst opened the proverbial can of worms, as the court room turned to choas.

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto shouted, "I thought we were friends!"

"That was before you dropped a fish down my shirt!" Sakura shouted back.

Kakashi looked up from his book (that he had snached back after swearing upon). He turned to his enraged ex-student, "Where was I when this happened?"

Naruto pouted from his seat, "It was an accident! How was I supposed to know it was still alive?"

"That's not the problem!" Sakura shouted, getting to her feet, "The problem is you tried to get it back!"

"Sounds kinky," Yuri interjected. She was quickly delt a smack upside the head by Fis, who decided it would be best to defuse the situation.

"Excuse me!" Fis shouted. The court room quieted down. After all, shinobi as a whole are quite polite people (with the exception of a select few. As in most of them). Fis turned to Sakura, who was currently resisting the urge to strangle her teammate, "It's clear that Mr. Uzumaki had no malicious intentions when he…er…." She struggled to find the right words, "Screw it, when he put his hand down your shirt. Besides, at least he got the fish out, right? Grant it he was the one who dropped it there in the first place but-" she was cut off by a tap on her shoulder.

"You're not helping me here," Naruto whispered.

Fis cleared her throat, "Right…besides! If there's anyone who should be suing someone in this room, it should be Mr. Uzumaki," she turned to Tsunade, "Over the years Miss Haruno has perpetrated severe physical damage to Mr. Uzumaki, often without logical reason."

Tsunade raised an eyebrow, then glanced down at her watch, "Alright, I'll humor you. It's almost happy hour, I'm backed up on paperwork, and I want to get this over quickly. If you can prove that Sakura is physically abusive to Naruto on a regular basis, I'll drop this whole thing now, and everyone can go home happy."

"I'm not particularly happy right now," Naruto said .

"Shut up."

Fis cleared her throat, drawing attetion back to herself, "Our proof should be here momentarily."

At that moment, Fiys burst through the court room doors; in her hands a single VHS tape.

"I promised I'd get you in the story somehow," Fis said to her. She was then struck down as the VHS tape hit her squarly in the forehead.

"Stop breaking the fourth wall!" Fiys shouted. She then turned to Yuri, "And you! This is for taking my place!" Fiys then pulled out a bag of jelly beans (from where we don't know) and chucked them mercilessly at Yuri's head. Yuri didn't seem to mind this too much.

"Jelly beans!" she shouted, before indulging on the sugary candy. Fis walked up to the court room's TV (they have one there, okay?) and inserted the VHS tape.

"The following video montage will indeffinatly prove that Mr. Uzumaki is used as Miss Haruno's punching bag on numerous occasions," Fis then hit the play button.

Then followed various scenes of Sakura punching Naruto in the face, smacking him on the back of his head, and one particularly painful instance involving a barstool and three packets of hot sause.

"Oooh, that's gotta hurt," one guy from the audience said.

"Bet he felt that in the morning!"

"This is more violent than cable!"

Infact, the entire jury (Konan excluded) gave a sympathetic wince at one image of Sakura kicking Naruto in the gonads.

Naruto turned to the Shnaze Co. employees, "When did you guys film all this?" he asked, slightly creeped out.

Fis gave him a suspicious, squinty-eyed look, "We have our methods…"

Naruto had no response for this.

It was at this moment that Tsunade decided to interrupt, "Okay, I've seen enough. I honestly don't care enough about this silliness to let it continue. Jury, do you have a verdict?"

Pain (the current Akatsuki spokes person) rose from his seat, "We the jury find Mr. Uzumaki Naruto to be…." There was a dramatic pause. The audience was at the edges of their seats in anticipation. Naruto was biting his nails nervously. Sakura leaned forward in her seat, anxious for the verdict.

Finally, Yuri shouted, "Just get on with it!"

"….not guilty."

Naruto errupted from his chair and proceeded to do a rather silly victory dance. Sakura turned to the Akatsuki, and indignant look on her face.

"But you guys are his arch enemies! Would you want him to go to jail?"

Pain gave her a pointed look, "We can't very well abduct him if he's in jail, now can we? Everybody knows you're safer in prison than in the outside world."

The audience nodded in agreement. Kakashi peaked from over top of his book.

"It's true you know," he said, before returning to the perverted icon that is Icha Icha.

"Alrighty then!" Tsunade shouted, "Court ajorned. Everyone get out of here."

The occupants of the court room slowly trickled out into the hallway, and Naruto took this time to run up and question Sakura's motives.

"Sakura-chan," he said, pouting a little, "Why'd you try and sue me? I thought we were friends!"

"We are friends, Naruto," Sakura replied, "I just can't have you reaching down my shirt. That privlage is granted only to Sasuke-kun."

There was an awkward silence.


Please take into account that I have almost no idea what really happens in court. Besides, this is comedy. Nothing makes sense in comedy.

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