Disclaimer: Own nothing. Want all. Need all. But will never own anything.

AN: First off. No I am not dead. Haha. And OMG. I am a horrible, horrible, horrible, updater.. I am so sorry! It took me SO long to update. Feel free to yell at me or throw M&M's at me. As much as that might hurt :P

I think I was suffering from low-confidence, thinking that everyone else was way better than me. Which they are... but anyways.

tv freak 92, Pepite, LiaBelle, Shelbers, Devilla, ReJo, InOvrMyHead4Life, all the glitters, lyss02, prplerayne, mj0621, chili-peppers.

THANK YOU ALL!!

M&M'S for everyone-!! eek.

Oh... and the angst-ness returns! mwhuahaha. You didn't really think everything was all nice and peachy now did you? Silly fools. :D

Ps. Brittney gave me the song. And I thought it worked so... THANKS! ma' grillows sista XD WUB YOU.

Ah and since it had been requested. I wrote a flashback.

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There's No Going Back.

By: Lila Wills.

Chapter 9::: "How Is This Different?"

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...Hours slide and days go by

Till you decide to come

And in between it always seems too long

All of a sudden

And I have the skill, yeah I have the will

To breathe you in while I can

However long you stay

Is all that I am

I don't mind...

I don't care...

As long as you're here

Go ahead tell me you'll leave again

You'll just come back running

Holding your scarred heart in hand

It's all the same

And I'll take you for who you are

If you take me for everything

Do it all over again

It's always the same

Wrong or right

Black or white

If I close my eyes

It's all the same

In my life

The compromise

I close my eyes

It's all the same

Go ahead say it you're leaving

You'll just come back running

Holding your scarred heart in hand

It's all the same

And I'll take you for who you are

If you take me for everything

Do it all over again

It's all the same...

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When things break... the break... they become unfixable, torn in two. Separated... and disconnected to one-another.

Relationships are built in stages. What if you skipped the first few, built on it and then forgot to support it. Things were eventually destined to fail. Fall..

Break.

Lindsay stood in-front of the hospital's bathroom mirror. Her pale refection looking back at her, what was left of her. The things, moments, had changed her from what she used to be, drained her of all happiness only to be replaced by emptiness. She was a hollow shell, her emotions just whirling about inside floating in a repeat motion, there was no time... no date... nothing existed. How she was even to blink or talk was unknown to her. Right at that second all she knew was that she was broken.

She continued to stare at herself, the feeling of detachment washed through her, she didn't know this person, she didn't want to be this person, she had no idea why she had to be that person. Who was she anymore? Was she just an invisible person... a invisible person with problems, a broken heart.. and an invisible person who had nothing left. She was alone again, only this time, it was her battling with herself. She didn't know what or why she felt these things. Not even him could bring her out of the dark black hole she had sunken into. Yesterday she had come up for air, Danny had pulled her out, but she was struggling to hold that fight to hold on.

She closed her eyes, not able to stare at herself any longer. She just wished that the world would stop, stop torturing her. She loved Danny with all of her heart... even if it was broken, whatever pieces were left held onto him, clawing their way toward the man that seemed to see her... she was no longer invisible when those blue eyes settled onto her, he saw her, all of her, even if she couldn't. But Megan--- Megan was her other half, Megan held the answers to her situation.

If she were to lose her... if she were to disappear from the world, the child that was connected to her with every fiber in her being...

Then maybe she would make the world stop. She wasn't suicidal. She just wanted it all to stop. Make the numbness leave her alone... just to go and never cause her to become so damaged again.

When she opened her eyes, she saw tears rolling down her face, her face showing what she had become far too used to. She wiped them but it didn't hold them in... nothing could. She was in mourning for who she was, she had lost herself in the turmoil of all the wreckage.

But Lindsay knew... that if she found Megan..

She would find herself.

"Miss Monroe. You're having a girl."

"Really?" Lindsay's face lightened up, she just couldn't keep the smile off her face. She was so happy that the Doctor smiled in slight amusement.

"Yes. She's very healthy. Would you like to hear her heartbeat?"

"YES!" Lindsay put a hand to her face and blushed, "Sorry, yes please. If that's okay."

"Of course it is. She's your baby, here you go." The doctor moved the transducer over Lindsay's abdomen.

At first it was faint, then slowly the sound of a small 'thump-thump-thump' filled the room. Lindsay's mouth went dry and she just couldn't help but stare at the ultrasound monitor, the little black & white picture... the little baby.

She was going to be a mother, she was going to have a baby, she couldn't have been... more terrified in her life. But hearing that heartbeat, filled her with so much love and amazement that Lindsay started to tear up, all the emotion overwhelming her.

Dr. Harriet Newton smiled and passed Lindsay the tissue box, one wasn't going to be enough today.

"I'm going to have a daughter." Was all she managed to say before grabbing another tissue in her hand. Laughter mixed with the tears. And she finally felt like she was doing something meaningful. She was right then, perfectly happy, hence the tears. They were happy tears.

Those tears she could have cried over and over again, but the ones that replaced them now... were painful.

Everything can be replaced, a shattered plate, a broken lamp shade, but how do you replace a child. You can't. And that was scaring Lindsay so much that she felt as though she might just die from fear. If there was such a thing as hell, they didn't know what the meaning of the word even meant.

"Lindsay?"

She blinked, quickly brushing the stray tears that had fallen down her cheeks. Leaning over she splashed water over her face, temporally washing away her pain. Only enough so that she could go out into the world where no-one knew what happened when she was alone, alone with her pain, alone with her hurt, sadness... alone and lost.

"Yeah. I'm in here," she called back pushing back the hair from her forehead.

"Are you okay?" Danny asked walking in, standing behind her, looking over her in concern.

"What's okay?" She asked in a flat tone.

Danny's face wrinkled into a frown, he was observing her, not that he hadn't noticed the change in her personality... what he didn't understand was how it could of happened so fast. And why she wouldn't talk to him. He was one-hundred percent into this with her, but being let in, then being kept out. He wasn't sure how much more his mind, let alone his heart could take of it. But never was he going to abandon her. She was everything.. and all that ever meant anything.

Silently without so much of a glance at him, Lindsay walked into the hospital room and over to the window. Staring aimlessly out of it.

"Lindsay?" Danny put down the paperwork in his hands and went up next to her.

"Lindsay." He tried once more to get her to trust him, he thought she did. He didn't want to find out he was wrong. He wouldn't be able to take that.

"Is everything done?" She asked, again blocking off herself from herself and from him. But unlike herself, if she kept blocking him off, she knew he would give up eventually. But what hurt her under all of it was that she wanted him to give up, see that she was nothing but a problem to him, baggage. Then somehow like he knew, he would show her just how much he was going to keep trying. Showing her that he was stubborn, stubborn to love her. Was that such a bad thing? Did she want to be this way forever. Would she be able to be this way without his being there?.. what would go wrong if he was never there?

Danny frowned slightly seeing that trying to get through to her was going to be harder than just a 'are you okay', something was going on with her. He could feel it, he could see it in her eyes, they were dead, dull.. and other than the few simple questions she wasn't talking either.

"Basically. We just need to go and get your med's and stuff, things to sign and we can go," he replied, sinking his hands into his pockets. Lindsay was getting released from the hospital, he thought that she would have been happier, he thought that he would have been happier.. but on a level that they seemed to share, they knew that going out of the hospital would mean going back outside into the real world. There would be no avoiding everything.

Danny knew he had to raise his game, needed to be prepared for the fact that as soon as she had left the hospital, got back to her life outside the comfort of the hospital that they had been given for the past week, that she could change her mind. Decide that she didn't need him.

He was scared she didn't want him.

Lindsay remained silent. Her back still to him, he hoped that he hadn't possibly done something.. maybe it was the fact he was sleep deprived, or emotional drained.. or it could have been that he was paranoid. But he had a reason to be paranoid. This was a make or break situation, not one, but every second he remembered to tread carefully, he could blink and that would be it. His connection to her gone.

Taking a quiet breath he placed his hand on her shoulder. She didn't flinch. His worry that she was put off by him evaporated. But she didn't turn to him, nothing. She just stood there.

A thought crossed his mind. Was she in mourning? Was she mentally and emotionally preparing herself for the death of her daughter, their daughter. He wanted to tell her that everything would be okay, that they would find her, but in truth the only answers he had just became more questions.

He squeezed her shoulder lightly, showing that he was there, just like he would always be. Hopefully she knew that. He prayed that she knew that. She was not alone in this. Not for a second.

Picking up all the case files and other things from the room, even though there was very few things, most of it being food containers and such. Danny opened the hospital room door for Lindsay and waited for her to walk through before shutting it behind them. He was both extremely nervous about leaving their sort of comfort bubble in the hospital, and highly relived that they could leave. Hospital's were not the most happiest of places. Although their status in things wasn't exactly cheery and happy. In a way the hospital surroundings gave them the security that they had needed to get past at-lease the one wall that separated them. Without that, Danny would probably have never know what to say, things may have gone worse, she could have... she could have done a lot. He was just thankful that they had got through what they had, he was thinking only of taking it step by step, and piece by piece as it were.

As they walked to the desk there was hints of tension, from his nerves? Or from Lindsay? He looked over at her, hoping to see some sort of give away to her emotional state or her line of thinking, but it was blank, not cold, just... blank. And it worried him.

Susan handed the chart in her hand over to the nearest nurse and walked over to the main desk. She studied the two as she approached, their posture showed that they weren't completely opposed to each-other. But Susan's concentration went to Lindsay. If she thought that the look on Danny's face the day he had walked into the ER was so painful and overwhelming.. then this was entirely different, Lindsay's face was pale.. not unusual for a former coma patient, being in a coma affected a lot of the bodies bodily temperatures and other affects, but this color was drained. It was about three shades from being gray, and her eyes betrayed her... red at the rims and dark, giving the illusion they were hollow. Next Susan's gaze fell on Danny, she noted he looked more rested, also that something was eating away at him, his posture; his shoulders slumped slightly, constantly changing the weight in his legs from one foot to the other. Nerves? Sure there was about a million reasons why he should be nervous, other than he still was lost in the emotion status between him and Lindsay, from what he had told her... he was nervous because it was going to be time to face up to it. Time to once and for all make... or

Break..

The relationship and possibly his heart, if that was even possible after the amount of damage it had sustained. Yes, Susan knew through both common sense and being a nurse that damaging your heart through emotions and loving someone so much it felt like it had been torn in two.. was very very highly impossible. But she knew also... that it was capable of doing that. And those two were the perfect example. It was saddening to see those two be used as examples, they had been in love, and they still were much to their ignorance of the fact. And they were meant to be happy. They should be the happy people.

And they deserved it. But when that was going to happen. Susan didn't know that.. after all... she was just observing in the end. They were lost and as much as she would give anything to help, that was up to them. And she silently wished them luck.

"Danny. Ms Monroe," Susan greeted half professional, half genuinely warm. She may have got to know Danny, but with Lindsay, she knew that was not her place.

"Susan," Danny replied nodding his head in a friendly manner, showing the ease that he had around her since they had met.

Taking the forms from the other nurse, again steeping in. She handed them to Danny with a pen, knowing that he would give them to Lindsay. She was trying to help, even if it was just so that Danny had some familiarity.

"What's this?" Danny asked looking up from the page.

"Hospital policy, Ms Monroe just recovered from a coma. It's necessary in case of problems that could have been missed. Precaution really."

"Uh-"

Danny wasn't sure about this. Having Lindsay released into his custody was in their state.. a big deal.

Lindsay may have been depressed, in pain, lost, anything that she was feeling.. but she was still capable of being aware of what was going on around her. She took the form from Danny and read over it 'Lindsay Monroe to be placed into the custody of Daniel Messer for health reasons'... Without a second thought she took the pen from his hand and signed her name under the desired place, then handing them both to Susan.

Susan nodded, she saw a slightly flicker of the Lindsay that Danny had talked of. Their was hope for these two, unlike some people, these two didn't pull apart from one-another when things got bad, they somehow got drawn in towards each-other. Subconsciously leaning on the other for both emotion support and... as Lindsay had ended up doing, leaning into Danny's shoulder.

"And here's the medication, the instructions are on the front of them," Susan explained before naming what each one was for. She handed them to Danny and then handed Lindsay her discharge papers that had been signed by the doctor.. leaving only hers to be signed.

Lindsay signed it and silently just wanted to leave... run... go anywhere, she didn't care. Her emotions were suffocating her, she needed to leave. Turning on her heels as she heard Susan utter the words 'That's everything'.. and made her way outside. Somewhere she hadn't been in what seemed like decades. The fresh crisp air blew through her hair and she closed her eyes, feeling like she was alone, somewhere else, just concentrating on the sounds of leaves and the wind whipping past her ears.

She felt something go round her and she opened her eyes to see Danny's placing his jacket over her. She didn't respond, speak, do anything. She just looked at him. Not staring. Not observing. Just looking at him, as if for the first time in three years. This was what she was afraid of, Danny wasn't the only one worried about what things would be like outside the hospital, she was as-well, only her thoughts weren't in much order.

Danny was there.

Danny had broken her heart.

But he was there.

What did that mean?

She closed her eyes and blocked out all the questions that were hounding her brain one after the other, she couldn't deal with that. Right then she had other things to worry about. Like her sanity.

"If you want, I know it says you've been released into my custody. But I can stay at a hotel. I don't mind," Danny said as they both looked off at everyday life going past two broken people who needed to be put together if it was ever going to start to heal.

She shook her head, coming back to somewhat reality. "No."

Danny looked at her with a questioning frown. "No?"

"I have a guest-room."

"Lindsay-" He tried reasoning with her, they were on thin ice. Staying in the same house was... unfamiliar, and a unsure territory.

Before he could finish Lindsay walked off in the direction of the road. Since her car was most definitely in a car pound, she looked for a taxi. Looking both ways she tried to block out the images that flashed in her head of the car accident. Spotting one she flagged it down.

Danny opened the door for her and she slid in, he slid into the seat after her. Giving the driver the address Lindsay sat back and looked again aimlessly out of a window. Watching the streets blur, people, trees, cars, everything going by. Before she had even noticed the taxi came to a stop. She didn't even realize that she had no money but didn't need to think about it as Danny handed the driver the fare.

Lindsay stepped out and looked up at the door at the top of the stairs. Suddenly getting a flash of when she had got the phone call. She closed her eyes but before Danny had gone to step closer to her she walked determined to stop thinking about it enough to get inside as she walked up the stairs. Danny followed behind her, feeling out of place, and unsure he should be there. He knew that she had suggested, well out right told him he was staying there.. but he felt unwelcome. Or was that his mind deceiving him. Sometimes he never knew.

With a slight shaky hand, something that Danny noticed immediately. She placed the keys in the lock and opened the door slowly. She saw that the bathroom light was still on from that day. She mentally stilled before walking in, placing the keys on the side table. Deliberately not looking at the phone that still lay disconnected. Danny's eyes scanned over the front entrance, taking in each detail, it all screamed Lindsay at him. And that calmed him without him even noticing.

"I'll be right back," Lindsay said already making her way to the bathroom.

Danny watched her go and ran his hand over his face, feeling the affects of everything more than he had before, he looked at the phone and knew why it was in a mess.. he had gotten a very similar phone call. One that had almost made his heart stop. He became curious and walked more into the house, finding himself in the living room.

One thing that stood out was the children's toys, girls toys; barbies, dolls, even a plastic cooking set. He smiled when he saw a pink baseball bat. Megan may be all girly, dolls and all, but she had good taste in sports. His daughter indeed. It warmed his heart to see her things, even to just be in Lindsay's and her house made him excited but that feeling fell short quickly as reality that the only thing missing from the picture was actually Megan came back to him.

He felt someone standing behind him and saw Lindsay standing there, bags under her eyes were a deepening blue and her face was tense with exhaustion.

"It's nice," Danny commented, suddenly feeling shy, being where Lindsay lived.. and had been living while he had been in New York.

Again, Lindsay ignored the question, anything personal she seemed to block. Another thing that her depression had caused. "What's happening with work?"

He tried not to act thrown by the fact she was ignoring any questions unless they were straight forward. He felt his heart ache a little each time. He needed her to let him in... he just needed her. "Got time off. I should really call Mac, I promised I'd call."

Lindsay rapped her arms around herself, "There's a phone in the hall."

He silently asked her if she was sure about him using the phone. She just walked off in what he could only guess was the kitchen. Sighing openly when she had gone he went to use the phone. Dialing the memorized number he listened to the dial tone before it picked up, to go to answer machine.

'You've reached Detective Mac Taylor. CSI supervisor. I'm not here, so please leave a message and I'll get back to you shortly.'

Glancing at his watch Danny guessed that Mac was probably catching some sleep, which came so rarely. Hanging up he followed the faint sounds from down the hall and walked into the kitchen.

"Got his answer machine. He is probably trying to get some sleep," he said almost quietly, to alert her of his presence.. and in a way he was worried that he might hurt her. It may have been unnecessary, but he was taking no chances. None.

Lindsay turned around and wiped her hands on the nearest kitchen towel. She avoided his eye-line.. again. But it didn't surprise him, he swallowed. He knew this or something was bound to happen. She was going to react to him being there. But at the moment it was only in small hardly noticeable actions.

Her mind and her heart may have been in a whirlwind but her whole body had one thing in common, she was tied. But even if she did want sleep, which she didn't, she wasn't going to. "I'm going to take a shower. If you want you can have one after me?" She said once again being straight to the point.

Danny nodded, his hands finding their place in his jean pockets in his nervous habit. "Sure. I'm.. um waiting in there." He pointed over his shoulder toward the living room.

Lindsay gave a faint nod and walked off and to the stairs. When she got to the bathroom she shut the door behind her, locked it and lent on it, letting out the breath she didn't even know she had been holding. Sliding down the door to the floor she took the moment to pull herself together. Then sure she was steady she got up and got into the shower. Instantly she felt some of the tension leave her muscles, and the hospital smell being replaced by vanilla and mango. She felt the hot water run over her, everything stopped if just for that moment and she relaxed. After washing her hair and rinsing it she stepped out feeling more relaxed and refreshed, not happier or any-less depressed... and the pain was still there. But she did feel better.

Changing into some sweats she got a spare towel and placed it on the edge of the bathtub before going back downstairs. The thing she had always loved about the house was that even though it was just her and Megan, the house always felt full, never hollow or empty, just warm... like home. Something that was never really real, growing up was the normal country way, but this was different since it was her home. The last time she was close to that.. was with Danny. She had always thought that wherever he was... was home.. but now he was there. In her home. What did that mean? What did any of it mean? Would she ever figure it out?

Surprisingly they managed to communicate with very few words, Danny had taken a shower and ordered some take-out. And they now sat in the living room on the floor with the files laid out on the coffee table.

After the third yawn in two minutes. Lindsay was starting to tire even more. Danny suggested that they get some sleep. She agreed and they walked upstairs. Lindsay showed him down the hall and into the guest-room.

"Goodnight, Lindsay," he said trying to get some sort of connection out of her. he would have hugged her goodnight, but not now, they weren't that open.

"Goodnight," she responded and left him alone in the room.

When he had heard her soft footsteps echo off down the hall he let out a deep sigh out into the dark room, only the moon-light glowing through the blinds on the window. He stood there for a couple of minutes, mostly inwardly stopping himself from going to be near Lindsay, he wanted to feel her, hold her, just be able to grasp onto the fact she was there. But if things were to continue like they were... that only slight wall that had been haunting their relationship.. was going to escalate. And he wasn't sure how to even try to get through that, if it happened. Would it happen? With all his heart he didn't want to think about it. If he had to be in pure denial, then he would.

Tiredness clouded his thought process as he went over to the bed, just about dropping himself on it. His brain and his body was screaming at him to sleep, but he couldn't.. there was so much to sort out. His mind back-tracked over every detail from the day.. hoping to find a glimmer of something, any spec of light to.. hell, he didn't know what he was hoping to find. Sometimes he really hated the fact he was payed to analyze situations and people, because right then.. the last thing he wanted to do was take a closer look at the mess. A mess that he had actually caused in the first place.

'You idiot,' He thought. Before he could lecture himself, drive himself more out of control with theory and possible insights to his own stupidity, his body made the most rational decision he had made in most probably days... and forced him into a greatly needed sleep.

About three hours later of a comatose state of sleep, Danny blinked his eyes open. Maybe he was psychic, although if he was then maybe-- sitting upright he tried to stop thinking, a hard thing to do, but instead it was replaced by worry. The tale-tale signs that Lindsay was depressed didn't go unnoticed to him, after all since he had got to Philadelphia, all he seemed to have was tunnel vision... of Lindsay. And nothing but Lindsay. The only constant thing he seemed to have, he thought as he pulled himself onto his feet, his legs protested.. but he made his way out into the hall before it had registered.

Slowly he walked in the direction of what he could only guess as Lindsay's room. He adjusted his glasses as he tried to wake up in the slightest, glancing at a near-by clock on the wall he groaned a little. 2:45. Great, it turned out that even when he did sleep.. it never lasted. A lot like everything it seemed.

He came to the main bedroom door, it was open so he peered in. The bed had obviously had been slept in some-what.. but it now lay empty. Danny stilled himself from panicking. She wouldn't do anything stupid. Oh who was he kidding he thought dryly, he was the one to worry about when it came to that. Lindsay had always had her head on her shoulders.. but now, this Lindsay was different from the Lindsay he knew.

Back-tracking into the hall he looked around and caught a shadow near the entrance to the door down the end of the hallway near the bathroom. Following his curiosity and a guess he walked down to the open doorway. Sure enough, he found Lindsay in the room. It was Megan's room.

She stood there in the dark, just standing there. He wondered if she was okay. Even though he knew she was so far from it, it only made his heart break ever so slightly again seeing her in this state of... detachment. He wanted her back. He wanted Lindsay back. But no matter what she was going through... he loved every part and everything about her. He just couldn't help it. His heart made that decision a long time ago, and set it in stone. He was just following it's orders. Or it would stop beating. She kept him alive, no matter what any scientific look on it might disagree. Lindsay Monroe kept him breathing.

Even if she was barely hanging on.

He had always wondered if she always knew what he was thinking because she turned around and looked at him as well as she could in the darkened room. But when he saw that her face was puffy and she strands of her hair clung to her cheeks he ceased to think. She had been crying. Over him? Over Megan? Over both? Did he do something to upset her? Paranoia seemed to be the only thing he seemed to repeat more than any of it. But right then Lindsay was more of a priority so he pushed it aside and came into the room.

Lindsay's breathing was deep and slow, she was still trying to calm herself down. It wasn't that she couldn't sleep. It wasn't over Megan, well that did come into it... but this time... she was slightly mad. Annoyed, angry, beside herself. All her blankness now cracking at the seams.

"Lindsay?" Danny went to go over to her, but stopped dead in place when she put up her hands as a sign she didn't want her to go near her. "Lindsay, don't lock me out," he pleaded.

"I'm not locking you out," she replied, the first time she had been straight with her emotions. And Danny saw that she was more like her old self then he had seen in.. well.. years. This wasn't the broken Lindsay, or upset, or anything he had seen in the past week. This time it was her, and he didn't know what in the world to do.

"You never apologized. You turn up. You expect me to just give you a free pass. I may have been in a coma, but I am not clueless, Danny," she said crossing her arms over her chest, it was not a defensive action, but more of a protective one.

"I never-"

"What? You never what?" She asked, her angry tone now breaking as her tears got the best of her and began falling down her cheeks. "Break my heart? Almost ruin my life? You don't have any idea what pain is, isn't that what you said to me? Well, so that may be true. Maybe I didn't.. until I met you."

Danny didn't know what to do, his brain abandoned him and left everything blank. For once it wasn't swamping him with unanswered questions. Not what he needed now. Anything would do. What did he have to say? Probably nothing that could help now. "I didn't want to-"

"You really think that trying to tell me that you never meant anything is going to sit well with me? My daughter is missing, you turn up and think that suddenly because I am emotionally broken at the moment that you can slip back into my life. Well guess what! I've been just fine without you for quite some time now Danny," she said before stopping to pause as she chocked back more sobs. The tears just wouldn't stop now. She cursed herself for letting him see her cry.

Danny gave up on words. He had never had much success with fixing or doing just about anything with them, and with Lindsay.. they always ended up making things much much worse. He walked over to her despite the fact that she most definitely didn't want him near her. He placed his hand on her arm but she pulled it back.

"Don't you dare," she glared and then took some more breaths through the continuing of tears that had decided to ruin her anger.

Ignoring her glare and her anger he pulled her toward him. She hit his chest in protest. "You're an asshole," she tried to insult him but her sobs broke up all her words and she gave up saying anything else, she compensated as she kept hitting him.

He didn't complain, he knew there was going to be dark bruises, but it didn't matter. Finally her fists slowed down and she buried her face into his chest sobbing. "I hate you," she sobbed, barely audible.

"I love you," he mumbled into her hair as his own eyes welled up.

--------------------------

.Flashback.

Lindsay hummed a country love song from the CD Danny had gotten her for her birthday the week before as she sat in the break-room at the lab flipping through bridal magazines.

"No. No. No. Yuck. Too pink. No. NO. Oh my god, NO!" Lindsay muttered then slammed the current one she was holding shut. This was hopeless, she had been going over them for weeks, they were going to get married next month. And she didn't even have a dress!

This was a complete disaster.

Sighing she picked up her coffee and went over to the sink. Slowly pouring her coffee down into the drain. She was too frazzled. Caffeine was NOT what she needed. Tilting her head to one side she chewed on her bottom lip, hoping to figure out some idea of what she wanted to wear on what was going to be the best day of her life. She was getting married!

A wide toothy grin spread onto her face. She wasn't just getting married. She was marrying Danny Messer. A small sigh escaped her lips.

"Somebody is in looooove," Stella teased coming in with a smirk.

"Love is so... love!" Lindsay replied laughing. "But wedding dresses are EVIL," she wrinkled up her face then blew her curly bangs out of the way.

"I'm sure you'll find something. But mind you, Danny will marry you even if you turned up in a paper bag," Stella replied as she picked up one of the magazines and looked over the cover with a dreamy expression as she stared at the magical dresses.

Lindsay snorted. Not very girly like. But she was a country girl, country girls weren't all pampered and self obsessed, but it was a automatic response to Stella's statement. "Erm. No offense Stel, but a paper bag isn't the most flattering wedding dress, and I don't think Danny wants all the grooms-men ogling at his soon-to-be bride," she replied sitting back down in her chair with frustrated sigh.

"Good point," Stella nodded picking up another brides catalogue.

"I am never going to find a dress, there are SO many!" Lindsay hung her head back and looked at the ceiling.

Flipping through the pages Stella smiled, "Wow. They are all so pretty," she cooed then glanced over the rest of the page. "FOUR-HUNDRED DOLLARS?!" Her eyes widened and she threw the magazine down with a look of horror. "Remind me never to get married. Or if I manage to find someone who wants to even marry me.. that I get married in jeans and a tank-top. I could buy a harley with that money."

Lindsay lifted her head back up and looked side-ways at Stella, "Since when would you buy a harley?"

"Well. I wouldn't, but I'm just saying. I could buy one.. if I wanted to," Stella shrugged then got up to get coffee.

"I am going to run out of time! Then we will have to postpone the wedding! And then Danny might give up waiting! Oh my god! I am going to be a terrible wife! I can't even pick a dress! What if he decides that I am indecisive and changes his mind and takes back his proposal!" Lindsay started to freak out.

"Lindsay Monroe. You need to CHILL out and breathe kiddo," Stella said placing her hands on the younger woman's shoulders.

Lindsay breathed in the out and gave a nod, "Sorry."

"Danny would drag you off to Vegas and marry you now and get it done with if he could, but he wanted you to have a wedding you could remember, so stop all this nonsense about him changing his mind!" Stella said in a calming even tone.

"Vegas? Really? Hmm. You know.. that isn't such a bad idea-" Lindsay's eyes lit up.

Stella rolled her eyes and before Lindsay could think of another way of getting out of it, she picked up a couple of the catalogues and dropped them into Lindsay's lap. "You WILL find a dress. But I swear if you freak out again, I'll let Flack pick it out," Stella warned then bit her lip so she wouldn't laugh, "And just think.. if his choice in ties are that bad... imagine what he could do with a wedding dress," she said pointing a finger at the Montana native.

Lindsay's eyes widened at the thought, "Okay! Okay! I'll figure something out," she gave in.

"Have fun, sweetie. Oh and Mac said you can head home, you've been on a double, and he knows you are stressed, since I had yesterday off I'm gonna take care of the case," Stella said with a grin before strolling out as she sipped her coffee. Mac would probably kill her for drinking coffee around the lab, but she didn't care.. it was either coffee and walking... or no coffee and sleeping in his office. She grinned sort of evilly and walked toward the elevators on her way to PD.

Lindsay half sighed in annoyance and excitement. The things that man caused her to do! She packed all the (evil) bridal magazines and grabbed her cell before heading out to the locker room. Then along with her bag, jacket and another bag with all the wedding things she went to the lab car-park and threw her bags into the back seat of her car. With one hand opening the car door she pulled her cell out of her jean pocket and pressed speed-dial 2. Number one being Mac her boss, and two being her fiancee. She smiled just staring at his name as it rang, before she knew it his voice filtered through the speaker. But it turned out to be his answer machine. 'That's odd.' she thought turning on the ignition and driving the car out of the lot. Shutting her phone as she waited for a green light she shrugged and thought maybe he was in the shower or popped out to get food.

She guessed those things, among other thoughts that were highly... er... kinky. Shaking her head with a deep chuckle she turned on the radio on and sung along to the country station all the way to hers and Danny's apartment. The sun had long gone down, it being now near ten at night, she was tired and all she wanted to do was go home, take a bath... maybe not alone. She grinned. And curl up on the couch with some take-out and her and Danny under a blanket watching some chic-flick. One of Danny's little secrets. He loved chic-flicks. But he would gladly take that fact to his grave. He knew what would happen if people knew. Lord knows what Flack would say.

When she got to the apartment she balanced all her bags as she fetched out her keys, placing them into the lock she half stumbled into the apartment, only just catching her balance as she got inside the dark apartment. She wondered why the lights weren't on. Power cut?

Then in the space of ten minutes five things happened.

Clothes trail.

Bedroom door.

Woman in bed with Danny.

Yelling.

And finally... heartbreak.

.End flashback.

--------------------------

Danny gently held her swaying them softy. After a few minutes passed her breathing evened out into noticeably tired deep shallow breaths. She looked up at him and with a look of complete and utter despair she almost whispered.

"How is this different, Danny? How do I know you won't do something to hurt me again?"

"All I can do is hope you try and trust me," he answered, tightening his grip around her waist, not wanting to let her go.

It was the most honest response he could have said. And somehow it made sense to her. Why? She didn't know.

Her eyes welled up again and she tried to blink them back, "I don't know if I can."

"If you can't trust me. Can you love me?" He asked in a low voice, along with a deep nervous breath.

If he had thought the day was surreal and weird. It all became far more out-there in the next moment.

Lindsay didn't respond. She grabbed the front of his shirt and crashed her lips onto his.

TBC.

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I give ya'll permission to all squeal. LOL. Yes. SO SO unexpected. But hell. I don't care... EEEE. YAY.

I wrote it extra long as an apology for the delay. I'll try not to let it happen like that again. All I can say about this recent delay is it took me awhile to find the angst in me about D/L... even now 318 has me all kiddy. HEHE.

Yes, I know that I lost sight of the plot-line. But whatever. Haha.

If there are mistakes. Go talk to my muse. That is, if you get an answer. (laughs)...oh did I ever tell ya'll that my favorite/lucky number.. is number nine? (grins)

Oh yes...

PLEASE PLEASE. Review. I know, I am begging. But I am so don't care. I want to know everyone's thoughts!

Love. Jellybeans. Moo.

x Lila. :)