Ok, here it is I've updated. Exciting, no? This chapter is a bit short, but I promise more exciting stuff will happen soon! Pinky swear. I'll shut up, just read and enjoy!

Chapter 9

Marauder Pranks: 3 decreasing! … maybe

Cherry Update: As if I were that lucky

Number of Girls that Potter has shagged in the last week and a half: 6…wait, no… 7 I think.

October 4th

So, I have been a lot happier with life recently, though I can't fathom why.

Well, on the bright side, Violet and I have had a lot of laughs spreading awful Potter rumors. These were only squelched when Potter threatened to tell the whole school that I was a virgin. Well, its not like I'm ashamed or anything, but I don't exactly need anyone else to know. People put a shockingly large value in being deflowered by their sixth year. In fact, by Hogwarts standards, I am already behind. And I don't have a reputation that matches Violet's, but I have kissed almost every hot boy in the school, and I suppose that if people were to discover that I hadn't shagged a single one of them… or for that matter that I haven't yet shagged Amos, well it's a bit of a shortcoming. It infers that I can't even get my bloody boy friend to shag me, and if that isn't pathetic, I don't know what is.

Now I mentioned Jane earlier. She is now enjoying the status of Potter's second longest relationship, they lasted a whopping six days. Violet is a little pacified if not slightly pleased at the fact that she was longest with 17 days.

Potter is ridiculous, the rate he goes through birds. And breaks each of their hearts. He even likes each one less, sometimes only dating one for a day.

This morning I woke up to see him escorting Harriet to breakfast, just to walk in this evening to see him snogging Sarah. Then of course yesterday he was with Jane all day, the same Jane from last week yet shagged Mary last night.

I'm bloody sick of it, but on the bright side I never have to deal with any individual girl, or her cheek for more than a day or two. Also, my new friendship with Violet has flourished.

She has been particularly mean to Potter whenever she sees him and he's having more trouble getting Ravenclaw girls due to a couple extra nasty rumors that she spread.

I am very proud of what I have done for Violet White.

First off, I told her honestly when her emotions were normalized that she kinda was a whore and that a lot of it had to do with her image. She looked more like a whore than she was. Weird thing was, Potter was actually only her second shag, she'd dated a bunch of boys, kissed half of the school, maybe gave a couple head, but really, he was just her second! Well after hearing that, I decided I was going to fix Violet White and allow her to rejoin normal social society.

First thing was the outfit. I had her button up her shirt so that her bosom was not attempting a desperate escape. I had her wear her skirt at a normal length, and of course actually wear her tie for once in a lifetime. She looked a lot better.

I had her take off all the unnecessary make-up and that nasty lip-gloss. A little shadow and some clear gloss was all that she needed to look pretty but not sluty. Now with her appearance returned to normal, I had her pay attention in class rather than flirting with boys, and of course NOT be found halfway down a corridor making out with a different bloke every day.

She seemed a little resistant to these requests but she did as I suggested, and within a week she had normalized. She was no longer that slag that Potter dumped last week, but rather, that pretty girl from Ravenclaw, Evans' friend.

I was proud. But my greatest success came when Michael Brown, a Gryffindor asked her out without any provocation on her part, or any show, just because he liked her.

She hasn't stopped talking about him since, yet I have not once seen them snogging in a public place. I feel that my duty to the world has been done. Well not quite… Potter is still alive and shagging, horny blighter. The worst part about it is I am a little jealous,

I'm seriously getting so bloody horny that I feel like I'd shag anyone, or anything. Violet and Gwen think it's the most hilarious thing in the world.

That too, Gwen was perfectly happy to accept Violet into our fold once she was purged of her skankiness. However, I realized that I am now the only virgin out of all my friends, if Alice and Frank have gone as far as I think they have… ooh.

That's a story to tell.

You see, yesterday it was a Sunday, a weekend, plenty of time to sleep in for once, do some homework, enjoy the grounds while its still warm, and search out friends to chat with. It would have been a perfect day, but life has decided that I don't deserve those anymore.

Unfortunately I had no idea that so many Hogwarts students shag on Sunday afternoons.

My first victim of afternoon tea was to be Gwenog Jones my dear charming friend of 6 years who has been there for me without fail Merlin knows how many times, when I am in desperate need of a girl talk. However yesterday, it was not to be. I had figured that I would be able to corner Gwen or Alice at least, in the 7th year girl's dormitories and entice at least one of them to join me in the heads dorms for a cup of tea.

Alas, I can be such a fool sometimes.

So I happily swung through the Gryffindor portrait hole to a warm welcome from the fat lady who seemed to have missed me, and into a common room full of other familiar faces that did not look twice at me.

Well at least a fat woman in a silly pink dress misses me… can you say lame?

Well it was a comfort to be back in ye old common room, it was actually rather nice seeing a room full of people, ours is large and beautiful, but a little empty.

I sidled past Remus and Pettigrew, who were entranced by a game of exploding snap. Pettigrew was whimpering as he slowly placed a card on top and let out the girliest shriek I have ever heard when it blew up in his face. Remus roared with laughter, putting out Pettigrew's flaming eyebrows for him.

Chuckling, I passed them and made my way up the girl's staircase.

When I reached the landing that belonged to the 7th year girls I was about to just walk in, but the door was locked and when a bedroom door is locked, smart people do not just burst in.

However curiosity got the better of me, and I pressed my ear up against the door and what I heard will probably scar my memory forever more. There were bangs and pants and cries of pleasure, most of the same uncomfortable sounds that I heard when Potter forgot a silencing charm, only trouble was, I really didn't need to know who was behind that door, however as I was doomed to have a bad day, before I could turn away I heard Alice's voice shout "Frank!" and a slight shiver of disgust went down my spine.

It's nasty enough to hear one's arch nemesis going at it, but one's best friend, now that's just upsetting. I was thoroughly shaken as I headed down the stairs feeling guilty and disgusted.

I met Remus and Pettigrew now involved in a game of chess, and Remus was whipping Pettigrew's arse; as always.

I decided to try the boy's staircase, Gwen was often on their side, mostly because she could and she liked rubbing it in their faces, but she and Black also were starting to team up to execute some of the pranks that Potter was absent for, most likely due to his outrageous sex life.

So as I began my ascent of the boy's staircase, I vaguely heard Remus say

"Lily DON'T-"

But as we are constantly reminded of my stupidity I chose to ignore him.

Bad idea.

Foolish, stupid, inane, idiotic idea.

You see the 7th year boy's dorm was not locked. I should have known that boys just don't think of these things, I should have realized that the tie on the door meant something. I should have tuned away due to the now-familiar sounds emitting from the room…

But it is silly to think about what I should have done, the point is what I DID do was awful.

I swung open the door happily prancing into the room saying "Padfoot! Doggy Breath! Blackyboy!"

I was stopped mid-prance by the sight before my eyes.

Sirius Black was naked and sweaty and clearly in the middle of a very good shag. This was all completely normal, though I had never actually walked in on him shagging anyone, it was not this that disturbed me, it was the tangled mass of limbs and hormones below him that was clawing at his back and crying his name…Gwen.

She had told me that she was shagging a ridiculously hot guy, but had refused to tell me who, now I understood completely. Apparently she had NO qualms about cheating on Lockheart if she could get into Black's bed.

Granted, he is bloody gorgeous, but like Potter, I wouldn't shag him if my life depended on it.

Now, most normal people would screech and try to hide the fact that they are oh…naked and hmm…shagging! But not Sirius Black.

He paused and looked up at me when I came in and rather than looking scared, or guilty or scandalized, he looked thoroughly pleased with himself.

"Well if it isn't Lilly Billy! Wow, I wouldn't have thought you were that kinky, but hey, if you want to join in the fun, Prongs doesn't need to know that I popped your cherry!"

I stared at him a moment aghast. Then Gwen gave me a shameless wry smile and said with a strangely normal voice,

"You know Lils, as I doubt that you will wish to take Sirius up on his offer and we have scarred your mind for probably the rest of your life, I think that now would be the appropriate time for you to back out of the room with a look of horror on your face and let us finish our fun in peace."

She grinned and waited for me to move. I stood in shock for another moment then promptly turned on my heel and left the sound of Black's barking laugh and Gwen's squeal of delight at he resumed his activities resumed rang in my ears as I dashed down the stairs.

I came skidding out and plopped down in a chair next to Remus my mind reeling,

"Merlin's beard that was horrific!" I stated breathlessly.

"Checkmate." He replied.

"Oh, ha ha –" I began, but of course he was not speaking to me, but to Pettigrew and was now enjoying his 3rd victory over Pettigrew with grim satisfaction. He then turned to look at me.

"My dear Lily, you can't say I didn't warn you. Although I'm sure you were quite disturbed by what you saw…" he smiled kindly at me.

"It wasn't the act that was scarring but…Gwen and and….Black!" I rounded on him.

"You knew about it didn't you?" I demanded of him.

He shrank back into his seat a little. "Maybe…"

I was considering getting angry with him, but I figured that it was useless, plus I felt that I should reserve my anger for Potter. I really did make a point of yelling only at him when it was possible. I figured if everyone else was off shagging he most definitely would be, so I could get all riled up at him, it would calm my now very frazzled nerves.

It really is not pleasant being horny and deprived. I have had a fear that Gwen will slip me a love potion one of these days to get me deflowered by Merlin knows who, but I've been careful not to drink anything she gives me, she is brewing a love potion for Slughorn after all, so its not like it would be all that hard to come by.

I inwardly decided to do everything I could to get Amos to go a little further, I've gotten truly fed up with his gentlemanly bullshit.

When I returned to the common room, I was not surprised to see Potter was missing and his door was locked; go figure. It was only sitting aimlessly in a couch on the far side of the head's common room and staring around me that I saw it, a small black diary sitting on one of the tables.

Curious, I got up to look at it. It had no markings on the outside, but when I opened it up a shocking thing met my eyes. On the inside cover was a large picture of Black in which he was standing and grinning up at me, occasionally changing position and moving around as if to figure out which position he looked best in. Above this was written, "Sirius' diary" in flowery neon pink letters.

I laughed openly at his grinning face. The Black in the picture looked up at me and scowled before pulling out a mirror and preening himself. I was amused, and curious, Sirius Black's diary in my hands? What deep secrets was I about to uncover? Were there detailed plans of his pranks? Any information on his weaknesses? Or even better, any good blackmail on Potter? I quickly flipped to the last entry and began to read.

Today – This week – I think its October…

8:16 am

God I'm hot

12:45 pm

I really am a devilishly good-looking blighter

3:22 pm

Shagged Jones in the 6th floor broom cupboard, loads of fun. Am such a sexy bastard.

6:08 pm

Went for three hours without a mirror, my hair got all mussed up and Prongs didn't tell me, little fucker.

10:34 pm

Brought Jones up to dorm and shagged 3 more times…

1:14am

God I'm hot

3:42am

I'm not sure if I've ever set eyes on a living creature that looks better at four in the morning than I do.

5:26 am

GOD I AM SO BLOODY HOT

7:39 am

I'm still bloody smoking even in the wee hours of the morning, Sirius Black: 1, rest of the world: 0

8:23 am

Went to breakfast and got three swoons, six smiles and a giggle. Also got hand job under the table from Jones, very pleasant way to start the day.

10:16 am.

By Merlin's beard and all things magical I am almost too good-looking to bear.

I stared at the page. The little egotistical wanker had nothing to do but write about his attractiveness, completely unhelpful, except the seriously disturbing information about his and Gwen's sex life… (No pun intended)

I riffled through a couple more pages but it was all the same, Sirius Bloody Black is God's blessing to humankind! It proved that idiots came in pairs, I had no quarrel with Black, but my faith in his intelligence and my approval of his little "relationship" with Gwen dropped significantly.

I decided to wait till later to attack Potter again, but my horniness is so detrimental to my mood that it is almost impossible to keep myself in check without having him in front of me to scream at.

The only trouble is, he is so good-looking in his own right, it might just drive me more nuts. The fact that my hormones disagree with my morals might be too much to handle. I've decided to do my homework in my room tonight; it will keep me safe for now…

-Lily

So thanks everyone for holding tight. I'm not sure how often I'll be able to update cause I have a pretty tight schedule this summer, but I'll do what I can! Please let me know if you liked it! Reviews are ever so appreciated, loved; cherished, adored… you know the gist.

-Prongspal