Warning: none so far except a crappy ending.
自分自身を制御
"…murky blood…"
"…little snow…"
"…I'm Hitsugaya Toshiro."
"Thanks for not running away."
"You can kill me."
"Oka-san! Tou-san!"
…
Yukiko awoke with a jolt. She let out a shaky sigh. It's been three days since Aizen's betrayal. All the time she was sleeping, she'd have the same nightmares; her darkest memories. Yukiko, realising that sleep would not come to her, stood up and dressed up to visit Toshiro. Granted, it was probably five in the morning but Unohana granted her access.
Yukiko walked quietly towards the barrack. Not paying attention to where she was going, Yukiko looked up at the moon. Her mind drifted to the times when she was studying under her grandfather. Every minute spent there, the finest guards heavily watched her. Her only solace came at night where she would gently open the door of her room and look up to the moon.
The moon was the source of her peace. Yukiko has yet to figure out why the moon attracted her nor was she willing to find out. She was serene not knowing and would prefer to stay that way.
Once she reached the 4th division healing centre, she gave one last glance at the moon before entering. Yukiko nodded at the nurse and headed down to Toshiro's room. She quietly entered his room and watched him sleeping.
Yukiko let out a sigh. She sat on the chair and continued watching him sleep. Unohana told her yesterday that Toshiro is stable and would most likely wake up very soon, however the full extent of a psychological damage is still unknown. Feeling anxiety and worry build up from knowing that Toshiro could possibly have some sort of trauma was taking a toll on Yukiko. She pinched the bridge of her nose and let out a frustrated sigh.
"Seriously you're so stupid Toshiro. Running into a fight thinking that your power and ability are on par with Aizen. You stupid boy," Yukiko let out a short mirthless laugh, "granted I can't really lecture you. I did sort of run into a fight with Aizen, even when knowing our power differences!"
Yukiko let her head fall back against the back of the chair. She looked up at the ceiling and recalled the pain of having a sword cut through her midsection. It was quick and the shock caused her to faint before even registering the full extent of the pain. However before she succumbed to the darkness she remembered thinking of how Toshiro was cut and it pained her more to remember that.
Yukiko jolted in surprise when she heard a guttural groan. She looked at Toshiro and saw that his eyebrows were twitching. Quickly getting off the chair she rushed and slammed the door open. She shouted for a nurse to come quickly. Hearing that there were quick footsteps she returned to Toshiro's side.
"Shiro-chan."
I dream of fields of ice.
I feel the presence of ice.
I hear a voice echoing.
Like it's crushing me, like it's swallowing me up,
Like thunder resounding in the distance.
…
Toshiro groaned and slowly opened his eyes. The brightness of the room made him flinch and his eyes slowly adjusted to the lighting. He heard shuffling and mumbling voices. He turned his head to the source of the noises and saw Yukiko standing at the doorway and talking to Unohana with a serious look on.
Toshiro tried to make a sound in order to let them know that he was awake and he knew they were there. However no sound came. His throat felt dry and his lips were slightly chapped. As he was about to let out a groan in order to make a noise, Yukiko turned to look at him.
It calmed his soul to see those pair of familiar blue eyes. Toshiro attempted to give the girl a smile, but he found it hard to do so. Instead he just kept eye contact. Yukiko smiled serenely at him. His memory was still a bit muddy but Yukiko's smile made him feel slightly relaxed.
Yukiko approached him and helped him sit up. She handed Toshiro a glass of water and he was grateful when the cool liquid went down his throat. Once he finished the glass Yukiko refilled it and handed the filled cup to him. Toshiro noticed that Unohana was gone and asked Yukiko what they were talking about.
"Toshiro, do you remember what happened before you fainted?"
Toshiro swallowed the water in his mouth and closed his eyes. He concentrated on what happened. He remembered trying to stop the execution. Then…in the Seijitokyorin…Momo was covered in blood…he then fell at the hands of Aizen. He remembered clearly now. That bastard Aizen had hurt Momo and when Toshiro went to try and finish the bastard off he got attacked badly.
Toshiro grinded his teeth together. That bastard. "Yukiko, what happened to Aizen?" His voice came out hoarse but one could tell the rage and anger within.
"He ran off to Hueco Mundo. Sorry, I tried to stop him, but failed. Every one did. No one expected him to be in alliance with the Hollows."
Though Toshiro felt weak he still had the strength to clench his fist, "and Hinamori?"
"She's past her critical condition but still isn't stable. She could fall into a coma anytime and there's no telling when she'll wake up. There's also the question whether when she does wake up 'will she still be psychologically stable enough to hold the position of a vice captain?'"
"When you tried to stop Aizen did you get hurt?"
Toshiro saw her bite her bottom lip and he saw the hesitation in her eyes. After a few moments of silence Yukiko nodded. Toshiro covered his eyes and started laughing; he might have gone insane for being able to laugh at a situation this dire. Seriously, he was so pathetic. How could he let Yukiko get hurt? Why was he so weak at stopping Aizen? If he had at least stopped Aizen then Yukiko wouldn't have gotten hurt. If he was smart enough he could've seen through Aizen's ploy and stop him from hurting Momo. If only, if only…
…
Yukiko looked sadly at Toshiro laughing face. She knew he was blaming himself, without a doubt.
"Toshiro," she called out to him. He stopped laughing and put his hands down and turned to look at Yukiko. Blue eyes met teal ones. Yukiko felt pain in her chest when she saw the lost and sadness in those teal orbs. "Toshiro," she said his name firmer this time, hoping to reach him and soothe his soul.
Yukiko slowly raised her hand and touched his cheek. "Toshiro, thank you for worrying over me. So now, don't blame yourself anymore okay?"
Toshiro's eyes widened, shock replaced the pain. Yukiko smiled and pulled Toshiro into a hug. "When Momo wakes up let's bring her to that restaurant and eat parfait together." Yukiko felt Toshiro's arm reach up her back and he slowly clenched the fabric of his shihakusho.
"Yukiko thanks."
"Un."
I dream of fields of ice.
I feel the presence of ice.
I hear a voice echoing.
Like it's crushing me, like it's swallowing me up,
Like thunder resounding in the distance.
"Tell me, what your purpose is now."
…
Toshiro woke up and sighed. Yukiko had left after Unohana entered and decided to do a check up on him. She deemed him stable enough to be released from the ward after a day rest. Toshiro looked at his bedside table and saw a piece of paper.
I asked Unohana and she said you could leave anytime. I dropped off your shihakusho and haori. Hyourinmaru is at your room. – Yukiko
Toshiro folded the paper away and got off his bed. His body felt stiff after being in bed after a long time. Toshiro stretched then changed into his shihakusho and put his haori on. He cracked his neck and walked out of the room. He checked out and asked to be shown to Momo's room.
Toshiro stood in front of Momo's room and slowly opened the door. His heart pounded in his chest. Momo's condition is due to his weakness. He didn't realise what happened until he was too late. Toshiro took a deep breath of air and then opened the door.
Yukiko was bored out of her mind. A week after the whole Aizen debacle and Seireitei seem to fall into a peaceful calm whilst the higher ups are thinking on what to do and to find out what Aizen really wanted. Yukiko looked at the rising sun from the top of the forest of Rukongai—her favourite spot as a child.
The breeze calmed her soul; despite the fact that she felt someone threatening coming. Yukiko closed her eyes and created a barrier surrounding her. As the reiatsu came closer she noticed it to be none other than Kioshi Reichi. She turned around and saw the man's red eyes. As always, a mix of emotions overwhelmed her.
Kioshi Reichi, the man who destroyed her happy days, the man who trained her to become even stronger. The man was his grandfather and as always he doesn't look changed at all. Still that amiable face that felt as if it would wrap you in a warm embrace and keep you safe. However, behind those heterochromatic eyes, Yukiko saw the anger and madness growing.
"Ojii-sama, I see you are still not dead yet."
The man sneered at her, "and I heard you almost did."
Yukiko clenched her fist tightly. No matter how much he hated this man. Kioshi Reichi is someone he was in awe with. His powers were unmatched and he could easily gain a position as a squad captain with a snap of a finger. Yet he chose to stay behind his clan walls and not bother with Seireitei. Yukiko knew that even though she escaped from the main clan house, there are always spies for her grandfather watching her.
"What do you want Ojii-sama? You have always known where I am. Here to take me back?"
"Well, I suppose I could take you back, but no. I am here for negotiation. I will help you train in the unavoidable war with Aizen Sousuke. Once the war ends you come back to the Kioshi clan and be prepared to fight for the leader title."
Yukiko looked at her grandfather. The Kioshi tradition of changing from one leader to another is brutal. For such a supposed civilised noble clan, the Kioshi surely know how to become rather animalistic. Perhaps that's why their motto is 'Self-control'. "Ne, Ojii-sama. You do know when I decide to take up the clan title you will be dead?"
"Do not ask me question about our traditions. I taught you them. Just like I killed my father and took the title of leader from him. So will you do the same to me. Kurogane was too weak to fight me because he has no pure Kioshi traits in him. Really, what a useless son. You on the other hand my dear granddaughter; is the epitome of the demon herself."
Again, that word demon made her hackles rise. What is it with Kioshi clan members and demons? There is no proof to attest the idea that the woman who started the Kioshi clan was a demon. One of the branch families even came out with the story that the creator of the clan was an Unforgiven that escaped hell and became a demon.
Now her grandfather comes a long and starts spouting this shit about her. She even remembered one of the servants mentioning how her likeness was that of the founder of the Kioshi clan. She was sick of the Kioshi clan. "This forest is where you killed Tou-san and Kaa-san. If you die here by my hands, that would be a bit funny."
Within a blink of an eye her barrier was gone and Reichi had his hand around her neck. She spluttered as air was cut off and felt that hand tightening further. "I could cut you like a twig and you will not even notice. That is how Aizen Sousuke got you. Do you think at the level you are at, you can get anywhere in the inevitable war? Face it child. You are weak. If you die on the battlefield to the likes of Aizen, then it will shame the Kioshi family. So become stronger. I'll teach you on how to unleash that power of yours."
Yukiko gripped Reichi's arm and blasted a Shakkaho at it. He didn't move at all and only tightened his grip on her throat more. "Do you think something that measly can kill me? Yukiko, you have more to learn."
Just when Yukiko thought she would run out of air and faint, a strong sense of pain at her gut brought her back to her senses. Reichi had punched her on the stomach towards the ground. She had no time to react and slammed onto the ground, creating a large crater. She puked on the ground and coughed and wheezed as she fought the pain searing through her. She was sure something was dislocated or broken.
It felt like she was a child all over again. Weak. Helpless. Beaten. Worst of all, the same man made her felt that way. That damned killer. She clenched her teeth and glared with all her might as Reichi pulled her hair and made her look into his eyes.
"Now, Yukiko remember this well. The moment you feel like this again against one of Aizen's men, I will take you in and teach you how to fight. Until then, you are free to think you can actually do something." Reiche then shoved her to the ground and disappeared. Not a single trace of his reiatsu anywhere in the forest.
Yukiko held back a sob as she checked for her injuries. She had a twisted ankle and a dislocated shoulder—nothing hard to fix. However the negative emotions she felt lingered. She was weak, useless, beaten, pathetic and helpless. A tear slid down her cheek and lingered a moment on her chin before falling to the ground. More tears followed and she began sobbing. She let out an anguished and curled into a ball as she shouted some more.
She had never once felt this defeated. All those time training. The time she spent perfecting the fighting stance for her father. The time Reichi taught her how to create her own kido. The time she trained hard to get a bankai during the academic years. She had hoped every training session she did would come to fruition. That perhaps she would be able to stand up to Reichi and be on par with him.
But she wasn't. Yukiko was just as weak as she was before. Even more so now perhaps. She had lost. Now she felt lost. She closed her eyes tightly hoping that somehow she would fade into a dream.
…
When Yukiko reopened her eyes, she realised she was no longer in the forest. Kazemouko had somehow summoned her consciousness to their inner world. She looked at the meadow seeming to stretch on endlessly. The flowers weren't blooming this time. She guessed it was because of her inner turmoil.
She turned around and saw Kazemouko standing on all fours, looking as majestic as ever. Riding on top of the white tiger was the exact likeness of her. Her name was Kishin and her eyes were red and her cat like ears were twitching. Kishin was the complementary of Kazemouko, the latent animalistic side of Yukiko. The part of her that should always be kept locked up and kept away at all times. The fact that she's wide-awake now just means Yukiko lost her grip on her self-control.
"Yo, Yuki! You look really pathetic right now!" Yukiko looked at Kishin and glared. She was in no mood to deal with Kishin. "I asked Kaze-chan here to bring you to this world so we can talk. 'Cause I got a message for you brat."
The grin on Kishin's face made Yukiko wan to smash something. "What's your message?" She managed to grit out.
"Rely on me more. That's the difference between you and Reichi. Instead of just training with Kaze-chan; train with me too. I am after all the reason why you have a bankai. Hell, why you're even alive now. I did save your life when you were a child."
"I'd rather be dead than listen to you."
"Tch. This is exactly why you will be. Fine. Go ahead and don't listen to me. Just make sure you're prepared for the consequences."
Yukiko lowered her gaze from Kishin to the ground. The more she thought back on it, the more she realised; even if Kishin's instincts thirst for blood, the bitch never lied to her. When she was escaping the Kioshi household, Kishin did not lie that she would have to kill in order to survive. "If I listen to you, will I be stronger?"
"Hmph, of course you dumbass. Who the hell do you think you're talking to? The great I will teach you."
Yukiko looked at Kishin sullenly. "Fine, I'll meditate then!"
"No, you need to get rid of that collar binding your senses. You're limi—"
"If I get rid of the collar then I'm going to run wild and just kill people! I can't handle sensing that distance!"
"Tch. Then you're just too weak to control your own abilities. Oi, Kaze-chan, you got a way to compromise?"
The tiger let out a calming breeze over Yukiko. The deep rumbling of Kazemouko calmed her and she waited on an answer. "Slowly expand your senses. It may be too slow paced for Kishin, but that way no one will die."
Yukiko nodded at Kazemouko and she saw Kishin scoff. Kishin sulked and said she would sleep some more because 'this method is boring'. Yukiko closed her eyes and felt herself detach from her inner world.
Yukiko looked at her surroundings and the sun was setting. Seeing as there was nothing to do, she may as well start her training session. She set up her barrier and took off her collar. Without the collar and barrier she would be able to sense everything in a twenty kilometre radius. That would usually render her temporarily insane, because frankly speaking who would want to be able to sense that many souls? Sighing once more, Yukiko attempted to adjust the collar so that her limitations would decrease.
After done with tweaking the collar, Yukiko put it back on and released the barrier. She had increased her sensing abilities to five kilometres radius instead of its normal one kilometre. It put a toll on her psyche as she sensed everything moving, her head was buzzing and she could hear her heartbeat. She gritted her teeth to hold back her break down of mind. She just needs to get used to this. Anything to become stronger.
Toshiro returned to his office by sundown only to find that Komamura, Matsumoto, Hisagi and Kira all rolling on the floor laughing. He let out a sigh and left the office. No way was he ever going to get into that mess. His vice captain can deal with that trouble later; he wasn't interested in any of it.
Leaving the barracks, he decided to go find Yukiko in Rukongai. She did mention about going there to see the sunrise yesterday. Where she was off to he didn't know but he'd let his feet do the walking. Somehow they always manage to find her. His mind wandered off to what had happened since he woke up.
Toshiro made it his job to visit Momo everyday. He was guilty of letting that happen to her. Now she's in a coma and there was no knowing when she would wake up. Everytime he visited he would remember the incident within the Central 46; Momo on the ground lying in a pool of her blood whilst that bastard just stood there and smile. To make things worse, that bastard just smiled and beat him like it wasn't a big deal.
Of course, there's then the deal with Yukiko. She probably felt like she had to avenge him and Momo. She chased after Aizen and almost got herself killed. He talked to Unohana and the older woman had said, even if the extent of damages were the same as Hinamori Momo, there was a chance that Kyuumu Yukiko didn't have the same psychological damage. Which was great hews he supposed. He sighed. One friend was in a coma and may have psychological damage and the other off to God knows where. Well, he'd swear to become stronger and then he would never have to see Yukiko or Momo or anyone else hurt again. Not for him.
"Toshiro, how'd you find me?"
Toshiro snapped out of his thoughts and looked at the crumpled form of Yukiko. The girl was heaving her breaths and sweat was running down her brows. He noticed that her face was pale too. He ran up to her and held her in his arms, "you look awful. Please tell me you're okay."
The girl let out a small smile and held his hand. Again, those warm blue eyes calmed him. Somehow he just knew she'd be fine and there would no need to worry. "I was training. I need to control my reiatsu sensing ability at a larger range. So, don't worry, I'm just really tired."
Toshiro hugged her. Seriously, the older girl always worried her. That brash and reckless behaviour always made her wonder how she managed to befriend him. "Good, good. I'm glad you're alright."
"You can let go of me." The white haired boy let go immediately and his face was red as a tomato. He could imagine that Yukiko would get the wrong ideas. She always does. He looked at her and saw the tint of a blush on her cheeks. Well, at least that didn't make her look as pale anymore. Toshiro cleared his throat and told her that it's best to go home now.
Yukiko looked at him and blinked. "Um, I'm not too sure about that. I haven't exactly finished my training yet and well… I just don't know Toshiro."
This time, Toshiro smiled and held out his hand, "it'll be fine. Trust me."
…
Yukiko blinked at the outstretched hand. She grabbed it with all her might and stood up. She was sure that if Toshiro was by her side, everything would turn out alright. That night, under the starry sky, they both walked back to Seireitei hand in hand.
To be continued…
Author's Note:
Well…it's been over a year. But my muse hit me bang on the face and chased off my writer's block. So yeah, hopefully that damned writer's block will go away and not come back. Amen.
Also, the title comes from Bleach chapter 180, except I changed the Aftermath to the Aftershock. Because, let's face it, Aizen betraying Soul Society was a shock.
Thank you for reviewing I love you guys.
