TANKS FOR A GOOD MEAL!
Paradise is a word that has no universally agreed upon meaning. For different types of people, the word "paradise" can register completely different images. For bibliophiles, paradise could be the world's most extensive library. For a football fan, going to the Superbowl would be paradise (Unless it was the one that was held in 2019. They couldn't even play Sweet Victory, what was up with that?!), and for some, simply living in a loving happy home would be paradise. One kind of location very few would envision as their definition, however, was the junkyard. Who would love to be in one of those?
Turns out, there was one. Experiment 586 AKA Tank, a round, orange-reddish colored experiment who had a favorite snack: scrap metal. He was living in a junkyard in Hawaii having daily feasts of things that could easily give a human tetanus. His food came in a steady supply, and he couldn't be happier spending his days here. He was especially looking forward to today, as he invited Lilo over to come visit. He didn't tell her why, but Stitch had informed him about a change to his biology that he wanted to try out for himself…
…..
Lilo looked around with intrigue at the piles of junk around her. She was amazed at some of the things people would just throw out.
"A whole couch, really?" she said, shaking her head. She knew Tank would be somewhere nearby. He would be separating the scrap metal from the regular waste. He didn't eat literal garbage, he had standards.
But she was surprised to see Tank just sitting around, rubbing his stomach, looking uncomfortable. "Tank? Is something wrong?" the little human girl asked.
"Oh Lilo….." Tank moaned, sounding weak, "I'm so glad you're here. There's something I need help with…."
Lilo rushed over, always willing to help a friend. "What is it Tank?" she asked.
Tank then spoke something in his native alien tongue. Thanks to lessons she got from both Stitch and Jumba, she realized that Tank said "I ate something wrong." The fact he was also pointing down into his mouth meant he probably needed her to go inside and retrieve what was causing the pain.
"You want me to go into your gut?" she asked, smiling.
Tank nodded his head in appreciation. "That would be great, could you?" the metal-eating experiment asked.
Lilo petted Tank's head. "Of course, I always help my friends out," she confirmed. She saw Tank wasn't a huge size, which must have meant he hadn't eaten anything in a few hours. When he didn't eat, he gradually shrunk down towards his regular, non-bloated size. "Just open wide so I can get in."
Tank nodded and stretched his maw as wide open as he could possibly make it. Lilo looked on in awe at his teeth. "These are so shiny and clean you could be a dental hygiene mascot," she chuckled friendly as she felt one of the teeth without poking herself on it. Once there was enough space for her to climb in, she took the big first step.
….
Tank's diet up to today had been exclusively metal. He had never really eaten organic material, be it human, animal, or alien before. So while he kept it to himself for now, he was in heaven at how good Lilo tasted as she crawled across his tongue. He had heard good things about the taste of meat from his cousins, but this was his first time getting hands-on (paws-on?) experience.
"I'll get the thing that's bothering your belly out as fast as I can," Lilo promised to Tank as she descended his throat. Luckily she had brought a flashlight with her so she'd be able to identify the problem swiftly.
It took the human child only about a minute to reach the alien experiment's stomach. She shined the light looking for anything that would be out of place knowing Tank's diet. When she plopped into the acidic pool, it was mostly empty.
Lilo was worried that the thing bothering Tank might be too small for the naked eye to see, as all she could make out were the acids and the stomach walls. But her search soon paid off.
As she was able to locate…a piece of scrap metal. "I found it!" Lilo called, going over and picking it up. She was puzzled. This looked no different than any piece of metal she had seem him eat before. Why would this one suddenly be bothering him?
The answer to this mystery came soon enough as all around her, she began to hear Tank let out a smug chuckle.
"I have you right where I want you," he declared as he stood upright and Lilo plopped down into the acids.
…
The solution to the case came just as fast. Lilo instantly recognized what was happening to her. "You're eating me up, huh?" she called to Tank.
"Eyup," Tank said, walking around the junkyard. "My cousin Stitch told me about updates Jumba made to some of us, how we can eat meat, and reform it or not digest it in the first place."
"So I was your first taste of meat?" Lilo figured with a grin.
"Oh yes, many of my cousins had given glowing reviews of your flavor. Now that you are in my belly, I think I'm gonna leave you in there for a while."
Lilo didn't mind this one bit, this was practically a routine for her. But there was something specific about Tank that did make her concerned. "But if you're gonna eat more scrap metal, how can I make sure I don't get cut on it?"
"I'm glad you asked that question," Tank responded, "All you'll need to do is completely cover yourself in my stomach acids. They will add a protective layer to your skin that will make all the metal I eat bounce off like it was rubber. I promise you won't get hurt."
Lilo was grateful at this news and dove into the acids to make sure her entire form had the coating. "I wonder which of the experiments I'll be eaten by next…." She thought aloud as Tank began gulping down more pieces of scrap metal with slimy GLLLLLRRRUUUUCCCLLPPPPs!
"Trust me, you'll learn soon enough," Tank laughed hungrily.
