Cartman sat through class thinking about his newly hired spy and wondering what he might uncover from it while AJ was secretly texting Kevin.
So...Have you told Cartman we're friends yet?
Well, I'm still trying to figure out how I'm gonna convince him that you guys are not what he says you are. I know my Car Car, he's not easily convinced. I might need to bribe him. Food perhaps, it works with apologies believe me.
Bribing is good idea, but it won't truly change his mind.
Well...it might.
And it might not.
Darn... other than that I have no other ideas at the moment.
I have an idea.
What? Tell me! :O
When he comes around to do costume check, say you have nothing for him and then tell him that he has to meet with us techies.
Otay I will. :D
"Okay AJ, what do you have for me today?" Cartman sighed in annoyance as he walked into the costume shop during rehearsal break
"Nothing." AJ replied.
"...Get a move on and give me something new tomorrow. You don't have time to slack off." Cartman said turning around only to be grabbed on the shoulder by AJ.
"Wait!" She said.
"What AJ?" He replied.
"Ughh...I was told that the techies need to meet with you after you meet with me."
Cartman raised both his eyebrows at the mention of the techies.
"What for?" He asked.
"Well, ugh." AJ responded putting her hand behind her head. "They are supposed to show you where you will be during the actual show."
"That's correct." Kevin said walking into the room. "Also we want to test out the head set system."
"Fine." Cartman said as he rolled his eyes. "So where are we going?"
"Upstairs." Replied Kevin.
"To the tech booth? Fuck that."
"We have to pass through the tech booth to get to your designated position."
"Again, fuck that."
"Well, I'm afraid there is no other way."
"Oh God dammit...Fine!"
"Bye bye." AJ said to Cartman as she exchanged winks with Kevin, that of course, Cartman saw.
The two boys walked up the flight upstairs and made it into the tech booth. Cartman looked around in disgust. Kevin walked up to the giant sound board where Andy was.
"Hey, I brought Eric Cartman up here to do a headset test." Kevin said.
"Good. His headset is where the stage mics are stored." Andy replied. "Could you fetch it for me?"
"Yes sir. I'll be back."
Kevin went off to find the headset leaving Andy and Cartman alone.
"So? You're the head dork?" Cartman asked.
"I'm the head of the techies, yes." Andy replied.
"What's your job?"
"I'm in charge of sound."
"Wow so interesting." Cartman said sarcastically. "Tell me more."
"I can give life to any scene." Said Andy. "I have over one thousand sound effects."
"So does a computer. In fact a computer has more." Before the head of techies could respond, Kevin came back with the headset.
"Hope I wasn't too long." Kevin responded. "Andy did you show Cartman the sound board?"
"Yeah..." Andy responded.
"Great. Anyways, I'll take him now."
"Go ahead."
Kevin and Cartman walked down a small hall where they passed various techies who discussed their own roles in the show. The two boys finally reached a door at the end of the hall which when opened, revealed more stairs.
"Where the hell do these stairs go?"
"You'll see." Kevin responded. At the end of the stairs was another door where Kevin took out a key to unlock it. When opened, Kevin said,
"Welcome to the cat walk."
"The cat walk?" Cartman asked. "What the hell is a catwalk?"
"This is."
"Why is it called a cat walk?"
"Because up here, you have to walk very carefully like a cat."
"Oh..."
"Yeah. Anyways, the catwalk is used for all the tech crew on lighting. We have been up here setting up the stage lights. Moving them into position and changing bulbs. During the show, This is where you'll be, but not in this spot. Over here." Kevin and Cartman began to walk to the designated spot as Cartman looked around he took notice that the catwalk extended around the whole auditorium to backstage
"You told me the only way up here is the tech booth, but this catwalk goes all the way around to backstage, wouldn't there I don't know, be a latter backstage for me to get up here instead?"
"Oh there would be, except there wasn't enough money in the theater budget to put one there."
"Can't you just get an ordinary latter. I saw you guys using one."
"We do but once our work is done with it, we have to give it back. Meaning we won't have it during the show so it would be no use to.
"Why did you rent one?"
"We didn't have enough money in the budget to buy one."
"God dammit." Cartman muttered.
The two boys continued their walk and finally stopped. Cartman could see the whole stage. He actually thought it was pretty cool that he was going to be up here during the show.
"You'll be giving directions from your headset up here." Kevin said.
"Wait, we're above the audience, right?" Asked Cartman.
"Yeah."
"Is the cast still on break? I wanna see if I can screw with Kenny from up here."
"It actually looks like the cast is about to go back to rehearsing we have to practice the test quickly." Kevin exclaimed. Cartman sighed in annoyance and put on the headset. The test went smoothly and he could be heard and he could hear Andy, who was testing Adler's headset.
"Great it works." Kevin smiled taking the headset. "Well, now I have to return you." The boys walked back to the door and Kevin stopped Cartman.
"Here's the key to the catwalk. We don't need it anymore because we finished all our work up here." He said handing Cartman the key. "Now, since you have the only key, we recommend you only lock the door when you leave the catwalk. Just in case of an emergency."
"Emergency?" Cartman asked.
"Well, if you get hurt or run into trouble up here, than we can help you."
"Who says I'll need help?"
"Well, it can be dangerous up here. I don't know if you noticed the catwalk doesn't have railings and that it isn't built to the best quality because-"
"-of not enough money in the budget. Yeah I get it."
"Correct. Just, remember to walk carefully and do us all a favor and take Adler's advice. Please don't screw around up here."
"Yeah sure whatever."
"Great."
The boys locked the door to the catwalk walked down the stairs, went through the tech booth, down the next flight of stairs, and made it back.
"So, what did you think if our trip?" Kevin said.
"You want my honest opinion?" Cartman asked.
"Yes."
"Boring and shitty. The only kewl thing was the catwalk, I'm out." Cartman walked away as AJ approached Kevin.
"How was it?" She asked. "Did he have fun!? Now I know I would of! Did he like the sound board? Kev?"
"He was not convinced."
"Ohhh...well, we can try my food bribe idea."
"What we need is to try harder to impress him."
"How are you gonna do that?"
"I'll meet with the techies and we'll figure out something."
"Otay! Keep me updated!"
"Will do!" The two high fived and went their separate ways.
Tuesday flew by and now it was Wednesday morning, meaning another counseling session. Cartman walked down the empty hall and yawned. God this fucking sucks. I don't have time to deal with this shit. Cartman sighed. I need to be dealing with that asshole who has yet, to report to me about what's going on between AJ and Kevin. However, I did tell him to report to me only if he saw anything that looked like they were seeing each other. He made it to Mackey's office and saw Cassandra, waiting by the door.
"Looks like Mackey is the one who's late." Cassandra said with an eye roll. "Fuck, I don't have time for this. You know how much sleep I lose having to get up to go to these sessions cause of your ass?"
"Wait a minute, these counseling sessions are 'my' fault?" Cartman responded. "You tackled me, bitch!"
"Because you were being a smart ass."
"And I had every right in the world to be."
"No you didn't."
"Yes I did."
"No, you really didn't. To be honest, It's too fucking early to have a yes and no fight with you."
"Wow! Something we actually agree on!" Cartman crossed his arms. Then something clicked in his mind, sparking an idea. "I bet we both agree these sessions are stupid and are nothing but a waste of our time."
"Well shit!" Cassandra responded with a slow clap. "'Two' things we actually agree on."
"What if I told you I could get us both out of this?"
"Go on..."
"It would involve us working together."
"Oh screw that! I'd rather drink bleach."
"Same, but if we don't work together we are going to be stuck doing this every Wednesday morning...Is that what you want?"
"Hell no! But why do we have to work together?"
"Because we both have to pretend to be nice to each other."
"Eww. Nice to you?"
"Believe me, the thought of being nice to you, Cassandra, makes me want to choke myself, but do you have any better ideas?"
"...Fuck." Cassandra sighed.
"Great. Lets pull this off." Cartman replied.
Mr. Mackey showed up about ten minutes later and let the two in. When Cartman and Cassandra entered his office, he let himself in, shut the door, and locked it. When everyone was all sat down, Cassandra and Cartman exchanged glances, signaling each other what they were about to do.
"M'kay it's been a week since we last met, how are things?" Mr. Mackey said.
"Things are actually going quite well." Cartman said.
"Really now?" Mackey replied.
"Oh yeah you bet!" Cassandra chimed in. "So...so...so very well."
"In fact, Cassandra and I met up last weekend." Cartman remarked. "We talked it over and we..."
"What?" Mr. Mackey asked.
"We said our apologies." Cassandra said through her teeth with a smile.
"Well that's good! It's good you two talked about the problem and apologized for your actions, m'kay."
"We just realized we had to set our differences aside, for AJ's sake." Cartman said.
"I'm glad you two are finally being mature. M'kay so we have some progress."
"We even discovered we have a few things in common." Cassandra said.
"Like what?" Mr. Mackey asked.
"Well," Cartman responded. "We both like Xbox One-"
"But I like-"Cassandra interrupted. However, before Cassandra could say she liked PS4 over Xbox One, Cartman nudged her in the side. "Ugh yeah Xbox One...is...great."
Cassandra and Cartman continued listing random things off that they both had a common when they really didn't to Mr. Mackey.
"I see you've made major progress." Mr. Mackey said.
"Oh yeah, Cassandra is just so...so...wonderful." Cartman said through his teeth with a wide smile.
"I'm so glad that we became such good...friends..." Cassandra said through her teeth
"Oh wow me too!" Cartman said hugging Cassandra. Cassandra gave a wide smile and hugged him back."
"Well that settles it." Mr. Mackey stated. "M'kay. I think you two have finally gotten along."
"Does this mean no more counseling sessions?" Cartman asked.
"Yes it does." Mr. Mackey replied. "You may go ahead and leave now, m'kay."
Cassandra and Cartman hopped out of their chairs and exited Mackey's office. When they shut the door they looked at one another and began to gag and cough.
"Oh god! That was disgusting. I think I threw up a little in my mouth." Cartman complained.
"Did you think I enjoyed it?!" Cassandra responded. "You hugged me! Now I'll have to wash my jacket multiple times and bath in hand sanitizer. God! I think this was almost as awful as the time when I dragged you over to my house and made you patch things up with AJ when she found out you were her so called hero of the night."
"I will never understand why you did that. You let me patch things up with AJ because you hated to see her cry, yet, I'm pretty sure you knew it would result in us dating. Yet, you still let it happen. You practically allowed AJ and I to date. Then you turned around and tried to break us up with that bet."
"I knew it was a possibility that you two were gonna end up dating again, only you as yourself and not as her hero of the night. However, just because I knew it would likely happen and I let it happen, doesn't mean I was gonna let you stay together. Why did you think I said on the night you went to the dance with AJ that I wasn't going to be nice to you when she isn't around? Because I despise you. That is why I tried to break you up with the bet that resulted in us going to those counseling sessions, dumbass."
"But now that AJ and I are together, if we broke up, wouldn't that result in AJ crying? Wouldn't you just give in like last time and let me make up with her?" Cartman crossed his arms and looked at Cassandra for an answer. Cassandra smirked and said,
"No not really. Because now, I wouldn't give a shit if she cried over a break up with you."
"What? Why? That doesn't make any sense."
"It actually does because lately, I have gotten to know who you truly are Eric Cartman. A fat, racist, narcissistic, asswipe, who takes advantage of my sister being a pushover. I'd rather have her cry over a break up, then have her continuously ruin her life by being with you."
"Wow, fuck you Cassandra."
"Fuck you and your couch, Cartman!" Cassandra replied walking away waving the middle finger. Cartman huffed then sighed, At least I'm done with these stupid ass counseling sessions.
Prepare for a major time skip next chapter
