Voila, the latest installment! Thank you, always, for the reviews.
SquareEnix owns the hot playthings, all changes are intentional (whee, it's fun to mess with the canon), and this is not for kiddies. Let's see how poor, lovesick little Zacky is...
THE MADNESS OF ANGELS
Chapter 9 - From Your Enemies
I didn't have class until the afternoon the following day, so Angeal and I spent the morning getting some training in before he had to leave. It was a sunny day, so we headed out to the clearing in the southeastern woods of the Compound. I remember it so well, the way you remember the best days of your youth. After turning down Moray, it should have been devastating to be near Angeal, to be reminded that I had chosen the unobtainable over a guy who would never have begun our relationship by force, as Angeal had so gently done.
But I just loved being with him, pathetic as I was. I got more out of the touch of his hands as he adjusted my sparring stance than I had from Moray's kiss. I scowled at Angeal for the frequent breaks he made me take and the way he often felt my head for signs of fever, but I secretly liked that he showed so much concern. I almost wished I'd get sick again in hopes that would make him drop out of the mission and stay with me, but I think he was curious to see how I'd do without him for a little while. I was curious too, purely in the sense of dreading it.
He was pleased with me, and I was proud of myself that day, because I could feel myself getting better and better. Each time we dueled, every week we worked together, I became faster, stronger, a bit better at countering his attacks. I was nowhere near matching him yet, but I was coming along. During one of the rests, Angeal said he'd like to have Sephiroth observe us sometime soon, and you could've knocked me over with a feather.
"How's my concentration, sir?"
"Improving, I believe. You are able to focus on your opponent more completely and for longer periods of time."
Because my opponent is you, I thought.
"Your instructors tell me you are continuing to do very well in your classes, also. Executive Director Lazard told me the president himself reviewed your file and expressed approval of my decision to become your mentor."
My eyes must have been bugging out. "The president knows who I am?"
"He occasionally asks Commander Tseng if there are any who are standing out among the lower classes and cadet corps. Turks in general tend to know more of what's happening than everyone else, and Tseng most of all."
I thought of asking Angeal if the rumor Kono had heard was true, if Tseng really did have a boy living with him and if there was a more innocent explanation for it. But I didn't want him to think I believed everything I heard, or that I was comparing what Tseng was doing to what Angeal was. Maybe I could find out something by being sneaky.
"Sir, is it true what people say about the Turks?"
"What do you mean?"
"That they perform kidnappings, assassinations, blackmail. That stuff."
"Turks are, as a rule, secretive about their own business," Angeal said. "They answer only to Tseng and the president, and their lack of discipline and authority accords them more freedom than we have in SOLDIER. Their independence and specialized training makes them more suited than we are for stealth and trickery. They have performed at least a few assassinations, though too carefully to worry about anyone proving it was them. And they are the president's agents for all his underhanded dealings, including blackmail. I'm sure it's dangerous for them to know so much potentially damaging information, but then that's why the president so favors them."
"What about kidnappings?"
"In the early days of SOLDIER, there was not such a mass of people trying to join each year. As you know, the Turks scout for SOLDIER candidates. There were a few desired recruits who were not quite willing at first, and had to be...convinced. Kidnapped, bribed, blackmailed, whatever it took."
"That's terrible!"
"Yes. Fortunately the program became attractive and popular and such tactics were soon unnecessary. Hmph, it was Turks who brought Genesis and I to ShinRa all those years ago. We were young, and nervous, but not unwilling. Turks are not as bad as rumors make them out to be, though I would advise you not to risk trusting them."
"Do you know any of them well?"
"My work most often involves dealing with Commander Tseng. I don't know that I would call him a friend, but he's not a bad man. He does what he's ordered to do, as all Turks must, but beyond that, he tries to do what is right, and mostly he succeeds."
That made me think there probably wasn't truth to Kono's rumor. I would have to tell him, maybe that would put his mind at ease about the Turks a little. I hadn't seen much of him recently, but that wasn't unusual. Kono was so trusted by instructors and officers that he was constantly being sent on errands and running messages for them.
"Sir, why were you and Genesis brought to ShinRa so young?"
Angeal seemed startled by the question, as though it were one he had not thought to ask. "I suppose because we were willing to be. SOLDIER was still taking shape as a program and we were eager to be part of it. We both wanted to fight alongside Sephiroth."
"When did you start getting the mako treatments?"
"Immediately."
"What?" I said incredulously. "At twelve?"
"One more thing we were able to share with Sephiroth," Angeal said softly. "It was often uncomfortable at first, as the dosage was high from the start, but we reveled in our increasing strength and speed. Sephiroth was pleased too, not only to have friends close by but also to be able to duel with us at last."
"You care about him a lot, don't you?"
Angeal looked at me with a bemused smile. "It is very easy for people who know the general at a distance to admire him. It has always been just as easy for me to care for him. He does not permit many people to get close to him. I am honored to be one of those few."
"And Genesis is one too?"
"Some bonds are very difficult to break. Perhaps impossible." Angeal got to his feet and unsheathed the Buster Sword. "Ready for another round?"
zfzfz
It was usually pretty cool in Midgar, even in the late spring, and the air was crisp and invigorating on that late morning as we walked back to the apartment. But I shivered a little, even in the indoor warmth, as Angeal placed a hand on the back of my neck and guided me into the kitchen and to our usual newspapered spot. This would be the last time before he left, and though I would be without this, without him, for only a day, I didn't want it to start because I didn't want it to end. I was longing for his return already.
The peeing part was always over quickly, with a business-like minimum of touching. It wasn't until afterward that either of us came alive, that Angeal began to breathe with a restrained but audible heaviness. This time he pushed my uniform shirt halfway up my torso, and ran his fingers over the developing hardness of my stomach as he took me in his other hand. I half-expected an excuse for this, a mumbled comment about how my strength training was going, but he only let out a sigh. When he did speak, his voice sounded odd, a little less steady than usual.
"Can I trust you to do this while I am gone, Zack?"
I nodded, not letting speech disrupt the soft sounds of pleasure I was making. He was taking his time, drawing it out longer than was usual for us, going so slowly that I tried to thrust into his hand a few times, whimpering with need. Angeal's arm tightened around me and kept me still, and he would chuckle softly or make a "tsk" noise.
"Patience, Puppy."
He edged closer to me to get a better grip, and that's when I felt it, the bulge he was trying not to press into my rear. A flush of heat rippled through my entire body when I realized what it was and what it meant. Angeal was aroused by this too, aroused by me. I couldn't tell its size really, just that it was thick and insistent and seemed to pulse with life the way my own did. It rubbed just the right spot, along the center seam of my pants, and it occurred to me how close it was, where it wanted to go, where I wanted it to go.
Angeal wouldn't let me thrust forward, so I rolled my hips backward, colliding with him with as much force as I could. He took in a sharp, alarmed breath, but I was already doing it again, and I groaned pitifully as he jerked back.
"Zack." His voice, trying to be stern, was breaking. "No."
"Please, please," I begged, lowering my head to the tile and lifting my ass higher into the air. "Please, please..."
Angeal made a choking sound, almost like a sob, and I felt him press his groin to me and gently begin to thrust. As a virgin, I had not thought it possible to want to be penetrated so badly that all fear of injury or pain were forgotten. But the clothes between us infuriated me beneath the giddy joy I felt, because I wanted him inside me. If it killed me, if it crippled me, I didn't care, I wanted to give him something he didn't dare take for himself.
It wasn't enough but it was good, and his hand jerked me harder and faster to keep up. I just barely heard his cry over my own, and when he held me over the floor he leaned down, his chest to my back, where he gave himself a few moments to recover. Once the newspaper was crumpled up and cleared away, instead of setting me on the tile, he sat back on his knees and drew me upward, clasping my trembling body to his. I felt his heartbeat slow down against my back, and his chin rest on the top of my head.
Angeal allowed this for perhaps a minute, then put me down, and I managed to brace my hands against the floor and keep from slumping into the boneless blob I felt like. He reached around me to fasten my pants, business-like again, but his hands lingered briefly as he smoothed my shirt back down.
"Hit the shower, Zack, and I'll do the same," Angeal said quietly. "I'll have just enough time to walk you to class."
I stumbled away, realizing something had changed slightly, and we weren't going to talk about that either.
zfzfz
"Poison and Heal are a good example of what kind of materia pairing? Swanson."
"Antagonistic, sir."
"Yes, and why is that? Kunsei."
"Because the effect of one's magic has a negating effect on the other, sir."
"Very good," Instructor Danning said, putting the luminescent green orbs down on his desk to write the answer on the chalkboard. "Who can give me another example of an antagonistic pairing? Highcliff."
"Um." Malakh squinted, obviously trying to remember the reading assignment. "Heal and Seal, sir?"
"Are you asking me or telling me, Cadet?"
"Telling you, sir."
"Good, because you're correct. Another example, anyone? Briggs."
"Heal and...Time, sir."
"Incorrect. Fair, why is Time materia excluded from all antagonistic pairings?"
Bad luck he called on me and worse that I knew the answer. As if Briggs needed more reasons to detest me.
"Time is a polar materia, sir."
"And why is that?"
"Its strongest magics are Haste and Slow, sir, which are antagonistic to each other on their own without the presence of a second materia."
"Very good, Fair."
Malakh rolled his eyes at me and smiled. Briggs glared and Saeni, a born follower, did the same.
"Break off into pairs of two and come get a sample of Heal and Poison materia," Instructor Danning ordered, a balding man who was growing portly in the sedentary occupation of teacher. "Take turns casting Bio and Poisona on each other. Bio1 only, got that? And yes, this will be on the practical portion of your exam."
Malakh grabbed a chunk of Poison and I took one of Heal. Back at our desks, standing opposite one another, he prepared to cast. I jokingly threatened him with an ass-kicking if he messed up and permanently injured me, but I wasn't too worried. Malakh wasn't the best magic-user, but it's almost impossible at our level to do serious damage with unequipped materia, and Poison isn't one of the more serious kinds.
"Bio1!"
A queasy feeling came over me, and I fought the urge to slump or sit as a greenish tinge came over my skin. If what I had heard about Bio3 - that it makes you feel like your living body has begun to rot - was true, I earnestly hoped to never experience it. Bio1 feels kind of like the flu, maybe a bit worse because it comes on so suddenly.
"You're not gonna puke on me, are you?"
"Shut up and let me concentrate," I groaned, gripping the Heal materia like a lifeline. "Poisona!"
The green light of the materia fragment glowed brighter, expanding into a brief wave that passed gently into me. The sick feeling and growing weakness lifted immediately, and I breathed a sigh of relief.
"Okay, your turn. Hand it over."
"Do we have to?" Malakh asked with a pout. "I hate being Poisoned."
"You think I enjoy it? You think anyone does? C'mon, stop being such a pansy."
"Why? It's my Gaia-given right. As a man in touch with my feminine side, I should be free to say 'Eww' and decline."
"Maybe. But not as a SOLDIER. C'mon, I'll be quick."
"Gah."
Just as we were swapping materia, movement at the door caught my eye, and I saw Kono come into the classroom. It was weird for him to be late at all, much less miss most of a lesson, but more alarming than that was how pale and tired he looked.
"C'mon, Zack, are we doing this or not?"
"Bio1," I said absently.
I continued to look away as Malakh cursed and moaned and got so distracted that he tried to use Resist on himself, which of course did him no good at all. Kono handed Instructor Danning what looked like a late pass, and Danning took it and nodded, appearing less annoyed once he'd read it. He frowned and asked Kono something, and Kono replied with what looked like "I'm fine, sir, thank you". He always, when thanking or accepting thanks, made a slight, brief bow particular to Wutaians, and this made me more certain that Danning had expressed concern. I planned to do the same.
"All right, Yamura, join a group and get a turn with the materia."
I waved Kono over and he came to Malakh and I, offering a dimmer version of his usual good-natured smile. Malakh had finally managed to Poisona himself and disgustedly thrust the Heal materia back into my hand. I passed them both to Kono.
"Here, you can do me."
"How come he's allowed and I got rejected?"
"Because you have a dirty mind, moron."
Kono smiled at us again, amused by our friendly bickering.
"Where have you been?" I asked quietly.
"I was checking in with Dr. Hollander. He asked me to run an errand for him."
"Are you all right? You don't look so good."
"I'm still adjusting to the medication, I just got my dose increased," Kono said, pausing to cast Bio and switching the Heal materia to his dominant hand. "The doctor said I might feel worse before I feel better. Poisona! I'm fine."
"You look like crap," Malakh said cheerfully.
"Thank you."
"What about mako tests? Yours would be day after tomorrow...no, wait, the next day. You gonna be up for it?"
Kono shook his head regretfully. "I'll have to make the test up in a few weeks. The doctor says I won't be penalized for it, though."
"Lieutenant Moray told me the same thing," I assured him. "They only care about whether or not you react well."
"Zack has such important friends," Malakh sighed dramatically. "I'm surprised he bothers with us at all."
"You know me, I like to mingle with the little people."
"Heh, I'm not so little." Malakh grinned wickedly. "Wanna see?"
"Not unless you want Kono's eyes to pop out."
"Serves you right for getting to ditch mako tests, faker," he teased, nudging Kono with his elbow. "You're gonna miss all the fun, and by 'fun' I mean puking."
"I won't miss it, actually. I volunteered to assist the medical staff, since classes are suspended on those days anyway."
"Great Gaia," Malakh groaned, "could you possibly be any more of a suck-up?"
"It's honorable to help those who have helped you," Kono defended himself. "Not that you'd know much about honor, Highcliff."
"Hey, I'm plenty honorable! When I found that dirty magazine in the locker room, did I keep it for myself? No. I marched straight to the lost and found."
"Only because it was full of women."
"Boobies," Malakh said with a shudder. "Bags of jiggling flesh everywhere. I had nightmares of being smothered by skin-colored pillows."
Kono smirked and tried to make it into a disapproving frown. "You know, your mother was a woman."
"Exactly, and I don't want to look at her fun-bags either. I'm happy being an ass-man."
"You're an ass-something, that's for sure," I said dryly. "Every time Kono does a favor for a superior officer or staff member, that officer or employee remembers, and I bet a lot of it's gone into his file. You won't be so quick to tease when he's running this place and you're on guard duty at Mt. Nibel."
"Well, that won't happen to you, will it?" Malakh winked at me. "With your friends in high places."
"Hey, Zack got to be the head of our class on his own. He doesn't need preferential treatment to do well."
"Thank you, Kono."
"Right, 'cause ShinRa only rewards talent and hard work, never connections," Malakh scoffed. "We've got a seventeen-year-old V.P. because he's qualified, not at all 'cause the president is his dad."
"Actually, I heard Vice-President Rufus is really smart, and more ruthless than his father," Kono said.
"Yeah, no one's ever seen him bleed or cry, blah blah. And you know why? He's a ShinRa! He's got everything he could ever want and no one dares mess with him unless they want to get picked off by the Turks. I bet the reason no one ever sees him is because he's always off somewhere, knee-deep in booze and hookers."
"So, you're jealous, is what you're saying," Kono said disapprovingly.
"Hell yeah. If I had the power to order anyone in SOLDIER to do anything, whew, I wouldn't be admiring the general from afar, if you know what I mean."
Before Kono could react at all, a pair of sad silver eyes flashed in my memory, and I heard my own voice, speaking more harshly than usual. "Don't say that stuff, okay? At least not around me."
Malakh smirked knowingly. "Commander Hewley's really got you trained, huh?"
He couldn't have known beforehand what a bad choice of phrase that was, but I think the death-gaze I shot him made my displeasure obvious. To his credit, Malakh realized he'd gone too far and looked appropriately abashed.
"Sorry, man. Me and my big mouth. In some situations it's one of my best qualities, but it gets me into trouble with talking."
"It's okay."
"I'll try and keep my drooling fantasies to myself."
"I appreciate that."
"He is a person, you know?" Kono said softly. "Whatever else he is, he's a human being."
"Well, we don't have proof of that," Malakh commented. "Could be an alien."
"There's no proof aliens exist."
"The truth is out there, Yamura."
A dull chime sounded twice over the PA system, signaling the end of class.
"All right, you're dismissed. Read part one of the chapter on Support materia before our next lesson, and leave the Heals and Poisons at the desk on your way out," Instructor Danning called.
As I grabbed my textbook and notebook, Malakh jabbed me in the shoulder with his finger. "I spy something else 'out there', or someone, I should say."
He directed my attention to the classroom's open door. Between the retreating figures of cadets filing out, I saw Lieutenant Moray casually waiting, hands stuffed into his pockets. Damn.
"You know, Fair, every time I see you you're with a 1st Class. Commander Hewley not trust you or something?"
Gaia bless Kono, he came to my rescue without even realizing it. "It's probably because of the fight."
"That it, Zack?"
"Kinda," I mumbled.
We were the last three out into the hallway, and Moray greeted us with unfailing cheer, as he did everyone. If I had to be baby-sat, at least it was by someone who was equally friendly to all ranks and classes. It didn't attract as much attention as, say, Angeal would himself, had he not had the reason of being my mentor to explain why we were always together.
"Cadet Highcliff, good to see you again! How's the aim coming along?"
"Better, sir, thank you."
"I hear he even hits the target now and then," I joked.
Moray laughed. "If you ever need a pass for extra time on the shooting range, just let me know through Fair. I'd be happy to help."
"Thanks, sir, I will."
"And Cadet Yamura, feeling any better?"
"Yes, sir, thank you."
"I heard you volunteered to assist Dr. Hollander with the mako tests. I hope you like mopping up vomit."
"As long as it's honorable vomit, I'm sure he'll love it," Malakh snickered.
"I know of no other kind. Have you got a few minutes, Fair? I've got some instructions from the commander."
"Yes, sir, of course.'
Neither of us said any more until we were outside. The path that leads from the front entrance of the Cadet Building joins up with one that runs into the Main Courtyard. Knowing Lt. Moray's preference for the long way and the scenic route, I wasn't really surprised. But instead of turning toward the Lesser Courtyard and back west toward for the White Building, he kept going east, in the direction of the road and the other side of the Compound.
"Sir, do you really have orders from Commander Hewley?"
"Aside from the ones he issued before he left, nope."
I wasn't surprised. Angeal had already gone over with me what I was to do in his absence, including a refresher course on what not to do. With that in mind, I hoped we weren't really heading toward the Old Building.
"Sir, thank you for not, um..."
"Announcing the reason for my presence to your friends?" he said pleasantly. "No problem."
"Where are we going?"
"Have you learned Kurosawa's Rules of Warfare in Tactics yet?"
"Uh, yeah..."
"What's the first one?"
I fished my brain for the textbook section printed in bold letters. "'Whenever possible, avoid being seen.'"
"Right you are."
He stepped off the concrete path onto the grass as we passed the Executive Quad. He looked furtively around to make sure no one was watching, then started to slip into the darker space between the quad and the Old Building. I froze, and he turned back when he realized I wasn't following.
"Zack, what's wrong?"
"The science labs are here," I said awkwardly, wondering if Angeal had given him an excuse for this rule too. "Commander Hewley said I'm not to go near them unless he's with me."
Lt. Moray seemed a bit puzzled by this, scratching his head like it was a word problem he could solve. "What did he say about mako tests? They're in the lab."
"He didn't seem happy about that, but he said it's okay this once because you'll be with me.'
I wasn't thrilled about that, by the way. Angeal had told me that if anyone asked why Moray was accompanying me, I was to say that such close monitoring was part of my punishment for the fight with Briggs, and Moray would claim the same thing. It was a smart idea, I've got to admit. It would show the other cadets that I wasn't being spoiled and keep them from guessing that I was actually being guarded. From what, Angeal would still not say. I tried to take advantage of his apparent uneasiness about leaving and asked again, but he just pet my hair and told me to stay as close to Moray as I could.
Moray was speaking again. "So if it's okay for you to be in the labs if you're with me, it should be okay for you to be outside the labs if I'm with you. Right? Doesn't that make sense?"
"Yes, sir..."
"C'mon, then, this won't take long."
Reluctantly I stepped into the shade and followed him over the well-tended grass. He brought me to the back of the Old Building, to the area between it and the Compound wall where no one could see us. Moray had a thoughtful expression as he turned to face me.
"So that's why he wants me with you during the tests. It's got something to do with the labs. What, I wonder?"
Genesis was my guess, from Angeal's warnings and talk of a grudge, but I didn't say anything. I wasn't sure how much Angeal wanted him to know.
"It's something specific that he's worried about, isn't it?"
"He won't tell me, sir. But yes, I think so."
Moray looked troubled; he tried to shake it off and didn't really succeed. Resignedly, he produced a folded packet of papers from the front of his uniform shirt and handed them to me.
"All the information I could get on the deaths. It should help, though I do wish I could persuade you to drop it."
"This is excellent, sir, thank you!"
Conscious of his eyes boring concerned holes through me, I only glanced at the printed pages briefly before re-folding them and tucking them into my materia textbook. I smiled kindly at Moray, not letting it falter even when he reached out and stroked my cheek.
"It's funny, it should torture me to be near you," he mused. "But even looking at you makes me happy. Just seeing you smile. You make everything so bright."
My heart is bleeding for you, I wanted to say. "I do want to be friends. You won't stop being the commander's assistant because of me, will you?"
"I asked for the job to be near you," Moray confessed with a faint blush, as my jaw dropped. "But no, I do like it and I'll stick with it. It's still an excuse to see you, if you don't mind."
"I don't, sir, not at all."
"Colin," he corrected. His fingers continued to play gently over my cheek and jaw, and I felt no threat from it, no need to stop him. "This guy you have your heart set on...you should tell him."
"He's...kind of a friend. He's something to me, and I don't want to risk messing that up."
"Is what you have important to him, too?"
"I think so, sir. Colin."
He smiled sadly to hear me say his name. "Maybe he's not so dumb, then. If you didn't love him, do you think you could have..."
"Yes," I whispered, feeling a terrible ache in my chest. "I'm sorry."
"Can I...can I kiss you just one more time?"
As much as I only wanted Angeal, I wanted this too, just this once. I doubted it would really help Moray, and from the desperation in his eyes I gathered he was thinking the same thing. But I nodded, and smiled to show him I was willing.
Everything about Moray was smaller than Angeal. The arms that enfolded me, though bigger than my own, were weaker, and we were a little closer in height. He guided me as Angeal did, but his form was not big enough to envelop me and make me feel shielded from everything. Moray's touches were restrained too, but in a different way. Angeal worried that he might hurt me; Moray was aware that with every taste and breath of me he took, he was hurting himself more.
It was a friendly kiss - to me, at least - however deep and sensual it was. Not unlike my previous kisses at ShinRa in my first cadet year, in forms at night when we were lonely and tired and far away from everything we knew. It wasn't so odd to listen to a guy talk about his home and his girl (or guy), and the next second find yourself on the bed with him, mouths and bodies pressed together. Many cadets went further than that. There were a few who disliked me because I wouldn't, as much as others hated or envied me for my grades.
It seemed to go on and on and I let it, letting Moray take what he needed from me, because I knew he'd never ask for more. I had my arms around his neck, and he had one hand in my hair and another on my back, nearly fisting the fabric of my uniform each time the hand tried of its own accord to descend. I would have let him, but he knew his limits, and besides, it would have been unfair of me. I only wanted to remember Angeal pressing me there.
Moray's eyes were wet but not crying when he drew back at last and gulped in a much-needed deep breath. My lips were a little swollen from the long, eager kiss, I was panting, my cheeks felt warm and my hair was mussed. I probably appeared completely debauched, which may be why Moray wrenched his hands from me and took a step back, looking like both withdrawals were torture for him.
"Thank you," he said quietly.
I didn't know what to say to that.
"C'mon, Zack," he continued, trying to summon up his usual cheer. "I'll walk you back. Angeal would want you to get some study time in before our spar later."
I shivered a little as we walked back into the sunlight. Moray was a SOLDIER, mako-enhanced, and I kept telling myself I wouldn't be able to sense anything he couldn't. But I had the eeriest feeling, as we left the rear of the Old Building, that someone was watching.
To be continued! Hmm, I wonder who was watching? :)
