Disclaimer: I really don't own the Winchester brothers, Lucifer or Bobby. That's the honor of Eric Kripke and lately Sera Gamble! Though I do own the plot!

A.N: Oh no! Is Sam gonna say yes?

BTW, I seriously thought Ch. 3 would be the longest (it was at the time), but after revising and re-reading this one topped that one. lol.

Summary: AU after 5.4 The End. He had to endure so much in his young life, but now he may not have the strength to fight any longer. Would he accept the end or would he find the strength to endure? MajorLimpSam, FatherlyLucifer, LaterProtectiveDean


Chapter 8: The hands offered in the darkness

"I need a little more time", Sam murmured.

"Sam….." Lucifer warned.

"Please", Sam opened his eyes his eyes searching Lucifer willing him to understand, "I just…I don't know right now at this moment. I'm so confused, right now." He raised a hand to his head, "I need to think. Please, just for a bit. Come back tomorrow. I'll give you an answer tomorrow, I promise."

Lucifer gave a patient sigh and patted Sam's head. "Very well. Tomorrow then." He took a step back and in a blink of an eye he disappeared and both Bobby and Dean could move and talk once more.

Dean rushed over and grabbed Sam by the shoulders, who refused to look at him, "Tomorrow? You're planning to say yes, aren't you?"

"Bobby?" Sam asked. Dean looked behind him wide eyed as Bobby stood without wobbling.

Bobby didn't really put much stock in what Lucifer said, but he wanted to see if it was true. And to his surprise it was.

Sam gave a relieve sigh as Bobby took a tentative step. "He did it. He really did it!"

Bobby amazement turned into consternation as he looked up at Sam, "I didn't want it like this. Do you understand that, boy?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It does, do you think I'm gonna sit back and let Lucifer put me in his own protective custody? I'll fight him with my dying breath. I'd fight him."

"Lucifer promised. I don't know how he's gonna guarantee both of ya'll safety but he will."

"Lucifer is lying to you! Why do you believe him?" Dean questioned urgently.

"Because he promised."

"Cause he promised?"

"Yes, Dean, he promised to never lie or trick me."

"Again, how do you know he's not lying? That's exactly what he's doing, Sam! He's doing this to manipulate you! Sure you've managed to get, what three whole wishes out of the genie but it's all to his end and purpose. You are playing right into his hands."

By this time, Bobby had slipped out, knowing that Dean needed to do this by himself. But he didn't wander far. In fact, he spent his time going up and down the basement stairs just because he could. It was exhilarating!

Sam twisted away from Dean, circling the small table before turning to face Dean, leaning on it. "Dean, when do I get something for myself? I need peace, Dean. Why can't you see that? You refuse to grant me such a mercy by the pull of the trigger so why do you deny me this?"

"Because it's not right and you know it! Not everything that comes easy is right, you know this! And it's too easy to just give up, roll over and die. Way too easy!" Dean exploded slamming his hands onto the table, leaning to face Sam. "And I know a part of you know this Sam! "

"How the heck would you even know that? That's not true!" Sam fumed upset that Dean touched a nerve.

"I do too! I know you too well, Sam. Why else are you hesitating so long? Because you know that it's wrong, but you are too afraid to come back to what's right. You are straddling a line, Sam and you won't just jump into the pasture you know is right. And part of that is my fault I know. You've been on that line for so long and now you feel as though the right way is just as poisonous as the wrong way. So what different does it make if the right and wrong way are just as bad. May as well make your life easy and just go the wrong way, right? Wrong!" Dean banged is hand on the table unconsciously for emphasis.

"Lucifer is lying! Everything he says is cleverly crafted to suit his purpose and get what he wants, it's what he does! Read the fine print, under Lucifer you see the word Devil and one of his stipulations is the use temptation and twist everything you hold dear, into something unrecognizable. He doesn't care about you, me or anyone else. Only him, he's a greedy #^$$ and you know this as well as I do! It's what he does, Sam! It's what he does and you know this." Dean pointed at Sam, "Somewhere in you, you know this!"

Dean wasn't finished yet, but in the back of his mind he was surprised yet happy that Sam just stared at him, listening but not interrupting.

That meant something, right?

Dean had to believe that.

"You still have strength. No matter what you think or what Lucifer want's to sell you, I'm here to tell you, that you still have strength. I'm looking at you and I know you and I see it clearly. I know it's hard and I can buy that your tank is extremely low but it's not non-existent. Because, you Sam are not a quitter. You don't quit, you don't! It's not in your nature! It's not in my nature! It's not in any decent human beings nature! It just isn't! We were raised to be fighters not quitters and I know you still have that in you. I know somewhere a part of you is still clinging to that. I know it as I know myself. Somewhere you still have the strength and will to keep going, to never quite even in the final inning, but it's buried so deep you either don't know it's there anymore or don't know how to access it. You still have strength to endure, but won't let me help you! Let me help you and we can find it! I'm here! I'm here and I'm ready to help you! But you have to let me! You have to let me in!"

Dean stopped, panting, out of breath by his long winded his speech, but he needed to get it out.

Both of the brother's eyes were glassy as they stared at each other.

Dean pleaded again, his voice soft, "Let me help you..."

Finally Sam responded as his voice wavered, "I don't understand. I don't get it", he lowered his head.

Dean spoke softly his eyes never leaving Sam, "What? Talk to me, Sam. What aren't you getting? That's what I'm here for. I can't make you get what I don't know you don't get."

There was a still moment that was tense.

"Why?" Sam asked brokenly lifting his head to search Dean's eyes for the answer he sought, "Why do you persist? Why? "

"Isn't it obvious, Sam?" Dean whispered.

The questioning look that Sam gave made Dean's heart break. Had Sam really forgotten? Had it really been that long since Sam knew? Had it really been that long since it was obvious? Dean guess looking back, it was.

And it pained him.

"Because, you're my little brother and…..I love you."

Sam looked shocked at this simple statement that flew past him earlier when Dean said it and Dean was shocked at Sam being shocked.

Sam twitched and shifted on his feet, his eyes darting around. "No…..no…..you can't. You can't love me, not anymore. Don't you get it? I'm a taint."

"You are not tainted, Sammy!" Dean hissed, his eyes flashing.

Sam only hung his head.

Dean was not a praying man, but now he prayed desperately for something to get through to Sam. It had to.

It was now or never.

He'd lose him if he couldn't break through now and he couldn't do that. He couldn't chance losing his brother after all of this.

"You once told me that it hurt here", Dean reached up a hand to thump lightly on his own chest over his heart.

Sam saw this and nodded slowly, "Yes."

"What hurts?"

Sam shook his head and pushed off from the table with the intention of going back upstairs, but Dean blocked his way. So instead Sam turned and went into Bobby's "office". Dean grabbed his arm only to have Sam push him off.

"Not this time", Dean murmured and forcibly gripped Sam's arm. Sam tried to shake and push him off but found he could not.

Or maybe a part of him, didn't want to, but another part of him still felt compelled to fight.

"Sammy, please, listen to me." Dean begged.

Sam leaned on the wall, Dean in front of him. "Not like you are giving me choice", he glared with glossy eyes. "I'm never given a choice."

"Yes, you are! Alright fine, there were choices made for you that you didn't get to choose what you would have liked. I know that, but there were so much that you did."

A tear slipped down Sam's face. "It wasn't enough, apparently. Nothing I did was enough."

"Sammy", Dean groaned, "Tell me, once and for all. What is needed to help you? Anything. What is it? Besides pulling the plug on you." He added as Sam opened his mouth.

"Then that doesn't constitute as anything."

"Anything else reasonable then?"

"Killing me is reasonable."

"Sam!" Dean snapped.

Sam eyed Dean for a few moments and Dean stared right back waiting. "Can you change the past?"

Dean heart sunk and Sam gave a hollow laugh, leaning his head back on the wall, "No, you can't. Because if you could, I'd go back to accidentally freeing Lucifer. No, further back, I wouldn't have been so stupid to follow Ruby. I would have listened to you instead of attacking you, choking you like I did." Sam shook his head, tears gathering in groves in his eyes, spilling down his cheeks, "No, even further. I wouldn't have let you make that stupid deal for me!"

"Hey! It wasn't stupid! I never regretted that for one moment!" Dean broke in.

"Better yet…" Sam continued without responding to Dean's comment, "…..you should have let me stay dead."

"Sam…" Dean breathed his voice breaking.

"But even further, all those times you saved me from near death you should have let me die. And better still, back to my birth, I should have never been born. Maybe a different egg should have hatched and another person and different person, a better brother, a better person would be standing here and you wouldn't be having this conversation. Maybe you'd be normal. And I'd be non-existent. I'd be non-existent."

Sam was sobbing by now as he slid down the wall. Dean followed him down, still not releasing his grip. It was a moment before he pulled Sam to him, hoping that Sam wouldn't pull away. To his utter relief, Sam didn't, but instead, wrapped his arms around Dean.

Dean would take the small victories as it came.

"We can get through this. We can if we do it together. We always worked best together. Look at how much we accomplished. Don't look at our failures, because that is sure way to be crushed, but instead look at the good things. We can do this. Take it in stride, day by day and we can get through but you can't say yes to Lucifer. You can't. That is not the way. You can beat this. We can beat this, but only if you have the strength to endure." Dean murmured.

Sam shuddered, "I don't have anymore. I can't."

"Yes, you can. And if you feel you don't, you can borrow some of mine."

Sam let out a laugh among his sob, making Dean's mouth twice in the smallest smile.

"Please, Sam. We've fought this long. Let's go all the way. Don't let Lucifer win. Not like this. Not ever."

There was no reply until a few minutes passed.

"I was planning to say yes."

Dean swallowed, closing his eyes tightly. He figured as much. "Are you now?" he asked.

Sam paused a moment too long for Dean's comfort as he stuttered out, "I…..I don't know…..I want to. God, I want to, only because I want it to end. I just want to see and know there is an end to this."

The way he phrased that gave Dean wild hope.

"I'm sorry that you feel everything is against you. I'm sorry that I ditched you when you needed me most. I knew you were sorry for following Ruby and releasing Lucifer..." Dean murmured.

"I didn't deserve your trust after what I did. You don't have to apologize."

"Sam, yes you lost my trust and yes I was mad, but I shouldn't have held it against you forever like I was planning on doing. I should have given you a way to rebuild that trust and I didn't and for that I'm sorry. I couldn't see that not trying to work with you, if you were sincere..."

"I was. I am." came the soft reply.

Dean smiled once, running his hand through Sam's hair, "I know you were. I know you are. I couldn't see that not trying to work with you, was hurting not only you but me as well. I wasn't happy without you by my side. I tried to pretend otherwise but I wasn't. And seeing what I could become without you..." He trailed off for a moment before coming back, "I couldn't see that. I should have tried to start finding a way to forgive you. I think it was you who told me long ago...something about forgiveness sets your free and for you and the other person or something like that."

A small chuckle, "Something like that."

That small chuckle lightened Dean's heart, "But I'm back now. I'm not against you and neither is Bobby. We'll get through this the way we did everything else, together. Sam…." Dean stopped here to pull Sam away and clutch the each side of his face with his hands. He saw the tear tracks on Sam's face as he looked at him, "You cannot do this. Not only would I suffer and Bobby because we lost you, but the world would because a madman is roaming. You can't. Would you condemn the world like that?

Fresh tears sprung in Sam's eyes as his eyes slid away from Dean's, "I don't want to. But I don't have anything strength to fight. I love both you and Bobby enough to see to you all's safety but the world…I don't know that it matters to me that much."

Dean saw that Sam felt bad for feeling that way and grasped at that straw. "I know it's hard. I do, but let's take this one step at a time, okay? The bigger picture can be crushing I know, so let's just break it down like a fraction."

Sam's mouth twitched once. "You don't do well with fractions, Dean."

Dean never thought he'd be so glad to hear an insult to his intelligence as he continued, "Let's not focus on the world, let's focus on you, okay? On us, including Bobby. Do you honestly think that you'd be at peace if Lucifer took over your body? I mean, really? Honestly, Sam, do you?"

"I wouldn't be aware. Therefore if that is as close to peace as I can get, I would take that."

"But you'd feel bad about it."

"I wouldn't be aware, Dean. Lucifer said he would make it so I wasn't aware."

"Seriously, why do you trust him so easily?" Dean consciously kept his voice gentle. He would not wreak this progress with a careless word, "Why? Just answer me that. Why do you?"

Sam bit his lip and closed his eyes.

Dean shook his head lightly, "Look at me, Sam. Please."

Sam opened his eyes and looked at him.

"Why?" was the repeated question.

Sam swallowed, "Because...he's the only one here. All I see is darkness around me, and he's the only hand that is offered to me. He's the only one that cares; he's the only one in the darkness. He's the only one that is there. I have nothing else."

Dean closed his eyes and leaned his head on his Sam forehead. "Sam….I'm here now. I'm here, do you hear me? I'm sorry I wasn't before. I'm sorry I didn't do a good job before. I know it was hypocritical, calling you back but still treating you badly. I should have offered you a bone, some kind of anchor. I should have. I see that clearly now. I should have offered you a hand."

"It's not your fault." Came the small murmur.

"But I played a part that I shouldn't have. But you have to let me make it up to you. We are in this together. We both had lessons to learn, but we've learned them, now we need to come back together as a stronger unit. Don't let Lucifer or anyone else take that away from us. This is choice you can make, Sam. I just pray you make the right one."

"It would never have been the same." Sam whispered regretfully.

Dean choose his words carefully and slowly, "We've changed too much. Done too much. Seen too much, but that doesn't mean that we have to lose what is important to us. It grows and changes but it's still there. If we choose it. It can still be there. It's what I choose, wholeheartedly. I would hope it still means much to your to choose it as well."

Neither one was aware of how long they sat like that, neither one moving.

Suddenly, Sam gave a small laugh.

"What is it?" Dean asked a little amused by this as he cracked open his eye slightly.

"I just realized….it's the first time that I've let you near me for any length of time."

Dean said nothing to this, but his mouth did twitch though his eyes were a little uncertain about what this meant, now that Sam realized.

Would he push him away again, or would he not?

Sam gave a small smile as he looked cross-eyed into Dean's. "I had forgotten what it was like."

Dean sucked in a breath, "I promise I'll never let you forget again, Sammy."

Sam gave that small smile again. "You called me that again."

Dean smiled lightly, "Indeed."

Sam said solemnly, "You know you can't promise that. You know as well as I do, that anything could happen."

"I won't make the same mistake twice, Sammy. That I can promise." Dean murmured.

Sam's eyes fluttered close and open,"I don't want to either." he muttered very softly.

"Then choose not to. Choose to fight this." Dean encouraged.

"That means I have to find strength enough to do so."

"I'll help you look and gather it up."

It was Sam who pulled his head away. Dean dropped his hands from each side of Sam's face to his shoulders, watching him closely. Sam stared off for a moment.

"Sam?" Dean asked fear creeping into his voice.

Sam mouth only twitched in a parody of a smile, "Just thinking."

"Not…..talking to Lucifer?"

"No. I'm not."

Dean breathed a sigh of relief before asking tentatively, "Have you made a decision, yet, Sam?"

It was Sam this time that clutched either side of Dean's face and stared into his brother's green eyes intently as if he was searching for something. Dean was little uncomfortable at this heavy scrutiny but did nothing to contradict it. If it meant getting Sam back, he would endure it. Then Sam closed his eyes for a bit and still Dean didn't say anything though he was dying to know what train of thought Sam was on. He could not read his younger brother and it worried him. Dean needed this to be okay. Dean needed Sam to be okay.

A few minutes later, Sam slowly opened his eyes.

Some of the longest minutes of Dean's life as he held his breath almost as Sam opened his mouth.

But then, Dean heard the most beautiful words ever spoken since the dawn of mankind.

"I need…..help to face him. If I do this, I can't….do it alone." Sam looked uncertain and small at this.

But something in Dean loosened greatly and he threw his arms around Sam who grunted but otherwise gave his older brother a hug of his own, with a small smile.

"And you won't have to be alone. You won't be." He pulled back and looked into Sam's eyes making sure he heard and knew that Dean was serious, "I promise, okay? Do you believe that? Can you start believing that? Do you want to believe that?"

Sam gave a slow nod, "I do want to believe it and...I want to start believing that."

Dean looked relieved, "You aren't alone. Not anymore." he pulled Sam back to him in a hug, "You'll have me and Bobby", he murmured as he shut his eyes tightly, tears leaking out.

How much had the two of them shed tears in the last week alone? It was maddening. Sam buried his head in his older brother's shoulder. It had been so long since he felt this way. He now saw two hands offered to him in the darkness.

And he made the choice to accept one of them.

He chose to accept one of those hands.

He chose.

His choice.

All his.

TBC….


A.N: I know it sounds like a viable end, but trust me it's not. As far as I'm concerned there is still a drop of milk in this Limpcow.

But we are close to the end.

This is another chapter that got longer because Dean in particular has much more to say than originally and then Sam kept adding and responding, which actually makes this now the longest chapter, which originally it wasn't.

Sorry Lucifer, your monologuing just got pawned by the Winchester brothers for the longest chapter.

But I'm sure no one objects to the heavy Winchester chick flick moment, do they?

Yep, that's what I thought.