Author'sNote: This felt shorter the first time I wrote it. Now if feels really long… I have no idea why though.

Warnings: liberal use of parenthetical sidenotes. Also, your daily serving of sexual innuendos lie within so watch out for that. OH! And more OOC than anyone is entitled to reading.

Disclaimer: I own the character's in this story like I own the moon (which is to say not at all)


Castiel woke up suddenly. He was shaking and sweating and he felt tears in his eyes. He must have had a nightmare but he could not remember it. He glanced at the digital clock on the nightstand. It read 2:13 a.m. Castiel lay in his bed and closed his eyes waiting for sleep to reclaim him. He fidgeted around, laying one way then another, on his stomach, on his back, hugging a pillow bed, void of all pillows, on a pile of pillows and sheets and blankets, bed completely bare etc., etc. Finally, Castiel sat up in his bed and sighed. He glanced at the clock again. 2:45 a.m. He wasn't going to get to sleep anytime soon.

He groaned and got up and walked out of his room. Maybe if he watched Dean sleep for a little bit he'd feel calmer and be able to sleep…

He saw a light and shadows coming from the space beneath the door of the room across his. When he had been here before, he'd never seen anyone in that bedroom. Maybe it was Crowley and Aziraphale's room. Maybe Crowley could knock Castiel out or give him something to sleep.

He knocked lightly on the door. It opened almost immediately to Aziraphale's surprised face.

"Hello dear," Aziraphale said allowing only his head to peek out.

Castiel cocked his head quizzically.

"No sleep either?" he asked feeling it was an appropriately human enough phrase to use.

"You could say that," Aziraphale said face flushing. Suddenly Castiel realized Aziraphale was not wearing a shirt. He also realized he hadn't seen Crowley yet, and the door was half closed.

"Oh fuck," Castiel said blue eyes growing suddenly wide (he felt this too was an appropriate human phrase to use given the situation).

"Am I making too much noise? Crowley tells me I'm always so noisy at night," Aziraphale asked, blush still on his face but surprisingly calm about the whole thing.

Aziraphale was recalling a time when Crowley had thrown pillows and sheets and even a lamp at the angel for simply turning a page to loud while the demon slept.

"Uh," Castiel deadpanned. Dean was becoming a bad influence and making him less and less graceful angel and more and more . He felt really awkward and didn't know how to escape the situation. He closed his eyes briefly and figured he may as well just 'go with the current'.

Or maybe it was the flow?

"Um, uh, sorry Aziraphale," he said beginning to back away from the room "I'll just go back to my bedroom with my bed and with, you know my sheets and things and you go back to your bedroom with your bed and your demo-i-mean uh, doings."

'Smooth,' said a voice in Castiel's head that sounded unnervingly like Dean's.

"Um, hah!" Castiel laughed nervously before clasping a hand to his mouth. If he was too loud he might wake up Dean or Sam and this whole thing was awkward enough without having Sam and Dean pointing various weapons at Crowley and Aziraphale while they were in bed. He glanced once around the hallway before nervously putting down his hand.

"I didn't mean to use human slang for intercourse there, it was a Freudian slip. That's what they call it correct? Um, oh God, I'm uh sorry for intruding, I'll be on my way, give Crowley my regards."

'Really Cas?' the inner Dean voice asked, 'May as well be wishing Crowley Good luck and happy orgasming,"

"Or actually don't, that might be awkward," Castiel said backing away slightly more.

"What?" Aziraphale asked slightly bemused. He'd never seen his friend like this before. Usually Castiel was always so calm and reserved. Castiel was never so nervous or flighty. Castiel seemed like a clumsy human (no offense to humans or anything but usually Castiel was quite graceful if a bit awkward [Actually now that he thought about it, Aziraphale realized this is exactly what was wrong. Castiel wasn't his usual awkward self. He wasn't angel awkward: the type that doesn't seem to understand the world around them. He was human awkward: the type that seems embarrassed by every action they make.]).

Aziraphale opened his door a little bit more and Castiel was able to see the bed behind the former angel.

Castiel also saw something that made him want to cry out in excitement. Which was an odd feeling for the ex-angel seeing as how he'd only felt this excited a few times. He brought a hand up to his mouth and pointed.

Obviously sleep deprivation was getting to him as he was not acting at all like himself and Castiel wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Well, he didn't know if not acting like himself was a good thing or a bad thing, he knew sleep deprivation was a bad thing. Maybe it just meant he was becoming more human. By this he meant both sleep deprivation and acting strangely because humans always seemed to act strangely and also always seemed to be sleep deprived (apparently even those eight regular hours he'd complained about weren't enough).

Aziraphale looked back and saw what was making Castiel so excited.

"Oh, I see" Aziraphale said sort of resignedly. He wondered what it was like to be the cause of such excitement.

"Would you like to join me?" Aziraphale awkwardly added (An alliteration!)

Castiel all but ran into the room.

(I kind of just want to end the chapter there? But this thing is going to get a helluva lot longer if I do. So…)

Aziraphale closed the door behind Castiel and smiled at his friend's enthusiasm. Castiel always seemed like a different person around him. It was the 'friends effect' he supposed. Crowley had once tried explaining that people act differently with different friends. Castiel and Aziraphale were an example of this. In fact, Castiel made Aziraphale feel modern and hip. (Although, Crowley would probably be quick to inform the angel that 'hip' was no longer 'hip' to use and would only be used in order to make a point about not being 'hip'[or when old people talk about what kind of surgery they need]) Aziraphale in turn made Castiel feel less worried (not much less but enough less that Castiel smiled more often)

"You seem excited," Aziraphale teased.

"Beautiful," Castiel muttered as he sized up Aziraphale's wings. They were bigger than he had expected (Crowley had felt so smug when Aziraphale had complimented his wingspan and then teased the Angel about being shy about showing his wingspan but Aziraphale simply hadn't wanted to show Crowley up) but they were gorgeous wings. They were a pure but creamy white, so unlike the clinical white of some of the wings Castiel was used to in heaven. He smiled brightly as he noted they needed grooming. They reminded him of the disorganized mess that had once been on his back.

"You still have them! I thought all the angels had lost them? Didn't they burn up when you fell?" Castiel said cocking his head.

"In truth I didn't fall too hard," Aziraphale said and explained what had happened to him when he fell.

Castiel thought it was an amusing story but didn't let it show, simply cocked his head in interest. Aziraphale smiled.

"You can laugh if you'd like. It is pretty funny if you think about it," Aziraphale admitted turning to face a mirror in the room. He examined his wings in the mirror. Once, they'd been so powerful and strong, now they hung limp on his back barely able to hold even their own weight. Feathers littered the floor and Aziraphale worried they were dying. He couldn't even move them. The smile that was leftover from the story vanished and was replaced by an odd hybrid of a scowl and soul-breakingingly sad frown.

"May I?" Castiel asked motioning to them completely oblivious to the sadness Aziraphale felt about his wings.

"I don't see why not," Aziraphale said shrugging away the (rather terrifying) face he was making. Castiel sat cross legged on the bed and Aziraphale sat in front of him.

Wing grooming had been one of those things angels did for one another. Before creation, angels would help one another fix their wings as it was near impossible to do it themselves. It was often seen as the ultimate form of bonding. If you groomed each other's wings you were friends for eternity.

It had been months since Crowley had groomed Aziraphale's wings for him (of course, being a snake and all, Crowley had never needed help grooming his wings. He simply allowed it for Aziraphale's benefit.) and Crowley had been the only one ever to do it for him (besides that one time when Rafael was feeling generously brotherly[Crowley was still mad to this day.]). He remembered grooming Castiel's one time though Castiel hadn't ever groomed his.

Anyways.

Suddenly a feather floated passed within Aziraphale's line of sight. Thanks to the mirror, Aziraphale saw rather than felt Castiel pluck messy ruined crushed feathers out of his wings. He felt sudden terror at the realization that he'd never be able to feel anything on his wings again, no friendly hands, no light breeze, and no soft rays of warm light, nothing.

Castiel noticed Aziraphale tense.

"Did I pull too hard?" he asked.

"No, to be honest, I c-can't feel a thing," Aziraphale said shakily. Castiel stopped his grooming for a moment, unsure of what to do. He could tell Aziraphale was upset, his voice told him that, but he didn't know what to do. Wasn't it a good thing not to feel pain? Pain on your wings was a, well, difficult thing to deal with, especially since wings are especially sensitive to pain. Then Castiel realized. Aziraphale couldn't feel ANYTHING on his wings.

He patted Aziraphale once or twice on the shoulder and became relieved once he saw Aziraphale take in a deep relaxing breath.

Castiel realized that not having wings while awful and identity-crisis ensuing (and overall just plain weird when you've always been able to use them whenever you felt like before) was not as bad as having them there but being functionless. It would be torture to know they were right within reach, within use, and that nothing but your Fall was holding you back from using them.

After a few seconds Castiel spoke.

"So why are they out?" he said continuing to straighten out the longer feathers.

"Crowley must be deeply asleep; he was the one hiding them. If he's not used to hiding two pairs of wings while asleep he'll forget about mine. I must be such a burden on his mind."

Castiel for the first time since he entered noticed the shredded remains of Aziraphale's tartan pajamas that Crowley had packed and brought with them.

"No, he loves you," Castiel said, meaning it (he swears to God) platonically.

"He's a demon," Aziraphale said, taking what Castiel had said as platonic love as well, "They can't feel love,"

"True," Castiel conceded. "Speaking of which, what is 'your deal'?" making an attempt at air quoted but failing miserably.

"Hmm?" staring at the former angel who seemed to be doing an impression of Crab claws pinching the air with his hands.

"You know, 'your deal'. Dean taught me that phrase," Castiel asked this time forgoing the air quotes. They didn't come out as nicely as Dean's and Sam's had.

"Oh I suppose you mean our Arrangement," Aziraphale said after a beat of thought.

"Yes. I mean I assume that is probably what is meant, Dean never really explained what the phrase meant, he just taught it to me,"

"Well you know, it's a rather simple one, it's only got the capital letter because it's so old. Of course I know he's the enemy, but he's been one for so long he may as well be my friend. I grew accustomed to his face I suppose. One could say I acquired a taste for Crowley like you've acquired a taste for coffee,"

"Well coffee you must admit is marvelous,"

"Yes but you take it so bitter and dark, it's practically inedible. Anyways, it's basic tacit, noninterference when it comes to each other's activities. I don't thwart he doesn't tempt. There are a few occasions where I thwart his wiles, to keep up appearances you understand, but usually the Arrangement assures that while neither side ever REALLY wins, neither ever loses. After a few decades of this it began to feel natural to—as Crowley puts it—'Hold down the stronghold' for one another whenever it made sense. I'd do little wiles he'd do little blessings,"

"I believe the phrase is 'hold down the fork',"

"It doesn't sound quite right, why would one hold down a fork? Maybe it was fort?"

"You might be right but humans are odd, it's just possible they say fork." Castiel pulling out a nasty old ugly feather that he was surprised hadn't fallen out on its own by now.

"So when did you become as Dean says, 'An item'?"

Aziraphale chuckled.

"My goodness, humans have the oddest phrases," he said, "Truth be told though, I think Crowley likes to pretend nothing exists between us, but it's there. You'd have to be blind. But like I said, he can feel no love, probably just lust, although, I don't see why, I'm not exactly his type,"

No, Azirphale thought bitterly, His type are pretty young blonde girls with bookish mousy features and large— um.

"What about you and Dean?" Aziraphale asked pushing away the types of sexual companions he'd found Crowley with over the years. After all, he'd never be anything like them.

"I can still hear his prayers to me," Castiel whispered conspiratorially, almost as if he was afraid to say it aloud lest it should cease to exist.

"Hmm,"

"Indeed,"

"It's rather odd, I haven't heard any prayers since I fell, not even snippets of the ones people make around me. That's really odd. Maybe that bond you mentioned has something to do with it?"

"Perhaps," Castiel said cryptically and was content to leave it at that. Aziraphale having known castiel for millennia knew it was useless trying to get anything else out of his friend and changed the subject.

The former angels continued to talk about everything that had gone on since they'd last seen each other and eventually they drifted to sleep again.


Author's Note: Never before has there existed a chapter in which Castiel is more out of character that is not AU or 2014!Cas. It had to be done. Well, okay no it didn't but I've tried rewriting it a few times and it only gets marginally better so, this is it. I just really wanted a wings chapter.