The True Heroes
Mikasa Ackerman glanced back at the boy called Klaus. He was now on top of his horse, his dark eyes downcast. He hadn't spoken since Mikasa had the conversation with him. She inwardly thought back to what the boy had said as she led the Survey Corps back to Wall Rose. "Your father was a better man." Her words had shaken him. His eyes, once blazing with passion that she had seen for a brief moment before Levi had died, had become vacant with loss. The boy had lost his closest friend on their first expedition together. He should be grateful there is another person standing by his side. Mikasa Ackerman had seen Simone Arlert beside the boy named Klaus, and had heard her cries as well. She knows how to stay silent, just like her father. At the thought of her former wise friend, Mikasa Ackerman stared up at the sky, the clouds and the sun not meeting her sight.
Oh, Armin…how right you were. For a brief moment, she felt a hard hand against her throat. And a boy's grey eyes inching towards her own. "They were the true heroes!" Something in that boy's eyes reminded her of Eren's. The eyes were like his; the rage was there, and yet the eyes also were different. Mikasa Ackerman remembered seeing those eyes long ago when he didn't even remember. She had seen him as a very small child clutching a woman's dress as the surviving members of the Survey Corps after the 57th expedition. He had been pulled away, shock and confusion in his big gray eyes as he disappeared. Mikasa Ackerman would never forget the agonized look on the woman's face as she left the crowd. There is a sorrow too deep for tears, Mikasa had thought back then, as she thought now. And there is pain that can never heal. Klaus did not remember her, but she did. The boy's tender face and large gray eyes searching for his parents that would never come home echoed in her mind months after she, Eren, and Hange Zoe had been exiled to beyond the Wall.
She had been surprised when she found out that Levi had a son. Someone as unsociable and rude as he to have a small child almost seemed impossible. Mikasa Ackerman had seen the reports of Klaus' records during the time in the 108th Trainees Squad, and she had been stunned by the similarities between him and herself.
And consequently, Levi.
Shadis had stated that he had never seen such an adept trainee besides the late captain of the Survey Corps. "There are many people who believe him to be your and Yeager's son," he stated to her one time during one of their many discussions. Mikasa Ackerman had stated nothing as he continued to speak about the similarities between them. Their eyes had the exact same expression, Mikasa Ackerman thought as she remembered the hate and rage twisted on the boy's face. Exactly the same. One of the last memories Mikasa Ackerman had of the errant leader of the Survey Corps was of the expression of rage on his face as he attacked the Female Titan. She had thought that she had seen another, brief though it was, emotion in his scarred eyes. It was grief, Mikasa Ackerman realized now. It was grief for the mother, the only female member of his squad. Eren still blamed her for what happened. She could see his eyes now, haunting in betrayal and in rage, as he screamed at her for what had happened in the last moment with the Female Titan. She hadn't understood why tears were threatening to overflow in his eyes, or the fact that he was looking at her like he would at the Titans that he hated. "How could you let this happen? I hate you!" His final words to her echoed in her mind, repeating and never ceasing as the years passed by. I did it to save you, Eren. I did it to save you. She thought about what she had stated to Klaus, the son of the Survey Corps members that had been weak enough to die. "He was weak." Memories of that day invaded her mind, making her only aware of the past and the pain.
"What happened?" Eren's green eyes bore into hers, shocking her by the amount of agony in his gaze.
"We failed." Mikasa's voice was monotone, only focusing on the boy before her. Eren's eyes widened for a couple of moments, uncomprehending. His face was slack, thinking of what he must have seen. Mikasa didn't understand why he was so upset. Eren had almost died because of them, and he was mourning them as if they had mattered in this world.
"Mikasa!" Eren's voice caused her thoughts to cease, and she took her hands in his, observing of how his voice contained hopefulness and hope. "Where's Levi-heichō?" His words caused her hands to collapse by her sides. Her breathing slightly hitched, and she was aware of Eren's bewildered expression. "Mikasa, where's Levi-heichō?" When she didn't answer, Eren's voice became sharper and his eyes glinted in anger. "Mikasa –"
"He's dead." Eren stared at the emotionless expression his sister had on her face. There was no emotion there. Eren felt his rage disappear. He gaped, unaware of his uneasy breathing until he felt Mikasa's hands touched his shoulders. "Don't touch me!" he snapped. His mind revolved around the memories he had created with Levi-heichō's squad. He thought of the man behind it all. The dark haired man with such a short stature and a violent temper with as sharp of a tongue. A man who didn't believe in unnecessary sacrifices. A man that was the strongest and the bravest of the soldiers that had lived. And a man that Eren had come to respect. "How…?" Eren hadn't realized how hoarse his voice was until he had spoken. His hands shook, and he couldn't even focus on Mikasa in front of him. "How…could he…?" A memory of Oluo pretending that he was Levi-heichō and of all the amazing feats he had done echoed ceaselessly in his mind. Humanity's Strongest… Eren gritted his teeth, his hands white as he clenched them. "What the hell happened Mikasa?" Mikasa wouldn't answer for a moment. Then,
"He was killed along with his squad." Eren's mouth opened again, but Mikasa spoke once more before he could say a word. "I was told to wait for him as he would immobilize the Female Titan. I didn't listen. I…wanted to save you, Eren." Desperation leaked from her voice, and her eyes bore into Eren's as his mind started to shatter. "I…aimed to cut the Titan Shifter out of her…but he got in my way." Eren's breath hitched, horror inflaming him as Mikasa continued to say the words he didn't want to hear. "He couldn't dodge in time when the Titan's hand collided against his spine." Eren swallowed, trying to find the agony he felt in his sister's eyes, but found nothing. There was nothing. He continued to stare with unseeing eyes, his head spinning. The sight of his comrades dead echoed within his soul. And now…
Levi-heichō, lying on the bleeding grass like Petra…his eyes as vacant as hers. How…? Why…?
Then it clicked. Then he became insane.
"You fucking bitch." Eren's voice was cold in anger. Mikasa's face became stunned by his statement. "You let him die." Rage was rising. "You killed him!" He was vaguely aware of grasping her cloak in his two shaking hands. "He saved you…and he died." Mikasa's face drained of color as Eren continued to shout and scream. "I was fine where I was, Mikasa! How could you do this? How could you do this to us?" Tears flowed down his face, angry tears that made him even more enraged by the reality. Levi was dead. Levi was dead, and it was all because of his sister. "He was the only hope we had, Mikasa! And you…" he choked. "And you…threw it all away! He shouldn't have died, you hear me! If you had just listened to him, none of this would have happened! I'm not…the true hope of humanity!" he cried. "Levi-heichō is, god fucking damn it! You fool!" His breathing ragged and his eyes swollen with anger as he stared at the person that had destroyed the hope of humanity.
Mikasa didn't show any change of emotion." I don't understand, Eren. I saved you." Then her eyes narrowed. "Don't tell me…you had feelings for him."
"Fuck off." Eren whispered. His eyes were vacant as the realized what had occurred. "Fuck off!" he screamed at her, spittle spraying her face. "I want you to go away," he hoarsely whispered to her. "Now. How could you let this happen?" he whispered. Mikasa could only watch as he slid further and further away from reality as tears continued to flow from his eyes. "I hate you," he sobbed. "I hate you so much…"
Eren lied still in the wagon even as insults and hateful shouts were aimed at the returning Survey Corps. He didn't shout back or become angry as he usually did. Mikasa was still beside him despite of what happened as she heard an older man call out to Commander Erwin.
"Do you know where Levi-heichō is?" He was several inches shorter than Commander Erwin, and had a soft kind face. "My daughter is in his squad. I'm Petra's father, you see." She heard the man laugh, a hollow laugh that she knew well. "She told me that she was devoted to him." He laughed again, the sad foolish laughter echoing in Mikasa's ears. "Well, I guess she's too starry eyes to consider her father's feelings!" Stop laughing, Mikasa fumed as the man continued to laugh again and continued to fool himself. Just stop and see that your daughter is never coming home. …If she had protected Eren correctly, none of this would have happened. If Levi had been able to dodge, then –
"I still think it's too early for her to marry. She's still so young, with so much to experience!"
She would much more to experience if the squad was actually competent.
As the ignorant man continued to talk, Mikasa saw a small face in the crowd. She was that it belonged to a child. Dark locks framed his face, and big gray eyes followed the Survey Corps. Although only two or three, he seemed to be looking for something. He was wearing a small gray shirt with brown pants, and strangely barefoot. He was clutching a fistful of a dress in his plump hand, belonging to a woman with dark hair and a cane. The adult was smiling fondly at the boy. Mikasa continued to stare at the child. His dark hair and eyes reminded of her of someone. Suddenly, her focus was broken by Commander Erwin's voice.
"Mr. Ral, your daughter is dead. Captain Levi also met his end today." There was no pause. "If you excuse me." At those words, the man immediately stopped talking. His eyes, which had been slightly closed in kindness to the commander, became impossibly wide. His mouth opened and closed, but nothing came out. A strangled gasp came from the sidelines, and Mikasa recognized it belonging to the former Survey Corps member. Her eyes immediately flooded with tears as she stared at the dark haired girl that reminded her so much of Levi-heichō. She started to move quickly as fast as her only one leg would allow her, and pulled slightly at the boy. Although confusion marred his plump face, the child's dark eyes suddenly met Mikasa's, and he waved at her, smiling, before he disappeared.
That was the last time she had seen the son of Levi, and the last time she had ever properly spoken to Eren. Eren had never forgiven her for the death of Levi and of the deaths she had forsaken when she had rescued him from beyond the Wall. She had not forgiven Armin for abandoning Eren, leaving him to die and defending the Wall instead. She remembered of how weak he had been when they had saw him, still wearing the proud uniform of the Survey Corps despite of the heavy bloodstains and the rips and tears in the medical wing. Bandages covered the irreversible damage to his eyes. Mikasa felt nothing when the doctor told them that their so-called friend would never see again. There was so much destruction behind, so many dead. Including Jean. She remembered the harsh words Eren and Armin had exchanged to each other. "How could you let all those people die, Armin? They were under your command! How could you live with the fact that you were responsible for so many deaths? How could you let this many people die? Do you not care for them? You coward! Did you run away from saving Jean, too? Huh, you piece of fucking worthless shit?"
Even with the bandages and with the eyes, Armin still had the ability to see what others could not. "I saved more lives than I could than doing nothing, Eren. Their lives are more important than your own single one, I think. And," he stated as Mikasa stood in cold fury and Eren breathed heavily, "bravery is to do what is right because it is right, Eren, Mikasa." His head moved to where he could somehow feel their gazes. "Bravery is determined by one individual, not by a group of people. You…are not heroes. The people who defended the Wall are heroes…not you." He paused. "None of you are."
Eren moved toward the petite blonde, and clenched the worn uniform in his fists. "What are you trying to say, Armin?" he hissed.
"Jean was a better hero than you'll ever be. So will the people who defended these Walls." Suddenly, Eren raised his fist, his gaze nothing but anger and hurt. Then he stared at Armin with agonized pain on his face before he walked away.
"You're right, Armin…but that doesn't mean I can forgive you."
Armin was dead now. He had died as he had lived, protecting what he had believed to be true. Mikasa still remembered of the impossibly amount of blood coating her face as she saw Armin die…eaten, just like how it was ten years ago. Somehow her old friend must have known it was her, for he smiled and waved before his body was snapped in half, blood splattering against her face and hair, and eaten before her eyes. She heard Eren's scream, making her relive the time of hearing the scream that echoed eternally in her dreams. An agonized scream that echoed across the land, filled with grief and sorrow and agony.
Mikasa thought back to what Klaus, the child that she had seen so long ago, had told her. "You're not true heroes! Commander Arlert and Jean Kirstein were true heroes!"
You are right, Klaus, Mikasa thought as she did checked the boxes determining the status of the Survey Corps members. When there once was numbness, there was nothing now. I…am no true hero. I never was.
Meanwhile a lost young boy mourned with his head in his hands.
