AN: Dear readers, here's the new chapter, finchel Christmas! I don't even know how I'm posting this, I am anxious/sad/nervous about last night and next week. Come what may, I will always believe in the power of the tether.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
When they got to the cabin they settled everything, barely looking at each other.
"So…. I guess we should exchange gifts now?" he asked, nervous though he didn't know why.
"Yes, let me just bring out mine, okay?"
He did the same, and they met each other on the couch, each with a bag in hand. They had agreed, to her insistence actually, that they would give each other two gifts. It was, apparently, the way her fathers did it and she had asked him to keep the tradition. He couldn't refuse and actually thought it was a good idea. The first gift was supposed to be something practical, while the other something meaningful. They exchanged the practical gift first.
"I got you a prepaid phone. Being in the army, you pick up skills. One of them is what to do to block the number and actually it's kinda easy. I know that you hate not having talked to your dads, only emailing them from that Internet café whenever you convince someone to lend you their laptops. You can call them from there, and even if Jesse finds out he can't trace you back from that."
"Wow, Finn. That's very thoughtful… are you sure you got the right gift for this round?"
"Yup"
"Oh, okay then. Mine is a little less meaningful for now."
"I'm sure it's awesome Rach, come on! I want my present!"
She laughed and handed him a box. Inside, there was a bunch of bottles he didn't understand, so he looked at her for support.
"There's moisturizing cream and chapstick. I've noticed that your hands are very calloused from working with them, and thought they needed a little TLC. The chapstick is because your lips get very dry when you're outside in the cold. Also, there's sunblock for when the summer comes, your skin is far too fair to be just unprotected. Finally, there's some hair gel. I noticed how long you took getting yourself ready for our visit, so I figured it was you wanted to impress your family somehow. So, for next time. I thought of getting you a razor but I figured that's up to you, so no pressure."
He couldn't believe her. Yes, everything was very practical, but so considerate. Every item represented a detail about himself he hadn't even noticed. She had though, and actually thought about. Like, she was encouraging to take care of himself because she thought he was worth it. It meant a lot.
"Rach, you're… very observant and… thank you. Seriously, this is already the coolest present I've gotten. But don't tell Kurt, he swears that ugly gray jumper is the best thing that will ever happen to me."
She giggled. "Come on Finn, present time; round two!"
He turned beet red and gave her a soft jewelry box.
"Finn, you didn't have to… it's too much."
"You said something meaningful, and honestly this was the best I got."
He figured she expected him to mean that he thought pricy was important for meaning. She was wrong, to an extent. He had thought about her gift, a lot. With trembling fingers, Rachel opened the lid. She saw a very delicate white gold chain. Hanging from it was a circle. Around the rim, it had miniscule diamonds shining. She looked up at him.
"What does it mean?" she asked, still trembling.
"Well, you know how a circle has no beginning and no end?"
"Yes." She was still noticeably confused.
"So do you, not that you're shaped like a circle or something" he mumbled embarrassed. "I mean it's your spirit Rachel. Even with everything, you're able to still have a spark. Like, life vibrates inside of you. And it shows, you are larger than life and that's infinite. When you sing? It's like the universe unravels all of its secrets. It's white gold because that reminds me of our snow day, how awesome it was. The diamonds are because they're supposed to last forever, and, so will you. I know it Rach, your energy will always roam the earth."
Rachel was tearing up by the end of his speech and only managed to give him a box with shaky hands.
Inside, he found a miniature drum. It was completely perfect, about the size of his hand. All the correct pieces were properly located and the painting was beautiful, replicating exactly what drums were supposed to look like. On the small shiny wooden slab it was on, there was even a small microphone right in front of the drums. It was his turn to look up inquisitively.
"When you told me you played I knew what I had to get you, I became even surer after I heard you were in glee club. I hope you don't get mad at him, but Kurt even showed me a couple of videos of you in glee club, and you were fantastic. You're really talented Finn. I would know, I'm pretty talented too."
"I don't do that anymore." He said coldly. Why was she doing this? Giving him something he let go of a while ago? Can't she tell he doesn't want that part of him anymore? It hurt, to think of the old days. The glory days. When scoring a touchdown in front of a roaring crowd was nothing compared to a standing ovation on a stage. His emotions felt raw from even thinking about those days. His fear shone in his eyes, and Rachel eased them by rubbing his hands with her thumbs.
"Look Finn, listen to me okay? Promise you won't interrupt."
He promised. She lifted his head to make him look in her passion-filled eyes.
"It saddened me, a lot, to hear you say you let your musical side go. Your reaction right now hurts me. Not because of what my opinion on music might be. It hurts me to know that someone as kind as you would let music go. You might not see it, but so far you've truly saved my life. You gave me everything I needed, safety after the worst experience and mistake of my life. But, Finn, I worry. I worry because music is something that can only bring you happiness. Even if it's a sad song, it lightens you up because it speaks to your soul, and that makes a person happy. I don't know what happened to you, or what in your life made you into a solitary hermit. I don't need to know, not at all. But, do you want to know what keeps me going? That shine you say I have?"
He nodded dumbly, mouth ajar at her speech so far.
"Music, Finn. Even with my pain, every note heals the soul just a little bit. And you need to let yourself heal. Even if you don't think so, even if you think you're not worthy of healing – that you don't deserve to be healed, let me tell you you're wrong. You're wrong because as hard as you fight it, your heart is just golden. If it's any consolation, I think you're deserving of everything good in this planet."
His little broken girl made him cry, but she hadn't finished. She opened her mouth again and delivered that last part of her gift: a song. She started singing 'Smile' again, just like she had done that time at his mother's house. This time, he was also emotionally raw. However, this time his walls were down, completely destroyed. This girl, even with her pain and fear, had progressively removed each brick he erected without him ever realizing. Allowing himself to finally feel, he couldn't help but harmonize. He even joined her at the chorus, their voices intertwining with each other, creating the most beautiful sound ever heard. Inside, he felt his heart wired to a cable that pulled him towards her. Whatever connection they had before seemed meaningless. Music was reinforcing it, strengthening at the fastest pace ever. He felt as if her soul and his own were one and the same. His heart was threatening to spill out of his chest. He was feeling, really feeling. It wasn't that he hadn't felt anything in four years. More like he didn't allow himself to think about it at all. Always pushing down everything in cowardice. Her voice, mixed with his voice, did not allow for it. At the end of the song their foreheads were pressed together. Their eyes spoke to each other of trust, of companionship despite their obvious baggage. He lifted her chin with his index fingers and inched forward, closing the distance between them. He felt his nose brush up against hers, and that glorious buzz that happens just when two lips are about to meet. He pressed his lips against her soft, plump ones. His fingers caressed her nape softly, as he grabbed her lower lip between his two lips and sucked a little on it. He did the same for the upper lip, this time with her mimicking his movements. Their lips moved slowly, as if there was no rush in this world. They kissed each other until their jaws hurt and their lips felt chapped raw. Their tongue muscles exhausted and their cheeks straining from the effort should have been indicators for them to stop. But they didn't. They kept kissing like their very well-being depended on kissing each other.
Rachel was the first one to pull away, panting from the intense session they just had.
He didn't know what to say, what to do. Where the hell had that come from? Why did he just kiss her? Why did he enjoy it? It felt like all these sparks had short-circuited his brain into a pile of fried goo. He kept his eyes trained downwards, suddenly very interested on the seams of his jeans. He could feel Rachel's gaze burning a hole right through his forehead but he honestly didn't know what to say. While he figured it out, she spoke.
"Do you mind… if I call my dads now from the phone you gave me? I'd really like to hear their voices again." She asked shyly.
Finn didn't know exactly what to say. Of course he didn't mind her calling her dads, that's why he gave her the present in the first place. His problem was her sudden change of topic. Was she going to ignore what just happened? He didn't want to. He wanted to talk about it. What did it all mean? His brain felt heavy in his skull. He decided maybe it was for the best not to talk about it. Maybe it was best he just played along. It's not like he could actually talk about it anyway when he had no idea where that even came from in the first place. He didn't want to hurt her and maybe he would if he pursued what plagued his mind in that moment. Ultimately, he didn't want to hurt either. That kiss, as magical, as powerful as it had been was also a mistake. A dangerous trap for both their damaged hearts. A trap they couldn't fall into for they had nothing else to give. Yeah, Finn knew it had been a mistake he couldn't allow to happen again. She gave him an out though... so, he just answered her question.
"Of course Rach. Why are you asking me? It's your phone. Just… promise me you'll be careful? Don't stay on the line too long and whatever you do, don't disclose your location."
"I know Finn. Thanks for worrying though."
"No problem. I'll leave you to it. If you need me I'll be in my room, okay?"
She nodded, already assembling the phone to call her dads. It looked like she was definitely going to ignore their mind-blowing kiss. He was fine with that, or so he told himself. It had just been a moment thing – both had been so vulnerable about their presents. Yeah, it didn't really mean anything. At the end of the day, he surmised, she was still the broken girl and he was a man beyond repair.
AN2: I feel awful publishing an angsty chapter at this point, but Finchel still has a long way to go before anything real can happen. What can I say, they're stubborn fools.
By the way, it must be getting old maybe but I can't publish without thanking each and every one of you for your support. If I could, I'd bake you all "You're awesome" cookies. But alas, I hope my simple appreciation suffices for now. Have a lovely day, us Finchel fans deserve it.
