9. Where Everybody Knows Your Pain

This story is based upon and originally posted below the following YouTube video;

Hearthstone: Trump Runs a Pub - Part 2 (Warrior Constructed)

watch?v=gL-CjuLRDyA

It was a quiet Thursday Afternoon at the Valuetowne Pub; a few gnomes, a pair of pirates, a berserker fresh off cashing his paycheck and Grommash Hellscream were the only customers. The banter, such as it was, proved quiet and reserved. Val slowly cleaned a stein as she surveyed the scene.

Her boss, the Wonderful Wizard of Valuetown, asked her long ago to look into the different ways of attracting business during off-hours and at first her inventor's mind had attacked the issue with gusto. But there were only so many automatic-serving-machine variants she could come up with before they started feeling like gimmicks. Mechs were all the rage a couple months back but now too many people were sick of them.

'Mind putting this on my tab?' A meek voice said, interrupting her thoughts. 'You know I'm good for it.'

'Yeah, fine Lenny.' Val replied. At another time she might have argued, but at the moment she felt too contemplative. And at least he hadn't used the old 'we gnomes gotta stick together' line. The day wore slowly on. The sun moved across the sky and the remaining customers drank and grumbled about the sad minutiae of their lives. Perhaps an hour had passed when Val looked down to notice she was still holding the same stein from earlier.

'I'll take a ginger ale,' a strangely elegant voice said 'and if you wouldn't mind adding some thumbtacks I'd be most appreciative.'

The man on the other side of the bar adorned himself with spiky black armor, immaculate facial hair and copious scars. After a moment's thought, Val realized he must be one of those pain-worshipers she'd heard about but had never seen in person.

'I'm sorry' she said 'I can't put anything dangerous in your drink, but how about a Death's Bite? It's the most powerful stuff we serve.'

'Oh, I don't normally go in for strong drink.' The man said. 'I don't want to dull the pain. But that name intrigues me so I'll give it a try.'

'They say it's made from distilled dragon's breath and molten arcanite.' She said, inventing the story on the fly. 'Never tried it myself, but I hear it's got a hell of a kick.'

'Oh thank you.' The man said. 'And I was wondering if you might help me. I'm only in town for a day; I'm going to the Emperor's birthday jubilee you see. And I'm wondering if you could point me towards the roughest part of town. I was hoping to get in a fight; it's been so long since I've gotten the crap properly kicked out of me.'

'Oh, well...' Val stammered. Suddenly her mind raced. She'd forgotten that the Emperor was having a birthday. That sounded like the perfect excuse for a promotion of some kind.

'I... give me one minute.' She said to the acolyte. Then she stood up on a stool and put on her best public-speaking voice.

'Attention everyone.' She began. 'This weekend is Emperor Thaurissan's birthday. In his honor I'd like to announce a special. For the next hour, I'm discounting everything on the menu by $1. Tell your friends!'

'EVERYONE GET IN HERE!' The response was so fast Val couldn't believe her eyes. Dwarves poured in the from the front entrance, climbed in through the windows and even came out from the restroom. An orc with an air of authority leapt onto a table and shouted for the dwarves to charge while pointing menacingly at the bar.

Val felt terrified at first, but soon she was so busy pouring drinks she forgot her fright. Soon, the pub echoed with praise for the Emperor and for The Wonderful Wizard as well as constant shouts for everyone else to get in here. Val called in extra serving ghouls and even brought out her best drink-pouring machine to help.

'May I say something.' The acolyte said. He hadn't spoken very loud yet somehow he had gotten everyone's attention. 'It is my personal opinion that the Emperor is OP, that Trump plays too much for value and that not everyone should get in here.'

There was a pause. Then the voice of a single dwarf punctuated the silence. 'HEH HEH! PILE ON!' Suddenly, the acolyte was engulfed by charging dwarves. In the instant before he disappeared completely from her view, Val saw that he was grinning broadly.

From the door a solitary, coweled figure watched and smiled. The Wonderful Wizard of Valuetown first opened the Pub because he thought it'd be profitable. He had no idea it'd be so much fun.