The One Where Breakfast is Disappointing (and Tony's a little tied up)
John woke up at 6am, New York City time, and felt like he over slept, in spite of the terrible nights sleep he had. Over sleeping came with the feeling of general grogginess and feeling vaguely unclean, in spite of a shower and a fresh change of clothes. John briefly checked his bedroom for anything that might be classified as a bug, but it didn't appear as though Stark left anything behind during his weird visit during the night. After two years of a monthly 'deep cleansing' of 221B for Mycroft's bugs (Sherlock's words, not John's. If it had been John's version of 'deep cleansing' the flat would have come out of it a lot tidier than when they'd started, not messier) John considered himself an expert at being able to spot things that didn't belong.
Satisfied that, if Stark had decided he was going to put cameras in John's bedroom he'd done so in a way that was at least unobtrusive, John made his way to the stairwell and up the four flights to the penthouse. Pepper had explained the day before that the top two floors were mostly communal - TV, kitchen, bar, pool table etc on the top floor; gym, training rooms (including a shooting range, which John had mostly failed at hiding his excitement about) and even a swimming pool on the one below. Underneath that was Tony and Pepper's suite of rooms, then Bruce's, then John's. Below his there were apparently another seven floors each devoted to one person, and then two more floors below that which were split into smaller suites.
It was insane of course. Totally and utterly insane. The rest of the building was devoted to the company, but a lot of what that entailed was R&D, which basically meant Tony's labs and workshop. Pepper had explained that 'R&D', when it came to Tony (and Bruce, too, now that she mentioned it) was less 'Research and Development' and more 'Ridiculousness and Destruction'. Generally of the exploding kind. Although she didn't mind the destruction too much, because Bruce moderated it enough that neither of them got hurt, and Tony made it fun enough that Bruce didn't Hulk out.
Which had made John realise that Banner? The genius who'd experimented on himself (or his father had experimented on - the folder wasn't clear on this point) who occasionally turned into a huge green rage monster and spent the majority of his time blowing stuff up and getting poked at by Stark? Yeah, that guy was apparently the easiest to handle of the Avengers. When he was Banner and not the Hulk, that was.
Which then led to the conclusion that the term 'welcome to the madhouse' might be something of an understatement, especially if Stark was going to make the 2am wakeup calls a normal thing.
John yawned, stretching and popping his back as he emerged into the communal kitchen, and hoped that the tea Pepper had served the day before had been one of several kinds available. He also hoped that there might be some normal bread around, since the only form of it he'd found in his own kitchen had been bagels. Which was all very well for an odd sandwich, once in a blue moon, but an ordinary loaf would be wonderful, please-and-thank-you.
A brief search of the kitchen revealed that there was a loaf of bread, but there wasn't a tea leaf to be found. John stared glumly at all of the open cupboards and decided that - just this once - he'd have a coffee. He tried to convince himself that caffeine was caffeine, no matter the form it took, but that didn't make him feel any better. His mood was not improved by the lack of any type of jam to be found anywhere. The closest he could find was a jar of strawberry jelly.
"Heathens," John muttered to himself, disappointed in the lack of proof that any kind of real fruit had gone into the so-called jelly.
"Um," someone interrupted his inner rant at American breakfast foods. "Hi?"
John turned more rapidly than he would've done in a more familiar place, and berated himself silently when he was met only by Dr Banner.
"Hello," John greeted. "Dr John Watson. I'm - uh - the new S.H.I.E.L.D.-Avenger liaison." He was absolutely not awake enough yet to deal with Banner's potential reaction to being told that he was the newest Coulson replacement.
"Dr Bruce Banner," Banner replied, stretching across the counter to offer his hand for John to shake. "But I'm guessing you already knew that?"
"Yeah," John admitted, a little sheepishly, shaking his hand. "I got the S.H.I.E.L.D. info packet on each of you yesterday. Then Pepper gave me a run down of what I might actually need to know."
"What were you muttering about when I came in?" Banner asked, inching around the counter as though he was expecting John to explode in his face when there wasn't that barrier between them.
"Jam," John replied easily enough, plonking the plate of toast and cup of coffee on the table and grabbing a seat. "Also, tea. There isn't any jam, and I couldn't find tea anywhere. Which is absurd because Pepper made me a cup of tea yesterday."
Banner wrinkled his nose at that, obviously having had the misfortune to taste Pepper's tea before too. Now that he seemed happy that John wasn't about to demand he leave the kitchen, he settled into what was obviously a normal routine for him padding about the kitchen to make pancakes. "Pepper is fantastic at making coffee," he told John, "and she has insane skills when it comes to making chai and hot chocolate. But when it comes to tea? Do not let her near you. Neither her nor Tony drink any sort of tea, other than the milky, spicy chai monstrosities, so the only tea bags they have are about five years old and have been surrounded by coffee beans the entire time."
John winced. No wonder his tea the night before had tasted so strange. Tea and coffee did not exactly mix well.
"And, um, jam is jelly in the states. In case you didn't know."
This one, John could answer. "That," he declared, pointing at the strawberry jelly. "Is not jam. Strawberry jam has bits of strawberry and the seeds in it." He picked up the jar, holding it to the light and squinting through the concoction inside. "This is strawberry-flavoured goop."
Banner glanced up from his frying pan, and upon seeing John's contorted face to go along with the slightly crazed explanation he'd given, burst out laughing.
"It's not funny," John told him, as seriously as he could muster when fighting down his own laughter. "You should not get between a man and his breakfast foods."
"I don't think Tony of Pepper have a normal perception of what food is. They're both workaholics who tend to live off coffee and take away," Banner explained almost apologetically.
After that the pair of them settled into pretty easy, mundane conversation. Living with Stark had obviously done Banner some good. He looked a lot happier and more relaxed than he'd been in any of the shots John had seen of the other man, and he looked at home in the massive kitchen with it's impressive view of New York spread out below them.
"Do you mind if I ask a personal question?" John asked, during a lull in conversation.
Immediately the other man tensed. Contrary to his body's reaction, however, Banner replied, "Sure."
"What happened to Miss Ross? I know she supported you last time you came to America, and I just thought she'd be here by now."
It was clearly not the question Banner had been expecting, because the tension in his body drained away and the expression on his face became incredibly complex. "I sent Betty a letter, the day I moved into the tower with Tony and Pepper. I haven't heard back from her yet."
John frowned at this. It didn't seem in character with what he knew of Elizabeth Ross, to not at least reply to the letter with an explanation of her feelings. It did seem perfectly in character for her father, General "Thunderbolt" Ross to monitor her mail and stop any letter from Banner getting through to her. John was going to have to look into that, sooner rather than later too, judging from the myriad of emotions on Banner's face.
Luckily, he was saved from answering when Pepper walked into the kitchen.
"Good morning Bruce, John. How are you today? I hope Tony didn't disrupt your sleep too much last night?" she directed the last question at John, and he waved it away.
"Nothing I can't handle," he assured her. "How's Tony? He seemed pretty wired last night."
"That's what comes from spending two days solid working without going to sleep," Banner added.
Pepper smiled at the pair of them. "I'm glad you're getting on," she said sincerely. "Tony's… a little tied up at the moment, and I'm hoping he'll get some more sleep in before lunch." As they'd been talking she'd whipped up what John could only assume were two of the 'milky, spicy chai monstrosities' that Banner had mentioned earlier, and picked up the two mugs. "Happy will be at the front entrance to drive me to my office at 8am, if either of you want a lift anywhere feel free to come with us. Or there are a couple of cars in the garage that JARVIS can give you the keys to. Have a nice day gentlemen." Then she left the kitchen as quickly and quietly as she arrived.
"When she says Stark's 'a little tied up'?" John questioned.
"Don't ask," Banner ordered. "Seriously. Don't ask. Tony will happily fill you in on every tiny detail of his and Pepper's sex life, complete with video footage because apparently JARVIS has CCTV running in their bedroom."
"And Pepper doesn't mind?" John couldn't help but say.
Banner shrugged. "She's dating Tony Stark. She knew him for a decade before they got together, and was probably once the person Tony gleefully told all of the details to. If she minded, she wouldn't be with him."
John inclined his head in acknowledgement.
"What's this about Tony disrupting your sleep though?" Banner asked, already grinning in preparation for the story he must've been imagining.
John sighed and wished he had a cup of tea, before he launched into an explanation of the previous night.
AN: Ta da! You like? Sorry about more bitching-about-tea (or, the Tea Wars continue) that just sort of happened :/ Thanks and love to everyone who's fav'd, commented or is following. It means a lot :) Next chapter has a bonus bit at the beginning, and stars JARVIS and Fury. So keep your eyes open for that being posted sometime this Thursday.
