Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me
I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed
She was looking kind of dumb, with her finger and her thumb
In the shape of an 'L' on her forehead


The dragon smoothly slipped into a black tuxedo, thrusting his arms through the sleeves as if he were punching.


Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming
Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running
Didn't make sense, not to live for fun
Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb


The dragon tied a bright red bowtie around his neck very neatly.


So much to do, so much to see
So what's wrong with taking the back streets
You'll never know if you don't go
You'll never shine if you don't glow


The dragon took out a black and gold walking stick and spun it around in his claws. He then put on a big, elegant top hat.


Hey now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play
Hey now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid
And all that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars break the mold, Only shooting stars break the mold

And all that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars break the mold, Only shooting stars break the mold


Spike the Snob

Episode 7- HavocHound

Spike sat down in a comfortable looking chair in the Friendship Castle. There were plenty of books around him, and a bowl of gems on a nearby table.

"Hello everypony," Spike said with a smile, "Today's episode is gonna be about someone who is a master of Alternate Universes, and the king of making things Darker and Edgier. He's the PAW Patrol fanfic writer HavocHound."

Spike leaned back and said, "Ya know, I'd say that at least in the FanFiction department, PAW Patrol is going the way of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. There are a lot of older fans who really like it for its characters and humor. It's not just something colorful for preschoolers to stare at. Actual effort goes into this show. It's not as deep or action packed or serious as MLP, but its still a really good show. Better than Dora, that's a fact!"

Spike sat up straight as he continued, "Now, as with any fandom with fanfiction, you'll have romance focused writers, writers who try to make the stories more interesting, and writers who try to make it all gritty and dark. HavocHound . . . somehow manages to do all three at once. He gives us stories about Marshall running away and facing death, sociopathic murderers laying siege to the entire town and setting the woods on fire. . . and then turns around and gives us sweet romances and a tale of the pups playing truth or dare."

Spike held up a claw and said, "Now I know what you're thinking: 'One of the characters dying? A sociopathic murderer? In a fanfic of a show where cute little talking puppies rescue people and animals? He's one of those crazy authors that makes things overly dark."

Spike shrugged, "Well, that's one interpretation, and depending on what you like, you might be right. But HavocHound isn't like the writers of Cupcakes or Rainbow Factory. Not only does he provide a happy ending, but he also gives a reason why for the grim dark peril the characters go through. It's not for sick pleasure. It's to increase the satisfaction we feel when the characters make it out alive and are stronger from it. It's kind of the philosophy Don Bluth had when he made his animated movies. Also, a lot of care, emotion, and even psychology went into this. I mean, check out this tiny excerpt from Marshall Gone Missing."


Lying in the cold, icy floor of the cave, Marshall did his best to get warm by huddling his body into a fetal position. His whimpers echoed among the cave has he lay there hurt, cold, and tired. He had no way of getting out of here, especially with the snow storm that was outside. It would take all day to get to Jake's without his truck, and he doubt he could survive out there without a way to properly heal himself and stay warm.

And worst of all, he had no means of contacting Ryder or the others for help. Even if they were searching for him, they had no way of finding him. He left no clues of where he was going.

There was no more denying the one thought in Marshall's mind that made him more scared than he ever had in his entire life.

I… I… I'm going to die…


"But don't let that scare you away, because there are plenty of fun and awesome moments in here too! Check out this fire rescue scene!"


"What do you need me do, Mawshall?" asked Zuma.

Marshall giggled. "Sorry, still getting used to hearing my name sound like that. Anyway, there is a window in the kids' room that's right over the water. We can jump in and Zuma can bring us to land."

"Sounds like a plan. You hear that, Zuma?" asked Ryder.

"On my way!" shouted Zuma as he turned his hovercraft back on and made for the store.

Although the flames intimated him, Zuma wasn't going to be a scaredy pup when his friend needed him. He reached the end of the rental where the flames hadn't touched yet and saw the widow Marshall was talking about. Tapping his communicator, Zuma said, "Marshall. I'm here!"

"Great. Watch out below. Arf! Ax!"

The sound of a window smashing alerted Zuma to the window where he saw a red ax smash it up, giving Marshall a clear path for the water. The kid, a blond boy who had to be around seven years old, was right beside him. Getting an idea, Zuma cried out, "Arf! Buoy!" The front of his hovercart opened and shut out a buoy with a line into the water. "Mawshall! Have the kid jump into the buoy!"

"Good idea, Zuma! We're gonna jump! Three! Two! One!"shouted Marshall as he and the kid jumped.

The kid screamed a bit but he managed to land perfectly in the buoy while Marshall splashed into the water next to him. Spitting out water, Marshall pushed the kid to the hovercraft where he climbed in.

"T-thanks for rescuing me… can I get to my mom now?" asked the kid.

"Sure thing, little dude," said Zuma with a smile before turning to Marshall who shook himself dry. "Dude, that was awesome!"

"Thanks," said Marshall with a smile. He tapped his tag. "Marshall here. We got the kid, Ryder. We're coming back to bring him to his mommy."

"Great work, pups. See you soon."

"Glad to see your still one piece. I thought you were gonna break your promise for a second there," said Chase, trying to sound professional, but Zuma could detect a hint of worry.

Marshall chuckled. "Don't worry, Chase. I never break my promises. Marshall out."

"What pwomise are you talking about?" asked Zuma.

Marshall turned to Zuma and said, "Eh, nothing. Just something we did when we were younger. Let's get back to shore. I got a fire to put out."

"You're still up for mowe? Aren't you tiwed?" asked Zuma.

"Is the fire still burning?" asked Marshall with a grin. "Then so am I!"


Spike looked thoroughly thrilled as he said with a wide smile, "That was awesome! And the writing is so good it feels like watching a movie!"

Spike calmed down and said seriously, "And there are plenty more heart-wrenching and heartwarming moments that I can't show you because they'd end up being huge spoilers."

Spike nodded and said, "What else can I say about this amazing writer? All the characters are in character. His stories are packed with emotion. And he's able to make fully detailed and poignant backstories that seem very realistic. But here's the thing about the backstories HavocHound makes."

Spike spread his arms and said, "In every fanfic he writes, he gives the pups different backstories. In one story, Rocky came from an pup orphanage/shelter. In another story, he had an abusive owner who tried to drown him. In one story, Zuma's afraid of blood. In another, he's afraid of. . . toilets . . ."

Spike shrugged and said, "Read Truth or Dare for more info."

Spike continued, "Well, anyway, that's why HavocHound is the master of Alternate Universes. Each of his stories takes place in its own universe, independent of each other so that they can work easily without conflicting. He must be really clever to keep all these stories in check. It also kinda makes sense. I mean, a world where the trauma of Marshall Gone Missing and Zuma's Fear takes place would be too horrible to think of."

"I also have to compliment HavocHound on his OCs. Marshall's parents are really nice and smart, and they play of each other well, especially during the finale of Marshall Gone Missing. Chase's father and Ryder's father are also strong supporting characters. And as for the main villain in Zuma's Fear . . ."

Spike gulped audibly as he began to sweat a bit. He wiped his brow nervously, and took a few deep breaths as his eyes turned wide.

". . .Damian Stone. . ." he whispered in horror. He clenched his claws tightly, then said, "When that character gets killed. . . they'll be much rejoicing. . ."

Spike shook it off and said, "Look, I'm not gonna lie. Zuma's Fear is probably a little too grim dark. It's not as bad as Cupckaes or Rainbow Factory, but I really think that if you want a well thought out, serious, and heartwarming take on PAW Patrol, you should start with Marshall Gone Missing! This was his very first fanfic, and I loved it so much that I gave it a TV Tropes page! Seriously, look it up! And I have to say, this is his best work. It makes good use of flashbacks to only add drama and tension to the story, but also provide us with the story's particular backstories for all the pups, and Ryder too. And it has some good humorous moments to lighten things up. Like this one right here, where Marshall totally schools these dog versions of Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon."


"Well, look what we have here. It's our old good pal Skye," said the poodle.

"You know them, Skye?" asked Marshall, but Skye only kept her head down low.

"Oh, we know her alright. I'm Tina, and this is Bebe. We used to be best friends. Isn't that right Sky-Cry?" teased the retriever.

Skye turned away, biting her lip as she remembered that awful nickname. That name which took months to forget. "Leave me alone."

"What was that you little cry baby?" asked Tina.

Growling, Skye screamed, "I said leave me alone! And don't call me that! I'm not a little scardey pup anymore!"

The two fashion dogs laughed and shook their heads before turning to Marshall. "Has Skye never tell you how bad she was as a model? How she always posed wrong, or knocked over stage equipment. Let's not forget that time she fell off the stage once, hurt her knee, and cried cried cried."

"Only because you pushed me! You always were bullying me around!" shouted Skye, looking ready to rush a them.

"You can't prove anything," said Bebe, before looking at Skye's clothes and rearing back in disgust. "Ugh, and I see your sense of style has only gotten worse. Look at what you're wearing."

"This is my wing gear. I'm a member of Paw Patrol. A rescue pup. I do far more good in the world then you two fuu-fuu's ever do," countered Skye.

"Oh, please. You in Paw Patrol? I bet you're just their servant or something. There is no way, they would take cry baby like you, Sky-Cry," said Tina.

Skye was about to say something, but Marshall growled first. "You're wrong! Skye is our friend, and she's one of the best flyers I've ever seen!" Standing in front of her like a knight, he continued, "Skye has saved so many people with her flying skills that we couldn't do half of our rescues without her! She's brave, smart, graceful, talented, and fun to hang out with. A lot less than I could say for you two ugly's. "

The insulted dogs gasped and growled. "Watch it, fire boy. We happen to be the top two models of our industry."

"Then the industry stinks if it thinks you two are beautiful. Skye has a beautiful spirit, and that's more important than any makeup, dress, or jewelry you wear!" shouted Marshall.

Marshall… thought Skye, who felt her heart skip. She never had anyone ever stand up to her like that.

"What are you? Her boyfriend?" asked Bebe.

"No, but I am her friend. And as her friend, I feel inclined to do this." Marshall smirked before saying. "Arf! Water cannon!"

Skye watched as Marshall's water cannon came out of his puppack and sprayed her two bullies with ice cold water. The two screamed in fury and despair as the water ruin their perfect appearances. They ran away, calling for assistance while crying like babies. Skye and Marshall laughed as they saw the whole thing, the former wishing she had a camera to record this and put it online. It would be the perfect revenge against those two for everything they had done to her, but this was enough for now.

"That was so awesome!" shouted Skye as she rushed over and licked a blushing Marshall. "Thanks for standing up for me."

"What are friends for?" replied Marshall, putting his water cannon away. "Let's continue with the patrol, shall we?"

"Let's," answered Skye as they continued down the street, an extra skip in her walk.


"HavocHound is clearly the best writer in the PAW Patrol fanfic community," Spike said, "I wish I could show more examples of his amazing writer, but if I did, I would spoil too much. You need to read his work for yourself. But you really should start with Marshall Gone missing first. It's like a character study of all the pups. Marshall might be the focus, but all the character get a moment where we see a glimpse of their past and their thoughts and psyche throughout the crisis. You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll love it! Even if you're not familiar with the show. And then, if you don't mind a little more violence, blood, brutal murders, and some swearing; then maybe you could give Zuma's Fear a try. Although, it seems to be approaching SAW levels of violence, but if you're not squeamish, then maybe you can handle it."

Spike scratched his chin, and then held up a claw and said, "Oh yeah! One last thing! HavocHound has something he calls and idea helper. Go there, write a review about a story you have, and he'll help you develop it. Free advice! Cool!"


Author's Note: The intro song was "Super Smash Mouth Bros." by The Living Tombstone.


(This was a parody of "The Cinema Snob" and "The Nostalgia Critic" on That Guy With The Glasses)