AN. Thank you all for the amazing reviews. This update is dedicated to changed-for-good111, who asked very nicely.
littleAVA, I wish you could order your own Fiyero... sigh. And to Julia-Caesar, Gabgalrox and lizziemagic who review pretty much every chapter, thank you!
Chapter 9
Elphaba knocked on the door to Madame Morrible's private quarters one afternoon in early October, and waited patiently until the HeadShizstress answered.
"Ah, Miss Elphaba. How can I help you today?"
Elphaba smiled politely. "I'm here to see my sister, Madame, if that's alright?"
"Of course, my dear. She's in her room."
Elphaba thanked her and headed to her sister's room, finding Nessa at her desk.
"Hello, Nessa. What are you doing?" she asked, sitting on the bed.
Nessa looked up with a smile. "Nothing much. I just thought I'd write to Father whilst I had some free time."
Elphaba tensed slightly. "You haven't said anything about-"
"About you and Fiyero? No," Nessa replied with a disapproving frown. "I don't like lying to him, Elphaba."
"You're not lying," Elphaba reasoned practically. "There's just something you're not telling him."
"There's hardly a big difference between the two, Elphaba. I don't understand why you just won't tell him that you and Fiyero are dating. You are dating, aren't you?"
Elphaba faltered, flushing uncomfortably. "Yes," she admitted.
"It's been a month Elphaba. Just tell him," Nessa begged.
"My relationship with Fiyero is none of his business," Elphaba replied sharply.
Nessa wasn't the only one of this opinion. Fiyero couldn't understand why Elphaba refused to tell her father they were dating; after all, he'd told his parents after a week and a half. Strangely enough, it was the only tense subject in their relationship so far. Of course, Fiyero didn't like it when Elphaba made comments about her skin; and the fact that Fiyero was easily distracted when it came to schoolwork drove Elphaba crazy, but for the most part, they were happily getting to know one another.
Of course, the new couple were the talk of the campus, but fortunately, most people remembered Fiyero breaking a nose before the Spring dance and refrained from making comments within earshot of them. But Elphaba still knew perfectly well what people were saying, and she did her best to ignore them. Elphaba supposed it was going well, she had nothing to compare it to, and she certainly wasn't going to compare her relationship with Fiyero against Fiyero's brief relationship with Galinda.
The biggest thing that Elphaba had to get her head around was the idea that Fiyero was genuinely interested in her and seemed to be quite serious about their relationship. It had taken him a week before he'd finally kissed her at the end of their third date, and even now, it was always a sweet, light kiss against her lips, as though he didn't dare to kiss her harder.
"It must be me," she'd said to Galinda only that morning.
"What makes you think he's not always like this?" Galinda demanded and Elphaba snorted.
"Because he dated you and we share a room, remember?"
Galinda blushed and sat next to her friend on her bed. "Ok, yes it is because of you that he's treating this differently, but it's not for the reasons you think."
Elphaba raised an eyebrow. "How do you know what reasons I'm thinking of?"
"Because I know you, Elphie," Galinda replied simply.
"And how do you know the real reason?"
"Because it's obvious to anyone who knows you and Fiyero. Except you," she laughed.
Elphaba rolled her eyes. "Ok, Glin. Amaze me."
Galinda sighed. "Oh, Elphie… don't you see? Fiyero's worked really hard at getting close to you, and he's terrified that if he moves too fast, you'll shut him out and he'll never get back in."
That idea had stunned Elphaba, and eventually she'd decided to get some air and go visit Nessa, which had brought her to her sister's room now.
"We haven't really spent much time alone together lately," Elphaba said apologetically. "How are you doing this semester, Nessie?"
Nessa smiled at her sister. "Fine. I'm really liking all my classes. Actually, I've been meaning to talk to you Fabala, about my birthday."
Nessarose's eighteenth birthday was in a week and a half, Elphaba hadn't forgotten. She never did.
"Oh?" was all Elphaba said, but Nessa didn't need a reply.
"I was thinking it would be nice if we all went to the OzDust the Friday night after. I was going to suggest we just go to the Wilted Rose like we did for yours, but there's a few more people I'd like to invite. Really make it a party, you know? Father sent me the most beautiful dress today, and I'd love to wear it."
Elphaba's heart sank slightly. "That sounds nice, Nessa… but I'm not really sure what I'm doing just yet. Fiyero and I might have plans that night."
Nessa pouted. "Fabala, it's my birthday! Can't you and Fiyero change your plans if you have any?"
"We could, but maybe I don't want to go to the OzDust. You know how I feel about parties Nessa."
There were tears in Nessa's eyes now. Not real tears, but just enough to attempt to convince Elphaba to give in to her sister.
"You always do this!" Nessa cried accusingly. "You never want to be sociable! Every time I do something with my friends for my birthday, you make some excuse to hide away in a hole with your books!"
"Nessa," Elphaba began to protest. "You know that it's not an easy day for me. And I always make it special for you, don't I? I buy you a present and make your favourite dinner and a cake. But you know-"
"I know my own sister is too selfish and cold-hearted to celebrate my birthday with me!" Nessa choked out and Elphaba flinched.
"Just because Father doesn't celebrate your birth, doesn't mean I should suffer for mine!" Nessa continued angrily. "I think I do that more than enough every day, having to put up with this horrendible chair!"
"Nessie," Elphaba said placating, but Nessa cut her off.
"No! No, 'Nessie'. You don't even try to understand how hard it is for me Elphaba, having to always be different than everyone and seeing other girls do so many things I can't do. And don't try and argue that you do know how I feel! Just because you're green doesn't mean anything. Just once, would it kill you to feel something? I'm sick and tired of everything you say being sarcastic or pessimistic. I get it, we all get it, you're green and the world hates you. Well, Elphaba, it's not all about you!"
Elphaba felt as though Nessa had slapped her.
"I'm going to go," she said after a moment, her voice quiet. "See you later, Nessa."
Nessa didn't even bid her sister goodbye as she left.
Elphaba walked away from Nessa's room dazedly, her sister's words swirling around her mind. She had no idea where she was walking to, she just walked. Lost in her thoughts, she literally bumped directly into Fiyero.
"Hey, fancy bumping into you," he joked when he realised who it was. His smile faded when he got a good look at his girlfriend.
Although there were no tears, her face was a paler shade of green than its usual emerald and she was trembling slightly.
"Fae? Are you okay?" he asked gently, and she nodded faintly.
"I'm fine, Yero."
Fiyero knew better though. "No you're not. Come on."
He took her hand and led her to their usual spot under the oak tree.
"What happened, Elphaba?" he asked and she sat down on the ground, pulling her knees up to her chin and curling into herself.
She sighed briefly. "Nessa and I had a fight. No," she corrected herself, closing her eyes. "I sat there while Nessa yelled at me."
Fiyero frowned, he hadn't known Nessa and Elphaba to fight at all since he'd known them, and he had a hard time picturing quiet, prim Nessarose yelling.
"What about?"
"It's Nessa's birthday soon, and she's planning a big party at the OzDust. I wasn't very enthusiastic about the idea," she admitted. "And she got mad."
That didn't seem very significant to Fiyero and he almost laughed. "She'll get over it, Fae. She knows you're not big on parties."
Elphaba shook her head. "No, it's not just this year. My Father always makes a big deal out of Nessa's birthday. I make her favourite dinner and a cake and she gets presents… and it's not that I don't want to celebrate her birthday. She's my little sister and she deserves to celebrate…"
"But?" Fiyero prodded. He wasn't even going to comment on the fact that Nessa's birthday was a cause for celebration whilst Elphaba's was considered unimportant.
Elphaba didn't answer and Fiyero could almost see her shutting down. In desperation, he grabbed her hands, making her look at him.
"Elphaba? Fae, talk to me," he begged. "Don't shut me out. Please?"
Elphaba saw the earnest concern in his blue eyes and took a deep breath, deciding maybe it was time to tell him everything.
"I was three and a half when Nessa was born," she began, Fiyero's hands still wrapped comfortingly and securely around her own.
"I only have a few memories of my mother, because she died giving birth to Nessa."
Fiyero was stunned for a moment. "Oh, Fae," he said softly, but she shook her head.
"Don't, Yero. Don't feel sorry for me. It's because of me that she died… that Nessa is stuck in that chair for the rest of her life."
Fiyero frowned in bewilderment. "How is it your fault?" he asked. Even as he asked, he got the sense that the answer would explain a lot about Elphaba, and why she kept people at arm's length.
"They were worried… our parents, both of them, that the baby might be born like me. Green… my father never really had much to do with me when I was a child, and once Momma got pregnant with Nessa, he was so excited at the chance to have a normal baby. But he was still worried, so he and Momma tried to make sure it wouldn't happen. He made her chew milk flowers constantly… I remember her telling me they tasted awful, but she did it to make Father happy. But then… she went into labour too soon and she lost so much blood. Nessa's legs came out all tangled and Momma never woke up."
Fiyero couldn't think of anything to say, the story was just so awful. But Elphaba didn't need him to say anything.
"Nessa's been left out of everything her whole life. She wanted to do dancing and couldn't, she has a closet full of beautiful dresses and shoes she can't wear the way she wants to because she can't stand or walk. She always had a hard time making friends when we were younger because she can't run and play like the others could… and it's my fault. If I hadn't been born, everyone would be better off," she finished quietly, lowering her eyes.
Fiyero could hear the sincerity in her voice, she really believed what she was saying. Angrily, he cupped her face in his hands, making her look back up.
"Elphaba, I never want to hear those words cross your lips again, do you understand?" he said fiercely and she looked faintly startled by his anger.
"Oz, Elphaba- do you know where I'd be if it weren't for you? What I'd be like? What Galinda would be like? We are both better off because of you, and I don't want to think about what my life would be like without you in it. And what happened to Nessa and your mother, is not your fault. Your parents made choices and these things just happen sometimes. You are not responsible. Ok?"
Elphaba nodded wordlessly and Fiyero pressed his lips to the top of her head.
"What else did Nessa say?" he asked, pretty sure there was more than Elphaba had said so far.
Elphaba pulled away from him, looking away. "She said… that I was selfish and cold and unfeeling… and she's right."
Fiyero opened his mouth to protest at that, but she stopped him, standing up to pace around.
"No, don't argue, Fiyero. I… I thought it would be easier. Since I was a child, people have been saying things to me about my skin. My own father wants nothing to do with me because I'm abnormal. And it was just easier to make myself not care about what people said, because if I got upset every time someone made fun of me, I'd always be upset. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt still, when someone calls me a name or what people are saying about us."
Fiyero watched her move backward and forwards in silence, until she turned to him worriedly.
"What if I can't feel anything? I'm so used to not showing any emotion and hiding what I feel, I don't even know if I can feel anything anymore. I don't know if I'm happy, or if I just think I'm happy… because I don't remember when the last time I was happy was. I just feel… numb, most of the time with these shadows I think are feelings, but I don't know what they are, or if they're real."
Fiyero stood up, walked over to where she was standing and pulled her into his arms. Before Elphaba could register anything else, he kissed her. Not like he'd kissed her before, but how he'd been wanting to kiss her for the past month and been too scared to do. He kissed her how he should have kissed her that day with the Lion Cub, or on the night of her birthday. Elphaba responded without thinking about it, her arms winding around Fiyero's neck and her mind blissfully clear.
When they separated, both needing air, Fiyero kept her close to him, resting his forehead against hers.
"Elphaba, you are the most feeling person I know," he told her firmly. "It is absolutely impossible that you are incapable of feeling. You've cared for Nessarose her entire life, given her everything you could. Galinda and Boq told me what happened the first day of school last year when you couldn't room with Nessa, you were so upset you lost control of your magic. I was there when you made our entire History class go insane to rescue a Lion Cub. You're always willing to tutor me, or anyone who needs it. You let Galinda give you make overs when she's had a bad day and is upset. You feel, Fae."
Elphaba said nothing, but her smile was answer enough. When Fiyero kissed her, she'd felt an indescribable warmth spread through her entire body, making her tingle and she'd known then, that she was happy. In Fiyero's arms, she felt safe, accepted. She felt beautiful, which was something she'd never felt before, and she knew in that moment she was falling in love with Fiyero- if she wasn't already. That thought scared her a little and she pushed it away for the time being, not wanting anything to spoil this moment.
Fiyero kissed her again and then smiled as he drew away. "You're also amazingly good at picking up the feelings of others. Do you have any idea how much it terrified me when you called me out on my entire personality that day with the Lion Cub? You'd known me for, what a day? And you saw what my own parents hadn't seen."
Elphaba chuckled, entwining her fingers through the hair on the back of his head as she recalled what she'd said to him that day.
So no matter how self-absorbed and shallow you pretend to be… no, you're not. Or you wouldn't be so unhappy.
"I could tell you were miserable," she said softly. "That's one emotion I'm very familiar with."
"It was my only way of rebellion," he admitted. "The whole 'Dancing Through Life' thing. My whole life has been planned out for me, and I didn't want to be king… too many responsibilities. When I was eighteen, I just started… not caring. I didn't want to think, I didn't want that pressure of having to rule a country, I was just fed up with it all. And no one saw through it, until you."
Elphaba frowned at him in concern. "But you're happier now, aren't you? You seem happier."
He laughed. "Fae, of course I'm happy. I have you."
Elphaba leaned up and kissed him in reply.
Nessa came and apologised to Elphaba at dinner that night, which of course, Elphaba accepted without question.
"I was thinking," Nessa said softly. "That maybe we could have dinner at Gardenia's next Friday and then I could go meet my friends at the OzDust?"
Elphaba recognised her sister was trying to make amends and smiled as she embraced her sister tightly.
"Sounds perfect, Nessie."
Fiyero watched the two sisters hug and smiled.
