Baby Blunder

Authors Note: Has anyone else realised as an interesting fact that when the Open Office program spellchecks 'Obama', it suggests 'Osama' as the proper spelling? ROFL. Oh dear... not very politically correct, is it? Late update here! Very late! I'm sorry, I must whip my own aft more and get things done. My bad. Please enjoy this very long chappie, and thank you to those that reviewed the last chapter. Very much appreciated.

Chapter 9

The beach, late summer, NEST base, Diego Garcia...

"I want a hug."

Ultra Magnus blinked his blue optics at the sudden request from his big mechly sparkmate. His big, mechly, and very much pregnant, sparkmate. Optimus Prime. Supreme Autobot Commander. Soon to add 'mother' to his impressive list of credentials. Magnus had been sitting quietly on the sandhill overlooking the beach, watching the ebb and flow of the sea, relaxing with Optimus on his left side, the smaller mech every so often rubbing his shoulder into Magnus as a sign of affection. Both mechs were sitting on their afts with their arms resting comfortably on their pulled up knees.

"You do?" Magnus asked, a quizzical expression on his face.

Optimus nodded affirmatively, pressed the back of his helmeted head into Magnus' chest and tilted his head back so he could peer up at his partner in a comely fashion. "Oh yes. Want one. Want one now."

"Uh, well, alright. I guess, if no one is looking... you can." Fighting to keep from laughing out loud, a bemused Magnus opened his left arm out to the side so Prime could snuggle in, which the other mech did with a whispering sigh and a few grunts. Optimus contentedly pulled Magnus' strong thick arms even tighter around his torso, enjoying the moment. Enjoying the hug. Being held against the huge broad chest of his bigger mate always put him at ease. It was a big enough demonstration of love from the normally reserved Ultra Magnus that made his spark flutter happily with joy.

"Is this another of your mood swings? Acting like a love deprived sparkling and wanting hugs?" Magnus asked softly, reaching out with his finger and lovingly poking Optimus in his noseplates so that the Autobot Commander flinched and playfully batted his own hand back at him. Magnus smiled, rumbling, "I thought I'd get used to all this weirdness by now, but I'm still adjusting."

"It is not weird to want comfort, Magnus," Prime responded, rubbing the side of his faceplates into the warm metal of his mate like a newly in-love youngling. "The humans do it all the time, why shouldn't we?"

Ultra Magnus cocked his head, "Speaking of humans... do I hear Lennox screaming about something?"

"I hear it too..." Optimus put his normal expression back on and lifted himself up enough so he could take a peek over Magnus' shoulder. "Here they come."

The yelling was coming from an upset Major Lennox being caged in one hand by a disgruntled Ironhide. The broody black mech stomped his way with long strides over the sandhill, spraying sand everywhere and heading for the beach in front of them with a very pissed off Will Lennox screaming for mercy – with a few rarely heard swear words thrown in when the human man realised that nothing was going to stop the great Ironhide from dumping his ass in the sea.

"No! Stop! Ironhide, you dumbass, don't do th-"

Ironhide simply extended his arm out over the breaking waves and opened his fingers, letting Lennox crash downwards mid-sentence into the water in an awkward belly flop. While Will came up out of the sea gasping and shrieking, Ironhide bent over to get into his face. "If I ever hear you say something like that to Sarah again, you will be dropped from a greater height and onto something not as forgiving as water. Show respect for your sparkmate, Lennox." Ironhide then swung around and began stomping back the way he had arrived. He paused at the stunned looks on the faces of Ultra Magnus and Optimus Prime, halting to say distinctly to them, "Retribution. He offended Sarah," before moving on.

"I DID NOT CALL HER FAT~!" Lennox yelled, smacking the water with his arms in anger, "I only said she's got a belly big enough to carry twins! It was a joke!"

Trudging his way back to the base buildings, Ironhide didn't respond. He disappeared into the distance.

Major Lennox stood in the chest deep water and met the befuddled stares of Ultra Magnus and Optimus Prime with a scowl. "Bloody aliens, what would you know about a woman being pregnant? Sarah and I were having a laugh over how big she is right now! She wasn't offended! I share her pain!" Will's expression dropped when it hit him what he'd just said, and to whom. "Oh. Uh... sorry Optimus. I guess, um, you do know what its like to... um..." He blushed, hating how much he was stuttering and fumbling. "Sorry."

Magnus shook his head and sighed while Optimus chuckled.

Prime smiled, "No offence taken, Major. Ironhide is very protective of females. If he discerned the slightest insult in your words towards Sarah – intended or not – he can get very angry, as you now know," Optimus said, watching as Will struggled his way out of the water with his soaked combat pants, boots and shirt weighing him down.

Lennox grumbled and made faces as he stood on the beach and began stripping down to just his combat pants only, shucking everything else and then rolling up his pants to his knees. The summer heat would dry him pretty quickly. "Yeah. I noticed that when I got abducted and tossed." He ran his hand over his head to wipe the water away, staring at Prime being cuddled by Magnus. Now that was an image that hurt his brain. Since when did anyone 'cuddle', Optimus Prime? "I'm sorry we disturbed your alone time. I know how hard it is to get that."

While Magnus looked slightly abashed at being caught with his arms around his mate in public, Optimus smiled openly. "It is true that we don't get much alone time, and since our little one has developed a taste for demolishing my internals with the kind of powerful kicks that Magnus is famous for, being truly alone with just the two of us is not realistic."

"Three of us," Magnus corrected him, putting his big hand over Prime's vibrantly flamed red-and-blue chest and patting it.

Lennox squinted at them, "You've traded throwing up for being pummelled, huh? You should talk to my dear wife about that. She's having troubles too. The baby is turning itself around so it's head is engaged in her pelvis, and it is kicking every inch of her that it can get to while it does that." The man made motions with his hands of turning a baby in mid-air, "It's getting ready for the birth. Our babies come out head first, not feet first."

Optimus looked down at his chest where the sparkling was housed under his spark. He silently put his hand on his metal.

Seeing what his mate was obviously thinking about, Magnus spoke up. "Our sparklings are sparked – uh, born, as you say – by emerging from our chests." The huge black, blue and silver mech rubbed at his forehead as he spoke, "At least, Ratchet says that is what the ancient medical records say about mechs giving birth. Even in femmes, the sparkling comes out through their midsection. Cybertronians have no experience with sparklings emerging between our legs."

Prime's optics widened as he listened to what Magnus was saying. Dear Primus, he didn't want to entertain the idea of his sparkling being born through his crotch and between his legs. He liked his male bits in his groin just the way they were. He couldn't contemplate his equipment being destroyed so that their little one could come into the world. He also guessed that Magnus would be distraught to find his mech mate turned into a sexless drone, or what the humans referred to as a eunuch.

"Whichever way the babies come out, I can guess that it is painful," Lennox agreed. He gathered his wet clothing under one arm and gave them a mutated form of a salute turned into a wave. "See you round, boys."

Ultra Magnus swivelled his head to watch the human Major trot off home. Optimus relaxed and fitted his head into a small hollow between his mate's shoulder and neck armor, looking out to sea.

"Please remind me to get off planet on the quickest ship out of here if Ironhide ever decides to have a sparkling of his own. I don't think any of us would escape having our heads blown off whenever we even thought something offensive about his offspring," Magnus said with shake of his head.

"And you don't think that Ironhide hasn't already said they same sort of thing about you, hmm?" Prime murmured lazily. He was tired. A power nap was in order. As the sparkling in his chest grew in size, his reserves of strength and endurance were shrinking from their previously impressive levels.

"I don't blow bots heads off! I just rip them off, make them listen to a few strict rules, then stick them back on. How is that any worse than Ironhide? At least I give them back when he doesn't," Magnus retorted.

"Nevermind..." Optimus grumbled, rolling his royal blue optics in their casings, thinking, Way to go and blow the romantic snuggling, afthead.

One week later, in the early afternoon...

Optimus Prime (with a softly swollen pregnant chest) and Sarah Lennox (with a huge pregnant belly), both stood by the side of the tarmac and watched the C-17 carrying their loved ones (Ultra Magnus and Major Will Lennox) take off for a rendezvous with a mission in Italy. The possible threat of a lone Constructicon being uncovered in Italy had the Italian Prime Minister screaming at the American President about the safety of his country from dangerous aliens. President Obama had in turn had serious words with his Defence Secretary, who had serious words with NEST Command, who made the serious decision to despatch their best available team to Italy. Hence, Magnus and Lennox being shipped off.

No one in the NEST command chain could make themselves front up to President Obama and inform him with a straight face that the male, alien, robot, Autobot Commander was in fact pregnant and could not be deployed. And if they did have the strength of constitution and will to do so, they still couldn't because that was a secret not allowed to be revealed to anyone outside of NEST. So instead, Obama was informed that Optimus Prime wasn't feeling very well that day (diesel indigestion) and his place was to be taken by his equally powerful and intimidating deputy, Ultra Magnus.

Bye-bye Ultra Magnus, bye-bye Major Will Lennox. Don't forget your Italian Dictionary.

Sarah held up one hand and waved sadly as the plane rolled past them at take-off speed on the ground and began to climb into the air. "Bye Will, stay safe for me. I'll be waiting." She slid her hand lovingly over her swollen tummy, "We'll be waiting."

Optimus remained silent, choosing to stand and stare after the plane carrying his sparkmate long after it had covered enough distance to disappear from even his fine-tuned optics. He could feel the heavy and cloistered presence of his mech mate over their sparkbond. Magnus was weighed down with the peculiar and strong sensation of feeling regretful and worried at leaving behind his sparkling-carrying mate. This was a first for the huge black, blue and silver mech. Normally, Ultra Magnus was rarely unsettled by the remote thought that his sparkmate may be injured or hurt, since Optimus was a legendary warrior and one of the best fighters on all of Cybertron (besides Magnus himself, who was often referred to as the Autobot's Greatest Warrior), and there wasn't much that could threaten Prime's well-being when it came to battle. But Optimus carrying a sparkling had ignited new and frustrating feelings in Ultra Magnus, since there was more at stake now than just themselves. The little sparkling they had inadvertently created was a new worry, and their responsibility. They both had to live and stay safe for the little one.

"Optimus?"

Prime turned himself around to look down at the small human female. In doing so, he flinched. Primus, when had it gotten so difficult to look down at the ground past his protruding chest? "Yes Sarah?"

The woman smiled, shielding her eyes from the hot sun so she could look up at his face, "Arcee is looking after Annabel for the afternoon, so perhaps we can use this time without our men to spend some time together? We are, after all, both about to become mothers."

"I concur. Get yourselves out of this Primus forsaken heat and chatter away like chipless femmes, you two." Ratchet came striding up behind Optimus in all his lime green glory, giving both of his patients a disgruntled look along with a light medscan each. "Go on, get." The ill-tempered but good-sparked medic propped his fists on his hips and watched as Optimus shook his head and kneeled in front of Sarah to offer her transport out of the heat via the palm of his hand. "And both of you come by and see me this evening. With both of your impending births approaching, I wish to discuss the plans we have for each of you when the time arrives to pop your little gifts into the unprepared world."

Sarah gracefully settled herself bum first into Prime's steady hand, comfortably arranging her skirt around herself then patting his metal when she was properly seated and good to go. Optimus drew himself upright with his precious cargo and gave his annoying CMO a sour look. "Little gifts?"

Ratchet snorted, waving his hand, "I apologise. Should I have used the term 'hellspawns' instead?"

Before Optimus could make a fiery retort, Sarah put herself out in front of the verbal sparring. "I know just the mech that I am going to dump my giggling, pooing, head-spinning, vomit-propelling, tantrum-throwing, snot-generating, smelly-nappy baby on when I want a day off to myself, don't you agree, Optimus?" Sarah said smoothly, giving Ratchet the sweetest smile ever.

"Oh, I confess that I must completely agree with your assessment, Mrs Lennox," Optimus Prime openly smirked, "or in military speak, I concur with your mission statement and I agree to move forwards with your strafing run, ASAP." He walked past a glaring Ratchet with a graceful smile to match Sarah's sweet expression.

Ratchet scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest, doing his best you-can't-faze-this-medic glare as the mech and woman walked away. Then his expression lightened and his thick shoulders drooped as he muttered to himself and headed back to his medical domain, "Mother-units are hell no matter what species they come from."

Carrying Sarah as if she were the most precious cargo in history, Optimus let her guide him to a suitable place for them to chat, which ended up being in the shade up against the outer wall of the supply hangar where a cooling sea breeze was beginning to sweep over the island base. Prime produced a soft gel cushion from his subspace pocket (usually meant for stabilising a field injury) for her to sit on.

Mrs Lennox was just settling herself down when she went still, grimacing and making a sharp exclamation. "Oh! Oww..."

Optimus sent her an understanding glance. "Kicking?"

"Humph, more like belting with the force of an angry elephant," Sarah grumbled. "I think my bladder has a hole in it now. Babies have no manners."

"Ah yes, I have found that to be very true. One of my fuel filters is being compressed by my sparkling and letting through half-utilised fuel, resulting in me, emitting unusual odours occasionally when I recharge. Magnus is not impressed and I do not think he quite believes me when I blame our sparkling," Optimus told her as he stretched his long legs out in front of him, relaxing. He wished he had more opportunities to talk with the human woman. He felt calm and content to be discussing reproduction with someone who had already done it once, and was going through it a second time at the same stage as his own unborn sparkling was.

Sarah gave him a surprised look, "I didn't know your species could even, er, well, to put it bluntly – fart."

Optimus decoded that word in a microsecond, and began laughing hard, making his air intakes rattle. "We do have an exhaust system, Sarah. Our gases have to go somewhere just the same as yours do, and Ratchet took great glee in telling me that our emissions contain a percentage of methane just likes yours do."

"Oh dear." Sarah covered her nose with both hands and snorted a giggle. "Very unfortunate. You will give me warning when you feel you're about to let one go, won't you? I mean, you are very big, it would be very... not nice to be in your personal space."

"Never fear," Prime let his thighs relax so each of his legs was turned outwards with his feet pointing at forty-five degrees. He clasped his hands together in his lap. Getting comfy, "Unlike you, I can seal that end of me and let my gases pass in more private moments. It is only when I am recharging and do not have concious control that social blunders happen." He smirked. "Much to Magnus' disgust, I assure you."

"Hey, husbands have to learn to put up with the good AND the bad. We're not all angels." Sarah smoothed down her pretty red dress over her big tummy. "Has Ratchet told you the gender of your baby?"

"Sparkling," Optimus corrected her gently, "and no, he has not. Nor have we asked for him to. It would ruin the surprise."

The woman smiled wryly, "As if being male and finding out you're pregnant isn't a big enough surprise, huh? Ratchet knows what I have but I have asked him to keep it a secret. Will doesn't want to know in advance and neither do I." She reached out and stretched to reach his metal skin, giving him a pat on his hip, "No more throwing up?"

Optimus laughed ruefully, "No, no more of that, thankfully. Magnus has kept a dump container in our quarters, ready for him to grab if he gets the faintest indication that I may eject. I have disappointed him by feeling quite well."

"Thank God for that... I'm glad for you."

The big mech and the small woman sat together companionably for a few minutes. Each watching the beginning of a summer storm appearing on the horizon.

Sarah pushed her tangled blonde hair back from her face and looked up at him, "Will it hurt?"

Understanding what she was referring to, Optimus bowed his head, running a forefinger over the middle of his strained chest plating. "Ratchet says it will but he cannot accurately predict how much. He says it depends on a lot of things and he has not assisted a mech with a delivery before." The powerful mech shrugged, "As you may guess, I am no stranger to pain. It does not unduly worry me. I will cope satisfactorily." He looked down at her. "And you?"

"Oh yeah. Lots of it. Yelling, shouting, hitting Will, crying," Sarah nodded her head to each word of misery she expressed, "but Ratchet says he may be able to help with that. He says he'll interrupt my pain nerve impulses by transmitting a mild sonic block to my lower spine to dull them." She wrinkled her nose, "I'm looking forward to a pain-free experience this time! Apart from the neverending joy of trying to push something huge through a little stubborn hole, that is"

"You have my sympathy." Optimus rubbed at his cheekplate and looked up at the sky, "The Allspark was a much better way of reproducing. I do miss it."

"Optimus... may I ask you something about your relationship with Magnus? That is, if you don't mind me prying just a little," Sarah said carefully, giving him a soft smile.

He nodded, not fussed, "You may ask."

"Oh, thank you. What was it that attracted you to him, and when did you know that you loved him? I'm just trying to understand about your relationship with him. I've watched you and him together, sometimes. I know Will and I are not perfect but we get along and learn as we go. I was wondering how you and Magnus handle everything that is thrown at you considering the tough circumstances you end up in."

"Hmm." Prime's optics brightened. It wasn't often that he got to discuss his love and adoration for the massive and towering mech that he had bonded to. Happiness flooded his quickening spark. "We met several hundred thousand years ago. Shortly after he first came online, he dedicated himself to the Autobot cause and began urging others to do the same, getting together units of soldiers to help him serve me and the Autobots. Fighting for us. It was a while before we ever met faceplate-to-faceplate. I was used to exchanging transmissions with him and it was only when he started getting up Ironhide's aft - he and Magnus can barely tolerate each other - that I finally physically met him." Optimus smiled, "I was definitely attracted to him. He is a handsome mech. So handsome that I mistakenly thought he would have a huge ego to go with his looks, like Sideswipe or Sunstreaker."

"Who?" Sarah asked, confused. Will had told her who all the Autobots were but she was terrible with names and faces.

"Sideswipe, the silver sports car? He has an ego that arrives before he does?" Optimus explained patiently. Any other Transformer would have gotten irritated that the simple human woman was apparently too inept to understand names and alt mode types, but that was Prime being his usual patient and kind self.

"That one, right. He speeds too," Sarah nodded.

"Yes, I will have to speak to him about that – again," Optimus growled, then lightened his tone when he returned to discussing his sparkmate, "Magnus didn't have a huge ego. He didn't have any ego, period. He was quiet, strong, gorgeous, irresistible, enormously kind and caring, and the evil mech made me chase him for many of your Earth years before I could get my hands on him. But once I had him," a predatory and satisfied smile stretched itself across his faceplates, "I made him mine."

Optimus Prime forgot in his happy rambling to tell Sarah about the moment when he knew he loved the other mech. She didn't mind. It made her happy to provide him with someone who would listen to him talk about his beloved sparkmate.

When Ultra Magnus and Major Lennox arrived back at the base in the late hours of the morning before the sun had begun to rise, Sarah hugged her husband and kissed his cheek in relief over and over again, while sneaking looks over his shoulder at the 'Hello, I'm back' that Optimus was receiving from Ultra Magnus. The taller male Autobot had drawn Optimus tight against his body and was dominantly taking hold of his mouth with his own in a way that demonstrated that while Ultra Magnus wasn't so good at being openly romantic, he certainly knew how to make his 'husband' almost melt into the ground with a powerful, weak-at-the-hydraulics, kiss. Magnus was clutching his near-whimpering pregnant mate to him in the pouring summer rain under the harsh glare of the landing strip spotlights – rainwater streaming down their entwined metallic bodies - and letting him know how much he had missed him and worried about him while he had been absent on a mission. Protocol be damned. It was time for a dose of I-Love-You and a return serve of I-Love-You-Right-Back.

Standing with his dented rifle in one hand and his duffelbag slung over one shoulder, Sergeant Epps shook his head, "Man, that kiss is putting Scarlett and Rhett's kiss in 'Gone In The Wind' ta shame. Those dudes are smokin'!"

"Yes, can someone make them stop before I purge?" Ratchet muttered, his head bowed while he covered his optics with one embarrassed hand.

"You're worse than I am, Ratch," Lennox smirked.

The other soldiers, tarmac crew, and even the other Autobots, all quietly vacated the area and left the big mechs to themselves. They deserved it.