Nine: Death – Quando il Cavailere Cade, il Fiore Vede –
"Do you know that knights favor death over life, when the lives of their masters are the rewards for their sacrifice?" Mr. Lehrer said softly as he poured some sweet smelling wine on two glasses on the table. "Yeah, what about it?" I replied, taking the glass he offered to me. He raised his glass for a toast and I did the same.
"For Lady Nami," he said and gulped half of it. I looked away and sipped. The sweet flavor of the wine burned bitterly upon my throat. "For Nami…" I whispered, setting down the glass.
"Mr. Lehrer, why did you call for me?" I finally asked him. Ever since I had confessed myself to Nami, I had always felt that little tense atmosphere forming between us. I cant blame her. I was at the wrong timing for such a thing but it was the only chance left for me…before she is totally out of my reach. And to top that, Mr. Lehrer seemed to be interrupting us at all the chances we could get alone so we don't we don't really get to talk, which was very frustrating and annoying.
God knows how much I have tried to patch up things between us. It may not be the same as before but I just want a good closure. I don't care if she'll dump me or what.
Okay, I do care.
But coming back, I badly want to hear her, to see her, to hold her for just one more time.
Before everything is over…
Before I fail to make that promise…
Before I fall, for her sake…
Mr. Lehrer looked at me and the look he gave me made me feel like this is the moment where I leave. "I think you know why, Mr. Tsuchiura." He said as he finished off the remaining wine on his glass. He strode to a nearby cabinet and pulled something out from the drawer.
It was a slightly bulky brown envelope.
"It just arrived a few minutes before dinner." He said as he walked to me. He still held on to it, like he was unsure of how to break the news to me.
Like I didn't know that the envelope contained the papers that I would need to enter Japan again. He paused for a while as he kept on eyeing the object in his hands.
The object that would change everything.
"I would have preferred to tell you this in an earlier time…" Mr. Lehrer stopped and looked down. He stop playing with the envelop in his hands and sighed heavily.
"In an earlier time, Mr. Lehrer?"I asked him and he kept on looking away. "To what, to warn me?" I added and he whipped his head to me, his face a mix of frustration and guilt. "I-It's not like that, Mr. Tsuchiura. You don't understand." He said after he regained his self.
I stepped away and paced the room. "I think that I do understand it very well, Mr. Lehrer. You want me out of this scene, out of this house, out of her life." I stopped to look at him. "Why? What have I done wrong? I was never intruding or putting my hands into your businesses. I was never a nuisance to everyone. I never did anything bad to all of you."
"You loved her, that's what you have done wrong." Mr. Lehrer solemnly said and it was my time to get caught off guard. "W-What?" I asked in confusion and surprise. He too soon looked stunned as to what he had said. "I..uh…" he stammered then his eyes darted in various directions.
"Did you…were you there when I told her that?" I asked back, my voice barely a whisper. He nodded slightly at me. "I did not mean to do so. I am sorry to intrude into your private matters." He apologized but stood firm to his ground. "But please leave, Mr. Tsuchiura. It will be for the good of all." He responded. I couldn't understand why he was shoving me away that much. "It's not an order. It's a request." He added, his eyes softening.
"I made a promise to her. I wont leave her until this is over." I said. "Over? Why, Mr. Tsuchiura, this is already over. Lady Nami has now claimed her rightful title." He told me with a cold gaze that pierced me through. "N-No…I have to get her back to Japan. She…she does not belong here." I retorted, shaking my head slightly.
"Really? But according to the truth, she does belong here and must live here, as part of her ascribed obligations." He responded. He walked to me and waved the envelop. "Just accept the fact that you two are worlds apart." He said and gently shoved the thing to me. I held it like it was some pandemic source. "I cant abandon her. I am her knight. I should stay beside her." I took my ground.
"As her knight, it is your duty to make sure that she will live peacefully and beautifully. In order to do that, you must go the battlefield. You cannot fight your enemies while you stay behind in the castle." He answered back, an edge forming in his usually calm voice.
I glared back at him. I am not going to lose to this man. "And this is my battlefield. You are my enemy." I hissed. He sighed and massaged his temples with his thumb and index. "You really don't understand the situation. I am not your enemy. I am actually your ally here, Mr. Tsuchiura." He said.
"Ally?" I choked the words out. "How does this argument between us make you my ally? You keep on saying that I don't understand the things but you yourself do not understand anything either! You have no idea how much this thing hurts me." I shot at him as I hit my chest, my heart. Right now, there was only pain and loneliness forming in them.
Mr. Lehrer placed a hand on my shoulder and looked intently on my eyes. "As a matter of fact, I know exactly how you are feeling, Mr. Tsuchiura. I've been there." He murmured before letting his hand fall and turn his back on me. "Huh? You…you like Nami?" I could not believe I was asking this. He quikly glanced back at me with a confused look. "Lady Nami? N-No, I do not harbor such things for her." He said. And then it hit me.
"Fiona…it's Fiona, right?" I asked and I saw how his face fell to a shadow. "I...Mr. Lehrer…" I became speechless. How blind cold I ever be? He was always inside her room, assisting her and making sure all her needs were being done. I knew of that possibility, with that glow in his eyes and the smile he graces the sick woman, but I pushed it at the back of my mind thinking that he had been as accommodating to us too. "I once told myself the same things that you have said. I was pushing myself too far as her knight, claimed it to myself that I will protect her and be with her no matter what, even if I knew that there was no way we could end up really together. There was no way we could have a fairytale ending of happily ever after. Those things…sometimes, they don't exist with the person you badly wanted to." He said softly, pain interlacing with his grief.
"You didn't leave her, Mr. Lehrer. You have always been there for her. You stood firm to your promise." I told him as he stared of to a distance. "No, I was doing those as part of my duties. Besides…she…even if I had continued with my promise, it eventually wont succeed into a long bliss." He said and a sad smile appeared on his face. "It's because she's going…she's going to die, right?" I whispered the words that escaped my mouth. His silence answered the question. "It's not about the spoken words that count, it's the actual deed of being beside her and helping her through it all that matters." I said hoping to win him to my side.
To let me stay for a little bit more…
Until I find myself a part of them.
"Believe me, you are lucky, Mr. Tsuchiura. The distance between you and Lady Nami is nothing compared to the distance between me and Lady Fiona. I am doing this so that both of you can move on. I don't want you to go, even if you don't believe me, but it is what you must do. If you do not leave, Lady Nami would not be able to fulfill her duties well-"
"Are you saying that I am a hindrance? An obstacle? An intrusion?" I glowered at him.
"Yes." He frankly answered. "If you are still here, she cannot focus on her new image, on her new role. You will be a constant reminder of who she used to be and that will not help." He stated. "Nami cant be Nami if she'll forget her past. You cant make her do that!" I was agitated now.
"Yes, we cant but we must. The world demands her to do it, no matter how hard or impossible it seems. This is her destiny. Yours is not here, it's somewhere else. You were only a fleeting element in her life. Which leads to you going back to your home." He added.
He was right. Who am I to go against the world? I am nothing. I am just a commoner wishing for his own happily ever after with a princess who he thought was someone in his league. Unfortunately, I was wrong. I was never meant to be with her. It really did strike me the moment I learned the truth. But what did I do? I rejected the idea, banished it and continued to live hopes and dreams and all things in probability. I wanted to see the light, when all I was doing was, in truth, pulling myself closer to darkness.
"You have to leave unnoticed. The more sudden it will be, the better for everyone." Mr. Lehrer called me out of my reverie. "Not all medicines are sweet and tasty. Sometimes, the most effective ones are the most bitter to the taste." He added.
I have to leave her…I have to break my promise…? But I gave her my word not once but many times. I had assured her of my presence.
"The plane leaves tomorrow at nine. We will leave at six." He added. I didn't know why but I nodded back at him. "Will you go?" he asked me.
"Yes." I answered. No!
"Is that your final decision?"
"Absolutely." I responded again. Never!
"What about Lady Nami? You're going to leave her alone when you had promised?"
"She will understand." I don't think she will accept this.
"Will there be more?" Mr. Lehrer asked one more time. He was now facing me with a sad look on his face. The pain had filled me that I was numb already.
"I'm prepared to leave. Prepare the car early. I don't want to miss the flight." I said. He nodded and I did the same. I turned to my heels to return to my room when I noticed that the door was slightly ajar. Odd, I remembered that I closed it shut when I came in.
I gripped the handle and opened it slightly when what caught my eyes earned me a gaping hole from the bottom to suck me in.
Nami was there, her eyes glistening with tears.
