This is a shorter chapter, but I think you will like it...


Chapter 9: All the Possibilities

Two days had passed and almost nothing had changed. It was the end of Luka's shift and he wandered into the lounge to find Abby standing motionless in front of her locker.

"Long day?" he asked but received no answer. Luka walked closer and put his hand on her shoulder. "Abby, is everything okay?"

She jumped slightly and turned around. "Hi Luka." She shut her locker. "Everything's fine."

"You sure?"

"No," she answered.

They walked over to the couch and sat down.

"It's Carter," Abby continued.

"What's he done now?"

She sighed. "He's just. He's not himself."

"Well, that's obvious. He hasn't been himself for some time now. And he's saying everything's okay?"

"He tries." Abby stood back up and started pacing around the room. "He drinks like a fish suddenly. I asked him if he's been taking anything else. He got really upset and showed me his arms. There were no marks. Some people here think that it's just PTSD but I know it's more. I know him better than that." She stopped pacing and sat back down next to Luka. "But this is where I start getting confused. Before he was stealing drugs from work. There's nothing missing this time. Maybe it is just alcohol."

"He could be getting something from a family doctor. He's rich. He could pay a doc for anything." Luka was trying to stretch his mind to all possibilities.

"Yeah." She paused. "But I think what bothers me more is that he might not be taking any drugs. After all, his drugs tests have been coming back negative."

"But it has been a while since his last one. Unfortunately we have no control over when he takes tests."

"You do."

Luka looked at her, confused. "What do you mean?"

"Luka, you're the ER attending. You have some power." Maybe this is a way to find out the truth, she thought. "If you truly believe that something is wrong you can bring it up with Kerry and Anspaugh. They will do what's right. They care about him."

"And if he isn't taking drugs?" Luka asked.

"Then…then one part of me will feel better and another will feel worse. His moods might be from PTSD which, strangely enough, is harder to recover from than addiction. Yet he is getting addicted as he's drinking himself stupid." She stopped talking and nothing was said for several minutes.

Finally Luka said, "Let's get something to eat."

"What?" Abby sounded appalled at the question.

"I am very concerned for Carter. He is a friend of mine, too. But there is nothing we can do for him tonight. Let's eat and then we can talk about it some more. And I promise that we will figure something out."

Abby thought about this for a moment. Luka was right. Maybe getting some food would clear her mind so that she could come at this situation in any way needed.

The pair walked out of the lounge, through the ambulance bay, and into Ike's. Just as Luka started towards an empty booth Abby grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

"What is it?" he asked confused.

Abby was staring ahead as she said, "I'll be right back. I need to talk to him tonight." Sitting at the counter was Carter, working on some fries.

"I'm coming with you," Luka stated. "If I have to talk to the chiefs I should be able to tell them exactly how he is."

They made their way over to the counter. As they got closer, Abby noticed that not only was Carter nibbling on fries but he was also nursing a beer. To get his attention Abby cleared her throat.

Carter turned his head and smiled when he saw them. "Oh, hey guys. Do you wanna get a booth?"

"Sure," Abby responded, stunned at how chipper Carter was. She glanced at Luka as Carter gathered his items and started toward a booth. Luka's only reaction was a simple shrug of the shoulders.

Once all three friends were in a booth, Abby couldn't help but stare at Carter and the beer in his hand. After a minute of this Carter finally noticed and chuckled to himself. "God," he said, "is this some kind of ambush?"

Luka responded by asking, "How are you feeling today, John?"

"I am feeling fine." Carter suddenly felt trapped as he was sitting on the inside of the booth with Abby next to him. "And it is not because of a beer."

"I'm just surprised that you're drinking so close to where Kerry and Anspaugh often eat, considering your past and the past few weeks."

"Well, I think the cat's out of the bag here, Abby. Don't you?"

"You're getting closer to work. Soon you'll have a flask in there with you—"

Luka interrupted, "Abby." She was getting out of line.

But regardless of Luka's help, Carter still felt he needed to defend his actions. "I am allowed to drink a beer because I am not an alcoholic. And I would never drink while on call. Your interrogation is starting to make me paranoid."

"Do you have a reason to be paranoid?" Abby quickly snapped back.

"What are you getting at Abby?"

Why does this have to be so hard, she thought to herself. Then aloud she said, "The only reason why you should be paranoid is if you are hiding something. Are you hiding something?"

"I'm not doing this again. Let me out." Carter prepared himself as if he needed to make a mad dash for the door.

Abby held her place firmly as she said, "No."

It was Luka's turn to ask a question this time. To Carter he inquired, "Doing what?"

But Carter was starting to panic. He needed to get away from them. "Trying to explain myself!" he said a little louder than he intended. "Let me the fuck out of this booth."

Abby finally stood up and let him pass but as he was passing Carter continued, "I shouldn't have to explain anything! In fact, I have nothing to explain. Goodbye."

Carter hurried out of Ike's, not realizing that both Abby and Luka were following him.

To gain his attention Abby shouted, "Going to another bar, John?"

He spun around and replied, "You do not have the right to harass me like this. What I do on my own time is my own business! I showed you my arms; what more do you want!"

"I want you to stop drinking."

He took a couple steps closer to her and said, "We've been through this. I don't have a drinking problem." He turned back the way he was going and continued walking toward the El. Unfortunately Abby's next words stopped him in his tracks.

"It started when Kem left," she said.

Again Carter turned to face Abby and Luka. He didn't want to get upset because that would probably make them pursue him even more. Instead he simply replied, "Leave her out of it."

But Abby wouldn't let the conversation end. "Everyone has noticed—"

"I am not an alcoholic!" So much for not getting mad.

Abby's eyes didn't waver at the outburst. She continued, "You could have fooled me."

"Stop telling me how to live my life!"

Abby stepped closer to Carter and lowered her voice down to a hiss without losing any of the intensity. "You call this living your life? You are wasting yourself down the drain all over again!"

But Carter was unaffected by her comment. He smugly responded, "And we all know you're the expert at that."

"That was low, Carter."

There was a silence between Carter and Abby for a moment. It was Luka that broke the silence. "What about pills?"

Carter looked at him, pretending to not understand the question. "What?" he asked.

Luka continued, "Or a vein not in your arms—"

Carter shook his head, as if out of habit. In a normal voice he stated. "Shut up."

But Luka again continued. "I've seen junkies find a spot between toes."

Without acknowledging the comment, Carter said to the pair, "I want both of you to leave me alone."

He turned and started walking away, but he knew they were still trailing him. He turned around to find out he was right. He did not raise his voice. He did not show any emotion. He simply said, "No. Don't follow me. Turn around. Leave me the fuck alone. Otherwise I will get my lawyer and file for harassment."

He continued walking to the El while Abby and Luka stood in place, watching him walk away.

After a few minutes Luka said to Abby, "You're right. He's not okay. I'll request the drug test."


Tell me that you're alright
yeah everything is alright.
oh please tell me that you're alright.
yeah everything is alright.I used to rely on self-medication.
I guess I still do that from time to time.
But I'm getting better at fighting the future.
Someday you'll be fine.
Yes, I'll be just fine.

Tell me that you're alright.
yeah everything is alright.
oh please tell me that you're alright.
yeah everything is alright.

Hey, everything's fine.
Hey, everything's fine.
Hey, everything's fine.
Hey, everything's fine.

Song excerpt: Everything Is Alright by Motion City Soundtrack


So, what does everyone think? I'm curious: Who thinks Carter is back on drugs? Who thinks it's the alcohol? Who thinks it's just PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder)? And who thinks it's a combination of things or something I didn't mention. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I will try to have another in a week or so. DMJ