Chapter Nine: Decisions
-=/\=-
Kathryn sat alone at her desk in her ready room, a cup of coffee in her left hand and a data padd. in the other. She'd been cleared for active duty post, the Doctor's ground breaking miracle surgery to give her back her memories, but he'd insisted on her resting and recuperating. She just couldn't do that, she needed to work. She'd been away from the ship physically and mentally way too long. Still the experience had left her extremely unsettled.
The Doctor at first thought that she may lose the memories from her time down on the planet and from when she first arrived but that hadn't been the case. Though, in a lot of ways it was almost as if she'd dreamed the whole thing. It'd brought up a lot of emotional issues she'd thought that she'd already come to terms with in the last five years, but once again the worries about what she did, and every decision she'd ever made in the delta quadrant were now in the forefront of her mind.
The first thing she had to do when she'd first woken up was deal with the pet she'd managed to acquire while down on the surface. That decision was quickly taken from her by not just Deb, but Chakotay, and the Doctor as well. They'd all insisted that she should have a companion, and down on Terra, it just wasn't heard of giving gifts back. That next choice that she made after that, was to allow others to get a companion if they wished, though she had given some rules that no more than one per person, she knew that not all the crew would want a pet, thankfully more of the crew had decided that it would be more of a hassle to own one then it would be worth, and frankly some just weren't pet kind of people. Mr. Neelix had insisted on getting a group of chickens so that they could have fresh eggs. After listening to him for over an hour talk about the subject and cutting down his proposal to bring larger livestock she'd agreed that no more than ten chickens, and one roaster, would be allowed on the ship, and they must stay contained within the airponics bay where the other natural food stores were, and the roaster had to have its own pen, so that they didn't end up with a chicken collective.
Kathryn set her padd. down, it was amazing just how earth like this Terra was. Even the name of it was familiar and the culture and language. Part of her wondered if after five years they should just settle someplace, this certainly would be the place to do it. She looked out at the planet, but then again she longed for the rest of her family and the security that Earth provided. They would be in orbit for another week. Once again she decided that it might be the best option for the crew to have a choice. She would announce, later that week before they departed, that any and all crewmembers that would like to settle on Terra would have permission to do so. But, now was not the time to worry about that. She had other things she needed to take care of.
She looked up as she heard her chime ring; he was just on time like always. "Come in" she said turning to look at the door. "Commander" she nodded. She knew that she wanted, no needed, to talk to him about what went on in the days that followed her retrieval. She'd asked some pretty difficult questions, and he'd been brutally honest. So honest with her that even now just seeing him pretending that everything was fine and normal really hurt her heart. She now realized that she'd been keeping everyone at arms length, not because she felt it wrong with the protocols, after all they were written for a system not as tight as the one they were in. In the alpha quadrant if someone wished to be involved with someone that could be questionable, there would be an examination into the matter, and measures would be taken to allow them to do so. Out here, it was inevitable that they would begin to pair off, and she realized that if that were to happen she could spend the rest of her life truly alone.
Chakotay looked at her and smiled, "Neelix's banquet is in about an hour, and he wishes that we ware semiformal clothes, he said absolutely no uniforms." Chakotay informed her.
"No uniforms? He didn't inform me of that little detail." She stated, walking over to him. She locked eyes with him briefly but couldn't hold them, too many emotions ran though her.
He caught note of the fact she didn't hold his gaze, he wondered just how much of everything she remembered. "Well that's what he told me, so I think it's best if we went to our quarters and changed."
She nodded and gave him a slight haunted smile before she took her place in front of him to walk across the bridge. It was the end of the Alpha shift and she nodded to the many crewmembers that were on the bridge. She remembered just the day before when she arrived on the bridge for the first time, every one of the crew stood at attention when Harry called out, "captain on the bridge." She was so deeply touched at the love and devotion they showed her.
-=/\=-
"Captain, so good of you to make it, how are you feeling today?" Neelix asked no sooner had she taken two steps into the room. He'd seen her just on the other side of the doors and had made his way over before she could even make it into the room.
She smiled, and looked him in the eyes, "I'm doing alright and thank you very much I'm glad to be here." She took his hands for a brief second. She'd decided that she was going to make it a point to try and get to know all of her crew better. After all, they were really all they had.
"Good to hear good to hear, the people of Terra are extremely generous, they have provided us with all kinds of wonderful things, many of which I'm sure you are familiar with. It appears that whatever race had removed them from earth, had also taken with them a grand verity of plant and animal life that were indigenous to earth. We have potatoes, apples, celery, actually many different earth foods for everyone to enjoy!" he was so excited by this.
Kathryn made her way to the hors drover table, for once there wasn't a single thing that she didn't recognize, and there was no Leola root in sight, a welcome change to say the least. She happily picked up some mixed nuts, and a few other terrain treats, and then made her way to mingle with the crowd. She spotted Deb and her husband quickly and made her way over to them. She was happy to see them talking with B'Elanna, one of her more unique crewmembers. "Hello, am I interrupting?" she asked.
B'Elanna smiled, "Oh no not at all, we were just discussing their space folding technology." The half Klingon stated. "It's really fascinating, unfortunately it doesn't look like we'll be able to adapt it to fit our needs; it's just too complex."
Kathryn nodded and smiled, "that's too bad."
"It really is," Deb stated, she looked the woman before her over, "how are you feeling Kathryn?" she asked, using her real name instead of the name that she'd given her.
"I'm feeling fine," she said once again, it seemed like everyone was concerned with how she was holding up. She smiled as she looked at the woman that had shown her so much compassion and protected her from accusations and everyone else who'd believed that she did indeed belong elsewhere. "I've finally come up with a name for the puppy."
Deb took a drink off of a tray that was being carried around by an ensign that had volunteered to help Neelix out, "really, what did you name her?" she asked curiously.
"Debbie, after you," she too lifted a drink off the tray.
"I'm honored." The dark haired woman stated a bit in shock. She looked at B'Elanna who too smiled.
"It was the least I could do after all the kindness that you have shown me." She smiled. She then looked out at the crowed when she heard her title being called out. At first the source of the voice couldn't be seen but soon they were looking at the bright eyes of Naomi Wildman.
"Captain, I'm glad that you were able to make it." She smiled with her hands behind her back looking up at the woman.
"Thank you Miss. Wildman, I'm glad to be here" the child was always so formal, it was really cute.
The child grinned even more, "I was told to give you this." She moved her hands out from behind her back and she handed her a single pink rose." The child beamed as Kathryn took it.
"And who is this from?" she asked. Her eyes searched the room for anyone that was looking at them. She had a feeling she knew who it was from, but she wasn't entirely sure. She didn't find anyone watching the interaction.
"I'm sorry Captain, but I can't tell you, that information is classified." She stated trying not to smile.
She looked from B'Elanna to Deb, who both were extremely amused by the exchange. "Classified? Even from the Captain of the ship?" she asked the child.
Naomi's smile grew even bigger as she spoke, "especially the captain." She then nodded to her and decided it was time to make a hasty retreat, "and now if you will excuse me, I must be going, it's almost bed time." And with that the child hurriedly made her way through the crowed and out the rear doors of the mess hall.
Kathryn looked to the others who were obviously trying not to laugh. "I wonder what that was all about." B'Elanna stated.
Deb grinned broadly, "It looks like you have an admirer." She said pointing to the rose.
Kathryn blushed slightly, "it's a single pink rose, it symbolizes friendship." She stated smelling it, it wasn't replicated it'd come from the airponics bay. "And I have a feeling I know who it came from." She sent B'Elanna a knowing look. The other woman just nodded and smiled, leaving Deb a little out of the loop. She hung out with the girls and various other crewmembers for the rest of the evening before turning in. She was going to talk with Tuvok and get his opinion on something, before she made a decision that could potentially change the entire dynamics of the crew and their life in the Delta Quadrant.
-=/\=-
Kathryn sat on the couch in Tuvok's quarters, a glass of Vulcan spiced tea warming her hands. He always knew what she liked. She looked towards her friend; he'd already figured that there was something that was weighing heavily on her mind. She so very rarely visited him in his quarters, and usually when she did it was because she needed his counsel. She looked at him and smiled a slight sideways smile. "Tuvok" she started, suddenly unsure of what else to say.
"Yes, Captain?" he asked, he sat next to her his hands folded together with his index fingers extended. He looked her over.
"I need your advice, as both my friend, and as my tactical officer." She stated, looking down at his coffee table as she set her glass down. She turned her body so she could more easily see him. He nodded to her encouraging her to continue. "Well, the last week or so, has gotten me thinking on our situation. Not just the fact that we're stuck out here alone, but on how our relationships on this ship are." She paused still not sure what to say. She bit her lip and looked down at her hands that were clasped nervously together. She forced herself to look up into Tuvok's eyes. "Actually, I've been thinking on my relationship with the rest of the crew."
He nodded, "I see," he simply stated, letting her know that he was listening; he knew that there was more.
"I was wondering, just how close as Captain I should get to my crew. We are after all still thousands of light-years away from home, and…" she trailed off, losing her train of thought.
He looked at her curiously. He had figured out already what she might have wanted to talk about, he'd taken note on many occasions some of the exchanges between her and her first officer as well as other members of the crew. "You are wondering, if as captain, you could pursue a relationship with a member of your crew, am I correct?" he asked is such a calm Vulcan way.
She looked him in the eyes, shocked; she hadn't actually outright and said that was what she was worried about. "How did you?"
"Sufficed to say I know you, also you are not against forming friendships with members of your crew, you have formed one with me, and several of your other officers." He pointed out, "and further more protocol doesn't state that a captain shouldn't be friends with their crew." He informed her, "However it does state against getting involved with a subordinate. However there have been on many ships such cases of individuals that have broken that protocol. It also I do believe wasn't written for a situation quite like the one that we have found ourselves in." He looked her over; she was taking in what he was saying. "Furthermore, it is the nature of a species to want to seek out and bond with other individuals; it is only natural that you would feel this urge as well. Indeed, you are the captain, but at the same time you are also human, and a living being. If you are wondering if it would be a sever breech in protocol to become involved with someone, I do not believe that it would be."
She was surprised that he'd said what he'd said. She looked down and took a deep breath lost in thought processing the words that he was speaking to her. "What if things didn't work out?" she asked a very real possibility.
"Captain," he reached his hand out to take hers, "if it's the individual that I believe it is that you wish to become involved with, I doubt that would be the case, however I also would say this, I do not believe it is Star Fleets intention for a person to live out their life in solitude and isolation. I do believe as your friend, and as your tactical officer, that it would be in the best interest of the ship, and its crew for you to not be isolated."
She looked up into his face and smiled, he wasn't letting her doubt herself; she guess she'd been doing that for too long. "Thank you very much old friend." He simply nodded to her. They stayed and talked for a while longer before she excused herself, she still had a ship to run, and reports to read. Perhaps maybe later that night she would seek out Chakotay, and let him know how she really felt, and see what happened from there.
