The next month was spent picking paint colours and furniture and setting up a network of industry contacts on the east coast. Peyton still couldn't forget about Lucas, but she buried him under demos and paperwork. She'd started going to see new bands on weekends out of town. Somehow, she'd managed to keep all her friends, but avoid seeing him.
Lucas continued living his life as he'd done before she came back to town. He saw her car around, but never saw her. He joked with Haley, wondering if they'd worked out a schedule to ensure Peyton and he never had to see each other. He wanted to believe that the two of them could be in each others' company, but everything that had happened since she returned had told him that was unlikely.
It had been over a month since he'd seen her, and all he'd heard from his friends was how great she was doing with her new business, and how happy she was. He was proud of her for taking the leap and doing this for herself. He decided to stop by one day after practice to see her new office for himself.
"The place looks good." He strolled into the room, his voice and presence catching her off guard.
"Thanks," she said, looking up from her computer. His eyes glanced at all four walls, taking in the artwork that covered them. "What are you doing here?" she finally asked.
"Just came to check it out. This is great, Peyton."
"Thanks." Her reception was cold and guarded. He stood across from her with her desk separating them.
"Red Bedroom, huh?" He gestured towards the framed sketch that hung on the wall above her desk.
"Yea. Seemed fitting." He was pacing around the room again. "OK, is that it, Lucas, because I have a million things to do."
"Yeah, I guess that's it," he said angrily, and turned to leave. "I was just trying to be a decent guy."
The statement hit her hard and took a few moments for her to register.
"A decent guy?" she shouted, startling him. She stood from her chair. "The same decent guy who has repeatedly said he doesn't want to be with me? The same decent guy who wrote these amazing words about me, then took them back? The same decent guy who pushed me away when we kissed for the first time in years?" He clenched his teeth and shook his head. "Luke, I've poured my heart out to you over and over again, and all you've done is make me feel terrible. That's not what a decent guy does."
Peyton was crying, with tears and makeup running down her face. She'd tried to keep herself composed in front of him, but that's what she'd been doing all along, and she couldn't do it any more. All the emotion she'd felt and tried so hard to suppress for the past couple months she'd been in Tree Hill came pouring out of her, all at once, and at the worst possible time.
"I've tried, Peyton." He was calm and defeated. He didn't want to argue with her anymore. And more than anything, he didn't want to see her cry, or be the one who made her cry.
"No. You accused me of not trying, while you hid behind your anger and your hurt. Which I get, OK? I was wrong." She leaned back against her desk. "But I gave you space. I gave you what you asked for, and you did nothing with it." She paused to wipe a tear away. "You were right. I think the smartest thing I have done since I got back is stop talking to you."
He just looked at her with a mixture of pain and sadness and disappointment in his eyes. He didn't want her to see that her words actually hurt him, so he turned around and started to walk out of her office.
"We need to forgive each other, Peyton. Even if we're just going to be friends."
He left and she leaned her head back. She didn't want to just be his friend.
--
Lucas flew down the stairs and into Brooke's boutique.
"Luke, what's wrong?" Brooke asked, walking out from behind the register.
"Not now, Brooke." He stormed out of the store and she was left confused.
About 20 minutes later, Peyton walked down the stairs with her jacket over her arm, rummaging through her purse for her keys.
"Peyton!" Brooke called after her. She could see her friend had been crying.
Peyton left the store without even acknowledging Brooke was there. She got in her car and slammed the door. She sat, keys in her hand, for a few minutes, too angry and hurt to even leave the parking space. She wiped her eyes once more and checked her face in the rear view before turning the key.
She drove the back roads of Tree Hill, listening to music and feeling the cool breeze, hoping somehow that wind was going to bring happiness her way.
--
Brooke burst into Lucas' bedroom with a scowl on her face, and he knew he wasn't going to like what came next.
"What the hell!?" She shouted at him as he lay on his bed.
"Brooke, please." He was too exhausted to argue with her.
"You have to tell me what the hell just happened." She tried to calm herself down. She sat at the foot of her bed, worried about both her friends. She'd gone to Peyton's first, but she wasn't there.
"I don't have to tell you anything." He looked at her with a cocked eyebrow. He did want to tell her. He wanted to confide in her. But the truth was, he was ashamed of how he'd acted toward Peyton. Since she'd come back, he'd been a person he didn't want to be, and he couldn't explain why.
Brooke stared at Lucas. She wanted to scream at him for making her best friend cry. She wanted to take him by the shoulders and shake him until he realized what everyone else saw - that he and Peyton were meant to be together.
"She called me on everything," he finally said. "She laid out all the things I've done and said since she's been back."
Brooke smiled sympathetically. Haley, Nathan, and herself had each tried to gently tell him he'd been acting like a jerk, but they were all careful with their words. Apparently he'd just needed to hear it from the source.
"I don't want to hurt her, Brooke."
"Well, then stop doing it!!" She was frustrated with him again.
"I..." he started, but she interrupted him.
"You know, we've all sat by for two years and watched you miss her and want her and love her. Two years, Lucas! You wanted her back. Now she's here. And you're not doing anything about it."
"I don't know what to do!" He knew he was guarding his heart from her, and from the possibility of what she could bring him. It could be a love like they'd had before, or it could be more of the pain he'd felt since she left.
"You might try talking to her."
"I've tried that."
"Have you?" she asked, taking him by surprise. "As far as I know, you've just spat angry words and hurt at her. I get it, OK? I do. But you aren't happy, are you? It hasn't made you feel better."
He sighed and closed his eyes. She was right. It was clear Peyton wasn't going anywhere, so now he really had to figure out exactly what he wanted.
"I need to get out of here," he said finally.
"Want to go get some food, or..." Brooke offered before he interrupted.
"No. I mean I need to get out of town for a few days."
"Don't you have a game this Friday?" Brooke asked, worried.
"Skills and Nathan can handle it. I need to get away." He put his feet on the floor and turned to his closet.
"OK...?" She watched him rummaging through the top shelf until he pulled out an old familiar duffle bag. Blue with a faded TH on the side.
"Don't worry, Brooke. I'll be fine." He began putting essential items in the bag.
"Where are you going to go?"
"I don't know yet. Maybe that's the point."
Brooke left his house just after she hugged him and watched his car drive away. He'd called Skills and Nathan to let them know he wouldn't be around for the game. Judging from the side of the conversation she could hear, they were both just as worried about him as she was. She didn't understand his sudden need for a road trip, but she knew Lucas, and if he said he needed something, then he needed it.
She let him drive away, and wondered when he'd be coming back. And who he'd be when he returned.
--
Peyton found herself walking along the beach, sand in her toes and a breeze blowing off the ocean. The sun was setting and she felt at peace with herself. She'd said what she wanted to say to Lucas, and now it was in his hands. She was relieved to not have to live with the angst and repressed emotions.
They had - all of them - spent so many hours at this beach that it was hard sometimes not to get caught up in the memories held here. But somehow, when she sat on the sand, none of those memories mattered. She felt a silence in the waves and in her soul.
Then her phone rang.
"Hey, Haley," she spoke playfully.
"Hey! Where are you?"
"I'm just sitting at the beach. Why? What's up?" Peyton watched as a handful of sand sifted through her fingers.
"Just wondered if you wanted to hang out. Nathan and Jamie are playing video games and mama needs a break." Peyton laughed at the thought. "I'm just driving right now. Want to meet somewhere?"
"Yeah, absolutely. How about my office? I can be there in about 20 minutes." Peyton stood and brushed the sand off her legs.
"Sure, I'll bring coffee." They hung up and Peyton walked back to her car. She drove into downtown Tree Hill as darkness set in around her. She saw Haley waiting by the side entrance up to her office, with two coffee cups in her hands.
"Aren't you scared, loitering around in the dark like that?" Peyton asked as she got out of her car.
"Scared of all these people?" Haley asked sarcastically. The two looked down the street and noticed they were the only ones around.
They climbed the stairs and sat in Peyton's empty office. Haley instinctively pushed play on the CD player and listened intently at the voice filling the room.
"This guy's really good, Peyton." The guitar melody and simple lyrics reminded Haley of a much less arrogant, and probably more talented, Chris Keller.
"Yeah, his name's Ben Wade. I think I'm going to sign him." Peyton handed Haley a photo of the singer.
"That's awesome, Peyton! He'll be your first," Haley said suggestively. The two laughed then sat listening to the music until the song ended.
"So listen, I just wanted to see what's going through your head these days," Haley finally said.
"Ah, yes. The Lucas question." Haley scrunched her nose when her friend mentioned his name. "Seems I can't do anything without someone asking me about him."
"I just haven't really talked to you about it lately, so I wanted to make sure you're OK."
"I'm OK." For the first time in a long time, she actually felt that was true.
"Really? Because Brooke said that you and him had it out today."
"Yeah, well, I needed that." Haley looked at her, confused. "I said all I needed to say. I'm OK with it. Whatever happens."
"But you love him, right?" Haley asked.
"Yeah, I love him," Peyton admitted, "and that's probably not going to change. But I think I can live with it."
"Wow," Haley said, nodding in admiration of her friend's strength.
"I mean, I've been doing it for two years, right?" Peyton attempted to joke, but they both knew it was the truth.
"Peyton?" Haley asked after a few moments.
"Yeah?" the blonde replied.
"Do you ever wonder if you made the right choice? Leaving?" She looked at Peyton, waiting for her response.
"Every day."
--
"Nathan, what the hell?" Haley burst through the front door of her home and into the kitchen, where Nathan was washing an apple in the sink. Her outburst took him off guard and he just stared at her, wondering what he'd done this time.
"Uhh..." he attempted.
"I just got a text from Lucas. It says 'Out of town for a few days. I'm fine. Call you later.'" She held up her phone and watched as her husband read the words off the glowing screen.
"Yeah, he called here a little while ago." Nathan stood against the counter, a few feet away from his wife.
"What is going on with him?" she asked, with an aggravated tone.
"You really need to ask?" He bit into his apple with a cheeky smile on his face.
"Nathan, please. How can you be so calm about this? He just skipped town!"
"Hales, he didn't skip town," Nathan closed the space between them and took her in his arms.
"I'm just worried about him." She wrapper her arms around his back and breathed him in, comforted by the feel of his body against hers.
"You read the text. He's fine," Nathan joked. She looked up at him with a cocked eyebrow. "Seriously, Hales. He'll be OK."
"You know, this is what Keith did. He left and didn't come back for 4 months," she spoke into his chest as his hand moved in circles on her back.
"And look how well that turned out for him," Nathan said. She looked up at him again.
"What?" she was shocked to hear him say those words.
"No, I didn't mean it like that. I mean, he got Karen. He lived the rest of his days with the woman he loved." He kissed her forehead. "Perspective, Hales."
"I never looked at it that way," she said, pulling away from him and leaning against the counter. "When did you get so smart?"
"It helps that I married a teacher," he joked and she swatted his arm as she walked past him.
"I'm going to bed," she announced.
"OK. I'll be up in a bit." He smiled as he watched her until she was out of sight. He'd never thought it possible to love someone more and more every day - he'd written that off as cliché. But it was true. He watched her grow and learn as a woman and a mother, and he loved everything about her. He loved that she'd given him a perfect son, and stayed by his side and supported him through every single event the two of them had encountered. And he loved how she looked out for Lucas. He was a part of their family. He was a part of her family before she'd ever gotten involved with Nathan.
The truth is, he was worried about his brother. He couldn't admit that to his wife - he had to be strong for her. But he imagined his life without Haley, the love of his life, to put himself in Lucas' shoes. Even the thought of it made his heart hurt.
He hoped Lucas was running towards answers, not just away from the questions.
