Well, it's the last chapter – and I managed to get it done before the New Year (that's a first!).

Big thanks to everyone who has reviewed and favourited, and a massive shout out to Kalika Barlow, VampGirl360 – now JinxSaw – and life is dark and depressing – who I never realised was part Indian. Speaking of which, can all three of the above write more of their Saw fanfics soon, because it's tiring when there is nothing new to read in the middle of IT/Maths lessons/any lesson with a laptop or computer.

And, of course, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Right, that's the talking done, now let's actually get on with it…


"Olly Murs, Olly Murs, Joe Mc-"

"STOP SINGING THAT FUCKING SONG!"

"Ow, ow, please let go of the hair… ok, FINE."

Hoffman grinned slightly as he watched the two fighting girls from the other side of the road as they walked out of the school gates. He hoped that he'd got the right person, though – the results if he hadn't could be disastrous.

"So, Aims," The ginger one said, clearly using a nickname. She was wearing a fuzzy black beret and a little too much mascara. "You thought of anything new to write yet?"

"Not really," Sighed the other girl. Her hair was dyed auburn and a lot of lip-gloss. "I've completely run out of ideas." She took a muffin out of her black handbag and bit into it delicately, trying not to smudge her lip-gloss.

"Ah hah!" The other girl cried out. "You could write a story about the fact that Jigsaw lives under your bed and you feed him muffins!"

"Kat," 'Aims' sighed, taking another nibble. "It is something called a joke…"

"Yeah, well, you're obsession with muffins is a crime against life!"

"It is not!"

"It won't be now!" 'Kat' hit the muffin from 'Aims's' hand. It rolled into the road and was run over by a passing Ford.

"Biatch!" 'Aims' glared at 'Kat'. Then blanched. "Oh shit…is that Egg I can see?"

"Where?" 'Kat' looked round frantically for 'Egg', and 'Aims' snatched her beret and tossed it neatly on top of the remains of the muffin.

"Oh naaaw…" Groaned 'Kat' as a mini pulled into the road. Hoffman took his chance and rushed across, snatching the beret as he went.

"This yours?" He asked casually.

"Yup, thanks." 'Kat' grinned, giving 'Aims' the finger before taking it. 'Aims' sulked.

"You're SawManiac211, right?" Hoffman asked her. 'Aims' brightened.

"Yup, that's me."

Hoffman suddenly noticed 'Kat' looking at him oddly. Shit…He quickly gave 'Aims' a CD. "For the writer's block." He mumbled, and then ran off. Hiding round the corner, he heard Kat's squeal.

"OH MY GOD! THAT WAS COSTAS MANDYLORE!"

"Hmm…" He risked a look round the corner and saw that 'Aims' was reading the note inside the case. She snapped it shut and slipped it into her bag. "C'mon Kat, we've got work to do."

"But that was –"

"I KNOW who that was, but if I want to start writing soon we've got to move."

"Ooo, was he giving you ideas?" Asked 'Kat' eagerly.

"Not really…" 'Aims' looked in the direction Hoffman had gone and smiled. "C'mon."

As they walked she said, "By the way, you owe me another muffin."

"Wow, he's even fitter than in the movies!"

"Kat, are you even listening to me?"

"Better than Richard Hammond…"

"…I'm guessing not."

"Better than Robert Patterson!"

"Kat, he is soooo butters."

"Taylor Lautner then."

"Better. And you now owe me two muffins."

"What for?!"

"For not listening. Now give my beret back."

"No."

"Kat…"

"Shan't."

"KAT…"

"I'm not listening, lalalaaaa!"

Hoffman smirked and silently walked away.


You will not believe how many movies and books are actually true.

When Hoffman and Sally made it into Britain, they were slightly confused as to why the FBI weren't trying to find them.

At least, until the Saw movies came out.

Basically, every killer that they cannot find is eradicated from history and pasted onto a film.

So no-one realises that the threat is real.

And since all movies seem to be made in America, they all come to Britain.

As Hoffman entered their small apartment, he was once again confronted with the deep gash on the wall – a constant reminder of their visit from Michael Myers.

"Mark?" Sally called from the front room. There was a buzzing and a guy in a leather mask rounded the corner, waving a chainsaw.

"No offence, mate, but Texas is that way." Hoffman sighed, pointing at the door. Leatherface cocked his head. "Go on, piss off."

Surprisingly, he pissed off.

You just needed to know how to handle them…

Sally smiled weakly at him. "Freddy Kruger showed up again."

"Oh my God…" He groaned, dumping his coat.

"I kicked him in the balls."

"Good." Hoffman flopped down on the sofa next to her and grinned. "So you think we're doing well?"

"Very…" She purred, and then they were reliving what happened in the car in the woods in the snow…

And somewhere out there, a girl was eating muffins, tapping at her keyboard and humming along to Leona Lewis as she started her writing…

As well as plotting revenge over the beret and squashed muffins.

NO-ONE steals her beret or squashes her muffins.


Yes, I had to end with a bit of randomness.

And yes, my friends and I ARE that insane.

JinxSaw, you can start your story now…

The quiz answers shall remain always a mystery. MWA HA HA!!!

Thanks for reading!